Daddyspace: What is It Like?

[PrincessCarmilla]

Recently my CG sent me a meme. It was a message that read:

Daddyspace is a thing people! We always talk about little space but daddy space exists too. Certain things my little girl does put me deeply in it. Seeing something very adorable. Taking care of little children puts me in it, having to be stern with a child just pushes me hard into my natural role of caregiver. I feel in charge, I feel happy, I feel more loving, more in control with my surroundings, I feel strong and like I'm doing something good. It makes me want to grab my little girl, squeeze her and kiss her and just wrap her up. It's amazing and it needs to be spoken of more

 

I'm a rather insecure little. There's been few people in my life that I can say really cared about me. So when my Caregiver and I found each other, it was baffling to me that they even wanted to help take care of me. Even so, I'm continuing to work on my insecurities and attachment.

All this brings me a question: what part of who you are has brought you here? Why do you, as an active, inactive or aspiring Caregiver, want to help take care of a little? I understand that kink can absolutely be involved but it can't be just that. Littlespace isn't strictly about kink so I doubt a Caregiver headspace would be any different.

I want to understand because I feel that if I can start to understand, I can start to stop feeling as bad about not being able to make up for this massive thing my special person has given to me.

 

Thank you in advance for whatever time and response you might give

[Huggybear]

Hey there!

For me personally, I live alot through other people. When someone is succeeding in life, or having general excitement and positive things happen, its extremely rewarding and empowering. Major bonus points if atleast a part of it was due to me being supportive :). Its nice to put things in order and help with issues when it has a meaning for someone who is important to me. My life runs like clockwork and there are very few variables, so adding something that makes my inner problemsolver and protector come out makes me feel... useful? A different kind of happy that I am alone :).

I also enjoy seeing people feel comfortable and being able to be themselves. Providing that kind of an environment has always been a goal for me. Thats propably why im so good with kids - every youngster in my family likes to hang around because im the one who talks "serious nonsense" with them and play their games, go on their level and try to understand whats going on in their head :). That also teaches you alot!

Then theres the concept of parenting. I never had kids of my own but ive always had that void in me that requires me to be nurturing, loving and compassionate on a deeper level than a vanilla relationship generally goes to. This part is kinda really hard to explain, I think maybe parents would understand. It just feels amazing to have a partner in life who shares some of the responsibilities of the real world while still being able to be daddy's little girl when the sun sets and its relax time. There's just something there that I feel is emotionally deeper than any other relationship ive ever experienced, and thats why I will never settle for something mediocre. The chance to grow together while consenting to the roles that have the greatest potential for love on this earth, Daddy and Daughter.

Thats how I see it. Im sure there are stressful feelings and days on both sides, thats life, but it truly breaks my heart when a genuine, loving, grateful, sweet and kind girl thinks that they are a burden and for example doesnt speak of their problems because of that.

Edited August 23, 2024 by Huggybear

[WolfMoon2024]

I'm an aspiring caregiver so I don't have the experience to say with utmost certainty. However, what drew me to cgl/ddlg is the infatuation a little has for their caregiver, a sort of unconditional love for someone who deeply cares about them. It's that nurturing aspect that's there at all times, even during the sex, and I think that's quite beautiful. Speaking from experience, I'm quite a vulnerable and insecure person which is viewed overwhelmingly as negative outside this dynamic, yet it's almost considered desirable within this community. So I think that meme is relatable to my circumstances - it would allow me control, it would make me feel loved and appreciated, and make me accept my flaws as being simply human. I've been on this forum barely a week, but I've had some enlightening and cathartic conversations already,  and it's done wonders for my mental health. I have much reading to do still, but I'm confident I've finally found my people. 

[Verbose Validator]

I'm happy to share my experiences, if they can be at all helpful!

 I've always been a naturally nurturing person, but I was also not encouraged to share my feelings much when I was younger. Over the years, caregiving has actually been very therapeutic for me, as it gives me the opportunity to express myself in creative ways.

 There are few things more satisfying than having these expressions accepted. It's so, so important for my mental health. I often feel that I have so much to give, but if my caregiving is not accepted, it leaves me feeling a bit hollow. As a long time caregiver of someone with a lot of trauma, I know that are many reasons why a little may not be able to receive certain kinds of caregiving at certain moments. Being a CG has taught me a lot of patience and empathy. Honestly, it's not a stretch to say that's it's boosted my "emotional IQ" considerably.

 

Further, being a Daddy brings a lot of resolution and solidarity to my life. Knowing that others are counting on me and looking to me for support helps me be more organized. I am only speaking for myself, of course, but it's much easier for me to focus on things when my success can contribute to the success of my little in some way.

Echoing some of what has been said here, growing and developing with someone on such an intimate level is deeply satisfying. It takes a lot of trust and vulnerability to make these types of relationships thrive. There are always challenges, but when it works it's SO lovely! 😌 For all parties involved. Seeing a little overcome issues they thought were insurmountable makes me feel so proud and happy. If I can contribute to such success in even a small way, it's always worth whatever challenges come up in the relationship.

 

 

[MoJo]

That is a very nice topic. I liked reading how other Caregivers feel. 
 

For me, I actually started from the D/s kink spectrum but I felt this was not enough. I needed further caring and nurturing elements which I was able to find in a dd.lg dynamic. As I was growing up, I did not get enough guidance about life and as I matured, I realise that not everyone needs to go through trial and error. 
 

I enjoy sharing advice and guidance that may prevent you from suffering a bad experience. Or to learn how to manage your thoughts and feelings. I enjoy the role of sharing some wisdom. Just the same as I enjoy learning from others too. 
 

All in all, to me, the DaddyDom is only complete by being caring, nurturing, strict and kinky (a healthy mix ofc). 

[TeddyBearWithMe]

I'm so pleased to see a topic about this! As CGs, many of us are used to talking about and encouraging littlespace within littles. I've done platonic babysitting with little friends, so I'm familiar with negotiating with them about what energy their little side enjoys, what accessories (bottles, pacis, stuffies) speak to them, what activities help them get into headspace, how to naturally have an adult check-in conversation without it being jarring, the type of aftercare needed, etc. Then I had an epiphany that aligns with "Daddyspace" when talking to someone a few weeks ago. I can't believe it took me so long! Now I come across this post, and it's a perfect chance to discuss.

In my own experience, Daddyspace feels very light and floaty. I already see the world through rose-colored glasses and care deeply about the people and critters in it. I find there's beauty to be found everywhere. Getting into Daddyspace amplifies that, heightens what's already there. I feel this surge of energy and my worries fade away. I become single-focused on being in the present and anticipating her upcoming needs. Every time she giggles, I feel a rush. Every time she holds onto my arm, I can't help but smile. Watching her rhythmically suck on her paci is equally calming to me too. I feel this surge of connection to her and to myself. It's like feeling grounded in my body, to the Earth, and my surroundings. It's a feeling I haven't been able to fully replicate outside of CG/l, except perhaps when I saw the total solar eclipse or the northern lights. The satisfaction in knowing that I'm bringing her that safe space is so powerful.

I've also thought about the personality characteristics, accessories, energies, and aftercare that help foster my Daddyspace, but that's a discussion for another time. But in general, I think the more we can talk about Daddyspace and have words to explain this to our littles, the more they'll feel comfortable opening up. I've talked to many who feel guilt over being vulnerable because littlespace feels so one-sided. But now that I'm expanding my vocabulary, these pre-CG/l negotiations can be a two-way street. That means I'll get my needs met because I can communicate what works for me, and she can feel more assured that I'm getting just as much out of the experience as she might.

[Suzette]

Thank you for your testimonials ! ❤️

[beanbean]

To me it's just a way for to be helpful and provide structure and be able to comfort someone it's very rewarding for sure

[Guest Hush]

I don't have firsthand experience, and I don't believe I'm sufficiently knowledgeable to contribute anything particularly interesting to this conversation, but I think about this topic often. If I were to take a caregiving role, I believe I would be a "Mommy". When I think of what this would entail, I think of someone entrusting everything to me. I use other situations that have often evoked my maternal instincts, or have required my utmost gentleness and stability, as a point of reference.

It's much like tunnel vision on comforting and empathizing. My focus narrows to being careful and attentive, and it's more about devotion than self-fulfillment. It's a lovely thing to praise, to help calm volatile behavior, and to be a source of unconditional warmth that might not be found anywhere else. I believe a caregiving headspace naturally brings a very levelheaded temperament and necessitates reliability. It's an external emotion that draws my concentration to the minute responses of who I'm caring for. There is no room for me to be absentminded, which is soothing. It's a beautiful thing to be trusted, and it's rewarding for my composure and my care to handle a situation warmly to lead to the relaxation of another.

I feel that the point might be that there is no way to "make up" for however a caregiver treats you. There is nothing to make up for. The joy of caregiving, to me, lies in devoting yourself to someone without any expectation of a perfect "equal exchange". Conventional relationships often demand this balance of mutual attention and dependence. It can be exhausting, and for some people that attention is unwanted. I, myself, am only comfortable with being depended on if the other person does not want to "return the favor", or keep a mental list of transactions when I did not ask them to. It's sweet that people are like this, and I know it comes from a kind place, but it is a little insulting when someone assumes that I'm caring for them with the expectation that they will do something for me. As if I'm only listening to them speak because I'm waiting for my turn, etcetera... 

My impression of it might be incorrect or out of the ordinary, but to me, an essential part of caregiving would be trusting my Little to believe in me. The only way for our relationship to completely relax would be to let go of that rigid idea that all people need to compensate for each thing that someone does for them. To selflessly make someone happy is its own reward to many, and from my perspective, seems to be the essence of caregiving.

 

[DaddyJ81]

For me, it comes on when my little does pretty much anything. But in particular when she's feeling sad, needs cuddles or starts beating herself up oversomething.

[WizardofOSS]

Daddyspace, interesting topic. I believe Caregiving is an attitude and being a parent doesn't make one a better or worse CG, it's the attitude and experiences you bring that really count. You got bad Parents and Bad CG's. Find the good ones and you'll be OK.

Being a parent, I have experience what this means. I always wanted a daughter, but fortune gave me a son, however, from the time of his birth, I would hold my son and my heart literally 'melted' as I vowed nothing bad would ever happen to him. A famous quote says, "Daddy's will do anything for their sons, but would give their lives for their daughters". I understand that quote.

As a baby, we would watch Curious George together with him resting in my arms, and later Teen Titans Go. I remember the times I taught him bad habits like blowing bubbles through a straw or watching TED together and explaining to my "Thunderbuddy" that only Teddy Bears do Bongs, don't you do it! (He never did)  Also the good habits, like charity to others through examples of me picking up Hitchhikers or giving money to the homeless and he did the same. There are nostalgic memories too of allowing him to pay for his own groceries, or teaching him to use a Bow and Arrow, or how to put on a suit. All of these gave me pride and affirmation that I was doing everything I could to teach, protect and love him. He's 18 now and he's grown to be a good man too.

I started my role as a Caregiver, when I gave a ride to a 17yo runaway teen who was in an abusive relationship. She held down a job and bought her first car, but it all went to her boyfriend, an older slob who only worked 3-4 days a week and wouldn't teach her to drive. He just had that "barefoot in the kitchen" mentality. I pulled over on a gravel road and told her, "Let's see what you can do". She tried and I saw there was a desire, an inner fire to do better for herself and I offered to teach her. This newfound independance didn't sit well with her boyfriend, who stepped up his beratement, verbal and even physical abuse. That's when I stepped in and offered to move her out, set her up with a place to live and get her on her feet. I basically adopted a "God-daughter" and the following 6 months, we got her license, got a steady job and she was able to move out on her own. I was never so proud. It fills a void for CG's to have efforts Blossom and appreciated. She said I did more for her than her real dad ever did and to this day, I get gifts and phone calls on Father's Day, and I haven't forgotten her birthday. I literally 'changed' her life. She's 24 now and is going to be fine.

I have repeated this Caregiver process twice since and have realized that Caregivers need to feel needed. We do things for others that need or appreciate our help. We are in a position to help and want to. We feel an overflowing , heartfelt need to help. I don't think we can help it. Besides, for me as an older man now, it is also life-changing for I get to relive places and experiences a second time through someone else's eyes. For example, I've been to the Grand Canyon several times by myself, but the fourth trip this year with a younger partner was the greatest, because we tried new things, I was able to guide and play 'teacher' for a place I knew, she felt safe and it was the most perfect experience for her. I was so satisfied!

Caregiver Space is real. It motivates us to help, teach, protect and create the individual buried within that just needs a kind word, hug or just to be heard. "You can do it!", "I hear you", I am here for you" are not just cliches, we mean it. If it isn't accepted, appreciated or reciprocated we may feel ignored, hurt or even worse, "useless". Caregivers hate being useless, but we also resent being 'used' if you know what I mean. A healthy give and take, and then a 'thank you' or expression of thanks in your own way is all that it takes to keep us light-hearted, giving and affirmed. We love being useful, helpful and important to someone in need and love it even more when it is seen or appreciated in your own way. Wow!

What about the other caregivers here? Do you experience the same or is it different?

Edited October 29, 2024 by WizardofOSS

[ohyeahmetoo]

I'm with you Wizard.  I function as caregiver in very basic necessities of life ways in my marriage to my wife, and yes even to a partner of hers that lives with us most of the time.   I have an expectation of myself to provide that for the household.  I feel their gratitude.  I would be very resentful without it and would feel taken advantage of.  I have had relationships with others where that was a thing.  I'm pretty good now at figuring out when that's happening.  I'm also good at knowing now when *not* to be a caregiver.  I may want to, badly, but without consent my intent of giving care would be unwelcome and seen as abusive.  When that happens I let someone know I'm available but they'll have to approach me.  I work on other things then.