rant Online Conversation/Dating Sucks

[RopeDaddy]

I'm so tired of online dating. I have been trying for a long time and keep finding and talking to new people because, either we're not attracted to each other, she's AI, she's a catfish, she's a camgirl or OF girl, or some combination of those. Or the worst of all, we click beautifully, like each other's looks, have long conversations every night for a week, then she disappears spontaneously only to reappear ten days later, say "let's go out tomorrow" and never open another message again(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

But those aren't what I'm ranting about today. Today the rant is about why it seems so hard for someone to respond to me with more than a SHORT sentence. Even catfish and AI should be good enough to answer "How long have you been into this kind of relationship?" with more flair than "6 years." And "What got you into it?" shouldn't be followed up by "My boyfriend." Do better! I don't want to talk to AI and Catfish, but the least it could do is feign interest beyond, "I just want a Daddy. I miss having one."

I wish there would be questions and conversations. So far almost all the people I end up talking to aren't real, and even most of the real ones have been uninteresting and failed to have more than a sentence response to important questions like, "Is there an experience you really loved in the past? One that made you reconsider how sex could be?" -- btw, the response to that was, "I really prefer making new memories instead of reliving past scenes." 

Last, I want to be asked questions. I want the person I am pouring my heart into to make it look like she's giving even the smallest piece of hers. I get that it's hard to come up with them, especially when you're a catfish or AI, but how hard is it to ask the basics, "I've not done X, have you? what do you like about it? can you tell me about your first/favorite time?" Surprisingly, OF girls are okay at this one. I have had more OF girls ask me questions and feign interest really well, only to have them tell me that we can connect more, and more personally, if I pay for her sub. But the worst part is that their barely passable show of interest feels so good after having so little. 

Thanks for letting me vent. 

(edited for spelling)

Edited August 19, 2024 by RopeDaddy

[RopeDaddy]

Oh, and please feel free to delete this if it just doesn't belong.

[MissNMTX]

This is very similar for those of us on the other side as well. Same lack of discussion. Some people are just not good communicators and others just aren't very interesting.

Edited August 19, 2024 by MissNMTX

[elusive.effie]

Coming out of lurking to sympathise with you - it's hard to carry conversations especially when the other person doesn't seem interested or enthused.

I appreciate that people can be having a difficult or stressful day so they may not wish to push themselves to talk, but I would rather receive a "hey, I'm having a tough time, can I text you later?" message than one or two word answers.

Part of me thinks that if they were the right person for me, they would put more effort in. I sincerely hope you find someone who puts the effort in for you.

[Gentleman_Daddy]

2 minutes ago, elusive.effie said:

Part of me thinks that if they were the right person for me, they would put more effort in

This

[NotReallyEric]

Well I hate to break it to you, but it's not online dating. It's dating in general nowadays. I feel like after covid people forgot how to communicate.

[MellyCat]

This is exactly the issue most of the time. I like to tell people that they get from me what they give. You ask detailed questions I will give long thought out detailed questions. I am a sapiophile and attracted to stimulating conversation. If I put effort into curating a response. "Oh cool me too"... yeah you're probably not gonna keep my focus.

[DashingDaddyDom]

3 hours ago, NotReallyEric said:

Well I hate to break it to you, but it's not online dating. It's dating in general nowadays. I feel like after covid people forgot how to communicate.

UGH so true. I'm looking irl too but since I know that everyone's more introverted now I just don't want to bother anyone.

But tbh I've had some really great conversations on here, and if we trade selfies and one of us isn't attracted to each other we parted amicably.  I think you just need to have an eye for who'll be a good conversationalist. It takes some time to get used to.

[babydollmira]

It definitely feels awkward and odd when one first starts up the chat but if you’re obviously looking for a relationship both party’s should definitely put in the work! Sorry to hear it’s been such a struggling sending lots of positive thoughts and hopefulness your way! 

[Lonely Dad]

Yeah, it isn't easy to find people who can keep the conversation interesting. I sometimes feel like I have to do the work for both of us as well. 😆 I guess it makes real exchanges even more pleasant when they happen.

[RopeDaddy]

6 hours ago, Lonely Dad said:

... who can keep the conversation interesting.

This isn't my issue. Let's say she and I talk and we just run out of topics for the moment and either have to fall back on cliche go-to's (ex: "What are your stuffie's names? Just like, the top 30 or 50") and we kinda run out of stuff and it gets awkward. I'd LOVE that. 

No, my issue is with conversations that should be really interesting, and in an early phase where talking with the person is new and should be exciting, like "What's one of your favorite things to do with Daddy? Either in or out of the bedroom". in the last couple weeks, I have asked that question a couple of times and got, "whatever daddy wants", "It's not up to me". I have an ex that would have emphatically answered, "I love feeling Daddy down my throat, but I guess we can do that IN the bedroom too" and then continue to elaborate for a minute or two. The issue I'm ranting about is the lack of care or interest in sharing or asking questions, instead of the lack of topic. 

[EllieTheHauntedStarship]

AI? Well that's a new fear unlocked 😕

Yeah I gave up traditional dating coz it was like talking to a bunch of brick walls. Now I'm kinda coasting. I agree people don't know how to carry a conversation really but I don't think Covid was the cause. Covid certainly made it worse, tho.

[Capri]

Felt so frustrated with online dating as well I decided to delete all the apps.  It wasn't worth the hassle of all the dry conversations.. I got tired of it. 

Finding someone who wants the same relationship dynamic in something as specific as DDlg I assume would be even harder to do. That's why I think voicing opinions and being active in the community like this is probably the best action for now.  At least here we can read eachothers true thoughts for the most part which you never know may pique someone's interest.

Humans are such fickle creatures sometimes. Good luck finding your human! 

[RopeDaddy]

@Capri, I'm also gonna have to start going to community events in my area again. It has it's own downside, and I'm a functional introvert, but at least then I'll be meeting people... which is at least a change!

[Capri]

1 minute ago, RopeDaddy said:

@Capri, I'm also gonna have to start going to community events in my area again. It has it's own downside, and I'm a functional introvert, but at least then I'll be meeting people... which is at least a change!

who knew forming potential bonds with someone means the possibilty of actually going out and socializing? oh the horror 😱 

jk I totally get it haha that sounds like a great idea!

[RopeDaddy]

8 minutes ago, Capri said:

who knew forming potential bonds with someone means the possibilty of actually going out and socializing? oh the horror 😱 

Eh, it's actually more of the 'been there, done that' issue plus having to repeat stuff with new people (new to me). Like, I have done the consent and 101 classes locally multiple times, but showing up again, I will have to take all of them again or be the straight white cis male who says, "Naw, I'm good. I don't need a 1hr basic course on consent." 

[Guest PendingDelete]

 

I've realized that it's better to focus on self development and hobbies. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that life will get better once you find a someone to squeeze. I believe that beautiful people come into our lives when we are focused on our passions, building our selves up. People are more attracted to you when you're full of purpose and direction, building a name for your self in whatever industry you're in, or in whatever your hobbies are. 

Life doesn't necessarily get better after finding someone. Just gotta live your life full of excitement in whatever you love and then the right people will come into your life... 

 

That is unless you live in the middle of no where (super rural). Then it's time to maybe consider moving to a more populated area, if you want to meet more people. 

Edited August 25, 2024 by PapaDaddy

[LeftyGuitar]

Dating in general sucks. I often find myself losing interest if the other person doesn't have anything interesting to say or I can feel there's not really a spark. It also sucks when there is an interest, but they're not interested in me, that sucks too.

[Huggybear]

Communication is a rapidly degrading skill. People, especially younger people, are hooked on instant gratification and dopamine spikes and long messaging doesnt cater to that. Theres simply no patience to sit down and pour your soul and thoughts on paper. We have evolved to a point where some people communicate with memes. For real.

Exhanging letters is old-fashioned. It takes time, focus and alot of effort so I understand why its difficult. Having said that, I still emphasize with OP. People in kink communities are such marginal people that were already struggling making a match. Add utter lack of communication skills on one or both sides, and its a recipe for doom.

Ive been relatively lucky here, Ive had people write actual paragraphs (I know, right?). I also write very extensively and playfully and try to dig out info with diving deeper into the simplest of answers. It can be exhausting though.

Alot of people have also had their period in time where they DID write well and alot, only for it to not be reciprocated. You do that a dozen or two times and it starts to chip away at you too, so I try hard to not judge when getting ghosted or if the communication just seems impossible to someone. Bless them and let them go.

Nowadays Ive started to think dating as nothing more than making friends. If someone hangs on long enough and shows more interest than just friendly banter, then maybe theres something to build on. If I would go into every new person with the "I wanna fall in love" mentality, I would get wrecked pretty hard and fast. Online dating is not super kind to empathic and easily attached people.

My tip resembles the previous. Focus on your own life and needs first, im sure none of us is fully "ready" yet. Be open and active and try to build as many friendships as your social battery allows. The right one will eventually turn up, or it wont, but atleast you dont feel like a failure or disappointment. And try to not fall into the nice guy syndrome where you feel like no one wants you even though you always give your all :). 

That turned out to be longer than I expected. I hope someone got something!

Edited August 23, 2024 by Huggybear

[RopeDaddy]

(I'm sorry, this is the least sarcastic I could make it while still answering honestly)

 

This thread was not intended to be "woe is me, why for can I not find my love?!" But that's what it apparently has become.

I don't wish to snipe or argue in return of your thoughtful words… because you were kind enough to respond to me, but the "love yourself first" advise is shallow, and while it is true in most cases, and while it's true that people like happy people more, it also is a lot like asking "Wow, you're amazing, why aren't you taken?!" Specifically that, if you already have an active social life, achieved all your other life goals (amazing friends and family, house, social network, notoriety in that network, a great job, enough money to be happy, a family that loves you and who's drama is benign), and only have left your most yearned for dream of starting a family with the love of your life, and you're already 36, it's really hard to hear "it's cool man, just get other goals, it'll work out if you just forget that you have dreams and focus on anything other than the one you've dreamed of since you were 4 years old." 

And like many people in this groups, which is likely one of the reasons we call ourselves daddies, my brain stabilizes more when I get to think of and care for someone else. I feel better, and healthier, and happier beyond belief. Caring for and dealing with their drama and fears and happiness and schedule and complexity makes my brain quiet and relax. 

And yes, I know the retort of "36 isn't that old" but after meeting, dating, marriage, 2-3 kids, and then 18 years, that puts me around 60 years old when kids leave the house, assuming we kick them out at 18, and assuming I meet a partner tomorrow. 36 isn't young, and I date younger, but I don't have forever to wait anymore. (And I know, please don't come back at me with the "you can't put that kinda pressure on a date" argument, I have this conversation regularly with myself and others and I don't put that pressure on a date).

I should stop there, not because there isn't more to say, but because I don't see a good end in arguing and alienating a community that is trying to honestly help me and comfort me. 

Thank you for your kind words all, even if I don't agree with them all, I appreciate them and the emotions behind them. 

[OuO Alexibaaa]

On 8/21/2024 at 9:26 PM, EllieTheHauntedStarship said:

AI? Well that's a new fear unlocked 😕

I quoted this because truth... o.o'

I'm honestly so glad I'm currently not looking. And am terrified for those who find out it's AI... the dating scene was already hard enough with fake accounts.

[LunaLilac]

18 minutes ago, OuO Alexibaaa said:

And am terrified for those who find out it's AI... the dating scene was already hard enough with fake accounts.

Strongly agree, I've been trying for years with no luck, it's depressing to say the least. Nowadays most means of dating are cesspits of fake accounts, scammers, and blackmailers, and most of the apps and sites I find are more or less just upfront saying that they don't exist to connect people, just take advantage of people's vulnerabilities and desire to have a human connection.

 

It hurts.

[OuO Alexibaaa]

@LunaLilac Ah jeez...

I remember how rough it was before I bumped into my wife. We hit it off on a cgl themed dating site that was new at the time. Had several years of a ldr before we even considered moving in together. So while I know it hurts to look, I also like to hope this sorta thing is still possible.

I wish you and everyone else who's wading through today's technical madness, that is AI, tons of luck!

My ♡ goes out to you guys~