Just a mental back and forth I guess

[Wafflechunks]

Hey, I’m not really sure what I’m hoping to hear from anyone. I guess the closest I can think of would be how do y’all personally know what y’all want? But this is completely up to interpretation. This is gonna be a bit long so sorry in advance. Story time.

 

I tried using dating apps for a bit. Even the good ones, I quickly worked through everyone. I tried the largest distance from both my hometown and where I go to college. But almost every single girl on there said some combination of “be tall, have a six pack, have tattoos, buy me stuff”. A lot would even go out of the way to make their profile suggest “I won’t buy you anything, I only expect you to buy me stuff.” And since I’m in the Deep South, a lot of them say you’ve gotta be a cowboy. There’s also a weird thing where almost everyone says Hellen Keller was a fake? Dunno what that’s about, off topic.

 

For me, I was obviously looking for someone pretty and attractive, but I really just wanted someone kind, gentle, and caring. Someone to love me for me instead of some personal gain. That’s why I came here, cause to me the whole “mommy” thing sounded like that fit the bill without question. I figured that since I’m only 20 I would be what a “mommy” would look for, but I still wanted someone near my age. Almost if not all of the ones I’ve seen are at least ten years older than me. Guess there aren’t many at all in their 20’s. And the Deep South isn’t exactly a hot spot anyway.
 

So I looked around to try and figure out where to find an “mommy”. That’s how I found this place. By the way, THANK YOU, THIS PLACE IS SO TAME! I found posts saying to try FetLife and a site called CollarSpace. FetLife was okay I guess. I looked at the munches near me and the RSVP lists were almost exclusively guys 20-30 years older than m at least. I’ve got nothing to relate with them. CollarSpace was… something. These next 2 sentences may be a bit too much information. You have been warned. Within 10 minutes of being on CollarSpace I was instantly showed a lot of… revealing things I wasn’t looking for. I went to the chat room to see what it was like and the literal first message I saw was someone talking about eating Cheerio’s they peed in. I just woke up so I backed out of that chat room as fast as I could.

 

So after that I started to question myself. Am I really looking for a “mommy” or just a loving girlfriend? So I fled back to the dating apps, and it’s been a bit of a cycle back and forth between here and there.

 

Thank you to anyone who got this far. I don’t have any gold stars for you but I got this little guy. 

 

In hindsight he isn’t exactly as little as I thought he would be.

[weirdunicorn]

hi, i like the little creature you put on the bottom of the post. :0)

anyway, im 37 and i still don’t know really what i want. from experience over time i know a lot of stuff that i like and a lot of stuff i don’t like so i have a slightly more detailed picture of what i think i want but fantasy doesn’t always match what i really need in real life…. 
 

i was on fetlife for 15 years and while i am exceedingly cautious i had a lot of alarming experiences on there. not dogging the site but just being real. most of the time I was a very passive user but i feel my mental health is way better since i deleted my profile a few years back. it was too much darkness for me to filter. 

so far this place feels chill to me.

i think it’s ok to seek relationships that don’t have clear titles or rolls. as long as the person/people involved are able to have vulnerable conversations about boundaries and expectations with their partners who are receptive. And visa versa. who cares what the titles are. i think letting things be fluid to what life calls for can be really beautiful. 

i don’t really have any great advice other than stay vigilant and don’t ever cross your own boundaries. they won’t be too much for the right person/people.

 

[Little kaiya]

Personally I spent a lot of time in high school and university dating different people to find out what I wanted, didn't want, could live with, couldn't live with and couldn't live without. Spending that time figuring out myself and what I wanted meant when I found it I was able to recognize it. Late teens and early twenties most people are still finding themselves so relationships from those years often don't last, some do but they are certainly the exception versus the rule.

For a while I thought I wanted a mommy but I never felt as small with any of the women I dated who were also my mommy as I felt with men I dated that were my Daddy.

Back then dating apps really weren't used. I met people through friends, at social events, at work events, etc. I'm truly grateful for that as dating apps just look so incredibly toxic and shallow to be honest.

So I guess long story short, I found what I wanted by getting out there, understanding myself by trying things out and being patient. I didn't find my Wife until my late 20's and my Boyfriend in my late 30's

Edited August 15, 2024 by Little kaiya

[Guest Gentleman_Daddy]

4 hours ago, Little kaiya said:

So I guess long story short, I found what I wanted by getting out there, understand ming myself by trying things out and being patient. I didn't find my Wife until my late 20's and my Boyfriend in my late 30's

Exactly this, I see waaaaaaaaay to many people on here convinced they know exactly what they want because they "researched" it. Basing your expectations on someone else's account is a recipe for frustration and there is no substitute for experience, how many times have you read a 5 star review of a restaurant only to be disappointed when you ate the food?

[starlie]

i also found out what I wanted by lots of trial and error, spending a lottttt of time with myself while being non-judgmental to my desires and allowing myself to explore, and reflecting on what I gained (or lost, or some third thing) from past experiences. lots of times i gained insight into what I really don’t like and what I wished could’ve been different. i’m 21 so im not much older than you, but we’ve got plenty of time to figure things out, and some things don’t really hit you until a while after they happen. 

[sophieR]

Hey. 

Like others I'm understanding what id want right now and that means looking at how I want to be treated. 

As you mentioned you are not sure if you want a mummy or a girlfriend.. have you actually tried just writing down what part of the mummy appeals to you or just list how you want to be treated and go from there. 

Eg. I want my daddy to wake up, give kisses then lead me to bathroom and tell me to brush teeth and pee while he goes to get ready. 

Just statements of what feels right for you.

I hope this helps you.