What do you wish you’d known?

[Princ3ss-Baby-Bear]

So for a while now I’ve been ensuring I’ve shared my experiences with new littles and subs to ensure they stayed away from the same fates that befell me when I first joined the DDLG and BDSM communities 7 years ago, but it’s got me wondering what is it that all of you (sub’s, littles, middles, caregivers, doms etc) wish you’d known when you first started this lifestyle?

what do you wish you could go back and tell yourself?

for me it was to have set a solid foundation (I thought I had but it was definitely far from that!) and I now know that, I’ve definitely learnt many more things over the years but like anyone I don’t know everything and never will! But I’d definitely like to learn what you wished you’d known

[Lonely Dad]

Nice post, i'm eager to see peaples answers as i'm pretty new to all of this.

[elusive.effie]

In hindsight this is most likely common sense for a lot of littles, but when I was a new little I thought that it was expected to have your DD/dominant pressure you into situations and activites that may harm you physically or mentally, and if you said that you wouldn't or couldn't do it they'd threaten to break up with you, or worse.

It is so hard to vet someone, and I'm still making mistakes. 

[Princ3ss-Baby-Bear]

31 minutes ago, elusive.effie said:

In hindsight this is most likely common sense for a lot of littles, but when I was a new little I thought that it was expected to have your DD/dominant pressure you into situations and activites that may harm you physically or mentally, and if you said that you wouldn't or couldn't do it they'd threaten to break up with you, or worse.

It is so hard to vet someone, and I'm still making mistakes. 

No it’s definitely far from that as a new little or sub we make mistakes as we lack the proper knowledge, or decide to ignore things as we think it’s our fault for being inexperienced 

[Lonely Dad]

36 minutes ago, elusive.effie said:

In hindsight this is most likely common sense for a lot of littles, but when I was a new little I thought that it was expected to have your DD/dominant pressure you into situations and activites that may harm you physically or mentally, and if you said that you wouldn't or couldn't do it they'd threaten to break up with you, or worse.

It is so hard to vet someone, and I'm still making mistakes. 

Sounds hard to live, hope you recovered from this.

[Gentleman_Daddy]

Wish I could go back and tell myself the winning lottery numbers....🤣

On a more serious note, I wish I didn't invest so much of myself into the wrong person..but I also feel like since I was entirely unaware of her plans I couldn't really have foreseen things anyway. I guess hindsight is always going to be 20/20 isn't it? 

One thing that strikes me though is how young many of the members are and how determined everyone is to find "the one"...I wonder if that's really entirely necessary? Is it realistic to find a "soulmate" and settle down for the long term at 20 or 21? I certainly didn't...I was already into my 30's before I even considered a girl to be "Mrs right". I guess my point is, does every relationship have to be the one and only or is it ok (perhaps even more realistic) to explore a bit and get out there?

Edited August 13, 2024 by Gentleman_Daddy

[Lonely Dad]

2 hours ago, Gentleman_Daddy said:

Wish I could go back and tell myself the winning lottery numbers....🤣

On a more serious note, I wish I didn't invest so much of myself into the wrong person..but I also feel like since I was entirely unaware of her plans I couldn't really have foreseen things anyway. I guess hindsight is always going to be 20/20 isn't it? 

One thing that strikes me though is how young many of the members are and how determined everyone is to find "the one"...I wonder if that's really entirely necessary? Is it realistic to find a "soulmate" and settle down for the long term at 20 or 21? I certainly didn't...I was already into my 30's before I even considered a girl to be "Mrs right". I guess my point is, does every relationship have to be the one and only or is it ok (perhaps even more realistic) to explore a bit and get out there?

I hear you but for me it would be straight impossible to get into a relationship without strongly being convinced that this is "the one". That's why i had so few i guess.
But yeah i understand that it can be hard to recover from investing all your heart and devotion in a relationship that eventually fades away. Maybe it's just how things are supposed to be for most of us? Try, fail, learn and understand what didn't work and move forward. 

[Little kaiya]

I've always found the idea of "the one" kind of dangerous to be honest. People change over time and the person we are and the other person is will change as well. This means just because they may match "perfectly" (nothing is perfect)  doesn't mean it will stay that way without mutual effort. The whole concept to me romanticizes an ideal without recognizing relationships do and SHOULD take work.

As someone who celebrated 18 years of marriage this year and another 6 with my Daddy these aren't things that happened by accident. We evolved, we communicated, we struggled, we celebrated we put in the time and effort. The notion that one person is just magically "the one" I think sets false expectations and leads to alot of failed relationships.

Edited August 13, 2024 by Little kaiya

[CodeName: Trouble]

Something I wish I knew: 

If the relationship/scene/dynamic only feels good when it’s actively happening, it probably isn't. Or at least, something serious needs to be addressed.

We can so easily get lost chasing highs and gratification when we want something to work, especially something new. In the moment maybe this person or thing feels truly amazing... but in the quiet moments when you are just left with yourself - be it after a scene or just between messages - if you don't feel good, If you feel paranoid or insecure or scared or guilty and it lingers..... something is wrong. Don't ignore your quiet moments just because the sub frenzy is louder. This issue might be an unspoken boundary you didn't know you needed to place, or maybe something you need to address in yourself, or something you liked at the time turned out to be triggering and you need to talk about it going forward, or maybe your body is noticing red flags you haven't registered yet and is sending you danger signals…

It's necessary to slow down and process these feelings when they come up, getting to the bottom of them before they escalate can save you heartache and help build a healthier mindset and dynamic in the future.

When I was younger, I wasted years in relationships that were destined to fail. This was either because I didn’t listen to the person I was when they weren’t around, or they didn’t give me the space to sit with how they really made me feel and it all boiled over. Beware of codependency in all its forms.

[Gentleman_Daddy]

On 8/13/2024 at 9:17 PM, Lonely Dad said:

I hear you but for me it would be straight impossible to get into a relationship without strongly being convinced that this is "the one". That's why i had so few i guess.
But yeah i understand that it can be hard to recover from investing all your heart and devotion in a relationship that eventually fades away. Maybe it's just how things are supposed to be for most of us? Try, fail, learn and understand what didn't work and move forward. 

I understand what you mean, perhaps I explained it poorly. I meant that holding a single individual up to some "ideal" standard is unrealistic and it is unlikely in my view to find a person who can tick each and every box. Relationships are rarely so straight forward and often you are forced to compromise for the person you care about. Additionally, I think, as we grow and change over time we are likely to want different things anyway. I don't think I really knew what I wanted when I was 20, I feel like I learnt a lot about myself through experiencing life and trying things out.

Of course, I don't advocate for simply jumping into relationships with anyone. I suppose I am suggesting to be open to experience and to have a realistic expectation of what to expect.

[Huggybear]

Looking back into the years Id tell young me that theres never a rush when dealing with new people. Let the endorphine high settle down and build friendships first, and dont let yourself be called something significant like daddy too fast.

Id also warn me to not lose yourself when catering to other people. Empathy is one thing but you gotta be true to yourself too! Dont make too many compromises with who you are.

Always prioritize your own life goals. The right person will not try to sway you from that, they will take part instead because theirs line up with yours.

Id tell him that passion is fleeting, but it doesnt have to be. Work hard and make sure intimicy stays vibrant, even if it feels a bit forced sometimes.

Dont be ashamed of not being the most interesting guy. Its okay to want peace and quiet. If youre happy without extra adventures then so be it. Nature can be your best friend, and if you feel content, that is enough.

Dont settle for mediocre love. Enjoy the journey finding it, dont let it wear you down. It will take alot of time and quite a few trials and errors.

You will never be ready as a student of life. Its okay to not be perfect. But never stop learning!

Oh! And get yourself a great bed and a great chair. Your back will thank you in the long run!

This was very cathardic! Thanks princ3ss-baby-bear!

Edited August 30, 2024 by Huggybear

[Sadistic_Nursing_Mommy]

 

      "Don't ignore your quiet moments just because the sub frenzy is louder."

 

Yes, the quiet in between moments a lot of time are heart and soul speak to us naturally if we are in tune and willing to listen despite the high that's in front of us,... because it is a drug and we need to use responsibly.

[Capri]

Since I am still new to this dynamic I wouldn't have to go back very far so I'm not sure if I can talk in the past tense. 

Instead I will tell my present self not to be ashamed of being a beginner. Even though I am 28 without experience I shouldn't feel embarrassed about protecting my little heart for the right person. I hope my future self will thank me for it. 

Remember that it's okay to be a late bloomer. Anyone who tries to push you into something before you are ready should be banished from your mind. We all go at our own pace and that's okay. I'd like to believe my future Daddy would understand that too. 

Baby steps. 🩷

Edited August 30, 2024 by Capri