Caregiver ended it feeling lonely and stupid

[Yoshi_Yoshi]

I had a cg for three months, and he recently ended it and I feel sad, mad and stupid at the same time. He’s been relapsing bad into a depressive state, i wanted to help him,  but due to my anxious attachment style I probably was too overbearing with my support. I’m know many littles struggle with being needy, I actually thought I was being pretty tame though. My mind knows that it ended because of his mental state, and that’s something I can’t control but I can’t help but feel like it was my fault and that I ruined a good thing, and now that means all the good times we shared and nice things he said about me mean nothing. 

I also feel angry at him and that makes me feel bad because again he was hurting, but also he sent me mixed messages this whole week. saying he needed space and couldn’t be my caregiver and then out of nowhere deciding to caregive without even discussing it with me. After two days of caregiving  he dipped without a word. I asked him if he was doing okay and then this happened. I don’t want to be mad at him though or remember him badly because he was my first real dom and his kindness meant the world to me. 
 

i don’t know how i want to end this really, I think I mostly using this post as a way to voice how I’m feelings… I’ve been so emotionally intimate with anyone like him before and now that’s its over it’s strange.

 

[weirdunicorn]

his loss. you deserve better. 

[dldaddysprincess]

That's a lot to deal with I'm sorry. 

[LunaLilac]

The fact that you're voicing your thoughts, is an important step to helping process the grief of that happening to you. I'm sorry you had to deal with someone who was jerking you around like that, but don't ever feel bad, for feeling bad. Your feelings are valid and important.

And those things you shared with your caregiver don't mean nothing because it's over, they helped you grow and experience the richness of your life, even if it ended badly. In a sense because it hurts it should mean all the more, because it means you met someone who impacted you, and you can try to learn and grow to find someone that won't treat you like that moving forward, and share new memories with.

I probably sound very up myself in saying that, but hold on to hope that you will find someone that will appreciate you for who you are.

And if you ever need to talk I'm happy to listen, that's what communities like this are for right?

[Yoshi_Yoshi]

7 hours ago, LunaLilac said:

And if you ever need to talk I'm happy to listen, that's what communities like this are for right

Thank you 💛, I know that this was an exsprience and that comes with good and bad. It’s hard i feel like I lost a friend and the little side of me wants her bubba but he isn’t here any more mad that just make me so sad.  

[NR_Daddy]

To me it seems like your former CG is simply not in the right place to be in a relationship, and needs to get to a place where he can actually be the CG he needs to be.

I know we all have our problems, but taking on the responsibility of a CG requires you to meet the responsibilities you both discussed at the start, and if that's proving difficult then to be accepting of help when needed, rather than rejection of it. A relationship benefits from both people supporting each other and it seems like he can't handle that. The mixed messages certainly won't be good for either of you.

I wish you well, and please don't torment yourself with emotions, as difficult as that may be. Maybe it's just not meant to be right now.

You're certainly not stupid and there is a support network on the forums should you need a place to vent or ask for advice, as you have done here

Edited August 11, 2024 by NR_Daddy
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[beanbean]

I am sorry depression be like that sometimes sadly doesn't make you du.b or anything it just happens that way and at the end of the day its sad but sounds like you did all you can