How to function as a single little?

[Princ3ss-Baby-Bear]

So for those of you that are littles, middles subs etc and have been single for a long time what do you do to meet your needs by yourself and do you set yourself rules etc? I’m just after some suggestions as decided I think it’s going to be better to remain single rather than to put myself back out there

[weirdunicorn]

i dont think i really have anything very good to reply with but i wanted to say that i empathize with this dilemma. while i didnt really identify as a middle until later in adulthood and have never had a proper care giver i have been single for the past 5 years, and have taken several years between each of my relationships so i have accumulated a lot of *single* time. i moved out really young and have always had to be pretty independent. which is good in a lot of ways. but i think because i didnt have proper support during those transitional years or early adult hood i feel like i missed something. i always have this longing for someone to take an interest in me, be supportive of my independence and sort of guide / mentor me on how to be a real adult while allowing me to make mistakes and be myself. bc ive always only had my own back i have to be very grounded in reality and make good choices. im constantly trying to live in between the polarization of wanting someone who can hold space for me while i play in fantasy land and the reality of me as an autonomous adult who has bills and shit.  

i think overall this time i have spent alone, healing, going to therapy is valuable bc it makes it more likely for me to have a healthy partnership in the future. rather than wasting my time in partnerships with people who arent a good fit bc im lonely or something.

most of the time i have to keep my big girl panties on just to maintain a life so i think i let my middle traits bleed into other areas of fashion. i like wearing mini backpacks instead of a purse, wearing bright colors, fun hair accessories ect. something to offer an iota of satisfaction without sending me in to full on dissociation. 

thanks again for offering the topic. 

 

[softbunnysunshine]

6 hours ago, Princ3ss-Baby-Bear said:

So for those of you that are littles, middles subs etc and have been single for a long time what do you do to meet your needs by yourself and do you set yourself rules etc? I’m just after some suggestions as decided I think it’s going to be better to remain single rather than to put myself back out there

Awe well it can be really hard for me personally, taking into account that I don’t really have many people in my life period it kinda makes it even harder to satisfy the social aspect of that kinda affection only someone who either deeply platonically loves or romantically loves you can give. I myself because of this tend to create fiction, like a dream partner, draw pictures of us, write stories, I used to make bracelets and little gifts for that made up person just to feel something close to it. I think talking myself around it kinda helps me too, just distraction and trying to get out a little I’d say. 

[Gentleman_Daddy]

Just enjoy some freedom, explore the things that interest you! Find some friends to share interests with. Learn to love and value yourself for who you are, not as half of someone else.

[babydollmira]

I wish i could enforce rules for myself but theres no way when i realize theres nothing stopping me lol, i do think as long as youre caring for yourself, like hygiene, you can definitely feel confident that you're striving as a single little, taking care of oneself can be tough but its also rewarding in the end because you know you did something healthy and good for yourself!!

[LunaLilac]

26 minutes ago, prlncessreya said:

I wish i could enforce rules for myself but theres no way when i realize theres nothing stopping me lol, i do think as long as youre caring for yourself, like hygiene, you can definitely feel confident that you're striving as a single little, taking care of oneself can be tough but its also rewarding in the end because you know you did something healthy and good for yourself!!

You could, you just need to look at it a little differently. Instead of negative punishment for not following a schedule, look for positive reinforcement for maintaining your schedule. If you maintain long term goals and milestones for following your routines, reward yourself. 

[MyMy]

Ooh I really love this topic. I’m a single little for now. Some of the things I do that really help is to give myself permission to be my own CG. I go to work, grocery shopping, paying bills, working out etc. any big girl thing gets classified as CG. I put my best foot forward into getting all of those taken care of just as I would like my actual CG to. I put many things on auto payment and even pay in advance when I can so I don’t have to actually deal with paying it. All the things I actually want to do like go to the park, buy a new pack pack, or eat tacos at my favorite restaurant is classified as little things. So if I did laundry today I earned an ice cream and dinner at my favorite place, if I went into the office this week I earned a new coloring book,etc. I also use this as a reference when going out on dates. If I was my CG would I open the door for me? If the answer is yes and your date doesn’t, notice that. You’re allowed to have desires as many as you want. Of course doing this shouldn’t be the end all. I think everyone wants to be loved and have someone to love so hopefully this assists you on your journey to finding that one. 

[Huggybear]

Hey! Great topic and great comments already so I try not to repeat!

For structure and rules in your life you could for example take part in activities that have a schedule. Work is good example, and a necessity, and I think finding a job that doesnt taste like cardboard is extremely important for a little, or anyone for that matter. Something that gives you a rhytmn and makes your day atleast a tad more exciting.

Hobbies that take place outside of home and at scheduled times is also great. Art or crafting classes, singing or instrument practice, group exercise like martial arts (that teaches alot of discipline and boosts confidence, I would recommend that for everyone ^^). Something that encourages you to adventure and respect the clock. Often group activities like this also have some common groundrules that would bring that sort of aspect into your life aswell.

For other kind of needs, like feeling less lonely, I recommend audiobooks read by a male voice for example. This can calm you down and help with focus and its great for falling asleep too.

Previous poster mentioning being your own CG was also BRILLIANT I felt. Having certain more difficult tasks you do as your own CG earn you points to pamper your inner little. That sounded extremely healthy! Id hope MyMy would expand even deeper into this, or someone else if they have experience or thoughts. How do you manage the different mindsets, How do you keep regression in check on big girl days, Where does the needed discipline come from etc.

Hope this was helpful!

 

Edited August 23, 2024 by Huggybear

[MyMy]

2 hours ago, Huggybear said:

Hey! Great topic and great comments already so I try not to repeat!

For structure and rules in your life you could for example take part in activities that have a schedule. Work is good example, and a necessity, and I think finding a job that doesnt taste like cardboard is extremely important for a little, or anyone for that matter. Something that gives you a rhytmn and makes your day atleast a tad more exciting.

Hobbies that take place outside of home and at scheduled times is also great. Art or crafting classes, singing or instrument practice, group exercise like martial arts (that teaches alot of discipline and boosts confidence, I would recommend that for everyone ^^). Something that encourages you to adventure and respect the clock. Often group activities like this also have some common groundrules that would bring that sort of aspect into your life aswell.

For other kind of needs, like feeling less lonely, I recommend audiobooks read by a male voice for example. This can calm you down and help with focus and its great for falling asleep too.

Previous poster mentioning being your own CG was also BRILLIANT I felt. Having certain more difficult tasks you do as your own CG earn you points to pamper your inner little. That sounded extremely healthy! Id hope MyMy would expand even deeper into this, or someone else if they have experience or thoughts. How do you manage the different mindsets, How do you keep regression in check on big girl days, Where does the needed discipline come from etc.

Hope this was helpful!

 

My idea was BRILLIANT?! Capitalized?! I’m blushing ☺️. Thank you Huggybear! I loved your thoughts as well, especially the audiobook idea. GENUIS! I attend a cycling group in the park, hot yoga, CrossFit, hiking trail groups, beach days, surfing lessons, piano lessons and my language classes anything to be out and have the opportunity to meet new fun people. I don’t have little days or big girl days I just live moment to moment. Example: If I am at my big girl job and there’s a part of my job where I have to use a huge stamp on up to hundreds of papers sometimes. For some people it might be boring and tedious but my little self loves the stamp! I’m smiling the entire time. I have a position that allows me to come and go whenever I please (most of the time) so if little me says that’s enough being indoors and on a computer even though I’ve only been in the office for 3 hours then it’s bye bye office and hello sunshine. I just allow myself to just be for the most part. When it comes to rule following I basically allow my thoughts to become the CG. Like if I need to clean my room then it would sound like this “oh you’re in big trouble little girl, look at this room! How am I supposed to know what new stuffies you need when there’s thousands on the floor. Clean up” and thinking like that helps me. If you’re someone who just won’t listen to yourself I get it may be hard but I think anyone who is little all the time can’t function and anyone who is big all the time can’t function. There needs to be balance inside yourself.