I just got introduced to DDLG by chance, and have questions...

[Lazarus_1_506]

First, about me/my situation...

 

I am a 33yo man, prior military, who is now in school(university). I am a amateur bodybuilder, very attractive and have Never had a issues meeting women.  I only state this so that you guys don't think I am in this situation because of lack of options, not to stroke ego.  As such, I have been getting exposed to people that are outside my normal dating age range.  I met someone, who I had A LOT of things in common with and we started hanging out as friends socially.  She is 19 years old, about to turn 20. I did not know that she had a crush on me, and I was in a relationship so I didn't even think twice about it, or look at her in that way....

 

That relationship ends, and I need a date for a event I am going to, so I invite her as my date, we spend some time shopping to pick out a dress and we look amazing together, making a hell of a impression...We end up having a lot of fun and next thing I know we end up in bed. 

 

It comes out that she is into DDLG and after explaining it to me, I am intrigued.  She also confesses that she has had a crush on me since she met me and would really like to be my little...We have been hanging out over the last couple weeks, and have had some really intimate conversations, alotta fun, great sex, and generally have made a pretty good pair.  I have really fallen into taking care of her, cuddling her, feeding, playing, I even got her some cool coloring books and we colored.  She had some health issues, and I took her to the doctor and made sure she was given proper care, took her meds etc.

 

So here is where the questions start:

 

is 33/19 too big a age gap...I simply want to ensure that I am not taking advantage of the girl.  As she has initiated pretty much everything along the way, I am quite comfortable that I am not.  But i really do see myself as a good guy, and I care for this girl, so I want to ensure that this is not unhealthy, I don't see it as such, but its definitely outside the realm of normal/average, so was just looking for other peoples take on this.  If I am in a relationship with someone I would want it to have a future, do you think that this could work long term?

 

As a "daddy" what I understand is that my role is caregiver, mentoring, discipline if necessary, and love?  Is this pretty much it?  If I do this, I want to be the best possible daddy for her as i can be.  Any tips?

 

She is into bondage/tied up stuff, which I have no idea how to do safely...any points in the right direction here?

 

Lastly, Discipline, she actually likes pain/spankings, so what should I do there, this is new to me, and I know that its a big part of this, so I am kinda lost here...I am way to strong to safely do much with her physically, and I damn sure don't want to actually hurt her, I just want to fill the need she has.  Any tips here would be great as well...

 

Thanks so much guys...

 

A new "daddy" trying to be a great one...

 

 

[LolitasDaddy]

The age gap is tough to answer. Is it odd for either of you two? The other major concern here is the families. They can add a huge frictions because of this issue.

 

You have the basic Daddy qualities listed. It's slightly different for every couple. Make sure to have many discussions about limits, rules, boundaries, expectations and concerns.

 

Do your research about what to use for binds, and do not rush it. Start slow. Absolutely discuss everything before it is tried. Have a safe word, and respect it 100%.

 

Spankings and discipline can be tricky if they enjoy pain/spankings. Have set, agreed upon rules. Consider using spankings as a reward, or make a rule that's breakable that won't be tiresome. Be constant with rules and enforcement.

[Guest Princess Dusty]

As for your first question, for most people age is just a number. If you feel she's a mature 19 year old and can handle the situation of being committed into a long term relationship then by all means. It's one of those things that it depends on the person, if that makes sense. i don't think the age means you're taking advantage of her, any more than if the ages were reversed that she'd be taking advantage of you. That's just my personal opinion though, what matters is what you two feel about each other.

 

The many thing for any relationship is to make sure that the lines of communication stay 100% open between the two of you. If she feels like she can't tell you something, or vice versa, then that causes a lot of problems. As for what a Daddy is or isn't it depends on the little and you'd have to ask her what she wants. As a general idea though that's what's general asked of a Daddy.

 

Bondage take it extremely slow! Make sure you have a safe word set up from day 1. Talk through EVERYTHING before you do it. It elminates any surprises and makes everyone feel more comfortable.  If you use something like a gag, set up another way for her to communicate her safe words. What I've found is having a slow down and a stop safe word helps. Such as yellow and red.

 

Discpline can be any number of things from writing lines, going to bed without dessert, standing in the corner, time out. It doesn't necessarily have to be a physical punishment if that makes sense.

 

I think it's amazing that you're asking questions and it sounds like you are always taking good care of her! I wish you both the best of luck and don't ever hesitate to ask questions!

[DaddysLolita]

I'm no Daddy, but I can try to give you some insight as a little/sub..

 

 

is 33/19 too big a age gap? 

 

I don't think it's to much of an age gap. In any relationship the biggest concern with age gaps in my opinion is maturity. An older man can want something completely different with his relationship than say a younger girl and vice versa. The most important thing to remember is communication. If you're expecting a serious, long term relationship - you need to make sure she knows that. Don't forget to listen to her and what she expects from the relationship. From personal experience, wanting different things in a relationship than your partner will leave you miserable. As my Daddy mentioned, families can also cause concerns. I think the easiest way to handle this is that you're both grown adults, consenting to the relationship itself, and you appreciate their concerns but you're happy. At least that's what I'd do.

 

As a "daddy" what I understand is that my role is caregiver, mentoring, discipline if necessary, and love?  Is this pretty much it?  If I do this, I want to be the best possible daddy for her as i can be.  Any tips?

 

Those are the general basics. Everyone's relationship is different, wants and needs are different. When my Daddy and I got into a general D/s relationship, we did so much research. Our relationship grew into DD/lg from that. I gained A LOT of information from two websites; www.asubmissivesjourney.com and www.domsub.life. ASJ isn't just for submissives and has a lot of information about D/s in general that can easily be adapted into DD/lg. Domsub.life is primarily DD/lg, it's a blog written by a DD/lg couple and has a lot of great information, I'd also suggest reading the comments left on the articles by visitors as they bring up other questions and answers.

 

She is into bondage/tied up stuff, which I have no idea how to do safely...any points in the right direction here?

 

Before doing ANY kind of play, I'd have a transparently honest conversation with her. You need to discuss likes/dislikes, limits, and safe words. There's a lot of information available on this subject as well, even how to videos. Google the topic and you'll come across thousands of articles, pictures, and videos. The most important thing to remember; If she uses her safe word, you respect it 110%. 

 

Lastly, Discipline, she actually likes pain/spankings, so what should I do there, this is new to me, and I know that its a big part of this, so I am kinda lost here...I am way to strong to safely do much with her physically, and I damn sure don't want to actually hurt her, I just want to fill the need she has.  Any tips here would be great as well...

 

The only advice I can give you is to talk to her. Find out what she wants from you specifically and always include safe words. Consider having more than one, maybe one for when it's almost "To much" and you can lighten up and one specifically for stop. Also, remember discipline doesn't always need to be physical. Get creative with it.....

 

Hopefully that helped a little bit, Best wishes for you and your little!

 

<3

[Guest Daddy's☆treasure]

To me, age is just a number. If you two are happy together and you both feel it could turn into something long term then go for it!

 

The type of Daddy you become depends on the personal aspects of your relationship. What do you want to this relationship to be? You need to have a long talk about what both your wants and needs are for this type of relationship as it is very different and personal for each Big/little couple. Getting involved in the community here is a great step in getting the chance to interact with other Bigs and littles but just remember every relationship is different and you don't have to be like all the other Daddies here just be YOU.

 

I would like to point out that actually BDSM doesn't play a role in all DDlg relationships but if you're wanting to incorporate D/s into your dynamic then my advice to you is to do your research and do it well!! Get to know you're stuff and start off with little things and work your way up to bigger things. Don't just research being Dominant, research submissive as well. You need to be able to see the big picture on what this type of relationship means for both of you and how it will effect you each separately. SAFETY IS A MUST so make sure you're well versed in the safety precautions because the last thing you want is an accident or somebody ending up in hospital! Ask her what her limits are and respect them, create a safe word (a must to help avoid the accidents I was talking about earlier), and give her the reassurance that should she need for you to stop play at any time, she has the means to do so. Aftercare is another important thing and shouldn't be left out in a BDSM relationship. Ending any scene or roleplay should always involve a degree of aftercare.

 

Communication is a big thing here also. It's very important in any relationship but is something that must not be missed out here. Talk lots and often ensuring you are both on the same page, happy within your relationship and review anything that might be brought up as a concern. Depending on her little personality, it can sometimes be hard to speak up if her little side is shy, embarrassed or she feels unsure so don't always assume that everything is fine. If you think there's something to talk about... encourage it, listen well and comfort her. Be there for her as much as you can be because littles look up to their Daddies for love, care, protection and guidance among many other things.

 

My final piece of advice is don't rush it! Just take it slow and find out what works for you both and don't feel you have to mold into a dictionary definition of DD/lg.

 

Good luck with it all and I wish you both the best!

[Lazarus_1_506]

Thanks all for your responses. 

 

Like I stated, the key here for me is being the right guy for this girl, whom I am starting to develop feelings for.  I pride myself on in past relationships being the best partner I can be, I love making my partner happy, and caring for her, which is why I think this DDLG stuff is such a good fit for me.  My nature is already of a protective bear type...lol...

 

This is also the reason why I am seeking information, and doing the research... Its not because I want to fit some preconceived mold, but find out as much information as possible so that as I figure things out, I can do it safely, and in a way that meets her needs...I am obviously a novice to this topic, and really do appreciate the guidance from you more experienced guys...

 

I agree on the communication thing, and think that that is true no matter the relationship dynamic...Lack of communication is a relationship killer...(if you can call any kind of interaction with someone without good communication a relationship )

[kitten monster]

As DaddysLolita mentioned, the website domsub.life is a great resource. That's where I learned all about D/s and DD/lg.

To me, the fact that you're asking lots of questions and striving to be the best Daddy you can be means you already have the qualities of a great Daddy!

For things like bondage and other BDSM stuff, I remember seeing a website a while ago called "BDSM Training Academy" or something like that.

I'd also suggest looking through the topic in the Little Space forum called "What Are Your Rules?" Looking through those helped me see what kind of relationships and parameters other DDlg couples were setting and helped set some guidelines for the rules that my Daddy and I eventually formed together. For me the most helpful thing was reading lots and lots about how other couples' relationships worked, taking the bits and pieces that I liked and thought would be beneficial for us, and forming our own dynamic from there. As others have stated, it's all about what works for you.

[Lazarus_1_506]

UPDATE:

 

So first, wanna thank you all again for your responses/advice.  It is honestly weird having to get advise because usually I am pretty knowledgeable on most things, or have the ability to find the information quickly myself

 

As its winter break, she is at home with her family, and I am still here in the town our college is in.

 

We have had LOTS of conversations about the role/roles she likes/wants/needs.  Impressively she was very focused on learning what I liked and need. 

 

We play alot via skype/snapchat/text etc. 

 

Every night since she has been gone we "sleep" together via skype:D  Its actually pretty cool and very "intimate".  I generally play with her, give her instructions if she asks for a orgasm, tell her a story to put her to sleep, and then we sleep where the camera can see her/me.  If I wake up at night(I have PTSD from being deployed, so every little bump wakes me up and I have to go check it so that I can go back to sleep) she often realizes I am not there and calls out

 

I have constructed a rule list, and have put it through SEVERAL revisions.

 

My little doesn't know, but her favorite animal is a Fox, so I ordered her a beautiful handmade lifelike stuffie that looks like it could be a live fox   If she's good, while shes gone, she knows she will get a reward, but has no idea what it will be

 

Still to do:

 

I have ideas, based on conversations with her about the bondage side of stuff, but still am doing research, I need to find a store that sales things, gags, etc and make some initial purchases

 

After discussing it with my little, I am going to get a collar for her that Only I can remove.  she will wear that unless there is a specific reason she cannot (social settings etc).  As we are both soldiers, I also ordered some dog tags that say Daddy/Babygirl  This will be something she can wear at all times

 

 

 

Honestly, after reading this, not sure why I am telling you guys all this stuff.  You probably see it as pretty lame   But its not like I can just tell these things to my normal social circle without judgement

 

Anywho, Hope yall had a great Xmas, and HAPPY NEW-YEAR!.

[Guest Pouty Kitten]

UPDATE:

 

So first, wanna thank you all again for your responses/advice.  It is honestly weird having to get advise because usually I am pretty knowledgeable on most things, or have the ability to find the information quickly myself

 

As its winter break, she is at home with her family, and I am still here in the town our college is in.

 

We have had LOTS of conversations about the role/roles she likes/wants/needs.  Impressively she was very focused on learning what I liked and need. 

 

We play alot via skype/snapchat/text etc. 

 

Every night since she has been gone we "sleep" together via skype:D  Its actually pretty cool and very "intimate".  I generally play with her, give her instructions if she asks for a orgasm, tell her a story to put her to sleep, and then we sleep where the camera can see her/me.  If I wake up at night(I have PTSD from being deployed, so every little bump wakes me up and I have to go check it so that I can go back to sleep) she often realizes I am not there and calls out

 

I have constructed a rule list, and have put it through SEVERAL revisions.

 

My little doesn't know, but her favorite animal is a Fox, so I ordered her a beautiful handmade lifelike stuffie that looks like it could be a live fox   If she's good, while shes gone, she knows she will get a reward, but has no idea what it will be

 

Still to do:

 

I have ideas, based on conversations with her about the bondage side of stuff, but still am doing research, I need to find a store that sales things, gags, etc and make some initial purchases

 

After discussing it with my little, I am going to get a collar for her that Only I can remove.  she will wear that unless there is a specific reason she cannot (social settings etc).  As we are both soldiers, I also ordered some dog tags that say Daddy/Babygirl  This will be something she can wear at all times

 

 

 

Honestly, after reading this, not sure why I am telling you guys all this stuff.  You probably see it as pretty lame   But its not like I can just tell these things to my normal social circle without judgement

 

Anywho, Hope yall had a great Xmas, and HAPPY NEW-YEAR!.

You're not lame at all for updating us about your relationship! I can tell how excited you are and it's a great thing that you care so much about your dynamic with her. As for bondage, many sex stores carry ball gags, rope, duct tape, etc so I don't think you will have any trouble with finding those items. For rope tutorials, my Daddy and I use fetishweekly.tumblr.com. Enjoy!

[Guest Princess Dusty]

I think it's amazing that you're updating us!!! and I'm glad that you guys are having such an amazing time!!! it sounds really sweet and adorable!!!! I'm so so so so happy for you both!!!

[Dumbledork'sPrincess]

Just about the age thing. I was 21 when Daddy and I met. He was 40. He is now 41 and I will be 22 in March.

 

So long as you two don't mind/like it, who cares?

[DaddysLolita]

I love the idea of "sleeping" together via skype....how....cute....is....that?

 

I'm very happy for you and your little!

 

<3

[Dumbledork'sPrincess]

I love the idea of "sleeping" together via skype....how....cute....is....that?

 

I'm very happy for you and your little!

 

<3

Daddy and I sometimes fall asleep together on skype too. It's hard sometimes, because I live in England and Daddy lives in America, I am 6 hours a head of him. So midnight for me is 6pm for him

[Meriadoc]

Great to hear the update. Glad to hear its going well. 

 

On the subject of rope and equipment. There are plenty of books and youtube video's out there that will show you exactly how to do it. Also some areas have meetups that have rope classes. You might be able find something on fetlife. They can be very useful and a lot of fun. 

 

As far as where to buy bondage stuff, the cheapest way is to make it yourself and buy the supplies at home depot. Rope is rope lol. Though amazon tends to have a pretty good selection of stuff too.

 

Good luck, hope everything works out. 

[Lazarus_1_506]

Thanks again for yalls imputs, advice, and support...

 

Had a blast yesturday with her via skype( we are a temporary LDR as its winter break)...SHe had a stressfull day due to family issues where she is so i "Took her to the zoo" via skype, pretending to carry her around like a small girl at the zoo. hugging onto daddy as he carried her all around to see the animals.  I would google the animals she wanted to visit, and post a image in skype so she could "see" them with me...LOL it was pretty fun!

 

http://i.imgsafe.org/3be96c9.jpg

 

I am looking into the Bondage stuff and still trying to figure out the best way to start, I think im just gonna by actual restraints and stuff and use them for the time being till we can get some practice with rope/knots and such....

 

Thanks guys!

[DaddysLolita]

"Took her to the zoo" via skype, pretending to carry her around like a small girl at the zoo. hugging onto daddy as he carried her all around to see the animals.  I would google the animals she wanted to visit, and post a image in skype so she could "see" them with me...LOL it was pretty fun!

That's a great idea! It sounds like a lot of fun.

 

<3

[Guest Princess Dusty]

The zoo idea is absoutely adorable!!!! Thats a super cute idea for a LDR!!!