Am I looking at being a Little wrong? Please help me understand better.

[LittleBookBug]

Hi, I am pretty new into being a little and I don't have any little friends. But I recently met a Daddy (outside of this forum), who was making me feel uncomfortable. Right off the bat he asked me to call him Daddy (I had not even met him in person yet), then when I told him I didn't think I was ready for that yet he went right to being upset with me for saying no. I know sometimes with DDLG saying no to your Daddy is a big no-no. But I didn't see him as my Daddy yet. He also asked for photos not anything inappropriate, just asking for photos in my pj's and photos of my feet so he could make sure they were clean. When I was hesitant and told him I wasn't comfortable with that he yelled at me again and told me that I needed an attitude adjustment. All this happened on the first two nights of texting. The next morning I told him I thought we were looking for different things and I didn't think I would be able to be the Little Girl that he wanted.(I don't like jsut ghosting people because it makes me feel mean.) He told me that what he showed me was what it was to be a good little girl for a Daddy. I am feeling really sad now, I still love going into my little space but it makes me nervous to look for a Daddy if that's how it always starts out. I learned about DDLG from books I was reading then started doing more research, now I'm not sure if the idea I have is romanticized. Is that a normal Daddy interaction or did I just find someone who maybe wasnt totally sure in himself as a Daddy?

 

 I could really use some advice. I am really not sure if I posted this in the right place either. 😭

Edited August 5, 2024 by LittleBookBug

[Capri]

That is absolutely not a normal interaction and I am sorry you experienced that!  He sounds like a creep that tries to take advantage of littles for his own sexual pleasure which is disgusting. Daddies have to earn the right to be called that, and asking you to call him daddy immediately is a big red flag. 

Please please be careful with sending any pictures that might be viewed inappropriately (including feet pics since that may be a fetish for some too). If you don't feel comfortable sending them then do not feel pressured to send them. 

Saying no does not mean you are not a good little. Saying no is important and essential to protect yourself. Anyone who resepects littles, especially someone who does not have a proper established relationship with you yet, should understand that. 

I hope you do not feel guilty or feel obliged to keep talking to this scumbag fake daddy. Take care and be safe ok! 

[NR_Daddy]

A real CG/Daddy would take time to get to know you and make you feel safe and cared for. Rules cannot be established until you've formed a bond.

You didn't ghost him, you dodged a bullet.

[Phoenix78]

You did nothing wrong. A real daddy should want to communicate with you when you say no and maybe discuss why you feel uncomfortable. They should never just start getting mad and blaming you. Anyone else who does that is an immediate block in my eyes. I hope you have more pleasent interactions in the future. Im sorry that was your first experience.

Edited August 5, 2024 by Phoenix78

[CodeName: Trouble]

This person was not trying to be a daddy, or a dom, or anything short of an absolute creep.

You did the absolutely right thing with putting your foot down and respecting yourself and your boundaries. This man sounds like a living red flag. Often these type of people start off with small orders like this to test what you'll listen to, and when you didn't he went to scolding you to see if that would work instead... If you had complied, it likely would have quickly escalated to a much more dangerous situation. You trusted your instincts and as @NR_Daddy said, dodged a bullet.

 

I also wanted to touch on the fact that you learned about DDLG from books, which are a fun fantasy, but often very far from reality and can depict very codependent and unhealthy power dynamics through a rose colored lens. Doesn't mean those type of stories can't be fun to read or give you some ideas into what you might like, but it is important to remember they are fantasies and not necessarily how most dynamics end up looking. At least, that's not how they will be all the time.

 We're lucky  to have a wealth of information here on the forum from many different people, where no two dynamics are the same. Little space is different for everyone and everyone's relationship with their partners will be different too, but they should always involve clear open communication, safety, healthy boundaries and enthusiastic consent. You did amazing communicating with him, several times, that you were uncomfortable and things were going too fast and in the wrong direction, he did not make you feel safe, he did not attempt to communicate, he did not respect your boundaries, and he did not have your consent before trying to initiate these things. Daddies do not act like that. Creeps and abusers do.

Always trust your gut ❤️

[beanbean]

Like everyone else said you did nothing wrong actually I like that you were being cautious.just keep being like that and go from there

[EllieTheHauntedStarship]

Oh yikes oh no

He was totally in the wrong! You've done nothing wrong. You were honest and tried to do boundaries. He doesn't sound like a Daddy at all but a predator.

I'm so sorry that happened you deserve better.

[Guest Gentleman_Daddy]

[DaddyJPC3]

Miss, I am new to this as well and am learning, and the first line of that you said is what my new little said was a giant NO first of all. Daddy is an earned title if that is something he wants. The second, thing where he wanted nudes, also a big red flag. That's an issue with any kink or relationship or anything like that. A Daddy isnt demanding outside of the boundaries established in the relationship. These are things i have learned from this place and others. Also if you get the bad vibe, it's a bad vibe and don't try to play with that. And then the fact that it's so new and you already feel sad. Don't put yourself in that situation, Daddies bring you up and you do the same for them. It's equal even if someone wants some dominance sometimes, it's still a relationship

[DaddyDom3238]

Hello, 

Sorry you went through this especially since you are new to the lifestyle, it is fake "Daddy's" like that person that give this lifestyle a bad name and it is truly an amazing lifestyle to be involved in. That being said, there are quite a few people that take advantage of it and do not truly understand the trust and intimacy that are required. Any "Daddy' that insists or tells you to call them Daddy at any point is someone that I would recommend you do not communicate any further with. You should just begin by having a conversation and seeing if you are both looking for the same thing in this dynamic as it is fluid and subjective. There is not right way to be a little or a Daddy, there is only what works for you and as long as there is respect, trust, love and admiration for each other you can have an amazing relationship. 

Lastly, you determine when you call someone Daddy, as you as the little are the one that is giving yourself to your "Daddy" not the other way around. The little is the gift and the Daddy is the one that is given that gift by their potential little. 

[Guest Pearl_]

I've dealt with this few months ago, he was the first daddy I talk to, it was the same thing, he would make feel guilty whenever I feel uncomfortable or say no.

You did the best when you ended it, these type of people would keep asking for more under the name of being daddy and that if you don't agree, you wouldn't be a good girl.

A good daddy would care about your boundaries and ask you about them, and also would know that being a daddy is not granted, but something he would give effort to earn.

[MissNMTX]

Basically, everyone has already said anything I would have. I'm so grateful so many of our "daddies" here have chimes in to affirm your instincts.

Sadly, learning curves like this are common. Like others have said, it's just taking advantage and manipulation.

The only thing I can really say is keep learning and interacting. While always trusting your instincts!

[LittleBookBug]

Thank you all! It makes me feel better knowing I did the right thing by blocking him. It feels really great knowing I can ask the questions I have on here without feeling like I will be judged! 

 

THANK YOU 🥰💗

[BabyBrattyKittyKatty]

Hey there! 

I think the point's been made on what a creep that jerk was. I'm a little concerned about your feelings rn.

I get a feeling your instincts already told you this didn't look right, but because you were into ddlg and didn't have a lot of other resources you felt a little helpless. I could be totally wrong, but I still wanted to reassure you that things would get better. 

The beginning of discovering and exploring something so different isn't usually easy for anybody. Please know trust that you have the power and agency in you to figure out what you want and need that makes you happy as a person, it just takes time. And patience. But it's been done many times before by others who shared the scare and uncertainty.

People on this forum are incredible! Also, totally random, but you might like some ddlg asmr/roleplay channels that are availale on YouTube/Patreon etc. It's helped me through tough times. And may be closer to a novel romance cuz they are available 24/7 for so many different scenarios xD

[LittleMisses]

I relate this a lot. I’m very new into this and I also discovered that I might like this through books. It’s hard because what they write sounds like exactly what you want but then certain people take advantage and as someone who is incredibly submissive it’s hard to not give in. I want to please and saying no feels bad. I tend to ghost when I feel uncomfortable because I fear what will happen when I reject and I fear what I will do if they demand more of me. I have a tendency to give in and sometimes it feels safer to ghost. I know that’s mean but it feels safer 

[Huggybear]

Hey!

Consent is everything and it is earned, not taken or demanded. This absolutely applies to all nicknaming, babying, and especially to being called Daddy. That was criminal behaviour of this man that I absolutely refuse to call the D word (unless its the 4 letter D word). Vetting is a huge part of any relationship and these kinds of creeps are the reason its especially important here.

I am truly sorry that this was your first(?) experience with another person from the kink. These kind of insensitive predators have plagued this kink and community since it was born and this should not be your defining factor. I hope you find it in you to heal and move on and not let this ruin what could be a great adventure into your true self :).

Be safe out there!

[Lonely Dad]

That guy is an asshole.

[newandconfuzed]

I am super new to this whole concept, like not even sure where I fall on the spectrum but think I'm mostly little and I can 100% say that is NOT ok. Especially so soon in talking, I think it's all up to how you feel. It would have been one thing if you hit it off and felt comfortable, but for him to immediately make you uncomfortable when you already felt that way was mean.

[Daddy-dom]

I don't think I need to repeat what everyone else has said, but 'Daddy' should be earned and NEVER demanded...never let ANYONE tell you differently!

Well done on trusting your instincts 👏👏

[MoJo]

Your whole post should be pinned as a perfect example of all red flags in a Daddy. 
 

you did the right thing. I am glad you are safe. It is normal to feel sad, embrace it. And be proud of yourself for being able to trust your guts and setting boundaries. 
 

It is disappointing to see how being a Daddy has become trendy for all the wrong reasons. 

Edited August 27, 2024 by MoJo

[MoJo]

On 8/13/2024 at 9:59 PM, LittleMisses said:

I relate this a lot. I’m very new into this and I also discovered that I might like this through books. It’s hard because what they write sounds like exactly what you want but then certain people take advantage and as someone who is incredibly submissive it’s hard to not give in. I want to please and saying no feels bad. I tend to ghost when I feel uncomfortable because I fear what will happen when I reject and I fear what I will do if they demand more of me. I have a tendency to give in and sometimes it feels safer to ghost. I know that’s mean but it feels safer 

These are very reasonable thoughts. I would also like to add that stories usually depict a “perfect” dynamic. That is not realistic and would take lots of time and effort to build. So setting expectations is usually flawed when you first start dabbling into the community. My number one advice, always and foremost: Safety!

and also, submission is an active exercise. Never forced or coerced. By definition, you decide to submit. 
 

happy day everyone