What makes you feel wanted?

[DaddyJPC3]

Hello, I am new to this community and I have recently been talking with, and getting to know, a "little". I am into these things and I do identify myself as a daddy and from her help describing it a "pleasure dom". Although I am enthusiastic, I want to be better and the best I can be. What makes "littles" feel safe, comfortable, and wanted? I have lurked here a little and I have gotten some advice in the dark, but here I am with my first post

[Princ3ss-Baby-Bear]

Each Little is going to want and need different things, but for me it’s knowing that my Dom feels comfortable around me and my headspace, it’s them giving me cuddles and calling me pet names and getting my head ruffles, or joining me when I’m playing with toys or watching cartoons, it’s just knowing they feel safe around me it makes me feel wanted and Loved

[EllieTheHauntedStarship]

I can't speak for others, but I do want to echo what Princ3ss-Baby-Bear said and I'd like to add: open communication and honesty, patience especially when in little space coz sometimes it's hard to grasp Big Topics, and just... yknow, hang out. The best advice I'd come across (and I went oh shit they're right lmao) is treat/talk to your little like an adorable pet (this is of course different for different people) and like... be firm in your rules and stuff if that's part of your dynamic coz hey how can littles trust Bigs if you don't follow through with things? Trust = love = feeling wanted etc

And of course everything is a two way street.

Edited August 4, 2024 by EllieTheHauntedStarship
clarity

[MissNMTX]

Every "little" is different. Once you learn about your "little" you'll figure it out, but basically boils down to attention. Personalized attention.

Pet names, cuddles, basically just learning her and her learning you of course. Favorite snacks, flowers, cartoons, characters etc.

I'm big on coffee, so someone learning my coffee order would be HUGE!

 

[Capri]

I think asking that specific little what makes them feel wanted would be best as others have mentioned all littles are different and have different wants and needs! 

[babydollmira]

When someone I love asks me about things I’m interested in or remembers something I said 🌸

it reminds me that they’re aware of me and care that I am there :3

[DaddyJPC3]

I wanted to say thank you first of all for your replies. I have read each every one of them and I really appreciate all of the advice. We have spent some weekend time together and I cannot lie, I think I enjoy the nurturing side of things a real lot. One of the things we had both found enjoyment in and she actually reiterated it a while later and its been on my mind is I kind of helped her pick some cute clothes out of some things she had brought and kind of helped her into them as well. It was a very intimate experience and shes a sweetheart. Shes my Babydoll, and it's really nice..I wanted to say thank you again.

[BabyBrattyKittyKatty]

I'm still figuring this out myself and don't know many littles, but wanted to chip in, so giving very personalized reflections that may or may not be helpful.

As a little I often find it hard to figure out what I want in the moment or articulate how I feel about things, and I'd really appreciate someone to be a patient guide, paying enough attention to my body language and asking the right questions to elicit what I'm having trouble seeing. Also feel insecure about being high maintenance and would wanna shy away from a partner, in those moments I actually really need support and if daddy can reassure me it's ok it would make me feel so accepted for who I am. I feel like this is true for doms as well?

This may not bother other littles, but a neutral tone/straight face would make my heart drop to my gut. I have had people in the past be clear and not yelly when clarifying what they needed at the moment but when I was in little space, it could feel like a sudden slap that could make me blame myself and feel bad for a loooong time.

This sounds a little ominous but I think should be voiced- if you ever wanna end things with a little, please make sure to be extra considerate and, without consuming yourself, be there to support their feelings. In this dynamic a little really builds the trust to count on their caregiver as their support system, so just being clear as a grownup could be unjust, imho.

But looks like you're figuring out a lot of things and it's wonderful to see a new daddy find and enjoy himself! All best wishes!

Edited August 6, 2024 by BabyBrattyKittyKatty

[LittleMisses]

On 8/4/2024 at 1:37 PM, MissNMTX said:

Every "little" is different. Once you learn about your "little" you'll figure it out, but basically boils down to attention. Personalized attention.

 

I feel like this is a great way to say it. I want to feel special and loved. I want to know that I have all your attention when I need it but that you genuinely know me and still love/care about me. I want someone who asks about the things I like and makes an effort to understand them. I want them in equal measure to share the things they love with me so I can get to know them better. It’s about a deep connection that feels unbreakable. I want someone who is willing to help me on my worst days and be there on my best days to share it with me and vise versa. I don’t want a relationship that is only about physical intimacy I want emotional intimacy and someone who will help me become a better version of myself but not try to change the things they don’t like about me. 
 

everyone looks for different things and being able to express what you want in an open, safe place is very important. 

[Huggybear]

Hey!

Great topic and great answers from alot of people! Heres my two cents:

Safety I believe comes from trust, and it goes beoynd a vanilla relationship where trust has a bit more superficial/practical "do the right thing" kind of meaning. In DDLG its really hard to trust your partner on a level where you can be completely and unapologetically yourself. Society's norms have built in defences in all of us on some level, littles might feel hesitant to truly let the inner child out where speech might become difficult, childlike wonder takes frontstage, emotions get stronger in good and bad and a general vulnerability rises up. Doms have much harder time to trust aswell compared to vanilla, for different reasons, but thats a bit offtopic. If you can show empathy in a very natural state, empowering and encouraging the little side and taking part of the wonder - and doing it in a way that it comes effortlessly and feels like its just another tuesday, youre propably well on your way :).

Comfort I think comes from our surroundings and ability to create a large enough bubble of people (and things, "insert comfort item") to be safe in. Communities like this help alot to make that space feel larger and taking part shows you want to belong and are not ashamed of any of it. Putting in effort and learning, showing that youre actually into it and that youre not just catering to your partners feelings/needs while compromising your own is also a huge step towards comfort.

The wanted part is propably strenghtened by your ability to show affection and that the "need" goes both ways. Co-dependancy aside which I dont think is healthy, it is important to need your little just as they need us. Reminding on a regular basis why she is the one, how much enjoyment she brings, why shes not a burden even on the bad days - that its all part of the role and adventure, why you need her in all the meanings of the word etc. If theres no sense of that, then there is a danger of the relationship developing into a friendship. Intimicy is also very important - and the ability to be intimite within the kink and eachother boundaries. This ofc is a very nuanced topic that every couple needs to discuss thoroughly beforehand, but in general having an open mind to taboo subjects is a good idea and also regognizing which parts of the relationship work in the bedroom and what is best left on the caregiver/little level. And lastly, experimenting and trusting your partner to go outside of your comfort zone - together - to really explore and get to know yourself and one another.

Thats from the top of my head, hope it gave you something!

Edited August 13, 2024 by Huggybear