How hard is it for a little or middle to walk away from DDLG?

[Cebakes]

Over the years here I’ve discussed my relationship with my old middle S.  We’ve known each other for over five years, we’re together for over three years, and ended our relationship over 18 months ago.    Our relationship reads like a DDLG romance novel.  with our age gap and her desires to get married, we always knew and talked about the relationship ending.  

She met a guy over a year ago who seems pretty solid, is 10 years older than her, she is 26, and said he is the one and they have talked about marriage , their future, etc, etc…

Ive always been very good about not contacting her and letting her move forward. I could tell she missed having a daddy, but never pushed that subject or topic.  She called me today and said that she’s concerned that she can’t walk away from having a daddy and how much she craves it.  I’m not sure I would want to be her daddy again.
 

I’m curious if other Littles or middles have tried to walk away from DDLG???

 

[MissNMTX]

Speaking only for myself, I've tried to leave it behind several times. I've even left this forum several times. In the beginning there was a bit of shame involved in my interest I think. It's definitely outside of the mainstream. When you first come to this understanding about yourself it can be a lot. A lot of learning and a lot of trial and error. The dynamic in its nature is "more" it can be messy, harder to integrate into "normal" life. Look at how many threads there are here on public, vs private, how many people know, etc. 

In the end though, it's really a journey of self acceptance and self awareness. Is it going to be harder to find the right relationship... absolutely! In the end, I always end up coming back because I am who I am and I want what I want. Even if no one understands that... including myself.

I hope that you and S both find relationships that are wholly fulfilling to the both of you. It seems that hasn't happened yet.

[Cebakes]

50 minutes ago, MissNMTX said:

Speaking only for myself, I've tried to leave it behind several times. I've even left this forum several times. In the beginning there was a bit of shame involved in my interest I think. It's definitely outside of the mainstream. When you first come to this understanding about yourself it can be a lot. A lot of learning and a lot of trial and error. The dynamic in its nature is "more" it can be messy, harder to integrate into "normal" life. Look at how many threads there are here on public, vs private, how many people know, etc. 

In the end though, it's really a journey of self acceptance and self awareness. Is it going to be harder to find the right relationship... absolutely! In the end, I always end up coming back because I am who I am and I want what I want. Even if no one understands that... including myself.

I hope that you and S both find relationships that are wholly fulfilling to the both of you. It seems that hasn't happened yet.

While, I personally don’t feel shame, I do keep my DDLG desires private when dating or chatting with vanilla women.  I’ve had women on another site message me and say that they were surprised that I was interested in chatting, since it looks like I am into “little girls”.   I’ve told them I’m interested in women of all ages as well as non-DDLG folks.     I’ve also had gatekeepers, Doms, and moderators give me the side eye or a comment or two over the years.  

I appreciate the kind words about finding relationships for both S and I.  I’m disappointed after hearing from her and hoped things would be in a better space for her   Over the past year I made a point of never reaching out to her, would always let her contact me.   I do worry about her and try to counsel her on her  things.    She really does crave a daddy and it’s not something of interest to  her guy.
 

 

 

 

[PrincessCarmilla]

So my answer is going to be complex but it may give you some insight:

I had an ex who was a little and I was safe enough to her that she could bring that side out when I was with her. Granted, I have never claimed to be mature enough to be a Big, but I've always had enough affinity with littles (even before finding someone who could bring that side out of me) that other littles tend to find me a comfortable presence. (Like finds like I suppose).

Anyways, she had a perfect mommy for a time. From how she described her exe, it was wonderful though there was a lot under the surface that lead to the breakup. (And yes, I know, kind of a red flag that I ignored.)

The point is it's that I remember how much she loved and romantized and missed that relationship. A part of it was how the break up happened as well as how it triggered past traumas. I remember waking up to her crying about dreams she had about her ex. It was just really hard for her. 

I remember her trying to cut off the little part of her because of the pain but no matter how hard she tried, it couldn't happen. I've personally come to understand that it's really an intrinsic manifestation of who some of us are. Like I don't intend to slur some of my words when I'm in littlespace, I just do. And it's impossible to entirely kill off a part of ourselves with it leaking out in ways we're not conscious of (like how I found myself continually surrounded by littles well before I met my current partner and caregiver).

From the sounds of it, S isn't like my ex. You both split up amicably from the sounds of it and I'm glad to hear it. And she sounds a lot less hounded by past traumas too. If being middle is a part of who S is, I don't think it will ever go away and she'll always be wanting something more because of it. But ultimately it's on her to realize that and that's just the painful reality of the situation. I've been there and it hurts to watch. It's been years since I broke up with my ex but I still think about her from time to time. 

If you can, continue to be there for her when S reaches out. I think you're doing the best you can in this situation and frankly, I think you're likely a great daddy at that. You've got a kind heart

Edited July 22, 2024 by PrincessCarmilla
No good at spelling

[LeftyGuitar]

I would say it depends. There have been times where I have tried to surpress this part of myself. It worked for a little while. But then it just came rushing back. Of course as I grow older, I sometimes see it as being a little easier to walk away from CG/L. At the same time, I feel that the urge could come back at any time. I think it really depends on how you feel about the lifestyle.

[Cebakes]

1 hour ago, PrincessCarmilla said:

So my answer is going to be complex but it may give you some insight:

I had an ex who was a little and I was safe enough to her that she could bring that side out when I was with her. Granted, I have never claimed to be mature enough to be a Big, but I've always had enough affinity with littles (even before finding someone who could bring that side out of me) that other littles tend to find me a comfortable presence. (Like finds like I suppose).

Anyways, she had a perfect mommy for a time. From how she described her exe, it was wonderful though there was a lot under the surface that lead to the breakup. (And yes, I know, kind of a red flag that I ignored.)

The point is it's that I remember how much she loved and romantized and missed that relationship. A part of it was how the break up happened as well as how it triggered past traumas. I remember waking up to her crying about dreams she had about her ex. It was just really hard for her. 

I remember her trying to cut off the little part of her because of the pain but no matter how hard she tried, it couldn't happen. I've personally come to understand that it's really an intrinsic manifestation of who some of us are. Like I don't intend to slur some of my words when I'm in littlespace, I just do. And it's impossible to entirely kill off a part of ourselves with it leaking out in ways we're not conscious of (like how I found myself continually surrounded by littles well before I met my current partner and caregiver).

From the sounds of it, S isn't like my ex. You both split up amicably from the sounds of it and I'm glad to hear it. And she sounds a lot less hounded by past traumas too. If being middle is a part of who S is, I don't think it will ever go away and she'll always be wanting something more because of it. But ultimately it's on her to realize that and that's just the painful reality of the situation. I've been there and it hurts to watch. It's been years since I broke up with my ex but I still think about her from time to time. 

If you can, continue to be there for her when S reaches out. I think you're doing the best you can in this situation and frankly, I think you're likely a great daddy at that. You've got a kind heart

Thanks for the lengthy response.  S did not have what I would describe as significant trauma in her life. Her father is a great dad, maybe too good?  He is a man’s man and from everything that I can tell is just fantastic.  Again, maybe too good?  I think this is why she is not attracted to guys her own age.   She did have self-esteem issues that I helped her with. 

She did not have sexual trauma, but did start watching porn at way too young of an age. There is also a whole sexual side here that is more private and personal.
 

She misses having a daddy, someone who can help her with her racing mind, adhd, stress management, reminding her to drink water, eat  properly, ,etc…. in someways, I have been able to move on and  have boundaries that will help me from being hurt and able to move on myself. But she will always be special and we are going to be connected because of our relationship.

[samar_]

Hello first, I don't have a daddy before,

the first time I watched a video about the little space I didn't know about the DDLG but for a long time I had questions and after a whole year or less I started searching for the DDLG and I learned and understood a little about it

I was excited and wanted to try it out to have a daddy, but since I didn't have a daddy I told myself I would stay away from this no more research or reading stories or anything about DDLG.And I actually stopped reading and everything, but my mind never stopped.

I just thought about what would happen if I got Daddy and how I would live , "daydreams".

But I went back to reading stories and looking for friends I think I'm connected to DDLG Ultimately .

[starlie]

i’m late to this topic but i understand why you wouldn’t want to go back to being her daddy. things would probably feel different if you did, and the trust/vulnerability that was lost would be harder to build back up. for me, being a little is an integral part of who i am as a person, so no i would not be able to just walk away from DDLG. i’ve tried many times before because of shame and seeing the lifestyle be ridiculed, even by friends of mine who had no idea i was interested in it. it’s just something i need to be truly fulfilled in life, like learning constantly and having the career i want, it all just makes up a part of who i am. 
 

i hope that things have gotten better for both of you since this was posted