Is DDlg a secret or open lifestyle for you?

[Capri]

Since I haven't met anyone in the DDlg community irl yet I'm wondering how open people are about this lifestyle. 

Is it something you are more secretive about/strictly kept to your relationships or the community etc..?  Do your close friends or family (18+ of course) know about it? 

I'm still learning about the dynamic and I feel like I have been keeping it to myself for fear or embarrassment, but at the same time I don't want to be airing my dirty laundry to the world as they say. (Is that the right way to use that phrase?) 

I'd love to hear about your thoughts and experiences!

[RavenclawPrincess]

I am open with the people that are in the lifestyle. Everyone else knows I dig stuffies, have a small polly pockets collection and I enjoy watching Disney and things like that. It's pretty common nowadays for adults to enjoy things from childhood, kink lifestyles aside, so I don't feel the need to hide things like that and non-kink people don't care. I really only feel the need to keep kink specific stuff on the downlow 

[starz._.]

Honestly, ive always kept it a secret. A few of my very close friends know and people I've been in relationships with know.

Im not sure if keeping it secret because youre embarrssed about it is the right thing though. Dont be embarrassed about liking what you like! And also if you want to share dont be afraid of judgement because people who like you for you will try to find a way to understand.

I just simply like keeping my personal business private, and thats why not many people know. I havent had any bad experiences with telling people, but most people who dont know the lifestyle? are very curious.

Definitly dont be afraid or embarrassed if you want to live out loud and let everyone know though!

[Capri]

5 minutes ago, RavenclawPrincess said:

I am open with the people that are in the lifestyle. Everyone else knows I dig stuffies, have a small polly pockets collection and I enjoy watching Disney and things like that. It's pretty common nowadays for adults to enjoy things from childhood, kink lifestyles aside, so I don't feel the need to hide things like that and non-kink people don't care. I really only feel the need to keep kink specific stuff on the downlow 

That's so true! Now that I think about it I guess I'm more open than I thought when it comes to showing off love for childlike things like stuffies and animations 😆 

[Capri]

5 minutes ago, starz._. said:

Honestly, ive always kept it a secret. A few of my very close friends know and people I've been in relationships with know.

Im not sure if keeping it secret because youre embarrssed about it is the right thing though. Dont be embarrassed about liking what you like! And also if you want to share dont be afraid of judgement because people who like you for you will try to find a way to understand.

I just simply like keeping my personal business private, and thats why not many people know. I havent had any bad experiences with telling people, but most people who dont know the lifestyle? are very curious.

Definitly dont be afraid or embarrassed if you want to live out loud and let everyone know though!

Aw thank you! For some reason I have this sense of embarrassment/shame. It may come from being raised in a "purity" religious culture. I know that it's nothing to be ashamed of though but it's still scary in a way. 

[RavenclawPrincess]

For sure! To me it's sort of the same thing as any number of vanilla people do. I just don't talk about my sex life with people that aren't involved in it or isn't someone that I wouldn't have that sort of conversation with because trust matters for things like that. Private parts of our lives are private parts of our lives in any context I reckon. I'm not sure how caregivers navigate the socially acceptable part of being in the lifestyle but the parts of my identity that I openly express, no one bats an eye. I think the trick is to just use good judgement about what is and isn't publicly acceptable behavior/expression of alternative interests. 

[starz._.]

6 minutes ago, Capri said:

Aw thank you! For some reason I have this sense of embarrassment/shame. It may come from being raised in a "purity" religious culture. I know that it's nothing to be ashamed of though but it's still scary in a way. 

I get that. Itll be hard coming over that sense of embarrassment but honestly just remember to not judge yourself too harshly on what you know and do what makes you happy. Whether that is sharing or not sharing.

Live your life freely lol

[LeftyGuitar]

For me, I keep it a secret. I think MDLB is less known than DDLG. This part of my life only needs to be known to my partner or potential partner. I think sex life should be kept private between the two partners. I get sometimes people ask for advice and stuff, but they still keep it on the down-low. Then again there are probably some who are super blunt about it or just really open about it. As for me, I just like to keep it private.

[GenZ]

I'm open if I feel it won't cause a problem, as i feel it's better to live life unburdened by secrets :3

Edited July 12, 2024 by GenZ

[DashingDaddyDom]

My brother is slightly aware, my friends know that I'm super kinky but don't really know anything more than that minus one who was really active in the BDSM community and turned out to be a little. I don't really tell people unless I know they would understand it on a good enough level. Mostly I keep it to myself.

[Little kaiya]

It isn't something we go out of our way to tell folks but it also isn't anything we hide or avoid. 

[floralsforspring]

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Edited July 12, 2024 by floralsforspring

[Andriel_Isilien]

I'm quite open about my carefree and childlike personality with things I like. Someone who is already a little or Big out in the wild would most likely pick up on it as they get to know me, but I keep everything vanilla as I can in general. In the community like here and in my local BDSM community I will share a bit more about being a little. I try to read what feels appropriate to talk about or show with people. Some things in the kink I still keep very private compared to others simply because that's just how I am. 

[NR_Daddy]

I keep things like this private, rather than it being a secret.

The problem is that people are quick to judge if they either don't understand it, or don't share your beliefs and lifestyle.
That also applies to many things in life such as musical taste or "fashion" sense, or even just your appearance.

[beanbean]

Lol I don't advertise it but I have a smart mouth and will say things that if your paying attention you might be able to catch

[lillizzie24]

Im secret but wont stop me from being me. I call daddy daddy everywhere and not afraid to slip into little space when out when its appropriate 

[PrincessCarmilla]

I suppose that I'm secret about it though I'm also at times probably easy to spot as a little by those in the know

Like there's been occasional local littles meet ups (discovered through Fetlife) that I've gone to. Depending on who hosts, it can be a good time. If you can find one that doesn't let unattached Bigs join, it's generally going to be well managed (there's been cases of Bigs who don't have a little with them getting creepy and yucky in the group so it's something I recommend). But that's one of the times when I'm the most open

Outside of with those in the know at a get together, I do tend to get sillier when I'm with my partner/caregiver out in public at times. Like the last time I was at the beach with them, I tried to cover their feet with sand without them getting any on myself with plenty of squees and giggles coming from me. There were other people around me but there was enough space between everyone that it didn't feel like it mattered. I wasn't dressed especially childish either, or at least not for someone who looks like they are in their early 20's. I also tend to sing along to songs I'm listening to my partner in a way that makes them smiles. 

I'm really not the most mature person at most times and have been told that I easily read as a little when I'm comfortable so it's kind of like an "open secret"

[Liamo]

On 7/11/2024 at 7:41 PM, Capri said:

 

My friends and family know I am into BDSM. If you come to visit my house you have to be blind not to know, but very few know about my DDLG tendencies.

[Cebakes]

Private is a good word, I really don’t keep it secret.   My kids knew I was in an age gap relationship, but never knew anything about us being a ddlg couple.  If I am chatting with someone I’m interested in who is kinky and submissive, I have no problem sharing that I’m a daddy.    

[MissNMTX]

There's a big difference between secret and private. For myself, it's very private. If you think about it though how many people are really public about their relationships? Relationships are meant to be private, between the parties involved.

As for my middle side, it's true that nostalgia is a common thing now... just look at stores like Hot Topic. So a lot of things seem just like that... nostalgia. Being a middle I suppose it's easier to "cover". I'm sure it comes out in some ways though. I have a friend who buys me Disney things and Harry Potter things, but I promise she's a secret little herself!

As for my "Daddy" thing. That's just for me and whole he turns out to be...if he exists.

[beanbean]

38 minutes ago, MissNMTX said:

There's a big difference between secret and private. For myself, it's very private. If you think about it though how many people are really public about their relationships? Relationships are meant to be private, between the parties involved.

As for my middle side, it's true that nostalgia is a common thing now... just look at stores like Hot Topic. So a lot of things seem just like that... nostalgia. Being a middle I suppose it's easier to "cover". I'm sure it comes out in some ways though. I have a friend who buys me Disney things and Harry Potter things, but I promise she's a secret little herself!

As for my "Daddy" thing. That's just for me and whole he turns out to be...if he exists.

This is a great point you can keep it private without keeping it a secret 

[Daddy-dom]

I personally feel the need to keep my DDlg life separated, rather than secret I guess, from my day to day life - my family etc will never know as they're shockingly judgemental about such things, but I go to a local fetlife munch on an occasion basis where I'm able to be completely open, so it's more a privacy choice than a secret....or maybe I'm just trying to convince myself that's the case 😂

[LilPrincessRosina]

I definitely keep it a secret aside from a few friends (who i know are okay with it) or any future partners. Most recently, i told someone i'm into it in part because they drunkenly told me they're into CNC. I thought it was only fair I tell them my kinks if they're gonna tell me theirs.

[Guest ArtyDaddy]

It really depends to who... in my Personal life... quite a few close friends know about it and i don't really keep it a secret.. i'm fortunate enough to be in a place and social circle where sexuality etc is a pretty open topic... I like to surround myself with people with similar ideologies... i don't judge people for who they love or how they love and expect the same from them

[Capri]

I agree private is probably a better word to use 🤔