Not being present here - looking for advise please

[Tasherz]

Hey all! 

So I'm gonna start off with a bit about me! I've been in the community for a while now and on the forum for a few years and I always feel like I make some amazing friends while I'm here! But over the past year or two I've noticed a trend. So I am reaching out to see if this is just me or everyone else has the same struggles.

I find that I go through stages where I am super active on the forum... Logging in everyday multiple times a day, interacting with people and posts. I make new friends and touch base with old ones. Overall I just have an amazing time online...  Then I fall off the bus you could say. 

Suddenly it's been weeks or months even sometimes since I've logged in or interacted with anyone (this includes messaging the friends I've made and shared outside  contact information with) 

I don't know if this is something just I do or if everyone goes through stages like this but honestly I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of connections I could have that are amazing and important to me. I think a big part of this is that I am just getting overwhelmed by life and not being present here are much I want to be. 

So again, does anyone else struggle with this? And do you have any advice on how I can be more present here and not fall away because I do want to make genuine connections and keep the friendships that I make here.  

 

P.S.

If you are one of the people I have previously reached out and made friends with please know you are amazing people and I respect all of you. If I fell off the face of the earth and didn't respond I want you to know you did nothing wrong and that it was all me. If you want to still be friends please reach out and I will try to do better this time. And if you don't want to I can completely understand why. 

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

-Tashers 

[SweetLu]

Hi Tashers! 

I find myself doing the same thing and I feel bad about it too. There are so many I've connected with who are incredible that I want to talk to, play in the Imagination Playpen with & I'll pop in and say hi... and then fade. I don't know if it's just life, ADD, or even just being a bit ditzy? Lol

I do check out what's going on here every morning when I check messages, but a lot of the time, it's checking and not replying (mainly it's getting moving towards the next thing on my list like getting ready for work). 🤷‍♀️

Maybe an idea is just saying Hi! to one person (at least) each day that you want to stay in contact with? I think that's what I'm going to try. 

So .... Hi Tashers! I hope you have an incredible day!! 😁🌺🩷

[Gentleman_Daddy]

I didn't engage with anyone or anything in this community for about 3 years at one point. There are just times when real life takes over and arguably sitting at home with your phone or laptop in hand isn't the healthiest of ways to socialise anyway. TLDR Don't feel bad about it, just do you

[Tasherz]

55 minutes ago, SweetLu said:

Hi Tashers! 

I find myself doing the same thing and I feel bad about it too. There are so many I've connected with who are incredible that I want to talk to, play in the Imagination Playpen with & I'll pop in and say hi... and then fade. I don't know if it's just life, ADD, or even just being a bit ditzy? Lol

I do check out what's going on here every morning when I check messages, but a lot of the time, it's checking and not replying (mainly it's getting moving towards the next thing on my list like getting ready for work). 🤷‍♀️

Maybe an idea is just saying Hi! to one person (at least) each day that you want to stay in contact with? I think that's what I'm going to try. 

So .... Hi Tashers! I hope you have an incredible day!! 😁🌺🩷

Thank you so much for the kind words and the Hi! I hope you have a great day and thank you for reaching out! 

[beanbean]

Well actually there are times I have not been in ddlg or my Dom side or even my sub side but I try to be here in this community in this forum because I have a deep connection to this and these people and helps me get through stuff 

[Andriel_Isilien]

I've been thinking about this topic too! I can only talk from my perspective and personality type as I figure myself out (would like to hear how others feel and think about this). I am an introvert with bigger feelings on the inside and crave connection. Earlier this year I really struggled, and I think it was me missing connection with myself. I wanted outside connection from other people but that can't always be a source because real life gets in the way, people are their own independent individuals, and it can be too much of a good thing. I see this as phases I cycle through or like seasons. There's a time to get involved to mingle with a community of people and there's a time to retreat and spend quality time alone. Not everyone has the same threshold for this. I give connection to myself through journaling, creative writing, making art, and being with my animal friends. Again, this could turn into a "too much of a good thing" by isolation. I'm always trying to find the balance and take inventory on what my needs are trying to tell me. Then comes the 'fun' bit of doing the work such as communicating better with people, making goals for myself to do, etc.

Getting overwhelmed with life is understandable! It happens for better or worse. Just a heads up can be enough about what's going on. Lots of people here are supportive and willing to be there for one another when asked. This community has given me an amazing form of connection that I can't say I had before. Sure, most people suck but not everyone is that bad 😉

To be more involved? Maybe share what hobbies you are into. There are clubs for some of those. Browse through discussions and comment on one that sticks out to you. It can be a funny topic or a serious one. Whatever you're feeling. You don't have to force yourself to be something you're not. 

 

 

On 6/21/2024 at 4:30 AM, Tashers said:

If I fell off the face of the earth and didn't respond I want you to know you did nothing wrong and that it was all me. If you want to still be friends please reach out and I will try to do better this time.

This really got me thinking and have a question of my own. I have a friend who too struggles with "falling off the face of the earth" and they want to do better. Is there anything that a friend (aka asking for myself) could do to support someone that does this? Like how can one help another do better in staying in touch? Or is it literally out of my hands and I just over analyze my own behavior too much? 😅

[Tasherz]

1 hour ago, Andriel_Isilien said:

I've been thinking about this topic too! I can only talk from my perspective and personality type as I figure myself out (would like to hear how others feel and think about this). I am an introvert with bigger feelings on the inside and crave connection. Earlier this year I really struggled, and I think it was me missing connection with myself. I wanted outside connection from other people but that can't always be a source because real life gets in the way, people are their own independent individuals, and it can be too much of a good thing. I see this as phases I cycle through or like seasons. There's a time to get involved to mingle with a community of people and there's a time to retreat and spend quality time alone. Not everyone has the same threshold for this. I give connection to myself through journaling, creative writing, making art, and being with my animal friends. Again, this could turn into a "too much of a good thing" by isolation. I'm always trying to find the balance and take inventory on what my needs are trying to tell me. Then comes the 'fun' bit of doing the work such as communicating better with people, making goals for myself to do, etc.

Getting overwhelmed with life is understandable! It happens for better or worse. Just a heads up can be enough about what's going on. Lots of people here are supportive and willing to be there for one another when asked. This community has given me an amazing form of connection that I can't say I had before. Sure, most people suck but not everyone is that bad 😉

To be more involved? Maybe share what hobbies you are into. There are clubs for some of those. Browse through discussions and comment on one that sticks out to you. It can be a funny topic or a serious one. Whatever you're feeling. You don't have to force yourself to be something you're not. 

 

 

This really got me thinking and have a question of my own. I have a friend who too struggles with "falling off the face of the earth" and they want to do better. Is there anything that a friend (aka asking for myself) could do to support someone that does this? Like how can one help another do better in staying in touch? Or is it literally out of my hands and I just over analyze my own behavior too much? 😅

Thank you so much for reaching out and the advice! I think I'm going to take to heart the part about sharing my hobbies! I'm always working on them and taking pictures anyways so I might as well share here and be more active while I do it! 

 

As for your question I want to start off by saying how much it warms my heart that you want to find a way to help support your friend and be there for them. Next I would suggest starting out by talking to them and make sure that they want the help. I know that can sound a bit mean... BUT I have a friend who sometimes needs to "recharge" and will just shut down all social media and communication for a couple of weeks. Once they are better they will message and catch up but they need that alone time. 

If that's not the case, for me I like the 3 day rule. Message me and give me three days to answer on my own. If it's been three days and nothing... I probably completely forgot you messaged me even though I had every intention of messaging back. That when you send something like "hey I sent you a message the other day and didn't hear back. Just reaching out to see how you are and make sure everything is ok. Would love you hear from you when you're up to it. Hope to talk soon, thinking of you."

That way they know that they are on your mind, reminds them of the message you sent before. But doesn't put pressure on them to message back right away if something is going on and they aren't up to messaging... Hope that helps since you helped me! 

[Cebakes]

On 6/21/2024 at 6:30 AM, Tashers said:

Hey all! 

So I'm gonna start off with a bit about me! I've been in the community for a while now and on the forum for a few years and I always feel like I make some amazing friends while I'm here! But over the past year or two I've noticed a trend. So I am reaching out to see if this is just me or everyone else has the same struggles.

I find that I go through stages where I am super active on the forum... Logging in everyday multiple times a day, interacting with people and posts. I make new friends and touch base with old ones. Overall I just have an amazing time online...  Then I fall off the bus you could say. 

Suddenly it's been weeks or months even sometimes since I've logged in or interacted with anyone (this includes messaging the friends I've made and shared outside  contact information with) 

I don't know if this is something just I do or if everyone goes through stages like this but honestly I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of connections I could have that are amazing and important to me. I think a big part of this is that I am just getting overwhelmed by life and not being present here are much I want to be. 

So again, does anyone else struggle with this? And do you have any advice on how I can be more present here and not fall away because I do want to make genuine connections and keep the friendships that I make here.  

 

P.S.

If you are one of the people I have previously reached out and made friends with please know you are amazing people and I respect all of you. If I fell off the face of the earth and didn't respond I want you to know you did nothing wrong and that it was all me. If you want to still be friends please reach out and I will try to do better this time. And if you don't want to I can completely understand why. 

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

-Tashers 

I think someone above mentioned things happening in our lives that impact the ability to be in DDLG actively sometimes. You did not mention anything about outside things impacting your ability to partake in DDLG. Do you have a stressful life or lots of things going on?

I know when I was working and raising my kids on my own, it would have been very difficult for me to engage in DDLG or be a good daddy.

[Andriel_Isilien]

13 hours ago, Tashers said:

As for your question I want to start off by saying how much it warms my heart that you want to find a way to help support your friend and be there for them. Next I would suggest starting out by talking to them and make sure that they want the help. I know that can sound a bit mean... BUT I have a friend who sometimes needs to "recharge" and will just shut down all social media and communication for a couple of weeks. Once they are better they will message and catch up but they need that alone time. 

If that's not the case, for me I like the 3 day rule. Message me and give me three days to answer on my own. If it's been three days and nothing... I probably completely forgot you messaged me even though I had every intention of messaging back. That when you send something like "hey I sent you a message the other day and didn't hear back. Just reaching out to see how you are and make sure everything is ok. Would love you hear from you when you're up to it. Hope to talk soon, thinking of you."

That way they know that they are on your mind, reminds them of the message you sent before. But doesn't put pressure on them to message back right away if something is going on and they aren't up to messaging... Hope that helps since you helped me! 

 

Your suggestion doesn't sound mean at all. 😁 Having a different perspective like, "Do they want the help?" is something I am not used to. So, thank you! This is a learning experience for me as I'm prone to overthinking with, "I need to be a good friend; this is what it means to be there for someone," and that's the anxiety talking. I have to tell myself that no news doesn't mean BAD news. I appreciate your advice and reassurance. Thanks!