Self-Work & Introspection

[Andriel_Isilien]

Some advice I have been given from various people I talk to in my life and influencers I follow. A burden I'm shedding from my childhood is that I am responsible for managing the feelings of others. A side effect from that is I have suppressed my own feelings and needs. I'll share what helps me to focus, retrain my thinking to get out. It's a work in progress after several years. I may keep adding to this as more unfolds that I am learning. And please, I welcome more input from others to reply below or questions to elaborate further on something.

The start was hearing the truth bomb that "feelings are feedback NOT facts". Your emotions don't define your character. It's OK to feel angry, fear, hurt, etc. How you choose to act/respond to such emotions matter whether it is heathy or safe. Give space for feelings rather than suppressing. What is the emotional signaling you? Is there a need that isn't being met or is threatened? This takes a lot of being honest with yourself and not having judgement. Just acknowledging the existence of the emotion is HUGE. Take a break to give yourself a few minutes to process. You can try noticing where in your body you are feeling it. Something that I have noticed for myself that comes out of practicing this is I examine what my core values are. A lot of my needs stem from those to keep harmony in myself. If I have relied on others to set morals for me, I am due for internal struggle and misery.

This is a list to get ideas going on what emotions mean for you. What emotion tends to control you rather than you being in control of? 

Uncomfortable emotions are not bad. Try to resist judging yourself for feeling something. Give a label the emotion (the protector, the child, the coach, etc.). Take notice on what those feelings want to say if they could. I am used to internalizing, "Just get over it already!" when what I need is a healthy way to move THROUGH it. Reparenting myself has been most useful and that may be another topic I can write about in detail. Here are some steps for starters I like to use.

 

Another truth bomb I learned is I am not responsible for how other people react. What they think about me is not my business. Letting that go is in my best interest and sanity. What I can control is myself, my thoughts, my behavior, my perspective. Your mind can be a safe space when you stop letting others rent space for free.

I benefit a lot from validation, and I can control giving that to myself with affirmation and self-talk. Heck, I'll even talk to my stuffies for help. In the beginning, it felt ridiculous talking to myself out loud. But it works, holy fuck it works! Letting myself vent when I'm pissed off or speaking words that are soothing when I'm sad is so helpful. I can see the needs in another person and give support but somehow not to myself. Talking (or sometimes writing in a journal) puts those feelings literally outside of my head for me to hear/see. Then I can give myself the words of comfort, support, love, or whatever just as I would to a friend. 

I have been working on anger and going to the gym has been great for that. I am into the arts as an outlet for some of these things. I like to put together playlists of songs according to what I'm feeling. Are there other tried and true techniques you have to share?

[Andriel_Isilien]

Great timing with this topic I wrote up as one of my favorite YouTuber just made a video talking about feeling your feelings! Peter Monn here mostly explains the emotion SADNESS, but it can easily apply to other emotions you may struggle with: ANGER, ANXIETY, etc.