Vetting

[littlecuriosity]

So I'm not new to the life have been secret for years but an new to opening up online an trying to meet someone I had a girlfriend before who MD me an it was so nice going to work an coming home an being love an appreciated but realized I'm shuttered an have a hard time starting conversations so I am over joyed at a follow an message but at the same time realize there's a diffrence between somebody who has 100 followers vs somebody with 10 I trust the one with 10 more an feel safer is that just me or do you guys feel as if when searching for a caregiver online it's suspicious like there here for pleasure an I just don't feel safe is this just me ?

[Princess stuffie monster]

I get it like the ones with thousands of followers are doing something to entice people in whilst the ones with a few followers keep there circle small and become more trustworthy

[littlecuriosity]

9 minutes ago, GayKitten said:

Number of followers can be one datapoint in vetting someone on here, but it is certainly not the only factor that matters, and can contextually mean different things. Consider these scenarios:

• Someone who has been a member since, say, 2016 and has 100 followers may just be someone who organically accrued them, and perhaps many are inactive or moved on from the forum. Conversely, someone who has 100 followers but has only been here a couple of weeks has probably just been gathering as many follows as possible, for whatever reason.
• Having 10 (or even fewer) followers could mean someone is very new, or very picky about who they choose to follow and follow back. Some members semi-regularly prune their follower lists to only people they chat directly with or in DMs, or people they are considering as potential friends/partners/etc. But sometimes, having few followers may mean a person is genuinely sketchy, and people on here respond accordingly by not connecting.

Oddly enough, I consider myself in the "picky" camp, and over a few years here....I've apparently gotten up to 40! 🤯 But that's certainly not the number of people I talk to regularly, or have ever messaged directly -- for the most part, my criteria is "are you a real person" and "do you recognize that I am not seeking partners on here" and "do we have something in common that makes me inclined to want to connect with you". Many of those users are people that, as far as I can tell, are inactive or have left -- but removing a follower or denying a follow request is a permanent action, so I would guess many people (myself included) keep "stale" followers around on the off-chance that they return. But truly, I only have active DM threads going with one, sometimes two, rarely three people at once -- and the majority of my interaction on this page happens in public, and with a broad audience (of users and guests to the site alike) in mind for what I say and the advice I offer.

But all of these are the kinds of observations and non-immediate vetting that take time and patience. The best way to put those numbers (and the other things people say about themselves in their personals/profiles/etc.) that you're seeing into context........is to simply watch how they interact with people here on the forum. Over time, you'll notice patterns and trends -- such as people copy-pasting the same opening line on many personals that mention a given trait, or seeing people declare and apologize for removing follows and pruning their friend lists -- and you'll be better equipped to vet them beyond the version of themself that might be created for you in private messages.

And I emphasize that you should pay attention to peoples' public interactions on the site -- that's where you'll see the most evidence of people revealing who they are/how they think/what their motivations are/how they handle their emotions/etc. when engaging with the multiplicity of perspectives on here (and the generally exceptionally high standards of our frequent and most trusted members, who are all keenly dedicated to safety, promoting healthy practices, foregrounding consent and psychological safety, and setting realistic expectations about kink).

Separately, I also want to say that yes, you are correct that there are people are here only seeking sexytimes, hookups, erotic chats/roleplays, sex-only partners, affairs, etc. -- but there is no single way to identify or vet that, and especially not at a glance of their profile or without seeing their behavior over time.

I know this probably isn't a satisfying answer, but.....unfortunately, there are no shortcuts to finding a safe, healthy, stable, and compatible relationship. You'll probably encounter people promising you something like that in a short span of time, but stick around on here and you'll see people much smarter + more experienced than me also saying that it's a slow and conscientious process.

You are very well spoken an helpful 🥺thank you for watching out for us 

[beanbean]

4 hours ago, littlecuriosity said:

So I'm not new to the life have been secret for years but an new to opening up online an trying to meet someone I had a girlfriend before who MD me an it was so nice going to work an coming home an being love an appreciated but realized I'm shuttered an have a hard time starting conversations so I am over joyed at a follow an message but at the same time realize there's a diffrence between somebody who has 100 followers vs somebody with 10 I trust the one with 10 more an feel safer is that just me or do you guys feel as if when searching for a caregiver online it's suspicious like there here for pleasure an I just don't feel safe is this just me ?

I don't really know if numbers of followers someone has is a good way to get them. I mean you can see when you look at who you is respectful and who is not that's one indicator for sure. But the biggest thing just talk to them ask question the more you ask the more you know and warning signs might start popping up .

[littlecuriosity]

19 minutes ago, beanbean said:

I don't really know if numbers of followers someone has is a good way to get them. I mean you can see when you look at who you is respectful and who is not that's one indicator for sure. But the biggest thing just talk to them ask question the more you ask the more you know and warning signs might start popping up .

So a little to quick to judge I get it 😭I understand more now tho an am seeing that just communication an questions is the best way to look for a red flag or dishonesty 

[beanbean]

1 hour ago, littlecuriosity said:

So a little to quick to judge I get it 😭I understand more now tho an am seeing that just communication an questions is the best way to look for a red flag or dishonesty 

I mean yeah it's not a horrible thing to want to be happy and vibe positive.its just prudent to take your time