Feeling Yucky...

[Little_Bird]

I am married to my caregiver, but things have been very strained, and we separated for a bit but have since reconciled. 

Unfortunately, I found a bunch of messages between him and other Littles from the time when we were separated. (This is on top of him following a bunch of instagram "models" during this time.)

It was nothing serious, according to him. Mostly just random role-playing type stuff. According to him, he didn't even know their names and it meant absolutely nothing. It was just for fun because he was hurting and need an "escape." 

We were separated, so I'm not upset with him for speaking to other Littles and doing whatever it was that he was doing. 

That being said, I can not get the image of those messages out of my head. At least one had clearly become very attached to him, and he just ghosted her like it was nothing. It's so hard to forget the image of her repeated attempts to reach out to her "Daddy." 

After seeing all these conversations, I feel...cheap? Like our dynamic doesn't actually mean very much. Like literally anyone can call him "Daddy" and I'm just one of a zillion other Littles.

To make matters worse, these random online Littles got a version of him that I didn't even know existed - a version I've always longed for but never received. They got both the firmness and the tenderness that he's never shown me and I'm just kind of in shock. In some ways, I feel like I am living with a stranger. The whole thing has left me feeling so lost and confused. 

Am I just making a bunch of stuff up in my head and hurting my own feelings? How do I move beyond this? 

 

 

[Little kaiya]

First off, your feelings are your feelings which means they are valid. How you feel isn't made up.

For the rest of your thread. Personally, I could never separate from someone and then get back together. Either we work things out together or if we can't then it's time to move on.

The fact your spouse had other littles, it sounds like very quickly, and then ghosted them to me is concerning. It honestly sounds like DDlg is more about what he can get out of it at the expense of others, not an attitude I would want in my life. It does feel like he may not value the deep connection that DDlg can bring. 

Personally, after what you described I would be unable to be vulnerable again with a person who has that attitude. If he can so casually toss off DDlg interactions with those other people AND ghost them . . . What's to stop him doing that to you? 

I would never tell someone what they should do but what you described to me is an absolute deal breaker for me. The only way I would be moving on would be to find someone who values the trust and vulnerability that often comes with a DDlg connection, which it looks like your spouse doesn't.

Edited May 6, 2024 by Little kaiya

[beanbean]

Yeah definitely all this would concern me even if you were separated just because if your willing to do in once. what happens at any rough patch will you have to wonder all the time .and if cruel enough to ghost someone like that what else is he capable of .but at the end of the day its your choice and there is so much i really don't know i would definitely talk to him explain your feelings and frustration 

[Aikko]

I don’t have much to offer in the way of advice as this hits a bit too close to home for me to address in a way you need, but I offer you my hugs and support. If you need a friend to chit chat with, I am available. 💜

[lillizzie24]

I agree with everyone. Its a red flag to me he ghosted them. Another thought is he was using them to get your attention and hurt u when getting back together. This to me is just as bad. I couldn't stay with a after finding these.

[Princess stuffie monster]

So everyone has pretty much said same thing its a red flag flying high (agreed with the ghosting stuff)

yes i get you was separated during this time but was it agreed with them it was only fun play beforehand? (not a single person asked this some littles and Daddys,mommys cg just play for a short period of time whilst looking for there forever little and is still consensual) 

unfortunately you was hurt by seeing this and i agree 100% it would be a hard thing to see someone calling them Daddy and them giving them what you always craved from them seems like a huge communication issue between you both and i am not going to belittle your feeling at all it will hurt to see that he played when you wasn't together and that is perfectly understandable. What he needs to do is tell the littles he ghosted that he is sorry and has a little 

then you need to sit down and have a conversation on what you expect and need from each other 

how what you saw made you feel 

and what you both want from this relationship 

sorry its so long and im sorry you got hurt in it all 

but use your pillars as the foundation of the relationship one falls the rest follow x

 

Edited May 14, 2024 by Princess stuffie monster

[Sammykins]

Oh babe, that sounds so hard! I think a lot of folks have given some great advice and pointed out the red flags, which are there. But I think the real questions are can you see yourself with this person a year from now? Can you be ok with that behavior that he exhibited? 
 

I have never been in a DDlg relationship so I can’t speak to that aspect but I do know the feeling of not knowing if your in steady waters. Not knowing if the person your with is supposed to be your forever because of their behavior and also not feeling comfortable being vulnerable in the same way with a person. I wish the answer were easy but really it’s sitting down and asking if you can deal with these behaviors long term and if it’s gunna change you by accepting this behavior. Sending you all love and warm hugs!