What do I do if I’m too needy?

[Guest Satansangel]

I need help! I really like and care about this person. We have gotten together really well and I’m happy. But they get busy and I get lonely after awhile when I can’t talk to them. I understand people have other things to do and we are in different time zones but I feel like I need more attention. I don’t want this to ruin things but I think I’m too needy for them and their lifestyle 😔 I need advice

[chris23102310]

My first and biggest advice will always be communication. 

Finding a way to combine everyones needs with the daily life is important. 

Beside this are there maybe ways to give you the feeling of more attention or caring for you.

Different time zones is hard. 

Getting tasks to do your partner can set up when he has time and you can see them when you are up could be an option (can be done via Apps, obiedience app or others) 

Or preparing emails you can send on timers for sending for you to see when they are not available. 

I bet there are plenty more options for you to find out a way to get and feel more attention from them. Just talk about with your partner. 

[Guest Runa]

Hiya @Satansangel!  As soon as I read your post I wondered what you meant by "too needy".  How much is too needy?  It's very subjective.  I worry about being too much or too needy for my Daddy but I've never found a limit with him when it comes to needing him.  Talking to him when you're feeling big and grown-up about this feeling of loneliness is a good idea.  You can tell him how you're feeling, get some understanding of what and where his limits are and hopefully you can find a solution together.

The other thing that I would advise is finding some friends that understand your little side.  I'm a member of a wonderful discord where I know I can go and just express that side of myself where others understand and appreciate me.  Having little friends is amazing because I know that my Daddy can't be everything for me, I need others in my life too.

I think @GayKitten said this so well - we all need a support system, a social circle, to help us through and to support in return.

 

[Daddy Needs Angel]

Are you at a point where you can discuss a roadmap to being closer together? If you can put down some rough milestones, plans or goals with a timeline then this might really help you focus on the fact that better times are coming, and know you just need to hold out a little longer.

If your not in a position to create that roadmap, and you have been together for a while, then I think you may need to consider what is truly best for you. If you are a 'needy' person, and crave attention or physical contact, and this partner is simply not able to provide it, then they may just be the wrong partner for you even though they were great in other ways. I know you said you were happy with them, but I worry that if you commit and chase something that is unobtainable you will simply end up giving more of your heart away for nothing.

I agree with the other response that communication is key. So is trust. If you make a plan and they (roughly) stick to it, that is an amazing sign that things could work out. If not, you may need to move on, as ultimately you may never be happy long term as things are.

 

X

[Aikko]

Hugs to you for being brave and asking for advice. 💜

I recently had this question myself and I agree with a lot of what was said above, but what specifically stood out and helped in my case was realizing it is not that I am too needy, but sometimes and in some cases, I can misinterpret my own feelings.

I’ll try to explain a little better below, but again, this is for situations more than simply “i miss my person and they’re busy and that’s a bummer”

Also, again, this is specific to what worked/what it revealed for me, I am not in your head so I can’t answer for you, but I realized I was attributing my feeling to loneliness/feeling needy, when it was in fact boredom. Not like oh, “I’m so bored, what should I do?” But when I dug a little, I came to the conclusion it was a deep sense of discontent with my current situation and I was glomming onto people that showed an interest and filled a slice of that empty/needy feeling. I won’t get into the whys and other issues that caused these behaviors in myself, but now that I can see I do it, I’ve begun to stop and ask myself, what am I really feeling. Being needy is not a clinical diagnosis in itself, but is often a symptom or an outward expression of something we are feeling…boredom is the biggest one, being hungry, tired, lonely…it’s often uncomfortable when we feel things we can’t quite express and it often comes across as needy, even if only in our own minds.

Finding a healthy outlet to occupy your spare time has been huge for me. I don’t have a lot of friends, but I have a crap ton of hobbies that have helped on days when it seems everyone is is simply too busy to be bothered. (Again, simply not true, people have busy lives!, but if you’re like me, your brain is VERY good at convincing you you’re too much, when in fact, you just need to get some perspective  💜)

 

Hopefully the comments here have provided a little more food for thought and have given you a little insight from different perspectives…big, little and in between.

[Cebakes]

21 hours ago, Satansangel said:

I need help! I really like and care about this person. We have gotten together really well and I’m happy. But they get busy and I get lonely after awhile when I can’t talk to them. I understand people have other things to do and we are in different time zones but I feel like I need more attention. I don’t want this to ruin things but I think I’m too needy for them and their lifestyle 😔 I need advice

Everyone and each relationship is different. Needy and clingy can mean different things to different people.    Having a certain amount of neediness or being clingy isn’t uncommon in DDLG and most daddies like it.   Communication and understanding each other’s needs and desires is always very important.

How long has he been your daddy?  Does he have time to shoot you texts, messages, or memes when he is busy?  There is nothing wrong with evaluating your expectations for attention and needs from a daddy and determining if this is a match.