Bunny’s place to brain dump <3

[xolilbunnyprincessxo]

These are the moments where I just want to shut down and disappear but you just own up and deal with it. Impulsiveness comes with the territory of my brain along with hyper-fixation and the strong AF urge to spend money which I put a lot of effort into fighting but sometimes we end up here because it was great idea and the right choice and it’s what you’re supposed to be doing and blah blah blah but reality wise no… no it’s not because you physically can’t afford it. I feel very stuck to be honest. 

[chris23102310]

6 hours ago, xolilbunnyprincessxo said:

 

 

Because numbers…. Everyone was telling me I needed to spend more but I don’t think I can afford it period. If I put 20% down definitely but I can only put down 5% which is half of my savings and the payments are going to be 300-500 more than my rent now but my rent is all inclusive so add on utilities 🙃. How the fuck are single people with kids supposed to afford anything? I get paid fairly well but I don’t have money for shit 😭😭😭 I live on a budget I don’t eat out I don’t buy myself shit and now I’m praying my home offer gets turned down because I don’t want to go through the embarrassment of hey guys you did all this work for nothing because I won’t be able to pay any sort of utilities in the house because I’m ya know I’m a girl who doesn’t know shit about shit and never sat down with the actual numbers until now😅😅I’ve been up since 1 am. I hate when people tell and encourage you to do things that you just can’t, it’s my fault for not sitting with the numbers earlier but I thought the mortgage guy would  be like hey you can afford this and not this since I was very clear that I had no idea what I could afford and gave him my budget income and proof of everything under the sun. I can’t afford to buy a house. I love how none of this could occur to me earlier than this moment.

Oh no 😢

[beanbean]

I think we all have those moments I got one think your doing great 

[xolilbunnyprincessxo]

Yeah BPD brain is awesome I’m fine now. Just didn’t sleep last night. This is why I never act on anything when my brain is super activated because it’s normally just me being extremely symptomatic which doesn’t help with the feels but I at least can recognize that I can have my mental freak out and to just ride it out externally until I calm down. 

[xolilbunnyprincessxo]

I need someone who knows how to handle my cwazy😅 I don’t think they exist but one can hope.  

[xolilbunnyprincessxo]

***Dramatically throws self into bed grabs stuffies and turns on Bluey***

[beanbean]

Hopefully you can wind down

[xolilbunnyprincessxo]

But I is the up tights

[xolilbunnyprincessxo]

I think my least favorite part of my personality is that what is mine is always mine, even when it’s not mine anymore 🙃 I’m stupid possessive even though I try to hide the fuck out of it even when I don’t want to be anymore…. And this is why we don’t like letting people get close because once we bond…we bond🥺 

[xolilbunnyprincessxo]

I let my guard down…. I softened my thoughts… I pictured a future… and now …. Nothing 

[xolilbunnyprincessxo]

Blah blah blah….. I’m going to bed for real now. **** grabs stuffies throws phone down and roles over**** can’t wait until work tomorrow, at least that’s my happy place 🥰

[beanbean]

5 hours ago, xolilbunnyprincessxo said:

But I is the up tights

Yeah hopefully you can sleep well 

[xolilbunnyprincessxo]

3 hours ago, beanbean said:

Yeah hopefully you can sleep well 

I slept the well lol 

[xolilbunnyprincessxo]

I should shower.. I don’t want to 🥔 but I suppose I’m going to 😅 hmm I have a lil bit of a headache this morning. Going to go to the park after work today I was tired yesterday and just came home and potatoed until bedtime

[xolilbunnyprincessxo]

Rawr 🦁 

[xolilbunnyprincessxo]

19 hours ago, chris23102310 said:

Oh no 😢

I is just dramatic 🙃 the spicy brain consumes me sometimes 😂😂 I wish it didn’t take my sleep though 🎀 but I sleep well last night goons be a good day💖

[xolilbunnyprincessxo]

Oof yes Im going to shower now before I run out of time 😅😅😅🌧️

[chris23102310]

29 minutes ago, xolilbunnyprincessxo said:

I is just dramatic 🙃 the spicy brain consumes me sometimes 😂😂 I wish it didn’t take my sleep though 🎀 but I sleep well last night goons be a good day💖

Glad you sleep well. And being a bit dramatic is no problem  

Then quick have fun in the shower  

[xolilbunnyprincessxo]

20 minutes ago, chris23102310 said:

Glad you sleep well. And being a bit dramatic is no problem  

Then quick have fun in the shower  

I is the clean, Squeaky clean in fact ❤️ 

[beanbean]

5 hours ago, xolilbunnyprincessxo said:

Rawr 🦁 

Grr

[xolilbunnyprincessxo]

The house is under contract getting it inspected and appraised. Jesus I think I’m buying a fucking house closing in 21 days. 

[chris23102310]

Gratulations I think? 

Wish you to be happy in your future home  

[beanbean]

4 hours ago, xolilbunnyprincessxo said:

The house is under contract getting it inspected and appraised. Jesus I think I’m buying a fucking house closing in 21 days. 

That's great happy for you for sure 

[xolilbunnyprincessxo]

I packed for an hour, colored 2 pages and had 2 drinks. Nots a bad night 🙃. Just a lonely noodle. Still losing weight I’m thinking I’m going to be back at 168 in the AM so at least being single makes me skinny not really but at least slightly less thick. I just want to sit in a lap and cuddle. All the cuddles. I don’t think anyone ever really likes me….they just like the idea of me but not actually me. Stoops. Oof it’s almost bedtime. I keep trying to be just happy but my brain is not the there’s yet. I’m excited, I’m angry, I’m scared, I’m fine, I’m just trying always trying.  Just keep swimming just keep swimming.   

[xolilbunnyprincessxo]

20 days till closing 40 days to my board exam 🙃 house inspection happens Friday morning at 9am. Already found a new daycare where the house is and the summer program is cheaper so if everything is a go at least I’ll save a lil money over the summer.