Kink vs coping mechanism. Sexual vs non sexual littles?!

[Babygirlz]

Hey guys i’m Kali, i’m 20 and I’ve been into ddlg since for about a year actively. I am very new and am still learning. However I see their is much talk/shame put on the ddlg community. Topics revolving around whether it should be included as a kink or not in the bdsm community. Naturally I disagree with that aspect but as I read further I also saw talks amongst people within the community about whether it was okay to be sexual or non sexual, and whether it was used as a coping mechanism or just a kink. I was wondering everyone’s opinions on these topics? For myself I am sexual, and It mostly is used as a kink, with a very slight cushion as a coping mechanism due to childhood trauma. 

[Cebakes]

19 minutes ago, Babygirlz said:

Hey guys i’m Kali, i’m 20 and I’ve been into ddlg since for about a year actively. I am very new and am still learning. However I see their is much talk/shame put on the ddlg community. Topics revolving around whether it should be included as a kink or not in the bdsm community. Naturally I disagree with that aspect but as I read further I also saw talks amongst people within the community about whether it was okay to be sexual or non sexual, and whether it was used as a coping mechanism or just a kink. I was wondering everyone’s opinions on these topics? For myself I am sexual, and It mostly is used as a kink, with a very slight cushion as a coping mechanism due to childhood trauma. 

All good questions or thoughts.  Most people feel “there is no one true way”.  Everyone’s vision may be slightly different, but what’s important is what it means to you and your partner.   Many do use this as a coping mechanism for trauma and it can be viewed as a kink or lifestyle. Highly sexual or non sexual is just fine.

There are some BDSM  “gatekeepers “ and “white knights” who may have strong views about DDLG and can be kind of judgey. 

[MissNMTX]

This might seem strange, but I think it's possible (maybe not best, but possible) that the sexual element is the coping mechanism. I know that the whole thing can be super messy and takes a long time, research, and discussion with a variety of people to figure it all out.

My best and only advice is to keep learning about yourself personally. These dynamics are completely personal and customizable. The more you learn about your the more you can articulate it and EVENTUALLY find the right partner to share the dynamic with... however you like it to be.

[FillYouWithMe]

I have always thought of DDlg as sort of a blanket. Myself and my little could use it for comfort, for warmth, and to help us find our safe place. When we need to, we’ll put our blanket to the side, and we can go about our day. It’s always there, but it’s not going with us when we step out of the house unless we think we need it. Sometimes we do need to the other person to wrap us up in a little blanket burrito, but it’s only a part of our greater dynamic as partners. That being said, I think the power structure of the dynamic is almost identical to that of any other BDSM style dynamic, with the main concern being the age regression.

 

The portion about the morals of sexuality and kink in the DDlg space is definitely controversial, and I don’t think it will ever truly be decided. I do feel as though there’s a line that should be drawn between partners for what is healthy and what is not. A bratty little wanting spankings and their caregiver’s touch is one thing, but it’s hard to justify more in-depth S&M with someone who is age regressing. I’ve gotten incredibly uncomfortable when age regressed partners try to involve sexual kinks or acts into the dynamic, because sometimes it takes the form of “grooming” the age regressed partner. I’m sure this act could be chalked up to some form of CNC, but that too is a hard limit for me.

 

Ultimately, I think it’s a process that the people involved have to work out. Are you both properly equipped to handle this dynamic? Do you both have good intentions? Are you both prepared for the possible realization that one or both of you are not mentally well, and will you both take responsibility if that happens?

[Little kaiya]

I think a lot of the varying opinion stems from the fact some folks regress and some don't. Personally for me I don't regress and having a sexual component with my partner is very important to me. I don't have a little that is separate from me, I am an adult at all times that also has a little headspace at times.

Do I have trauma in my life, yes. Does it have anything to do with me being a little, nope.

I respect there are folks who age regress and the folks who don't. That said, DDlg for my Daddy and I IS sexual so we tend to draw a line and not interact with people who age regress but what we do/are seeking and what they are seeking are very much not aligned.

[lillizzie24]

To me its however you want it to be.There is no right or wrong way to answer this. How I use my Little side is going to be different from how 1 person does and theres is different from the next. Myself I am never sexual in little space eventhough my daddy is my partner too. He knows and respects that little space is my comfort  zone and place to be me and cope with my everyday stress.