Are Fetlife meet ups safe and legit?

[glittercoookie]

hi everyone! i’ve heard the best way of meeting friends/a potential partner are munches?? are these things legit/safe as i found some on fetlife. hope this was okay to post!!

[Little kaiya]

Fetlife events can be good but they also can be very hookup based feeling like a meat market. My Daddy and I personally found Fetlife very uncomfortable as there were a lot of folks asking inappropriate things like wanting to have my Daddy be their Caregiver, or hitting on me in front of my Daddy. 

We found we preferred meeting people in other venues than one that focuses on fetishism.

[DinosaurDaddy7538]

I have not been to any Munches in a while. But in the UK we mainly met up in a local pub so was never inappropriate.  Our local one used to have meet up for single's who wanted to attend. They would meet up and at least have someone there that they had chatted to before.

Like most things, do some research of what is in your local area

If you want some advice or have questions please feel free to drop me a line. Happy to help and give you the benefit of my experience

 

 

[PennyGoodfellow]

It's like with anything, a lot of creepy people, and some predatory behavior. 

If you meet anyone make sure it's in a very open, public place  and make sure you have people know where you are and what time you're leaving/coming back home etc. 

If it's a munch I'd try to go to one that, again, is a public place and has been properly vetted. 

[Barney048]

Idk whether I'd say that the best way of meeting  friends or a potential partner are munches/events. For most people it just seems like it because they aren't ready to share that side of them with the world due to fear of judgement. So they just open up easier in this kind of enviroment, and connections can only be built once you open up. 

Now on to the safety issue. It's a double-edged sword. People that organise muches or events need to do it properly. I attended events/munches on a bi monthly basis a few years ago, when the "old guard" was still in charge. They took it seriously, the munches and events were attended only by propperly vetted individuals, someone in the community also had to vouch for you before going for the first time. There was a clear code of conduct to go by at these events and most people sticked to it. Ofcourse every now and then someone slipped through the cracks, however they were dealt with accordingly by the organisers. They "retired" because they wanted younger generations to take charge of these things, however.... The way my generation organises these events here is just horrid. They just want numbers at their events and "action". The enviroment doesen't feel safe at all. I go to "munches" with a few kinksters I know ocassionally, but i stay clear for anything those guys organise. 

So in conclusion, munches/events can be either a great or horrible ocassion to socialise with likeminded individuals, all depending on how they are organised. Imo the safest way to go about it is to get yourself a mentor. Someone who will introduce you into your local community and guide you. 

[Guest ErickWcurls]

I haven't been to any meetups in regards to FetLife but after being down there for like a month then just looking around I don't know if that's the kind of people I would want to meet up with that or just constantly posting every mucous membrane orifice of their body.  No judgment but it was not for me.

[Kittykat83]

Hi,

I have been into recently active on fetlife. I attend 2 munches fairly regularly. They are a great way to find out what is happening in the local kink community with people (where I am anyway) who are generally non judgemental as they too are also considered 'different' to 'normal' society. However, people there will have different kinks. Dom, domme, sub, masochists, sadists etc. But especially where I am, it's held in a pub, so it's all very vanilla. Depending where you are there are sub socials, where just bottoms go, so there you are likely to find more littles. My friend runs one and there are loads of stickers, colouring, fidget toys especially (😁😁 - I love a fidget toy) so you can meet people there and that may feel safer. Also some clubs run special littles events, there is also a DM so he will always ensure safety for everyone DDs and littles/middles. You will also find those on fet. 

 

Good luck on your search btw. Also for me, just a quickie I forgot to add this earlier, talk to the organisers of the munch. Ask what they do what safety rules etc they have in place... A local munch I went to set up a WhatsApp group, I joined and then a Dom started private messaging me as he got my details from there!!! The local munch did nothing and we're forced when pressure was exerted to talk to the Dom and gave him a suspension for a couple of months! Another one I go to have a few rules and expectations put on the event listing, he would have been banned from that one as I had already asked him to stop and he didn't. 

 

So finding out what the munch is like before hand, especially if it's your first and your a bit nervous is important xx

[KhariKub]

I think they can be good if you do a lot of research before you go. Check what venue they are hosting a munch at and if possible google the location to familiarise yourself with the location and general venue (is it a public place or private venue?) I would definitely check out the profile of the organisers and trust intuition if you feel like they would be able to keep the event safe and welcoming

[glittercoookie]

On 1/28/2024 at 10:16 AM, Kittykat83 said:

Hi,

I have been into recently active on fetlife. I attend 2 munches fairly regularly. They are a great way to find out what is happening in the local kink community with people (where I am anyway) who are generally non judgemental as they too are also considered 'different' to 'normal' society. However, people there will have different kinks. Dom, domme, sub, masochists, sadists etc. But especially where I am, it's held in a pub, so it's all very vanilla. Depending where you are there are sub socials, where just bottoms go, so there you are likely to find more littles. My friend runs one and there are loads of stickers, colouring, fidget toys especially (😁😁 - I love a fidget toy) so you can meet people there and that may feel safer. Also some clubs run special littles events, there is also a DM so he will always ensure safety for everyone DDs and littles/middles. You will also find those on fet. 

 

Good luck on your search btw. Also for me, just a quickie I forgot to add this earlier, talk to the organisers of the munch. Ask what they do what safety rules etc they have in place... A local munch I went to set up a WhatsApp group, I joined and then a Dom started private messaging me as he got my details from there!!! The local munch did nothing and we're forced when pressure was exerted to talk to the Dom and gave him a suspension for a couple of months! Another one I go to have a few rules and expectations put on the event listing, he would have been banned from that one as I had already asked him to stop and he didn't. 

 

So finding out what the munch is like before hand, especially if it's your first and your a bit nervous is important xx

this was SO helpful, seriously thank you so much !! i’ll do everything u said  i have actually messaged an event place on Fetlife today, so i’m glad that was the right thing to do. im so sorry about what happened to you at that group, that wasn’t right at all. would you at all possibly mind if i messaged you?

[glittercoookie]

On 1/27/2024 at 7:05 PM, DinosaurDaddy7538 said:

I have not been to any Munches in a while. But in the UK we mainly met up in a local pub so was never inappropriate.  Our local one used to have meet up for single's who wanted to attend. They would meet up and at least have someone there that they had chatted to before.

Like most things, do some research of what is in your local area

If you want some advice or have questions please feel free to drop me a line. Happy to help and give you the benefit of my experience

 

 

thank you so much! would it be okay to message? im also from UK

[DinosaurDaddy7538]

Of course it would I will request a follow from you

[glittercoookie]

On 1/27/2024 at 8:45 PM, Barney048 said:

Idk whether I'd say that the best way of meeting  friends or a potential partner are munches/events. For most people it just seems like it because they aren't ready to share that side of them with the world due to fear of judgement. So they just open up easier in this kind of enviroment, and connections can only be built once you open up. 

Now on to the safety issue. It's a double-edged sword. People that organise muches or events need to do it properly. I attended events/munches on a bi monthly basis a few years ago, when the "old guard" was still in charge. They took it seriously, the munches and events were attended only by propperly vetted individuals, someone in the community also had to vouch for you before going for the first time. There was a clear code of conduct to go by at these events and most people sticked to it. Ofcourse every now and then someone slipped through the cracks, however they were dealt with accordingly by the organisers. They "retired" because they wanted younger generations to take charge of these things, however.... The way my generation organises these events here is just horrid. They just want numbers at their events and "action". The enviroment doesen't feel safe at all. I go to "munches" with a few kinksters I know ocassionally, but i stay clear for anything those guys organise. 

So in conclusion, munches/events can be either a great or horrible ocassion to socialise with likeminded individuals, all depending on how they are organised. Imo the safest way to go about it is to get yourself a mentor. Someone who will introduce you into your local community and guide you. 

this was really helpful i thank u so much! im sorry the munches have changed, they should be safe for everyone! i was actually considering a mentor but would honestly have 0 idea how to approach or find one aaaa

[glittercoookie]

On 1/28/2024 at 10:16 AM, Kittykat83 said:

Hi,

I have been into recently active on fetlife. I attend 2 munches fairly regularly. They are a great way to find out what is happening in the local kink community with people (where I am anyway) who are generally non judgemental as they too are also considered 'different' to 'normal' society. However, people there will have different kinks. Dom, domme, sub, masochists, sadists etc. But especially where I am, it's held in a pub, so it's all very vanilla. Depending where you are there are sub socials, where just bottoms go, so there you are likely to find more littles. My friend runs one and there are loads of stickers, colouring, fidget toys especially (😁😁 - I love a fidget toy) so you can meet people there and that may feel safer. Also some clubs run special littles events, there is also a DM so he will always ensure safety for everyone DDs and littles/middles. You will also find those on fet. 

 

Good luck on your search btw. Also for me, just a quickie I forgot to add this earlier, talk to the organisers of the munch. Ask what they do what safety rules etc they have in place... A local munch I went to set up a WhatsApp group, I joined and then a Dom started private messaging me as he got my details from there!!! The local munch did nothing and we're forced when pressure was exerted to talk to the Dom and gave him a suspension for a couple of months! Another one I go to have a few rules and expectations put on the event listing, he would have been banned from that one as I had already asked him to stop and he didn't. 

 

So finding out what the munch is like before hand, especially if it's your first and your a bit nervous is important xx

would it be okay to message you x