Is it true men are not so nurturing? Or less as compared to women?

[Cutelilgirl]

So I had recent argument with a friend and he was like girls are more nurturing and guys are more of provider... And I said that's not the case.. even men are nurturing as well.. i mean daddies are supposed to be nurturing and caring right...? Like ofcourse the way of care may differ.. but that may b different from individual to individual..gender need not play any role in it... I told him you can't excuse being emotionally unavailable by saying u r guy... And worst part is i was telling it to my female friend and she commented that yes guys are less caring... See my father... I said just because your father is emotionally unavailable doesn't makes it right...Also she said that thats why guys and girls are attracted coz one is caring other is provider and i felt it wrong on so many levels..and her this sentence was followed by guys who are emotionally available are gays..and that's just .offensive on so many levels...Am i over reacting or am I right in believing men can be emotionally available and caring and nurturing too??? I would want my partner to be emotionally available and caring and nurturing for me... Am I wrong in hoping so? 

[AspiringDaddy]

Of course they can! You're not wrong at all. A *real* partner, regardless of gender, ought to be caring, nurturing, emotionally available (whatever that means), loving, ...

And the same goes for fathers, mothers, mommies, daddies.

Lol, emotionally available men are gay? 🤣🤣🤣 that's so wrong on so many levels it's funny.

[Josey Wales]

One size does not fit all . We are all unique and I for one do not like being stereotyped. I believe we are all complex creatures with many good and not so good qualities. Just because a man is loving , caring , understanding and nurturing doesn’t make him gay . A Daddy can be all things to his little one and family. Men, women , Daddies and littles have many layers to their personalities and it’s the mystery of life to unravel those layers to discover , it’s the greatest of adventures   So don’t listen to your friend. 

[Kittyara207]

I have almost always hated all 'insert type' are alike.  I am not perfect by a long a shot.  And I have used the all men or all women before.  Usually when I am upset or hurt.  I listen to songs like Truth Hurts and Good as Hell.

Like some Daddies and Littles are known for scamming people, some project their own insecurities onto others.  I am sure some Mommies are the same.  Been told some Littles are fickle.  The same can be said for the Bigs.  Lots of people no matter their type want perfection.  Want someone to be perfect in all aspects and when life shows them the truth that people are just human and make mistakes they get angry.   Like certain breeds of dogs have been shown to be more violent (more the way they were or were not trained).  

At one time people would hear Autistic and jump to The Rain Man.  When the doctor told me my eldest was that is all I could imagine however my son a long with so many others are nothing like that or share very few characteristics   But over the years I have learned to take each person aside from what they are and do my best to keep an open mind and give them a chance to show me who or what they really are.  And no I don't mean stand with with my arms crossed staring waiting and expecting them to give me a show.  Just let things happen.  

I think all people can be both.  My dad was a single parent he was everything to me the most loving, nurturing to the best he could working hard to keep a roof over my and my brothers heads.  He was the best in my opinion.   He was the one I took almost everything to.   Ever see a single mother they are scary as hell.  Just as protective as a bear and her cubs but also providing for her babies.  

[Johnny5]

You are not wrong at all.  As it has been said above, every individual is different.  As someone who has been in the lifestyle for a long time, I have even met women who were not emotionally available or nurturing.  Stereotypes are an easy way for people to categorize things, and in my opinion, should count for nothing more.  Be the person you want to be.  Your future partner is out there.  The hard part is finding them. 

[beanbean]

Well providing and protecting are very important traits as well plus I do believe people have the ability to grow and mature at certain things so even if you are not good at these things you can get better at them . Maybe why some people are looking for older care givers cause learning experiences can be invaluable.but also what was Said above we are all different 

[Cutelilgirl]

Thank you everyone.. it really helps.. i was really worried that I m becoming one of those people who gets offensive every time on every little thing.. and what I want is wistful thinking.. but i m really glad I wasn't wrong and there are still people who get me!! 

[Alisolte]

The quality that most nurturers have is emotional intelligence. Anyone can possess emotional intelligence, regardless of gender. That being said, many people (of any and all genders) are never able to adequately develope it. Clinical studies do show, however, that social conditioning has a huge proponent. Girls are given dolls to practice these skills on. Boys are often given "action figures" to practice violence with. This is a small example, but the overall idea is that social conditioning through patriarchy strips individuals of basic automony and almost forces then to behave according to established norms. 

This is why communities like ours are so important. Yes, we are misunderstood. Yes, predators use it to their advantage. But the people who really belong here REALLY belong here. Men are perfectly capable of being nurturers. It's just a matter of who wants to be and who has developed the EQ (emotional intelligence) to be good at it. 

[Kuri_Rose]

You're not wrong at all. Humans exist on a spectrum and there's no one size fits all, especially when it comes to personality. Its unfortunate that your friend has had nothing but bad experiences with me, enough to make this a firm belief in her mind.

It seems like you have perfectly reasonable expectations of a partner for yourself. 

[Lil Nickolas]

I feel like men are very nurturing, but its catering to a different type of nurturing. Just like how plants need water and nutrients, people need different types of things to grow. I feel like mothers get the credit for nurturing because they are stronger at providing emotional stability and stronger relationships. Men tend to be providing knowledge and focus more on the actions and sense of worth. I will agree that men and women are not all in a "box", but the difference between men and women are ingrained by our brains, by the constant pressure of society to have us fit in a role, and lifetime of experience strengthening our interpersonal skills in different ways.

With that said, we live in an age where our environment is not only way more varied than previous generations, but we have a lot of counter culture that helps us be more diverse in our mindsets and relationships. So expect men and women not to be so cookie cutter like they use to be.

TLDR apples and oranges, and there are lots of different apples and lots of different oranges.

[French_Daddy]

My own slightly different take here is that I think the truth lies somewhere between you and your male friend on this one. What I mean by that is that yes, you are correct that men can be nurturing, but also that even if his view that "girls are more nurturing and guys are more of provider" is a bit stereotypical, it's not completely wrong either. Stereotypes usually come from somewhere and should not be completely tossed away without any consideration, one must just make sure to not apply them to every situation since that would be foolish. 

To be a bit clearer, I think it would mostly depend on what one means by "being nurturing". If you only mean being emotionally available, I think that on average, women could be considered more nurturing than men, which does not mean that all women are emotionally available or that no man is, only that on average women tend to be more sensitive than men to their own emotions and the ones of others around them (obviously with many exceptions to that rule, it's all about where anyone lands on this specific spectrum regardless of their sex). But if you apply a bigger definition, such as "to care for and protect (someone or something) while they are growing" or "to help or encourage the development of" (thank you google), then yes I completely agree with you that man can be nurturing too, and I would even argue that many are, just not all, just like not all women are. 

To quote what Lil Nickolas said above : "Just like how plants need water and nutrients, people need different types of things to grow.". And every individual on this planet that can be called nurturing, man or woman, will be doing it in his/her own way, with his/her own ratio of water and nutrients. But overall men will tend to naturally land towards one end of that spectrum and women towards the others (again with exceptions due to their personality, life experience and so on). 

To sum up, yes men can (and often are) caring and nurturing, sometimes emotionally available too, but just in a different way than what women tend to be, for several reasons. And you are 100% correct to hope for a man like that as your partner ! Just be aware of these differences that can exist in the way this qualities are expressed from one individual to another (just like we all have differend love language, but that's an other topic in itself).

I hope I was clear enough ! Let me know if I need to edit it to make my sentences a bit clearer, english is not my first language.