Doms vs Daddys.

[littleNinaLyn]

Why is it so hard to find just a daddy? Most I come across say they are Daddy/Doms but seems to only want a sub/slave not a little. It's getting to the point where I almost want to stop looking for a daddy but I know I won't be satisfied till I have one. I want the whole dynamic not just to be used as a sub to please him 

[ncdadddom]

Have you done any vetting with your possible daddy's Find out what they want and explain what you want

[Kittyara207]

It is difficult.  That's what I have learned.  Vetting or a long interview like process.  Try having each side state what's important to them.  What's acceptable behavior.   Rules and such should not be just here are your rules like a cookie cutter.  Each is different and some rules will not work for others.  

If being gone for 3 or more days without word for no reason even if it's hey just really busy....is a not gonna work.   

Daddy's want to know what's going on in most aspects but should still support and not make you afraid to be honest.   Take your time.  It's a journey have fun with it.

[beanbean]

I think there is plenty of both here it just takes time lots of time. Remember dom's hav to figure out about themselves too and sometimes does mean they might not be exactly what they thought they were

[shadowrider]

I agree with the above, it is not an easy, quick process and you overturn a lot of rocks before you find a gem. 

I hope you don't mind but I took the liberty of peeking at your ad and you might try rewording a couple things. 

You might try stating that you are seeking a "Daddy/caregiver not a Daddy/Dom", I would say in the title and the ad because sadly some never get much past the title. Also where you say you are "obedient and like to listen" you might swap that for "I try to be a good girl" or something like that. Obedient is a catch word that can be associated with a sub for a lot of people.

Other than that I wish you luck and hang in there, your Daddy is out there.

 

 

[littleNinaLyn]

Thank you for this advice. I guess I never thought about my wording and yes it makes sense. I appreciate the feed back very much 

[Andriel_Isilien]

Some advice I have heard is to not try to make someone fit the title of Daddy/Dom (or whatever title that you pick) but have such titles fit your someone. I take that as meaning it's best to get to know someone as a person outside of BDSM. Yes, put in your profile that you have these kinks, what role(s) you identify with, but don't have roleplaying be the start of getting to know someone. Just because my list of kinks/fetishes on one side of the slash (as a sub/bottom) pairs up with someone else on the other side (Dom/Top) that doesn't mean we are a good couple for each other. People are FAR more than titles or labels in BDSM. I would need to know the vanilla stuff about the other person; what are their hobbies? What do they think about religion? Are they looking for a long-term relationship? Why or why not? How do they handle their finances? So on and so forth. Then there is the vetting and the time in getting to know the people in their life (friends and family). How are they around other people? What trail do they leave that people talk about?

I keep my net wider for platonic friendships than my net for dating in the BDSM community. This is a boundary I have set for myself because of needs and limits that I have. I know that for me, to jump into playing with a Dom/Top just because they identify with that title is not the route for me. It's not what I want in this community. Labels of such roles are subjective. So, it takes time to get to know yourself and as well as someone else.

Try to not be so discouraged by such setbacks in your search. Take it as fine tuning on what you WANT and learning about YOU. It's a big world out there but you aren't alone.

[MattyBear]

I'm a daddy and I don't really consider myself a dom. I like to play and nurture, not punish, and definitely not control.  I think we're called soft daddies and we do exist. I agree with changing your wording to make it clearer.

[Guest Fae ME]

20 hours ago, Ninalyn said:

Why is it so hard to find just a daddy? Most I come across say they are Daddy/Doms but seems to only want a sub/slave not a little. It's getting to the point where I almost want to stop looking for a daddy but I know I won't be satisfied till I have one. I want the whole dynamic not just to be used as a sub to please him 

May be we are on the same boat. The issue remains when a little like me fail to understand that she she need a Daddy CG and not a Daddy Dom AND her Daddy Dom scare her a lot (unintentionally), then it automatically put us littles off that every Daddy may misunderstand me because we should never say negative about one Dom to another. 

I cannot feel her pain, but empathise it as I am also going through almost same pain.

[Josey Wales]

I’m of the mindset words matter , especially online in the beginning. Shadow rider has given you good advice. One thing I would add is you should ask questions , be selective , don’t just dive in. Each situation is different, we are unique in our own way. Don’t be discouraged! 

[PlayfulPapa]

I agree with the previous comments about being clear with your needs and intentions. This may be my "first post", but it's only because I haven't been on the site in awhile and my profile was deleted for inactivity. But I just wanted to share from the other perspective, that I initially had a similar thought. I felt like that to attract a little I might need to be more dom than daddy. Then I came to realize that I have to be myself. While I can be open to trying new things, you shouldn't try to be something other than who you are.

[lil_rosybaby]

yes, you need to be very clean as to what you are looking for. If you want a daddy/caregiver then you need to put in your posts or profile because that way you are having everyone looking at and seeing your want for your partner is there. But I would start with just making friends with everyone not just Daddies/caregivers because then the best relationships from friends...but the last part is just my thoughts about that. I hope you will have your daddy/caregiver.

[Cebakes]

I think the more info you have on your profile about what you are looking for, the better.  Be very detailed, not just listing titles.  Spell it out what that title means to you and what you truly seek.  Ask questions to see what their vision of a caregiver or daddy dom is.  See if their actions or experiences line up with what they say they are or what you seek. 
 

I did look at your profile it’s very good. Lots of info on you and sexy pics.  The only thing I would recommend would be spelling out in your profile what you are truly looking for from your daddy.  Include your vision of a great daddy.  Be very specific. Say you are not looking for a dom.  You will probably be contacted by guys who say they are Daddys, but really aren’t.    You should be able to see after several weeks  if that guy is a daddy, dom,  or just role playing.
 

I would recommend being patient and continuing to engage in this forum. This is a niche lifestyle but I’m sure you will meet the right daddy. 

[Alisolte]

On 10/22/2023 at 4:32 PM, Ninalyn said:

Why is it so hard to find just a daddy? Most I come across say they are Daddy/Doms but seems to only want a sub/slave not a little. It's getting to the point where I almost want to stop looking for a daddy but I know I won't be satisfied till I have one. I want the whole dynamic not just to be used as a sub to please him 

This is not helpful for real life finding a Daddy, BUT it helps me to feel better and it might help you!
There is a youtube channel called Daddy Sounds that has a lot of ASMR Daddy stuff on it.
It helps to hear what good behavior from a Daddy sounds like. So if you're dating in real life, you can sort of compare and see if that man is what you like. 
Or, idk, maybe you won't like the scenes and prefer a different type of Daddy. But it's good to explore and see if you can identify what you like.
That way when you come across it you will know very quickly if the person is right for you. 

[lilpincess]

I definitely agree, and it can take time. I definitely agree with a lot of the advice up above about wording. Take some time to consider what exactly you're looking for in a daddy/dom. Everyone is a little different, just like all littles are different. Good daddies are definitely out there, whatever that might mean for you. Just definitely don't rush into anything. Hugs and don't lose hope!

[bigkidagain]

On 10/23/2023 at 9:24 AM, MattyBear said:

I'm a daddy and I don't really consider myself a dom. I like to play and nurture, not punish, and definitely not control.  I think we're called soft daddies and we do exist. I agree with changing your wording to make it clearer.

Ok I understand now that seen like something I have handle. What are your take on little or middle getting into trouble. I'm a new little/middle who is too sensitive (emotional) don't like raised voices or harsh tones or spanking. 

[Lonewolf58]

I have been a Daddy Dom and just a daddy and just a dom. there is a definite difference between daddy and Dom. I suggested if they start demanding rules and punishments right away they’re not a daddy they’re more of a dom. just my opinion, of course. But your search for a daddy find someone that cares more about you as a person. Find a man that wants to know what makes you happy and what brings you joy and the two are not always the same. I hope you find the daddy you’re looking for.

[MattyBear]

On 1/11/2024 at 8:09 PM, bigkidagain said:

Ok I understand now that seen like something I have handle. What are your take on little or middle getting into trouble. I'm a new little/middle who is too sensitive (emotional) don't like raised voices or harsh tones or spanking. 

I love a bit of cheekiness or naughtiness, as long as you mean well. I might need to have a word at some point if it goes on too long. I'd probably let you get away with too much!

[DDCool]

For me it is straightforward, Daddy first, second and thirdly. that is how I have always taken on the role. 

Any funishments or being told off for something would only ever be part of a completely mutual and agreed understanding. It's a shame that there are so many comments about seemingly unwanted or overbearing DDs. Shouldn't be the despite my user name I should point out is in homage to a cracking song, assumed someone would already be using the full wording 🤣

Love to all on St Valentine's day ❤️