Little frustrations

[Guest DaddysLolita]

So this has been a very rough week for me. I need to gain some insight from some other littles and/or caregivers.

 

Being little is new to me, about as new as I was to this site a while ago.

 

I have (had?) A Daddy. We were "vanilla" for a while, been together about two years now. Currently LDR, we do all the traditional LDR stuff to try to stay close with occasional visits thrown in if possible.

 

We've been talking for a while about how to get together in the same state. The plan was to move to his state, however, something huge happened with my family that won't be gone into detail about here, it just made it pretty impossible for me to leave them as I did not feel comfortable doing so. I relayed this information and we discussed what that meant for us, that ultimately to be together in any real fashion he would have to move here. With that came a lot of frustration because it wasn't a choice we felt we made but that was made for us because of the situation. However it was agreed that it was possible. That was around March/April of this year.

 

Which leads me to the frustrations. I had been under the impression that steps were being taken to make this so. Earlier this week I asked how things were looking if he'd get to visit for my birthday, he said it wasn't looking good and I didnt handle this news very well. To me, not being able to come for my birthday was upsetting, so I asked how things were going with us getting together and that made it even worse for me. I started to feel like we weren't a priority, that nothing was happening, that nothing would happen, then became super....insecure. Was it me? Am I just not enough? Am I not important enough to be with in any real way that's face to face?

 

I understand moving from one state to another is tough. There's a lot to consider, job, living arrangements, etc. And I know it doesn't happen overnight. I became very upset by the situation and the entire week has been very trying for both of us.

 

To top that off, the relationship between us feels like it's taken a hit. Not just the relationship itself but very much the DD/lg too. I had a terrible dream last night, it was almost like I could see my little side as a child and she basically was "taken" - like an abduction, by some other guy. I don't know what that means by it scared me. (I'm notorious for bad dreams when things are going wrong or badly).

 

I guess my question is...what should/could have happened differently?

[Guest buddhagirl]

Wow, that's a huge question. This doesn't sound like a DDlg issue, rather a relationship issue. I can certainly understand feeling hurt and scared if you feel like you weren't being treated like a top priority for your partner. Since I wasn't there and don't know the details of what "happened", I can't give any specific advice, but please know that I hope it all works out somehow for you two.

[Guest DaddysLolita]

It isn't necessarily a DDlg issue, though I felt like I wanted to kick and scream and pout and cry. I'm usually very level headed and can see a situation from both sides, but that particular thing left me feeling very upset and hurt and maybe even bratty like wanting to throw a tantrum. I'm very scared at the moment because I feel like I've lost or am going to lose not only my relationship but also my Daddy. Looking back on it I feel like it's possible I overreacted to not getting what I wanted or was told I might be able to have.

[lilvioletcub]

if there is one thing being n a 3 year LDR has tought me its that life isn't fair and life will throw you curve ball after curve ball

the key is to keep swinging together Talk it out with him and explain coummincation is the best thing for this

[HerDarkDaddy]

Ahhh..the pains of LDRs.

 

Bear with me here...it is 2:00am and I have been up wince 5:00 am...so, I may drift around or things may sound differently than how I mean them...but,I will try to clarify what I say.

 

First off...what I see in your post is a lot of self-focused items. Now, I know that it is all from your perspective (you wrote it after all) and you can't really speak for him. But, there is a lot of talk about what you want, what you expected and what you felt.  What about him?  What does he want?  What does he expect?  What does he feel?  Again, I know you can't speak for him...but, have you asked him? Communication is a HUGE part of any relationship and stepping out of the "me" zone to try and see things from your partner's perspective is a fantastic tactic to utilize.

 

Secondly, life can't really make the decision on who has to move where, for you.  Sure, it can create issues that makes it seem like you have no choice...but, there is always a choice.  In this day and age, the decision to completely uproot your life and move to a whole new place is not an easy one.  It is scary.  Just as you said...you have to consider jobs, housing, moving...you basically have to start over in life. Finding a job is often a daunting and heart-breaking task (depending on the location)...and leaving a job that you like, that pays well and offers security is never easy...especially when you don't know what lies ahead.

 

Living arrangements is another biggy.  Let's say you two get a place together and things don't work out?  What then? He has left his job, his home and whatever else to come be with you...and now, what is he to do?

 

Okay...I am reading back on this...and it is starting to sounds preachy and ominous, so I will stop there...lol

 

What I am trying to say is that you need to TALK with him...in GREAT depth...about the entire situation. Talk WITH him...not TO him...and do so without toning the conversation with what you want.  Think and talk about it all logically...not emotionally.

 

Sorry for rambling.  Good luck! 

[Guest DaddysLolita]

Thank you for replying. I can certainly see your point of being "me" driven, which is why when I reflected back it really looked like I was upset with not getting something "I" wanted.

 

(Please don't take that as me being snarky, I promise I'm not!)

 

I do appreciate when the other side is argued. I can certainly understand the hesitation to uproot ones life. I felt some scaredness and sense of unsurety when it was me being the one to do it to move there.

 

We're currently in the process of talking things out. Whenever there's an upset or an argument I like to gain other perspective as sometimes it can be clouded by emotions on my end, so that it can be learned from.