I need help, please read my post and advice freely

[Guest Fae ME]

My Problem: As you all know my Father was unwell, I took him to Hospital. He got well after the operation, but now, he is in a psychological issue and I am leaving India. I have to take to the doctor again. My Mother goes in trauma automatically when she saw my Father in trouble. In short, immature parents. However, It's neither their fault nor mine. I am doing my best, my problem is I have no one to talk to or understand me. Daddy found me on this forum, but he is also busy with his trouble and non-reachable. 

My Question is: Do you think my life could make my Daddy's life hard? Am I taking the correct decision to have the desire to be understood, loved and cared for by my Daddy or I am doing something selfish?

Reason for asking this Question: I need my Daddy, BUT I do not want to trouble him. As a little, I should give him a smooth life, BUT my situation may fail me. This is very common for Indian children because parents start to depend on their children when children are 5 years old. This happened with me too. My parents told me that I was a fully grown-up child when I reached 5 years and started behaving with me as an adult and depending upon me except financially (I am lucky here). I feel my energy drained. I want mental peace and happiness. But for my happiness, I do not want to disturb my English Daddy who is precious to me. I am confused. Little's job is to make Daddy's life smooth. Daddy is my escape, I need him. Daddy can protect me. I need a firm hand, BUT for my desire or problem I should not disturb my Daddy's life. So am I taking the correct decision to have the desire to be understood, loved and cared for by my Daddy or I am doing something selfish?

Looking forward to hearing from you because your help means a lot to me.

Edited September 16, 2023 by Fae Engla

[AspiringDaddy]

Fae, I'm sorry to hear what your father, mother and you are going through. I know how tough it is for a child to support their parents in dire situations. Clearly it's too much for your mother to bear and it all falls on you. That's very hard, but it happens more often than you think.

I know you can find that inner strength and resilience!

Your daddy should be there to support you so that the one thing you don't have to worry about is your relationship with him. Yes, his life will be a little harder because he can't stop worrying about you. He will suffer with you and stand by your side in the hopes that that will give you some relief.

Don't overthink this but simply rely on your daddy's support and care. It's definitely not your job to make his life smooth. I'm pretty sure that if you show how much you need your daddy right now, he will be more than happy to give you what you need.

If for instance being little for a while will give you some respite from your responsibilities towards your parents , then why not? Give yourself a break.

Fea, take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, rely on your daddy and allow me to send you a big hug. 🤗

[Cebakes]

Sorry that you experienced what you did as a child. That’s very unfortunate, but it is not unusual for many to have experienced what you did, a “lost childhood” and that is why they found DDLG.   I’m sure others here can empathize with you.

You should absolutely discuss this with your daddy. That’s what daddy’s are there for.  What you are talking about is something that is not uncommon with parents personal issues impacting their child. 

I was lucky to have great parents and childhood.  My kids were not so lucky and watched their mom struggle for years with medical and psych issues.  She eventually passed away, and they were able to start the healing process.  

So I have experience in what you are talking about and I personally witnessed it.  Two important things to remember, you have no control over your parents.  Even more important, you need to set up boundaries.  

Have you ever had counseling about this?  Ideally your daddy can help you with this, coming to terms with things, and helping setting up boundaries.  I see you are 35.  Not sure how old your parents are but this could go on for another 10 or 20 years.  
 

 

 

[Guest Fae ME]

Have you ever had counseling about this: Who will hear me @Cebakes? Who will arrange for me? 

My Father is a big legal figure. He is busy with "I/me/my". And Mother's culture is "Slavery of Samsara/family". My mother is busy with "Your Father" statement. Indian traditional culture which I did not accept because I am not a slave, I am little.

The only thing that they have limited money to spend for me. I feel lucky that they don't rely on me financially. I am the only child, but they never heard me. 

Thanks to @AspiringDaddy for his kind words. I will try take care of mine. 

Edited September 16, 2023 by Fae Engla

[beanbean]

Have you talked to your daddy about how you feel maybe he doesn't even  feel like it to much, lots of daddy's to know what there getting into when they enter in a too it.so i wouldn't worry to much into it unless your daddy say ita a issue 

[Guest Fae ME]

@beanbean thanks for asking. 

The day when I spoke with my Daddy, he told me that he is going out of station and shall be unreachable.

I will try to tell him when he will be back. I found he is more understanding than my parents. 

My problem is very common in India. Parents says that they want their children to be happy, but they are overprotective and this destroys life of their children. 

In British-India, British men saved many girls from this type of parents. That's why Indian girls are always fond of British men.

Nowadays, death saves women from their life, but I am neither going to be dead very soon not I have capacity to kill me. Otherwise there's no better option than death to deal these issues because Indian law can control my body only and not my soul. I already decided that either England will rule me or I will destroy myself. 

However not everyone get this much blessings. I am lucky that I am blessed by my England. 

My parents did not pressure me to marry Indian men, but their culture suffocate me which I can't tell them. 

Just feeling guilty that I am a problem and knowing that I am a trouble, I am going to disturb my Daddy. 

Edited September 16, 2023 by Fae Engla

[MasterPhotog]

Hello Fae, 

I'm sorry that you're facing to deal with this difficulty. 
The short answer to your question is that by 'having the desire to be understood, loved and cared for by your Daddy, you're not being doing something selfish.

While as you said: 
"Little's job is to make Daddy's life smooth. Daddy is my escape, I need him. Daddy can protect me. I need a firm hand".

In a healthy Daddy/little relationship a Daddy is there to support, nurture, care and protection. However based on the current situation, you both need to find a good balance that suits  both of you. 

Best  wishes!
 

[Cebakes]

21 hours ago, Fae Engla said:

@beanbean thanks for asking. 

The day when I spoke with my Daddy, he told me that he is going out of station and shall be unreachable.

I will try to tell him when he will be back. I found he is more understanding than my parents. 

My problem is very common in India. Parents says that they want their children to be happy, but they are overprotective and this destroys life of their children. 

In British-India, British men saved many girls from this type of parents. That's why Indian girls are always fond of British men.

Nowadays, death saves women from their life, but I am neither going to be dead very soon not I have capacity to kill me. Otherwise there's no better option than death to deal these issues because Indian law can control my body only and not my soul. I already decided that either England will rule me or I will destroy myself. 

However not everyone get this much blessings. I am lucky that I am blessed by my England. 

My parents did not pressure me to marry Indian men, but their culture suffocate me which I can't tell them. 

Just feeling guilty that I am a problem and knowing that I am a trouble, I am going to disturb my Daddy. 

No, the littles job is not to make daddy’s/a caregiver’s life smooth.  Life isn’t smooth and most daddies or cg will want to help a little/middle with an issue or problems as they arise  This is much different than dating and it’s what a daddy/cg signs up for.  

it’s not unusual for a little to be slightly needy, clingy, or dependent on their daddy or caregiver. Are you letting yourself do that? Do you know how? You had to grow up so fast and it  sounds like there was no time for that as a child.  

How long have you been with your daddy? Do you see him in real life? Why is he away or unreachable? Is he in the military?  Have you approached him about things in the past? By nature is he supportive of  you?

Dealing with elders can sometimes take a toll on people. It’s not always easy.  Hopefully you can establish some boundaries with your parents and enjoy life and your daddy.

[Guest Fae ME]

Thank you @MasterPhotog I understand what you are saying. 

@Cebakes Thanks for sharing your questions. I am answering one by one:

Are you letting yourself do that?: It's me who think little's job is to make Daddy's life smooth. Daddy never said that. Daddy don't know that I think this.

Do you know how?: I read in a book, but the book was not on DDLG. Since I am new here, I am shared my view for guidance to correct my view.

How long have you been with your daddy?: Private, please accept my apologies. 

Do you see him in real life?: Private, please accept my apologies. 

Why is he away or unreachable?: He is busy. He is not ignoring me. 

Is he in the military?: Our profession is no less than any army mission. Law demands 24 hours in a day. 

Have you approached him about things in the past?: I will. It's not his fault that he is out of station and unreachable. Let him come back and I will tell him.

By nature is he supportive of you?: More than 100%. I am proud of my Daddy. 

I am extremely greatful to all of you because I didn't know whether I am doing something right or wrong. 

Why: According to Indian culture, when a troublesome person engaged with others, then people don't like that. Following that I shared my question here and I am extremely greatful to all of you because I got great guidance. I know now that what I was thinking, was common for straight dating and not for DDLG. 

Thank you very much for your kind support and guidance. I am very lucky to be here and having friends like all of you. Thanks again.

Edited September 17, 2023 by Fae Engla