I'm breaking and I don't think I can mend

[PRMari]

Once upon a time, there was a woman who lived her entire life in line with all of society's norms. She had a full life, a productive life, but a lonely one. On day she discovered ddlg. But she was older, already in her sixties and it really messed with her. On the one hand, she understood a lot about who she really was, and it was scary and also embarrassing. But she had never run from the new and unknown and wasn't about to do it now. So she read a lot and learned as much as she could about ddlg and her little. She found a group of wonderful people that understood what she was experiencing and accepted her as she was. But she was so so lonely, and being her age and a little at the same time was very sad for her. 

One day she got a message from a man in her age group and they started corresponding. Their friendship grew and they decided to try a LDR. One of the most important things to the woman/little was that at some point, some day, they might meet in person and spend time together if the relationship worked out.  The "Daddy" said OK and based upon their relationship thus far, mutual respect and this understanding, they embarked on a wondrous journey, filled with care, tenderness, and ultimately, love. She loved her Daddy, and trusted him with all her secrets, hopes, desires and intimacies. He reciprocated and there was joy all around. Months passed, and the love between them was given and expressed freely. So much so, that the woman began to think about meeting her Daddy sometime in the future, understanding that their time, by necessity, would be brief, but she hoped filled to the brim with all the love they professed to each other. 

In the meantime, the woman had hoped to be able to send her Daddy some gifts, like a Daddy bracelet or that he would send her a shirt he had slept in, or that she could make him a scarf or perhaps share books and music they could talk about. It was, under the circumstances, the best they could do within their constraints. 

But then, each attempt was met with a reason from the Daddy as to why it couldn't be... And the woman, even while understanding and accepting the situation, began to realize that the Daddy was much more limited and constrained than he had stated at the beginning. 

The woman was now worried that her most vital and important request, that they meet some day, would never really come to pass. For her, that was the core of the relationship, something she had made clear at the beginning. She realized that she has given herself over, in total vulnerability to her Daddy and loved him, based upon that early understanding that someday (and no time frames were discussed or demanded) they would meet personally and spend whatever precious little time they could, together. 

So, she asked him directly about and to her surprise and dismay, realized that he never intended to meet and said that baring essentially a miracle, it would never happen. As you can imagine, the woman felt her world implode with that one certainty. It didn't help that he thought that he didn't want to disappoint early one. The Daddy just watched the Little fall in love and give her entire self to him, also saying he loved her back knowing full well that she had been clear about wanting to meet, that is was a non negotiable request from day one. 

He said he couldn't understand why she was sabotaging a good thing and told her she was controlling. 

With the heaviest of hearts, the woman had to say goodbye because the Daddy never really understood the depth of her feelings for him. In his words, he said he thought it was just an infatuation, that things would cool down and that he never believed he could be that appealing to a woman. He insisted his feelings for her were real, but how could she believe that now? 

All her trust was gone, all that joy and desire and tenderness and love was rendered meaningless. Her heat broke into thousands of pieces. She's a year older, she risked everything in herself for this relationship and now it's just gone. 

She wants to lock her little away forever but when she looks at her "little" things, gone mostly unused, her heart breaks all over again. 

Where does she go from here? 

With an aching broken heart, 

Mari 

[AspiringDaddy]

Oh no, no, no, no, Mari, I'm so sad and sorry to read this story. How could this man do this?

Do not give up. You deserve to find the happiness you yearn for. Yes, time is slowly but surely running out so it's all the more important that you find that special someone and that special relationship.

Believe that it can be.

Make that one condition (meet IRL) non negotiable, before anything else. Get proof, make it happen, before giving yourself. You'd want a 1000% guarantee that the Daddy will be yours. Any potential daddy who doesn't agree to that, who thinks it's controlling, doesn't deserve to be called Daddy but is a mere manipulator.

I'm my girl's daddy, but if you need a shoulder or a listening ear, just reach out.

Sending you hugs and courage, Mari. We know how strong big Mari is. Take care Mari 🤗🤗

[PennyGoodfellow]

I'm so sorry that you were betrayed in this way. I am so so so proud of you for sharing your vulnerability, and for being true to yourself and your values and not compromising. You could have simply let him continue to harm you, and instead you knew that you deserved better, and need someone who will ensure your non-negotiables truly are non-negotiable. 

This man doesn't deserve the wonderful person that you are! If you ever are looking for friends, I'm simply a follow/DM away! 

 

[SweetLu]

Mari, I am so in awe of you sharing. You've shown such a brave soul and you deserve a daddy who will honor and protect it.

As an older little coming late to the world of DDlg, I get that our time is limited. But we've also lived enough to know that only having parts of someone's love sometimes isn't enough. I have no doubt you will find someone who will care for you the way you deserve.

If you ever want to talk, feel free to send a follow request. Hugs!

[autumnal]

This is an incredibly vulnerable story to share. While my situation wasn't exactly the same, what you said resonated for me a lot. It's always important to meet in person if you desire that and it hurts a lot to see that he let it continue for so long. 

Your needs and wants are valid and you did a wonderful job standing for them.

[lil Mo]

I'm so sorry that you're hurting so much but also so proud of you for breaking it off! It can't have been easy but it's right that you did it. I hope you'll take the time to heal and then try again.. 

[Cebakes]

That’s so painful and cruel.  It’s inexcusable for someone to do that, especially at our age.   From personal experience, DDLG breakups are much more painful than a non DDLG relationship. 

Hopefully  you have a close  group of family, friends, people from here, that you can lean on for support and spend time with.  Do you go to the gym or walk?  Are there things that you enjoy or could possibly take up to get your mind off of this?  

You will need something to help take your mind off of this.  If this does affect you physically or mentally, don’t be afraid to reach out to your primary physician or get counseling. 

This is a good reminder for others to be on guard for someone who is not being honest on their real intentions.   It is the dark side of online relationships.  
 

So sorry this happened to you PRMary.

[Will]

It’s quite often the case men like it, virtual. Then when the pressure of a meet gets real, they back-out. It doesn’t mean you’re not gorgeous, trust me, it’s just a case of square peg n round hole. 

[Guest mortyyy]

I am sorry Mari 😞 

I have been let down too by certain daddies, but the thing I learnt is to not even start considering a relationship with someone unless you both agree to meet in the future, and fairly soon, to see if you click. 

Someone on here told me to protect my heart and it's very true, I would pass on the same advice to you. 

Protect your heart at all costs and only give it to someone who has proven themselves to you.

Take care, things will get better 💗

[PRMari]

To all of you wonderful amazing people:

Thank you from the bottom of my heart (what's left of it).  I needed to know if there was something I did wrong.  Was I too much?  How could I have let myself go this way?  I'm older and I should  know better.  

I do have a business that I own and operate and I am staying as busy as I can.  But I can't stop crying yet and I haven't slept well in three days.  The good news is that I have a counselor who works with kink and I will be talking to her on Thursday.  I found her locally some time ago when I first realized I was a Little and it had really messed with me given my age and the "shame" of it all.  She is very objective supportive and no nonsense, so I am hoping I can glean some help from that.

I know that feeling of grief will get better, but I just wish that it was 6 months down the line, when the effects (I hope) don't make me feel like my chest is going to implode.

I haven't been able to go into little space since it happened, and honestly, I don't feel like letting her out anyway, at least not now.  I'm surrounded by all my things but they're just things right now too.

I have learned some really valuable things as a result and if I venture out again, I will be sure to ask the direct and hard questions up front.  Maybe be more clear that I was last time.

I wish for all of you a beautiful day - Blessings and blessings,

Mari

[PRMari]

1 hour ago, Will said:

It’s quite often the case men like it, virtual. Then when the pressure of a meet gets real, they back-out. It doesn’t mean you’re not gorgeous, trust me, it’s just a case of square peg n round hole. 

Will, a question 

Why would he not tell me from the beginning?  Why the dishonesty?

I specifically asked about this before it even started and still it blew up in my face.  What would make a person deceive another in that way?

Mari

[PennyGoodfellow]

30 minutes ago, PRMari said:

Will, a question 

Why would he not tell me from the beginning?  Why the dishonesty?

I specifically asked about this before it even started and still it blew up in my face.  What would make a person deceive another in that way?

Mari

I'm not Will, but I think it's because the other person is selfish, and wanted what he wanted with no regard to you or your feelings. Greedy selfishness is my guess. 

[blingsing]

Hi Mari, 

I think I'm going to find myself in a similar situation. For a couple of months now, I've had an online relationship. Several texts every day, through out the day and night. Audio files, videos, pictures but no in person. I got advice from a little on Fet telling me that this is very common. It's a thrill for them to have someone pump up their ego. So with my current situation every time I feel myself starting to have deeper feelings, I tell myself it's the situation not the person. Because I don't really know this person. It's not really going to be real until we meet and it's starting to feel like this is not going to happen. There's been a lot going on for the last few weeks in both of our lives so I will give it another couple of weeks.

But my point to you is this is not unusual. It's not you. It's something that a lot of people do. Use our vulnerability to amuse themselves. 

Big hugs xx

[blingsing]

Thanks Gigisweetheart. Yeah, we just have to be careful of not giving too much away. Which is contrary to how I want to be. You only have one heart ❤️  but then we only have one life and if we are too closed off, we're not giving ourselves a chance to live it. Tough one.

[pawpaw]

@PRMari

I had this exact same thing happen to me years ago. Except I'm an older soft DD and it was my little who lied to me from the start about wanting to meet in-person and eventually have an IRL long term relationship. I had stated in my personals post that I was looking for an IRL long term relationship and her first response was that she was seeking the same.

We lived a bit over an hour apart, yet she always had an excuse to cancel. I finally ended it when she canceled on her birthday after I had made reservations at her favorite restaurant. She canceled less than an hour before we were going to meet there.

Unfortunately Some people just enjoy playing with others emotions it seems.

I know this doesn't help now... but time will heal the pain and betrayal. 

Don't give up

[blingsing]

How are you doing Mari?

[PRMari]

6 hours ago, blingsing said:

How are you doing Mari?

Hi blingsing, it's so sweet of you to ask. 

I am much better, with the support of everyone that understands this crazy world, my counselor, and time. 

Blessings and blessings 

Mari

[Alisolte]

Wow, Mari.

You write beautifully. Your heart shines through in this and I am so sorry you got treated that way! I have known I'm a Little for over a decade and have never had a Daddy and always just pretend to be regular because it's safer. When I'm alone, though, I'm allowed to be me... I hope you get to play with your things, soon. I think it might make you feel better, maybe. 

Interaction with Daddies doesn't make a Little. Being a Little makes a Little! You are so beautiful just the way you are. 

Feel better, Mari! We are here with you!

[blingsing]

4 hours ago, PRMari said:

Hi blingsing, it's so sweet of you to ask. 

I am much better, with the support of everyone that understands this crazy world, my counselor, and time. 

Blessings and blessings 

Mari

I'm glad to hear that Mari. We're still here if you need us.