Advice

[Daddy_Knight]

Hi all, 

i thought it would be a good idea to get on here and ask this question broadly to all. I am relatively new at to DDLG as a whole whereas my little not so much. My question is, is it at all normal for a little or littles in general to despise / be scared or rules. My little one hates rules a lot and fights to not have them, it would be like I have to force her to have rules in general. Any advice for anything I’ve mentioned here.

[Kali]

Have you asked her why she dislikes them? Or if she wants that as part of your dynamic? Not everyone wants rules. Personally, they trigger the rebel in me and can do more harm than good. I prefer a lighter touch... guidance, interest, periodic check ins on my progress. Having my person involved makes me more apt to follow through and do things. 

Maybe your little is similar? 🤔

[beanbean]

That why communication is always sit her down and ask what she needs from you and ask her what she thinks she needs and gently point out some things you want from her and go from there 

[MissNMTX]

Going to take a different approach here... could be all wrong. Are you sure he actually dislikes them. As stayed previously, rules can cause rebellion aka brattiness in some and they like that.  There are brats for a reason. It could be part of her "play" something cathartic for her. Depending of course on how this dynamic all works out for her. It's so unique to each person and each partnership.  You said that she's more experienced than you? As always communication is always key. Part of said conversation might be...if she is trying to subconsciously or consciously "top" you.

[Saprobic]

I am in a similar situation as yourself with a much more experienced runner partner. She is not interested in having rules. Even before we spoke about the dynamic however Indian lot of checking in and she would ask for that. 
she gets squirrelly if I got more than a few hours without texting her particularly if I or she is out of town. 
Seems to me that as long as you find a thing that works for the two of you, you can’t really go wrong. 

[Guest BabyBug]

I don't like too many rules either...maybe just a few rules or 5. They're hard to remember in the moment and they tend to tend trigger a bratty side. I'll start to weigh out whether my timeout or punishment is worth breaking it....but he doesn't give any clues as to what my punishment might include so I usually to follow directions. Pushing buttons playfully can be fun though! Maybe talk about what rules she'd be comfortable with maybe start with safety since it's most important!

[.-LittleDevil-.]

As someone who also doesn't like rules, its triggering more times than not to some people and can also be past traumas like abuse they could be trying to work on. Also depends on how many you have, they're hard to remember if not written down.  Sit her down and ask her what she doesn't like about them and go from there. You can always change things around to work on both sides, like picking some you definitely want and compare to hers. Message me if you need anything though, it can definitely be hard. just lmk^^

Edited August 1, 2023 by .-LittleAddie-.

[Daddy_Knight]

On 7/28/2023 at 6:12 PM, Babysaurus said:

I don't like too many rules either...maybe just a few rules or 5. They're hard to remember in the moment and they tend to tend trigger a bratty side. I'll start to weigh out whether my timeout or punishment is worth breaking it....but he doesn't give any clues as to what my punishment might include so I usually to follow directions. Pushing buttons playfully can be fun though! Maybe talk about what rules she'd be comfortable with maybe start with safety since it's most important!

Thanks for the insight, a lot of comments to take in mind

[Daddy_Knight]

10 minutes ago, .-LittleAddie-. said:

As someone who also doesn't like rules, its triggering more times than not to some people and can also be past traumas like abuse they could be trying to work on. Also depends on how many you have, they're hard to remember if not written down.  Sit her down and ask her what she doesn't like about them and go from there. You can always change things around to work on both sides, like picking some you definitely want and compare to hers. Message me if you need anything though, it can definitely be hard. just lmk^^

Best one so far, very informative. Thank you!

[.-LittleDevil-.]

1 minute ago, Daddy_Knight said:

Best one so far, very informative. Thank you!

<33 np

[pawpaw]

My 2 cents... and feel free to give back change 😆 

Personally I always present my list of rules as soon as there is genuine interest in forming a bond. I have done it this way for decades.

They are presented with the explanation that all but 2 are flexible and can be discussed.

And any input or changes that are beneficial to my little, or to our relationship, are not only welcomed but are expexted. That input is actually one of my rules.

After my list of rules are accepted is when the relationship starts..

You are past this point...

So my suggestion would be to discuss it with your little in great detail. Get your littles opinion. Listen closely to options your little may suggest. Find out exactly why your little does not like them.

Then put just a couple in place that your little enjoys or accepts or expects... and build from there

There could be bad experiences from the past, or rules that were not consensual in the past or... who knows.

The answers you seek will only be found in 1 place... you just have to get your little to tell you those answers.

Edited August 5, 2023 by pawpaw
Typo

[AspiringDaddy]

@pawpaw care to share your rules? Asking for a friend 😂

[pawpaw]

@AspiringDaddy

I can offer advice or suggestions based on decades of experience... but my actual list of rules are for my beautiful kittens eyes only.

They are one of several bonds between us and are personalized for her.

 

 

[Mr. D]

Rules can be a hard, particularly for someone new in the lifestyle. Typically by the time someone gets into this lifestyle they have thought about it quite a lot and have a vision of what they think it will be like in their head. It’s easy for a new caregiver to want to use rules to mold their little into their vision. I’m not saying that is the case in your situation I’m just saying it is a possibility. 
 

As someone else suggested, it could also be part of the dynamic for her. Being a brat is not an uncommon trait in a little and she may be using it hoping you will “take charge” or she may continue to be a brat.

 

Regardless of the cause, I think the best approach is a serious discussion and setting of expectations. Perhaps agree on one to two relative easy rules and slowly progress from there.

 

Good luck in your journey and remember to try and not get frustrated. You are both learning each other and the better understanding you gain now, the brighter the future. 
 

-D