Pet Peeves

[NorseChick]

So I'm not sure if other submissive littles experienced the same thing as me, but it's a pet peeve, due to some men not respecting boundaries, not treating me with respect, not getting to know me at all, automatically assuming that they have my trust, respect, consent and submission. 

The main issue is some men that I don't know, that haven't bothered to get to know me, automatically assume that they have my consent, submission and use pet names, but didn't ask for my consent to use any consensual pet names that I like & I'm comfortable with.

So they didn't get to know me, used pet names, automatically assumed that they have my consent, submission or have the right to dominate me, when they don't even know my name, anything about me, and nothing about kinks/fetishes or hobbies, interests was discussed at all. 

No compatibility can be determined before you decide to have a Dd/lg or Dom/sub dynamic if you don't get to know each other at all. 

So they are only act nice, caring, comforting, charming on the surface as long as they think they will get what they want from me, but if they don't get what they want from me instantly, only on their terms, in a one-sided way, then they act really nasty to me, fat shame, kink shame, slut shame me and reject me on purpose.

They had the audacity to love bomb & gaslight me, they were abusive, controlling, overbearing, condescending like that's not supposed to hurt my feelings when they have lead me on, lied to me, it hurts a lot especially due to having Daddy Issues. 😢  

If your a submissive, Little and any Dom behaves like this they don't respect you, all they care about is themselves, their needs being meet first and only on their terms and what you want/need from the dynamic, what your comfortable with is not even considered, it's not respected because it doesn't matter at all to the so-called Dom. 

I don't have the expectation that any Dom that speaks to me would want to be my Dom or want to have a Dd/lg dynamic with me, since I have a boyfriend that is my Daddy Dom. These so-called Dom's approached me/messaged and pursued me. 

People should be aware of fake, wannabe Dom's and how charming, emotionally/verbally manipulative, coercive, controlling and abusive some men are that are a Dom or Daddy Dom, I've already had abusive relationships. 

I just wanted to express my frustration about this, it's unnecessary, it can be avoided if some men are honest about their intentions, I'm always direct/honest about my intentions or what I want/need from a dynamic.

[Little kaiya]

If someone other than my Daddy tries to use pet names with me they get an immediate block. They aren't even worth my time to give a response. It's not really a pet peeve for me because I shut it down immediately and chose not to let it upset me even one tiny bit.

[Guest InTheNight]

I'm very slow to use pet names. For me, this lifestyle is one built on intimacy, trust, and longevity. You can't just all willy-nilly start domination or start subbing for someone. I don't even want to do that, I want to build that relationship with my little first. DDLG is *always* better (read: more fulfilling) when your little trusts you more than anyone else.

Unfortunately, some people are just so desperate for an interaction within this dynamic because it gets them off. They focus almost purely on objectification aspect of DDLG (e.g, "You're my property, baby girl) without recognizing the humanity of the little they're dealing with. You're right to be angry, and you should do what you can to protect your peace and your space. Don't allow these weirdos to try and dictate your interaction with them in this way, because you're all worth the effort to get to know, appreciate, and love for who you are.

[NorseChick]

I'm not everyone's sub, part of the problem is men assuming that they automatically have to right to be dominant, they say they want me but it seems like they only say that as long as they think they will get what they want from me. 

I usually have to explain the concept of respect, consent, boundaries, the vetting process (when you are at the talking stage and getting to know people, trying to determine compatibility) or aftercare because they don't seem to understand that.

I'm loyal to my boyfriend, I usually explain to them why their behaviour, attitude, opinion or how they approach submissive women is a red flag, abusive, predatory, exploitative, controlling, creepy, weird or their weird, unpredictable behaviour is a red flag. 

I usually block them, after explaining why I'm not interested. I have not tolerance for abusive men, I've already had abusive relationships. 

The main issue is lack of respect, boundaries, not asking for my consent, not asking for my consent to use pet names, automatically assuming they have my consent, submission or have the right to dominate me, not respecting boundaries, or limits making absolutely no effort at all to get to know me as a person first because there is more to any sub than just being submissive.  

A lot of people that are into BDSM seem to only focus on the sexual aspect of it and act like that's the only aspect of it that matters.

Any Dom/sub dynamic is a power exchange, that should be mutual, there should be a bond/connection you have with your Dom or sub, it's sacred, it's not supposed to be one-sided or abusive. 

 

 

[Vectasus]

I think its quite special that you take the time to explain to these men what they are doing wrong.

[NorseChick]

Thanks, I think it's helpful to men if they at least understand what they did wrong, why it's considered a red flag, or why I'm not interested.

I don't need any unpredictable, potentially abusive men in my life. 

People should be aware of the disgusting, disturbing minority of men that have the intention to groom submissive Littles that are male or female and I wasn't aware of this until someone told me.  

[LilDemonBaby]

i completely understand. i also dont like when i have them adding me as a friend but not communicating to me, isnt that the point? it would be nice to get to know people first before assuming im gonna be their Little. its a dynamic that requires trust and communication above all else. not submission and obedience first. i will drop anyone who attempts to groom me. a lot of this feels like the " dom" doesnt have as much as experience as they may claim. Be careful!🥺

[Andriel_Isilien]

Yep. I am slow with talking and being friends first. Those who rush to push sex and a dynamic onto me are revealing their toxic character. I can't trust someone who has no self-control and no patience. I'm more than a warm flesh-light to get your rocks off.

[pawpaw]

IMHO Use of Pet names is earned. Period.

And that goes both ways.

I have instructed my beautiful little to immediately block anyone who jumps in her DMs and calls her any type of pet name. 

That is the very first red flag that someone either has no clue what they are doing, or they don't care. Usually both.

Now, people do make mistakes and everyone has to start somewhere. But it is not her job to train them.

If it happens to me I just point out pet names are earned and I ask to be addressed by my first name. No harm no foul... unless it happens a second time.

I am not one to repeat myself.