It might never happen , and that’s okay.

[DaddysMonkey]

…………. Hi. *waves*

Man I have really not been consistent with my posting the last few months. Buuuuuut heeeeres JOOOOHNNY ! I will start by saying that this post might have things in it that people might consider NSFW or contain possible trigger warnings depending how sensitive you are when it comes to conversations on sexuality , more precisely your own sexuality. 

This topic is mainly going to focus on some key points in sexuality as well as internalized fantasies. (Or maybe not so internalized.)

What is a fantasy ?

1 - the power or process of creating especially unrealistic or improbable mental images in response to psychological need.

2 - a creation of the imaginative faculty whether expressed or merely conceived.

3 - the free play of creative imagination.

Seems pretty self explanatory…. Until you’re fantasizing about being in deep age play and wanting to wear a diaper… or wanting to try a threesome but being terrified to indulge your partner in your fantasies. Or perhaps you fantasize about shoving things into your peehole to see if it feels good , whatever floats your boat. 
 

My personal experience (as well as talking to others on this topic with my many years in the BDSM community) , fantasies can be extremely tricky. If you feel like you are being deprived of something that you have a lot of interest in trying , it can lead to resentment in parters if you’re taken , if you’re single and lack self control it can lead to some hurtful or even dangerous situations (my situations were dangerous and will be a talking point shortly.) 

I see the trend of people being hurt more often in the CG/L community than other community’s. It’s something I’ve been pondering on and thought it could be a decent healthy discussion for anyone who comes across it. I’ve seen other CG/L websites and choose to stay on this one alone for a reason. Even though I believe this forum combats a good chunk of this discussion point , it’s inevitable anywhere you go. People discover (or have thought about the life style for a long time) and create these fantasy lifestyles or sexual experiences they wish to have which might work for very few people….. but in reality they are just that. Fantasies. There seems to be a blurring of reality , lack of communication and demands that people have that don’t align and lead to massive hurt and confusion on how this lifestyle can be. 
 

I will start with the fantasies people have about the lifestyle. Please note - just because these are listed as fantasies , does NOT mean that they are unattainable or cannot come true. These are just commonalities I find that lead to hurt when people get too wrapped up in an idea rather than reality. 
 

Common fantasies that I see displayed and the hurt it can cause hurt :

- Discovering the lifestyle and expecting to find a partner within a very short timeframe. 
While some people do find a partner pretty quick after discovering the lifestyle and it works out great , there is a large portion of people who are willing to set aside their common sense or self respect because they are so desperate to live out their fantasy of having this lifestyle with a partner rather than exploring it alone. More often than not , this leads to heartbreak and the NEVER FUCKING ENDING trope of “she/he was a fake daddy/mommy” , “she/he was a fake little.” No , you just rushed into a relationship without hardly knowing each other , you weren’t a good match and now you’re upset because you didn’t get what you wanted and have to start from square one again. 
 

- Discovering a new kink(s) and again , setting aside common sense and self respect to try to fulfill the fantasy.
Understandably when people discover new sexual/romantic interests they are really keen on trying them in real life. So much so that at times they are willing to hurt other people or even themselves even if they don’t realize they are doing it. One of the most common examples I see is with littles feeling betrayed , used or hurt by prospect partners. 

*The VERY typical scenario I see play out ; a little is very desperate (if that word hits your heart funny , maybe you should self reflect!) and will take on very questionable partners to fulfill the fantasy of having a Caregiver in their head. Because they have this idea in their head they are willing to compromise their boundaries such as sending nude photos or having extremely sexual conversations with a literal stranger. The caregiver party gets what they want (because they too are just scratching their itch) , it ends poorly because they rushed and are not compatible and the little is left feeling used and hurt. 

*A not as common scenario I see that breaks my heart ; a caregiver very desperately wants a little to care for , so much so that they too are willing to set aside boundaries and self respect. For some reason a common theme I see is caregivers constantly being bashed and being called fake when things work out , but littles are not innocent. I have seen plenty of littles jump into relationships because they crave undivided attention and for someone to fawn over them , they will use a caregiver until they get their fill and just move on… leaving the caregiver wondering what they did wrong. 
 

- Not knowing when it is a good time to share your fantasies. 
Something alarming that I see happen quite often not just on the forum but just in real life is people knowing each other for a couple hours to a few days , and spilling ALL OF THEIR SEXUAL FANTASIES ! Why ?! Of course if you are looking for a potential partner , you should know about your sexual complexities and compatibility. But when does it become scary , overbearing and too soon versus good timing and things feeling right ? Being in the kink community , we often have discussions about sexual interests whether it be for fun or education. When does that shift happen when you’re talking to someone privately and all of a sudden not wanting to share your deeper thoughts like you did on a post two days ago ? A lot of it falls under the trust you have for people. On an open forum like this , we often type replies either being helpful or thinking of a handful of people you know might read your content. (I just post hahaha I don’t give a fuck who decides to read.) That changes when you’re talking to a person one on one , getting to know each other on a personal level and they’re not just reading a stand alone post anymore. In the beginning stages of getting to know someone , typically listing off things like “I really want to tie someone up and fill their vagina with water and watch it spill out” as an fantasy ice breaker is uh…… hahaha not very smooth. This person is still a virtual stranger , if you’ve been talking to someone or having sex with someone for quite a long while (possibly months versus days of knowing each other) already - sharing things like this feel more comfortable and normal. Of course things like what your comfortable with is up to each individual person , but remember PLEASE that when you are getting to know someone… they don’t necessarily know all of your history or why you might like something. When sharing fantasies maybe try to explain what you find appealing about it and why , and why you want your PARTNER to do this with you. I’ve found that when partners discuss fantasies for some reason , the one hearing the fantasy assumes or thinks the worst such as “they’re thinking about doing this with someone else , they have pictured or seen someone else do this.” It can creates jealousy , shame and embarrassment. Don’t just be excited to fuck and try things , be polite and include your partner in the talk. 

- Having problems separating fantasies from what is doable in reality. 
Some of my fantasies in the past that I still hold in my heart to this day are just not realistic or doable. I don’t need to get too into detail as some people will likely turn their nose up to some of my dark thoughts… but because I have experience in this personally I thought it would be a good point to bring up as well. Because I am such a deep masochist , there are some fantasies I have that I know are not doable within the partnership I have let alone in reality. Especially with me taking a new job at a bank. The type of scenes or masochism that lulls my fantasies often leave severe marks on my body or face , and could cause physical harm that is not healthy mentally or literally healthily. It’s taken work , communication and comprise with my partner(s) to be able to satisfy my needs within reason while still living in reality. 
Not all fantasies that are not necessarily doable are as violent or as crazy as some of mine. For some people , their fantasy is to be a literal princess.. to have no adult responsibilities at all. To have someone completely look after them mentally , physically , and financially. These days , this is less and less doable and realistic. A lot of households need two people to be working , or for both partners to have adult moments at least some of the time. Expecting a partner to fully take care of you like you are a literal child is a dangerous fantasy in my opinion , much more so than some of my insane likings. I see much more danger and uncertainty in that than I do being beaten to a bloody pulp and it can leave the dependent party unable to fend for themselves , and can leave to providing party completely exhausted and possibly resentful of the dependent. Does this mean this fantasy cannot work for some ? Absolutely not. 
Another doable but not very likely fantasy I’ve seen ; men/caregivers wanting a harem of littles to choose from. A gaggle of girls/littles to call their own while they are not to explore other men or ventures of their own. In reality , this doesn’t happen often. I can see the appeal because I enjoy playing the devils advocate …. But this type of fantasy being played out without CAREFUL communication and consent , ends terribly. Add on most of these littles wanting to be fully cared for either mentally or financially…. That’s a lot for one person to take on , and a lot of sharing of said one person between a lot of different minds. Poly can work , but fantasies like this (in my opinion) seem a lot less realistic than literal poly partnerships. 

***TRIGGER WARNING*** 

I will use myself as an example for this as well. Now that I’m going to be 30 this year , I look back on some of my behaviors from when I was 18-20 or so and really just fucking cringe. I was so dangerous and had a complete lack of self awareness for the situations I was putting myself into. I discovered masochism at a very young age and had no healthy outlets for what I had gone through in my life yet. I cannot stress enough how TERRIBLE , UNHEALTHY AND NOT OKAY THIS BEHAVIOR WAS. DO NOT EVER DO WHAT I DID. When I was freshly 18 , had not met my partner yet and was at a dark time in my life…. I was looking for my fantasies to be fulfilled. I quite literally wanted to just be beaten , there did not have to be anything sexual about the beating as the pain itself was enough to quench the fantasies I had. I quite literally would post on different media platforms under a different name , do what I considered “screening” potential men to beat me and I would meet up with complete strangers to let them beat the shit out of me. One of these people ended up stalking me and assaulting me in my apartment when I was 18 1/2 years old. I was so ready to fulfill my dark fantasies that I completely disregarded my own personal safety and well being and it bit me in the ass. 
* Side note - while I do abhor the persons behavior who stalked and attacked me - this plays into a point from earlier. I take full responsibility of MY ACTIONS in this happening to me. Obviously this person was mentally unwell because he did what he did , but I do take responsibility in the fact that I was literally looking for this kind of danger until I realized what it was in reality… which leads to another point. 

- Discovering a new sexual fantasy and trying to act it out without discussing it with your partner. 
Consent is consent. You can be married for 50 years , be having sex and randomly decide to stick your finger up your partners asshole without warning them. That is not okay. These fantasies can be as simple as that , you’ve never put your finger up a butt and you want to try it all the way to something as complex and intricate as wanting to try fisting. 
***TRIGGER WARNING*** I have had an experience like this in the past and it deeply hurt my feelings and effected the trust I had for my partner at the time. I chose butt stuff for a reason as that is what happened to me. In my past , I was raped anally. It effected the way I see anal play life long and has completely turned me off from it. My partner in the past was terrible at communicating and during sex would often just “try stuff out” without any discussion beforehand. I was young , uneducated in consent and the lifestyle and thought that if I was fulfilling his fantasies that I would be good enough for him to not leave me or cheat on me. He still cheated , and I’m still traumatized by anal play. One of the most hurtful scenarios I experienced was the lack of communication of his wanting to try things out , and I ended up having a full blown meltdown mid sex session. He knew about my history with anal play but because he had his own selfish fantasies , he decided to shove his finger up my butt without any warning or discussion. Because of my trauma , I lost all trust in him sexually. I felt used and disgusting and was not able to regain my sexual interest in him. Something as simple as consent and informing your partner of your interests and intentions can eliminate a majority of problems like this. 
 

Fantasies are normal and everyone has them , big or small. One of my questions is , when can it become detrimental to have fantasies ? 

- Repressing fantasies.
Whether it be out of embarrassment , fear of what your partner(s) might think of your fantasy , or shame that you could even like such a thing … repressing and locking away experiences that you want to enjoy can lead to resenting your partner if you have one or even lead to lack of sexual enjoyment or libido. Does this mean you need to tell your partner or possible partner EVERY single little dirty thought that crosses your mind ? If you want to go for it , but no. You can write it down , write yourself a little dirty scenario you would like to happen or even confide in friends that you have about some of your darker and sexier desires. If you have consent from your partner , you may even be able to live some of these fantasies (sexual or not) with a third party to satisfy your needs. Smaller things like wearing a diaper can be done alone or with close friends or accepted third parties for example. When I started dating Pa I was terrified that he would never be interested in sadism. While I am very open as a person , my past experiences made me afraid I would scare him away or he would end up like the stalker or exes I had and take things beyond my comfort level. It took me a few months to really indulge him in what some of my interests were sexually , before I even gave him the chance to learn about my fantasies , I found myself fulfilling his and getting bored and starting to resent our sex life because I wasn’t being satisfied mentally. Once I cracked the door open to my sexual fantasies for him to peek in on , everything changed. I was definitely not bored anymore , and he was excited to find what actually made me tick. 

- Using fantasies as ultimatums. 
Having a fantasy does not mean it has to happen. When entering a relationship it’s obviously very important to get to know each other , but even more so in the kink community in my humble opinion. Some people with have fantasies that match up perfectly , others share their fantasies with their partners and it makes them bat their eyes almost in shock. Some people are willing to try their partners fantasies and find that they enjoy them too and can add it to their playtime roster , others try it out and decide very firmly that it is not for them at all. At times , a partner might not ever want to try or indulge in your fantasy and that is okay too , it might be a hard limit for them. What is not okay is trying to pressure or coerce your partner into fulfilling your fantasies or using them as a way for your partner to prove their love. This goes hand in hand with not using your own choices against your partner , just because you consent to trying a partners fantasy does not mean they need to engage in an activity that makes them uncomfortable. “Well I let you stick a finger in my butt so now you have to let me peg you.” “If you really cared about my sexual happiness you would just do this.”  That’s not how consent works , and not how fantasies should be gone about. Again , this can cause some major resentment. Do you really want your partner to do something to please you just out of the fear that you might leave or cheat if they don’t ? Maybe if you’re a fucking prick. 
 

Sometimes fantasies will never be lived out in reality , and that is perfectly okay. Not every little scenario that pops up into your head needs to be made into a reality , and if you feel that they do… I think some deep reflection should be had. It’s one thing to really delve into yourself and your interests , it’s another to be so consumed by your thoughts and fantasies that you cannot obtain/keep a partner or function without a partner or the fantasies you have.

I am choosing to be open and vulnerable as per usual , and I will share a couple of my fantasies that will probably never happen and it is perfectly okay that it might not. In me sharing this , I hope maybe other people can be open enough to share a fantasy they have locked away that might never happen that they are okay with to show others that you don’t have to have literally everything to be fulfilled and happy. 

A couple of Monkey fantasies : 

This is something that has come up recently for me in the past few months and I am unsure why these thoughts have trickled into my little monkey brain… something that keeps popping into my head that I never thought would…. A threesome. I have Dad (or Pa depending on my mood) and Big Brother as caregivers. I love them dearly and wholly but in completely different ways. They are the lights of my life , and both are attractive to me for completely different reasons and they look very different physically and aesthetically too. Over time I have admittedly been thinking about one or the other sexually and….. the other one moseys their way into my fantasies. I have often thought of them sharing me in loving ways , and some of my darker not so romantic lovey dovey ways. (Like them both just going full ham on me…. *drool*.) I can confidently say that even if I’m shameful and embarrassed of my body still , these are the only two men I have had almost full sexual confidence and comfortability with. Both of the men are naturally jealous creatures and don’t like to share. They are also very VERY very straight , and while having a threesome does not make you gay…. I can see why in their mind it’s a line that is blurred. Our dynamic is unique in that aspect , and we function well with how things are but…. I can’t help but thinking lately , of us being more sexually intertwined. If I were to be open and discuss this fantasy withthem , there is a chance they might be okay with it. There is also a chance it might offend either of them or they both just wish to not partake in the fantasy I have and that is perfectly fine with me. I understand their thoughts on it , and respect them fully. To me , a threesome isn’t just for fun and to add another body to the party , these two men have my entire heart and I (just now thinking of it and realizing as I write about it) that part of me having this fantasy is so that I can show both of them at the same time how much I truly love them in the most sexual and deviant ways possible. If they were to ask to add a random person to our sex life , I would be hurt. If we had a fourth partner and this topic was brought up , I believe I would feel differently and more okay with it as the person would be part of our family and dynamic. Things like this can get so sticky.. for now it remains in my head and possible conversations with close friends. 

My other fantasy popped up at my old job ironically enough. The first Friday I was working at the appliance place (this is almost 6 months ago now) , two girls invited me to a bar in town and needless to say we got hammered. We got kicked out of the first bar and my friend got kicked out of the second bar - with all of us being cut off from drinks 😓 During our wild night before I called Pa and Brother to come save me , one of the two girls in particular showed a major interest in me. She was plastered and kept telling me how masculine I was and how hot she found me and my manlier demeanor. She kept touching my short hair , trying to touch my butt and complimenting my body. I felt so fucking amazing hahaha , and I kept thinking to myself  dry under the influence , “iS tHiS wHy PeOpLe ArE lEsBiAnS ?!” My entire life I have never considered myself straight , I have had sexual experiences and dated women , but because of my major trauma with women in my life it never got past just young and foolish messing around. I made some mistakes with this girl while I was drunk with these two dirks and had lapses of judgment. This girl kissed me very passionately and all of my past fooling around with girls flooded up. All my trauma bubbled up and out with women and for some reason she felt safe even though she was forcing herself on me. I’m physically very strong and could’ve either held her back and down , pushed her off , or just straight up knocked her out for ignoring me drunk and flirty “nooooo stop iiiiiit”’s. I pushed her face back , grabbed her face and looked her dead in the eyes and said very firmly - “behave”. She gave me the biggest puppy dog eyes and looked like she melted. She understood and went on to go make out and fondle the other girl from our work. Ever since that happened , my repressed love (very very very repressed due to my trauma with women) of other women has trickled out. I don’t want a girlfriend to be added to our dynamic , by any means. (MAYBE , hard maybe , one day if the person was right for us actually.) But the way she made me feel keeps ringing in my head , the way she appreciated my body like no man ever had , the way she listened very intently and deeply to me , and the way she displayed her love and affection (she is still my friend , and since I discussed boundaries we are strictly friends and she knows not to be sexual with me) hit my heart. It made me start having borderline fantasies of what it would be like to find a woman that is compatible with my personality and is a ray of sunshine like that and is so not afraid to be her full self. She really opened my eyes to my repressed sexuality , I e always been pansexual even with my trauma with women …. But ever since being with Oa and Brother I had pushed it to the back of my mind and denied it. Especially because of my own jealousy streaks. This is something that might never happen , and again…. Especially with my traumas that is perfectly more than okay that I might never delve into this particular fantasy.

 

This is also (as all of my topics are) meant for open discussion. Some questions for self reflection or response : 

What fantasies do you find unrealistic in this lifestyle , what do you consider doable ?

Is there advice you have for others dealing with discovering new fantasies and kinks and how to bring them up to their partners ?

What time length into a relationship do you consider to be reasonable to start discussing some of the deeper fantasies you have with a potent ion or current partner ?

Have you had experience repressing your fantasies and how did it affect you ?

Did your partner surprisingly indulge you in the fantasy and how did it go for you ? 

Thank you for replying if you do , and hopefully this can bring a decent discussion or even let some people self reflect even if they decide to not share with us. 

[Andriel_Isilien]

7 hours ago, DaddysMonkey said:

What fantasies do you find unrealistic in this lifestyle , what do you consider doable ?

Recently I came to realize I have always had this type of rescue fantasy. For as long as I can remember, I would imagine up stories in my head to fall asleep to about being saved. I am working on through therapy to be enough for myself, or in other words "saving myself" so that I don't depend on others for that. I have yet to figure out if/how this could be doable in a healthy way with a partner to give me.

7 hours ago, DaddysMonkey said:

Have you had experience repressing your fantasies and how did it affect you ?

Did your partner surprisingly indulge you in the fantasy and how did it go for you ? 

My fantasies are nothing spectacular or interesting that I feel the need to be secretive about with a partner. I can easily hide within a regular hetero, mono, relationship and probably would be if I hadn't drunk the "Kool-Aid". I'm lowkey, soft, and plain with BDSM. I did tell an old partner about Ddlg which they wholeheartedly agree to be my DaddyDom. So, from my end it was OK. The issue was my partner had suppressed their deepest and darkest fantasies from the very beginning, both from themself and then me by extension. Their fetishes/kinks ended up entirely the opposite of mine once put out in the open. Our BDSM test results did not match well when they honestly answered. Lots of people (in my life) have been telling me that all those fetishes are taboo, toxic, etc. That my ex is evil for having them. I disagree. What I consider taboo is lying about one's sexual identity and pretending to fit into a role that they actually are not while getting in deep in a relationship with another person. This relationship of mine ended in a disaster that I don't wish to go into detail as it nearly destroyed me. Simply put, the heart of the problem was being honest about the type of dynamic and partner(s) that was wanted/needed. It never would have worked out because we honestly were not what the other needed. I saw warning signs about these kinks, and my ex even assured me that those were over and done with and that I was all they ever wanted. But I failed on my part to believe reality for what it was because I have my own issues with codependency fantasy mentioned above.

This is what pushed me to join the BDSM community. I want to be around and talk with people who are open with their so-called "taboo" kinks. Even though I won't fit in with a lot of them like a threesome, hardcore sadomasochism, bondage or whatever. I now joke that I am a "mouse-chist" because of how sensitive and timid I am. I want to KNOW for better and worse what fantasies are out there and have my limits validated. Because where I am from, everything and I mean EVERYTHING sexual related gets suppressed. It's ridiculous! I can hide in that environment undetected because I don't have a burning sexual need to release that gets caught. I can even get away with blending in a vanilla relationship. But not everyone is like me. The truth is, everyone is hiding 'something' which I don't like fostering. I don't want to put taboo on kinks and fetishes outside of the rules about consent, safety, sanity, risk awareness, and being informed. I want to be where we are allowed to have such sexual needs rather than suppress and conform to something else.

I want to be where real shit is actually TALKED about. No censoring. No lying. No watered down, lukewarm, filtered nonsense. Thank you for sharing, Monkey! This is a such a thought provoking read. 

Edited July 15, 2023 by Andriel_Isilien

[Vampiress]

I am just going to repost my answer from your thread in the main forum.

 

 

Wow what a great post, and a lot to unpack here. I just wanted to start off by saying I am so sorry for the things you went through that have had a negative impact on you. It's very brave of you to share some of those experiences with us and talk about them. You've been so open and candid with us to help the community learn and discuss as a whole, and it's very much appreciated. I hope that in some way it helps you on your path of healing and learning about yourself to share with us, because I know you are helping many others by bringing up these hard discussions.

• What fantasies do you find unrealistic in this lifestyle , what do you consider doable ?

I think some of the most unrealistic ones are the ones where littles/middles or Caregivers have been reading written stories about this lifestyle. A lot of those stories have very unrealistic ideas in them, and some even dangerous. A common theme I've heard of is the kidnap fantasy where a person is forced into being a little and wearing diapers, and stuff like that. That is so very dangerous, and I hope no little will ever put themselves in a situation where that happens to them. These stories dive so deep into fantasy it'll also pose these situations where a little is in littlespace 24/7 with zero adult responsibilities, and that is going to be so unrealistic for most due to things like needing to work, raising kids, and other stuff like that. It would be very hard to find a Caregiver who could and would be able to financially support their little 100% while also handling all the adult responsibilities while the little has nothing to worry about. I know it does happen sometimes, but it is VERY rare and should not be expected. What I'd like to see in this community is people learning the line between realistic dynamics vs fantasy. It's okay to have fantasies, but not all of them can be played and not all of them should be.

• Is there advice you have for others dealing with discovering new fantasies and kinks and how to bring them up to their partners ?

I think it's good to reflect on where this is coming from and why, especially if it's a riskier kink. I find in the past if something was just randomly becoming an interest of mine, sometimes it was just our of pure boredom of my usual fantasies and might pass just as quickly as it came. If it is one that seems to be something that is going to stick around, then I might consider it more seriously and if it's safe or realistic to make happen eventually. I don't think there's any special way to tell a partner,  just bring it up and start talking like maybe when hanging or checking in and talking about your sex life and seeing if there's anything else they've been wanting to try, too.

• What time length into a relationship do you consider to be reasonable to start discussing some of the deeper fantasies you have with a potent ion or current partner ?

I think this is dependent on the pacing of the relationship. If it is very slow growing then maybe it may take longer to get there. It also depends on the types of fantasies. Some people here may be into DDlg, but may have mostly vanilla preferences when it comes to sex (like no bdsm bondage, s&m, etc) and so I would say that kind of stuff could be talked about a lot sooner. If it is something more extreme, maybe it is best to wait longer while building up trust. I do think you shouldn't wait too long, because if there are too many incompatabilities you need to know that sooner rather than later. It is more complicated dating in DDlg because this is a kink that has to be brought up, because some potential partners might not be into it at all. If they are into it, it's still important to know if you'll be on the same page long-term. I don't think there's just one right answer to this question, so I think people should just be cautious and figure out what's best for them in each scenario.

• Have you had experience repressing your fantasies and how did it affect you ?

Yes. It can be very difficult, but I am the type of person where if I love the other person that is more important than sharing a fantasy or kink/fetish. However, for some people that is so important to them that it overshadows their love for the other person and they end up needing to end the relationship and seek it elsewhere. It might get frustrating for me, but it is something I can deal with. Not everything in life I want to experience has to be experienced.

Did your partner surprisingly indulge you in the fantasy and how did it go for you ?

• No. I am not someone who likes to be indulged in something if the other person isn't actually into it. It's important to me that if we're doing something that we're both into it and enjoying it. If I find out someone is indulging me then it really bothers me and makes me super self-conscious.

[HugsR4bears]

I know this reply is over a year later but just wanted to say how much I appreciate you sharing this! I find myself relating to a lot of your experiences of doing really stupid things in my younger years in the name of ‘living out an ideal’ in my head. As I’ve gotten older and learned some of the root causes of those behaviors, it’s definitely helped but it’s still a hard road. With DDLG especially I had no idea what this was until later in life and I dived head first without really understanding what it was (let alone the world of BDSM) and found myself doing exactly what you described with a daddy who wanted a harem of littles. 😂 I’m not going to bash him since he was open about it - I just didn’t respect my own feelings and my own boundaries about it. I told myself that I was okay with it because I told myself, ‘daddy knows best & he’s looking out for me’ without really realizing that…that may not really be true haha. At the end of the day it was a learning experience for me to understand it’s ok to not be okay with certain things and to say no. (Something I need to work on in all aspects of life haha)

Anywhoo, thanks for your post, very insightful and thought provoking. Cheers!