Why do regular Doms try to be Daddies?

[Kittenlikestocuddle]

This is something that has been bothering me for awhile since I finally became aware of what had been happening to me all along. Now, that I am more knowledgeable on ddlg (and absolutely still learning everyday) I have been seriously reflecting on my first experiences of interacting online and on voice calls and video with potential doms when in fact I should have been looking for a Daddy all along and didn't know it. Because at the time I absolutely knew I was a Submissive (my bdsm test confirmed that I was 100% Submissive) who loved the idea of being manhandled and dominated (but not beaten), but didn't know I was also a Babygirl even though I always felt it on the inside. I hadn't found or discovered that group of Littles who understood and felt everything that I felt about me yet to identify with. All I knew is that I was Submissive and wanted/needed to find someone who would equally love to dominate me. And at the time I thought a Submissive calling her Dom "Daddy" was just a sexual kink to turn the two of them on while having sex or flirting. I didn't know there were real Daddies and Babygirls out there yet. 

 

So what ended up happening was I would meet Dom after Dom who would throw out phrases that would make a real Babygirl or little want to curl up like a cat for them. "Good girl." "You can do it for Daddy." and so on... Or the ones who start trying to Dom you at hello by ordering you to do things or real tasks and call them Daddy or Sir and they're not even your Dom?! Like, "Dude, I don't even know you!" Some of these guys are absolutely crazy and they want you to be a sweet, dumb little Submissive who doesn't know anything for them. Ladies BEWARE! What I realize now is that all of them, even the ones who I thought were nice and had good intentions, were actually trying to play a role for me so that they could manipulate me out of my clothes, pictures and whatever I was willing to show them online with no real intention of a relationship whatsoever! Thank God I was smarter than that which is also why I realize so many of them ghosted me so quickly after trying! Even the one who I really feel like he did have good intentions to at least be a regular/good Dom for me exclusively. He wanted a monogamous partner but had been divorced after a 25 year marriage and wasn't ready to commit again. I wanted exclusivity and commitment. So we decided to try friends with benefits because our personalities clicked so well that we talked for hours on end several times a week and found that we enjoyed each other's company. But I didn't want to settle for no commitment because that's what he really wanted. He wanted me to give him loyalty, bond with him, and give a solid monogamous commitment that only he would be my Dom, but didn't want any strings attached. Only he would win in the end while I would be left emotionally empty. I wanted more than that. So once we officially started to increase spending phone time together to get to know each other before our first in person session (we were planning a weekend together for my birthday) the minute I started to become clingy, that's when he backed up. And that's when I should've known he was only a Dom, and not a Daddy. And remember at this time, I didn't even know that I needed a Daddy and not just a regular Dom. And to be fair, he still had a very demanding position and job to fulfill in his day to day. Any real Babygirl would have drained him because of the time and the attention she needs. We ended things well because we always talked about everything and communicated so well. He was 20+ years older than me and being in his presence was like enjoying a fine aged wine! He was 58 so falling into those pretend Daddy/daughter roles and moments were so natural to do. Which is why I do love and prefer older men and age gap relationships above everything! Many of them (not all) have matured well and know how to take care of a woman, especially in vanilla relationships! But it also makes me wonder if he knew I really needed a Daddy all along and he just didn't say anything because he had a need and was tired of being alone as well? Idk. If that was the case then it hurts me to think that he could take advantage of my ignorance like that, which would actually make him a bad Dom and a bad Daddy?! But he treated me so well I can't decide! Well, thankfully I know the difference now and won't let it happen again. 

 

Has anyone else had this experience? Of course you have! I just wanted to end this post with a question to engage. Ciao! ❤️

 

[AspiringDaddy]

1 hour ago, Kittenlikestocuddle said:

I should have been looking for a Daddy

Smart! You've shown it has all become clear to you.

Daddy first and foremost. Once a potential partner has proven he's the Daddy and caregiver you need, the Dom/sub part may develop quite naturally. You've got plenty of time to discover the kinky stuff. In my opinion, it's really very secondary in a DD/lg relationship. Fun, but secondary.

1 hour ago, Kittenlikestocuddle said:

falling into those pretend Daddy/daughter roles and moments were so natural to do. Which is why I do love and prefer older men and age gap relationships above everything

Age gap can be lovely (though I don't have experience with the Daddy/daughter roles and moments , I don't know how that would work... I prefer the  ).

Wishing you the best in finding your Daddy. 

[Kubi207]

I'm rather new at all this but I've noticed this as well, both in observation and chatting with other littles. There are a lot of doms that use the daddy title and just focus on the dom/sub aspect when there is the whole nurturing/caring aspect to this Paradigm. The dom/sub piece might not really be there depending depending on the daddy. For example I consider myself to be a very soft/gentle daddy almost to the point I may be a sub to the little or at least a switch. Over on the other site I actually recently changed my default title from daddy to caregiver due to how twisted it seems the title is over there.

 

But yea awareness should be raised on this, some of the stories I've heard from littles on this are pretty bad.

[MissNMTX]

All of what you are talking about sadly is just part of the learning curve to all of this. It's a continual process. It does seem however, that you've learned a lot. So, just keep learning and applying. That's the only thing we all can do.

[beanbean]

i think sometimes a dom gets confused about the roles they play and people can think they want one thing and just decide that is it without looking in to it.or they can like one thing about the dynamic and think it is for them . But it's a learning curve for daddy and Dom's to sometimes. Just no one size fits all that one learning so much about any potential mommy/daddy is important 

[Vampiress]

Absolutely, I have come across quite a few Doms who will try to take on the Daddy role just to be involved with a little, but it's not actually their thing and they don't understand the nurturing and caring part. The most that some of them will do is let you call them Daddy and just kind of tolerate your little side without interacting much with it. That's why it's essential to really get to know someone before giving that part of yourself, because they might try a little bit in the beginning, but the ones who aren't really into it will gradually stop doing it and only lean to the Dom/sub stuff.

[Guest BabyBug]

19 hours ago, Kittenlikestocuddle said:

Any real Babygirl would have drained him because of the time and the attention she needs.

For me, this has been a dead giveaway, and unfortunately, the reason for a whole lotta insecurities. I was only a submissive and it was years before someone showed a daddy side and everything fell into place...that I was a babygirl and not really that submissive at all. Some kink is okay but I don't want to be in pain lol. Which is also important in search for a daddy, be honest about what it is that like and don't like. And be yourself not what you think someone wants. And don't get discouraged!

 

 

[Erasmeus71]

I think those guys think they have control. While on the other hand. Yes there are Daddy rules if they actually doing it correctly If not RED flag! Leave! The submissive enjoyes being babied and taken carte of. Now who is doing all the work there? If the Dominant is the caregiver they are cooking food, washing dishes,. While the sub went into little space possible to 2 or under and playing in a play pen. Taking a nap.

[PixieGirl]

Thank you for posting this Kittenlikestocuddle, very educational! I'm still new to all this and have been quite confused when talking to potential daddies online and this makes a lot of sense. Now I know what to look out for in future 💜

[Kittenlikestocuddle]

@PixieGirl Hi! And thanks for your response! Just want you to know that I'm new to ddlg too and am also learning. This was me sharing an experience it took a few Doms to realize. And I'm still waiting for my first real ddlg relationship. But I'm trying to learn everything I can from podcasts, articles, and forum discussion sites like this one from people who've been in the game for awhile. I wish I had a ddlg mentor actually. Well good luck to you and hope you find the perfect ddlg relationship for you someday! 😊 ❤️

[Erasmeus71]

@Kittenlikestocuddle When I dated someone years ago on me. I did not know about DDLG. I was just going by being chivalrous. In some ways crosses DDLG. For example open the door for the lady. Thinking back on it. I should had known immediately why I got looks from both the Pastor. I meant her a singles group at church and her parents. Funny thing was her family was like not very talkative. Just went along with it. Sounded like autism running in family. You see I am a Introvert also and shy too. I have a processing disorder too. Well Jenny I noticed had one also. It was noticed. I took her to a restaurant. I asked her what she wanted and she did not read the menu even. I think she was overwhelmed by options. At least my father read it. My father was not a fast reader because of his problem too. Well Jenny also had dyspraxia too. I have some also just like my mother. Dyspraxia was the speech problem I had. Of course APD did not help with speech either. So in a lot of ways we were the same. However her problems were apparently worse which was why she has more anxiety then me in groups. Sorry if I got off topic. That is how I got into this. 

[Erasmeus71]

Oh another observation, I thinks some of these people that are claiming to be Daddy Doms are more into another kink. Not the little space age play. This is one kink. I think they may be confusing it with Master/Slave which is not age play.  DDLG and ABDL go together somewhat. Only one is mainly Diapers lovers while as one goes to 3 or younger.

Edited July 16, 2023 by Erasmeus71

[Cebakes]

I am very upfront with women and tell them I am a daddy dom, pleasure dom, and a very very soft dom.  I don’t try to define them, but it’s clear I am a daddy and a caregiver. 

[PixieGirl]

15 hours ago, Kittenlikestocuddle said:

@PixieGirl Hi! And thanks for your response! Just want you to know that I'm new to ddlg too and am also learning. This was me sharing an experience it took a few Doms to realize. And I'm still waiting for my first real ddlg relationship. But I'm trying to learn everything I can from podcasts, articles, and forum discussion sites like this one from people who've been in the game for awhile. I wish I had a ddlg mentor actually. Well good luck to you and hope you find the perfect ddlg relationship for you someday! 😊 ❤️

Well thank you for sharing your experience. I'm in no rush to find my daddy, I'm very suspicious and will take my time until I find the right one.

I like podcasts and articles; which ones have you listened to and read? If you don't mind sharing 💜

[AspiringDaddy]

1 hour ago, Cebakes said:

daddy dom, pleasure dom, and a very very soft dom

The best doms, if you ask me  *shakes hands*

[AspiringDaddy]

11 hours ago, gigisweetheart said:

Thank you for posting this. I end up feeling very insecure when I don’t really want a proper Dom in all of this, even though “daddy dom” is literally in the label most people use (I’m trying to switch to the much more inclusive cg/l). I also don’t see the power exchange as strictly going in one direction. I don’t think for one second that littles don’t exert a lot of power and dominance over their caregivers, lol. That’s just a matter of opinion though. I have a lot to learn but I’ve got to stand up for myself with the “doms” who muddle things up for all of us. 

100% agree about the exchange part, especially if we omit the power part from power exchange. It all goes both ways, and if we meet somewhere in the middle, so much the better. Little exert a lot of control, or guidance, over their caregivers. They ought to, to preserve and protect themselves from harm. Once the relationship has become solid, based on trust and confidence, both parties can relax and let their nature take over.  The learning never stops, takes a lot of time and patience.

Take special care separating the wheat from the chaff and be safe.  

[Kittenlikestocuddle]

7 hours ago, PixieGirl said:

Well thank you for sharing your experience. I'm in no rush to find my daddy, I'm very suspicious and will take my time until I find the right one.

I like podcasts and articles; which ones have you listened to and read? If you don't mind sharing 💜

Hi PixieGirl! Here are a few podcasts and articles that I found on ddlg. The one titled Psychology behind ddlg was one of the first really good ones that I found. I've listened to it twice. Evie Lupine is a regular bdsm youtube favorite of many. She has topics on just about every dynamic you can name including ddlg. And finally the Loving BDSM Podcast is hosted by a Daddy Dom and Babygirl who have been married for years and their relationship started as a d/s relationship to begin with! All of them are great sources for bdsm topics and information. They will definitely give you cheese to Google like a mouse! The Daddy AF Podcast is something new I found today but liked what I heard in the Podcast I linked. And so is the Daddy's Corner Podcast from YouTube. Once again I listened to the entire video called Vetting Process and loved what I heard and wanted to share it with ALL littles! I read two really good articles by him too that I thought were great and decided to share. However, here's the disclaimer about these two new sources I've found. I don't know them and haven't spent enough time on their content to vouch for them as worthy enough to take every word they say in their other content as solid in terms of bdsm or ddlg. So, please remember to search thoroughly with due diligence before you trust them! And remember, if it doesn't sound right, it probably isn't! I hope this helps. ❤️

Kitten


Podcasts
Physchology behind DDLG and BDSM w/ Wickedsoldier - After Dark: The Kink Collective (podcast) | Listen Notes https://lnns.co/pxsh0L9zi6o

Evie Lupine YT Channel
https://youtu.be/gAFI_KV2aA4
https://youtu.be/kqFmMHV_vuU

Loving BDSM Podcast
https://youtube.com/@LovingBDSM

https://podbay.fm/p/daddy-af/e/1613441927

Daddy's Corner Podcast - The Vetting Process
https://youtu.be/d_M-NqzHCBo

Articles
https://www.yourgentledom.com/post/when-should-a-sub-walk-away

https://www.yourgentledom.com/post/beginners-guide-to-understanding-ddlg

[Erasmeus71]

I know I consider myself as soft Dom. Let's put it this way I have read  those nursery or cribs that may use. I would rather the my girl sleep with me. Even if she got into trouble before we got in bed. Well no cuddles for the little hurts them. It only means I would get hurt too. I want to be comforted also. Spanking can backfire especially if the girl is a brat. I would not want to give them anyways. Lines, Corner time and other punishments are better. Having the little write a journal of wants for example can serve it purpose. Especially if they are selective mute or go nonverbal because of where they slipped in age.

Edited July 17, 2023 by Erasmeus71
spelling errores

[PixieGirl]

22 hours ago, Kittenlikestocuddle said:

Hi PixieGirl! Here are a few podcasts and articles that I found on ddlg. The one titled Psychology behind ddlg was one of the first really good ones that I found. I've listened to it twice. Evie Lupine is a regular bdsm youtube favorite of many. She has topics on just about every dynamic you can name including ddlg. And finally the Loving BDSM Podcast is hosted by a Daddy Dom and Babygirl who have been married for years and their relationship started as a d/s relationship to begin with! All of them are great sources for bdsm topics and information. They will definitely give you cheese to Google like a mouse! The Daddy AF Podcast is something new I found today but liked what I heard in the Podcast I linked. And so is the Daddy's Corner Podcast from YouTube. Once again I listened to the entire video called Vetting Process and loved what I heard and wanted to share it with ALL littles! I read two really good articles by him too that I thought were great and decided to share. However, here's the disclaimer about these two new sources I've found. I don't know them and haven't spent enough time on their content to vouch for them as worthy enough to take every word they say in their other content as solid in terms of bdsm or ddlg. So, please remember to search thoroughly with due diligence before you trust them! And remember, if it doesn't sound right, it probably isn't! I hope this helps. ❤️

Kitten


Podcasts
Physchology behind DDLG and BDSM w/ Wickedsoldier - After Dark: The Kink Collective (podcast) | Listen Notes https://lnns.co/pxsh0L9zi6o

Evie Lupine YT Channel
https://youtu.be/gAFI_KV2aA4
https://youtu.be/kqFmMHV_vuU

Loving BDSM Podcast
https://youtube.com/@LovingBDSM

https://podbay.fm/p/daddy-af/e/1613441927

Daddy's Corner Podcast - The Vetting Process
https://youtu.be/d_M-NqzHCBo

Articles
https://www.yourgentledom.com/post/when-should-a-sub-walk-away

https://www.yourgentledom.com/post/beginners-guide-to-understanding-ddlg

Thank you for all the links Kitten! 💖

[Baby Girl Miss Amanda]

Thanks for posting about this topic! It really clears up some things for me! Plus the resources are super helpful! I am still learning so much about who I am as a BabyGirl and the differences between a Dom and a Daddy. It has been eye opening g to read your insights! Thank you!

[Restraints-and-Cuffs]

@Everyone: Please feel to correct me in case I make a mistake somewhere

I think you have an answer to your primary question but I just wanted to point out that this sort behavior isn't dom-like. Nor does it involve any form of acceptable power exchange. Please do not mistake that any sane and knowledgeable submissive/slave/bottom (Or any role for that matter) would be willing to engage with such people. (I am extremely sorry if that isn't what you meant)

On 7/13/2023 at 10:33 PM, Kittenlikestocuddle said:

So what ended up happening was I would meet Dom after Dom who would throw out phrases that would make a real Babygirl or little want to curl up like a cat for them. "Good girl." "You can do it for Daddy." and so on... Or the ones who start trying to Dom you at hello by ordering you to do things or real tasks and call them Daddy or Sir and they're not even your Dom?! Like, "Dude, I don't even know you!" Some of these guys are absolutely crazy and they want you to be a sweet, dumb little Submissive who doesn't know anything for them. Ladies BEWARE! What I realize now is that all of them, even the ones who I thought were nice and had good intentions, were actually trying to play a role for me so that they could manipulate me out of my clothes, pictures and whatever I was willing to show them online with no real intention of a relationship whatsoever!

[Guest mortyyy]

heyy, i  empahise a lot. 

when I first got into bdsm, i saw a saddist Dom for about a year and, the same as you, knew I was submissive from that. 

however reading around online led me to believe that I was a baby girl and I needed a daddy dom. 

I've spoken to so many 'daddies' that backed off as soon as i didn't want to send videos of my body or video call and show my body, for me that is a hard limit. I am ok with some light body photos when flirting, but everything else I prefer to do in person. 

it's really annoying because i think there are a lot of predatory guys around who maybe think that baby girls are easy prey because we seek this bond with our daddy, so say they are a daddy dom when, actually, they are not. 

it's up to us to stick to our boundaries and limits and if they don't like it, they can piss off, all it means is they weren't the right one. 

💖✨

[Guest InTheNight]

Daddy Dom here, figured I could offer some context from the male perspective.

I think it's important to understand yourself. Like you poignantly said, you should've been looking for a Daddy entire time and not a Dom because what you wanted was the power dynamic of a dom/sub relationship, but with the nurturing aspect of a Daddy. There's no real manual on this stuff, and the terms can be confusing. On top of that, you have to commit so much time and energy into finding out the other person's intentions. What are they in this for? What do they see me as? What can they handle emotionally? Etc.

Something I think women need to realize is that the overwhelming majority of men in this lifestyle will lie about their disposition. There are far more abusers than there are actual Daddies out there, with most of them disguising their desire for abuse as being "dominant". This abuse comes in many forms, but the biggest form is emotional abuse, where you're essentially gaslit and pressured into thinking that you aren't doing enough. Every woman in this lifestyle would benefit greatly from being able to recognize the signs of a potential abuser vs an actual caregiver. What you'll find is that most so-called Doms and Daddies just want sex, and they practice this lifestyle almost exclusively during sex and sexually intimate moments. 

I obviously cannot speak for every man that is in this lifestyle, so don't feel like we're all like this. There are still plenty of good, honest, loving men that can easily fulfill that role of being a good Daddy or Dom or whatever. But, I would caution all women to be direct, clear, and to have your eyes wide open whenever you're talking to a potential partner. The flags are easiest to see during play time and sexually intimate moments. And remember, if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Please take care of yourselves.

[Kittenlikestocuddle]

On 7/20/2023 at 2:38 AM, Restraints-and-Cuffs said:

@Everyone: Please feel to correct me in case I make a mistake somewhere

I think you have an answer to your primary question but I just wanted to point out that this sort behavior isn't dom-like. Nor does it involve any form of acceptable power exchange.

Please do not mistake that any sane and knowledgeable submissive/slave/bottom (Or any role for that matter) would be willing to engage with such people.

You are absolutely right! At the time I experienced all of this I was NEW to the community and was IGNORANT to alot of the things I know now. Many of these men with said inappropriate d/s behavior tried to prey upon my ignorance. Some did. Until I started educating myself about the proper way to build a dynamic with someone. Subs who know the difference will stop each guy who tries to pull this stuff right at the freakin' front door! ❤️❤️❤️

[Kittenlikestocuddle]

15 hours ago, InTheNight said:

There are far more abusers than there are actual Daddies out there, with most of them disguising their desire for abuse as being "dominant".

Ladies BEWARE! This is absolutely true! The other day I noticed a SO-CALLED Daddy circling my profile page like a smart little hawk. I went to his page to check him out. After having read my profile I'm sure he realized that I wrote "I am NOT a sadist or masochist!" This guy CLEARLY had the word "SADISTIC" in his screen name! So I knew he wasn't for me. The next day he had ERASED the word SADISTIC from his screen name. I knew from that moment he was an obvious PREDATOR and not to respond if he ever contacted me. And his original screen name had the word Daddy in it. I think it was thesadisticdaddy or something like that?! Don't quote me and PLEASE don't accuse anyone who may still have this name as a coincidence. But he was obviously trying to BE the object of desire for his next victim. Imagine that scene... SMH. A Babygirl trapped in a vulnerable moment with a sadist and she doesn't like or desire pain, but now has someone trying to push her limits while she's vulnerable and exposed. It breaks my heart that someone would even try such a thing! And please remember, being a sadist or someone who desires pain whether to give or receive doesn't make them an automatic predator. Sadist and masochistic members of the community are good people who have integrity too! This post is talking about the rare individual who likes to take advantage of others. 😡

Edited July 21, 2023 by Kittenlikestocuddle