What Do You Think About People Who Don't Read Profiles?

[Kittenlikestocuddle]

Hello, Everyone!

I am feeling a little perplexed and needed a place to vent. A friend who identifies as a Dom told me that what I need now more than anything is community so I can talk to other like-minded people and get reassurance about this very taboo thing that I'm into. He was right! 

 

So what brings me here today bearing all is that I have already been accused of trying to be a sugar baby on the site and I just got here! WTF? So this is what happened... 

 

I won't say his name for privacy's sake (and also because that's just not me to be messy). But I was strolling through the personal ads and came across someone's ad twice who sounded interesting so I decided to say hello to see if he would be interested in chatting. He agreed and so the chat began. After the initial hello he sent me a message with a few important questions in it and I literally took quite some time to respond with very thoughtful answers as well as shared alot about myself in general so he could gage whether or not I seemed compatible with him on the outskirt of things. That way we could decide whether or not it would even be worth it to continue chatting. Somehow, the greatest conclusion he came away with was that I wanted someone to pay my bills and said that instead of trying to participate in ddlg I was actually attempting to find a Sugar Daddy and that he would not be the man for me. Ugh? OMG! It completely freaked me out and all I could think of while writing my response and asked him was, "Did you even read my profile because it clearly says what I'm looking for?!" I'm not looking for a Sugar Daddy, playmates, friends with benefits, casual sex, or temporary short term relationships. My profile clearly says that I'm looking for a long term relationship with my FOREVER DADDY which to me indicates marriage. SPELLED OUT I'm looking for a long term ddlg relationship that can become marriage someday. I'm not interested in anything else! I guess he got derailed like some men do whenever a woman brings up the fact that she is looking for a man to provide for her financially someday as part of a fully committed relationship us Americans like to call marriage. He assumed I meant that I wanted a Daddy to take care of me mentally, emotionally, and financially from day one of the dynamic which I never said or insinuated. This was very frustrating for me. Because one thing I'm not is a gold digger or a user of men! It just really pissed me off. All I said was that I was use to being spoiled by my father even today because he chooses to pay a portion of my bills and expenses because he loves me, not because I need it. And that whoever my Daddy will be would be assuming the role of my father for me in my life. In a traditional marriage (and I am traditional) the negotiation for a man to reign and have total control in his wife's life is care. Emotional, physical, and financial! Did I miss something? Because the way I was raised there's no renegotiation on that. And why wouldn't a man expect to provide financially to his wife? It's simple logic. Because the moment she gets pregnant and has to raise children she LOOSES her financial bearings in the workforce. Not every woman can work and raise a child at the same time. Of course a husband needs to be able to provide! And I never said I wanted this level of commitment and care from a Daddy who I was only dating. The insinuation was that that would be the ultimate desire to take place within a committed marriage that was based on the ddlg dynamic. Communication, communication, communication... 

 

This threw me so hard that after I explained why he was wrong in thinking that I was like, "since you seem to feel this way I will simply say thank you for your time and goodbye." Are you kidding me? What a way to begin on a new site! Also, I don't think he even took the time to read my entire profile. But that's a whole other story. However, not reading profiles can lead to these kinds of time wasting, frustrating misunderstandings. 

 

I'll stop here, but will need a few days before I can engage with anyone else again. I have been seriously looking for months for that special someone and let me tell you it is hella frustrating almost to the point where I want to take a break and just focus on me! Because this is for the birds! 

 

Thank you to whoever took the time to read this. It was just to vent. Nothing more!

 

Kittenlikestocuddle ❤️ 

[Cebakes]

I actually read your profile the other day and thought it was very detailed, and there is nothing wrong or unusual about your wants and desires.   Totally understand your long term desires and any daddy who contacts you should be bright enough to know what you seek.    You seek a caregiver/provider that will enable you to be a stay at home mom.  

Have you ever looked at Fetlife?  The site is far from perfect, but it does have a number of groups that offer the type of lifestyle that you seek.  Some  Daddys may not understand that’s a thing.  While she really didn’t seek it, It is basically the lifestyle that I provided my ex-wife when we were married.  

Try not to get frustrated after only a few months. It’s really a short period of time, and and unfortunately, there are a fair amount of time wasters and always a limited number of people out there who line up with what we seek.  

You probably also need to be realistic that there is only going to be a limited percentage of daddies out there that financially can afford a stay at home wife, or that they don’t seek that.  Best of luck.

[Vampiress]

It does seem rude he immediately jumped to conclusions, he should've asked to clarify your intentions rather than assuming. I will say that some men have had bad experiences with women using them for money, and there's a lot of sugar babies out there so some guys are more cautious than others, but it's not an excuse to automatically assume that is what you wanted. I do think if you are just getting to know someone that maybe bringing up financial desires is not a good first meeting topic of conversation, even if you are asked. That's getting too serious too fast, and if it is brought up very quickly some guys might think that's a red flag of a woman just wanting his money. Maybe you could reword things if it is brought up to spell out that you'd like a traditional marriage someday where you are taken care of while you take care of children and other household things. That might avoid that whole weird assumption about sugar babies.

[beanbean]

I mean yes your profile seems very detailed and lays what you want . But it could be a couple of things tbh this Dom could be a jerk or . He could have been taken advantage of in the past and too him he was just be careful.  But at the end of the day that why you still do a personal too weed out the people that are not right for you 

[Kittenlikestocuddle]

Thank you Cebakes and Vampiress for making such thoughtful replies! Cebakes hit it right on the head as well so I know I wasn't crazy in what I said. And that is actually the life I live now. I'm a SAHM whose last child is about to be 18 in February. I'm finishing a degree and plan to re-enter the workforce next year, but I still would like the option to just be a good wife someday with the right man.

I think you're both right. I have to remember to edit myself a bit because I am a very up front person who doesn't like to beat around the bush. I know you can't rush love and wouldn't want to, I just don't believe in playing around or wasting time with people. I have to learn to adjust to others though. Thank you both!!! ❤️

[Kittenlikestocuddle]

Thank you for replying beanbean and you're right. Many men are cautious and have been taken advantage of. I shouldn't let it get me down. I just care how people see me as a person is really what hurt the most. ❤️

[beanbean]

For sure most likely this guy and you probably wouldn't have hit off in the first place seems like you think a little differently anyhow. But I get why it would upset you that someone would call you something your not too!!

[DollDirector]

I think it is always better to be upfront . if someone hasn't read your profile , they are doing you a favor , like " I am not even able to understand a profile don't spend too much time on me " .

and , DDs who are not eligible will be grateful for you being up front . what is nice about this dynamic is , due to the small number of people involved , we sometimes relate to someone , totally unimaginable in vanilla life for money/class/age etc reasons , but these criteria are nothing new , if ignored they will make a strong comeback at some point .

[Andriel_Isilien]

I see someone that does not read profiles and/or deliberately ignores them is so disrespectful. It's a red flag that they won't take the time from the very beginning, and they think they are the exception to my boundaries. That disappointment is such a letdown ☹️ I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to explain away or justify what you are looking for. Your needs are valid. When someone makes the wrong assumptions about you, that's on them. Reading a profile is not hard.

[LeftyGuitar]

I think its always a good idea to read someone's profile. This way you can gauge if you'd be a good match or not. I think it also helps to have a detailed personal as well.

[lilDarkling]

I tots get it and I'm sorry you had that happen. I don't know either of you, but I will assume the best and as you say you're clear in your intentions and he may have had a bad situation with another and has a huge wall build against it which maybe holding them back from meeting others who might match well with them. I do hope they let their walls down eventually. And I hope you feel better soon. 
I had something similar happen. I'm not looking but I like talking to people so some people think cause I said "hi" I'm interested in them. I maybe a little more hard to read than you though, I am open with my thoughts so I'll say if someone is attractive and encourage people to keep trying which seems to lead to "oh I'm good looking therefore you want to". You are clearer.

Anywho as I said I hope you are doing okay. There is someone out there who won't over look your profile.

[Punographer]

Hi Kittenlikestocuddle! The journey to finding the right partner isn't easy so I'm sorry that was your first experience here. I'm glad you did seek your tribe. You know what they say about birds of a feather. 😁🐣🐤

As for profile reading, one would assume if you are serious about engaging with a potential partner you would read their profile. So yeeeeah, strange he wasn't curious enough to give it review. Perhaps too cool for school to show up as a visitor on your profile. Anyhow. I think him calling you a gold digger is a great thing. You get to see his character early on without having to have an emotional investment and feel worse about splitting if things worked out. I've met some men who are grade A classy gents who would have been more tactful in their assumption by trying to peel back the layers and discover if their suspicion was correct or respectfully part ways. So I'm glad you dodged that one!

Reading your post I think you may be interested in TPE (total power exchange). I would give that a look over. If this is what you're seeking it might be an easier mold for people to understand what you're looking for. So TPE with a dash of 1950s (or which ever decade) household should cover that base and avoid people jumping to conclusions. 

Wishing you luck!

 

[Kittenlikestocuddle]

Thank you everyone for all the thoughtful replies and encouragements! Thank you Punographer for the research suggestion! I have heard of TPE quite frequently but have yet to dive into the psychology of it. This should be fun! Thanks! ❤️