I dont belong here.

[Guest Hugh Jass]

So, when I joined this site a few months ago, it occurred to me then that I didn't really fit in here.  (Mind you, I'm one of those socially inept people in real life that doesn't really fit in anywhere!).

 

I think its all down to the fact that I am a lot older than most people here, and that I am a bit of a relic from a bygone era.

 

In chat there are sometimes topics that crop up that I am not completely comfortable with - I think its the age thing again, or maybe English reservedness...  What I should do is just sit on my hands and say nothing, but stupidly I sometimes type instead, and annoy people.

 

Also, I do find it a very hard habit to break to not use terms of endearment to people - along the lines of "thank you sweetie" if someone has shown me a kindness - and I think again this comes from me being brought up in an era when this was "the done thing".  Nowadays this kind of thing is by no means acceptable at all to a lot of people, and is definitely not acceptable on here.  I mean lets face it, when I was a kid, sh*t like racism was "acceptable" on TV.  To me, racism is abhorrent, but on the other hand unfortunately I do find it difficult to get out of the habit of using terms of endearment.   And, as was proved the other day when one of my comments that was supposed to be helpful and friendly, turned out to make the recipient (victim?) so uncomfortable that they left...

 

So, all I seem to do lately is type the wrong thing and upset people.   I spend half my time backspacing!  But sometimes things slip past my internal censor.  So what I also want to do with this post is apologise to everyone and anyone who may have become upset by anything that I have said.   I never intend any malice, its just typing before thinking.   Very sorry to all.

 

I also just seem to be on the outside all the time - somewhat excluded from  things, not part of the kool kids clique.. Maybe its my age again, maybe its because I don't understand half of what is going on or being discussed (particularly when it comes to technomalogimacal stuff!) or maybe its just that I'm plain stupid ... I dunno.

 

Anyhow, as some people have commented on it, I just thought I would explain my "goodbye, nice knowing you" status the other day, and explain why I am absent.   I guess in a nutshell to sum up, its not you fine folks, its me.  So, don't worry, its nothing anyone else has done that has caused it.

 

I came within a whisker of closing my account here the other day, and may still do so, but I have made some pleasurable acquaintances here which stopped me doing so.

 

 

Toodles!

[Guest Miss Braid]

I'll miss you Hugh

[FitPapaBear]

I don't see why you think that way, I liked your English-ness, you remind me of Jingles (and I adore Jingles)

[Guest Ginger-Kit]

I happen to like how you speak and think Hugh I'm really going to miss you.

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

I am from the same country, the same mindset, and the same age bracket.

Some people are very sensitive. They just are. I mostly see that on fetlife, which is supposedly an adult site. Sometimes it's hard finding the actual adults lol.

I've learned I have to be extreeeeemely careful how I word things. I am sarcastic by nature. Not always a good thing online lol.

I also call people sweetie etc sometimes.

If people don't like your turn of phrase, that's their choice. I don't go on chat and I don't know you, but I'm just saying that yes, sometimes it's difficult being an "oldie" amongst so many "kids", but that's just the way it is.

[fatyknowsnothing]

I just want to say that you'll be missed by some other people who doesn't mind with how you talk and act and i'm sure there are people who adore you for who you are.

We can't please everyone. If it really bothers you on what people think about you without trying to know you first, you have the rights to leave, but I think you'll leave for nothing.

 

Well I don't really know the situation and we don't know each other tho so don't mind me.

 

Have a good life and hope you'll find a community that fits you.

[Little Miss Ambrosia]

I wish I knew what to say or how to convince you to stay with us. 

 

I understand you leaving because you feel uncomfortable being here, but not really the other way around. We're all human, all flawed, and take comments differently. Something that might be offensive to someone, can be funny/sweet to others. You always apologize, even overly much so, when you feel like you have offended someone, so I really don't see a problem on that front. 

 

The "age" thing is more so something in your head, you're not the only person over 23 here, but no one else puts so much importance on their age. The main reason you feel like an outcast is in your head, you're just way too self conscious about how you present yourself. 

 

Personally, I find you very friendly, funny and sweet to everyone, at least you always have good intentions. If you think this is actually what's healthiest for you then so be it, but I will assure you that you will be missed. 

 

Also, the title of the thread reminded me of 

 

https://youtu.be/XFkzRNyygfk

[Guest buddhagirl]

This makes me sad, Hugh. I need more people my age here and you seem perfectly lovely! I'm sorry you feel uncomfortable. I have, too, for different reasons, bu still founded in the fact that I am approximately 1,000,000,000 older than the majority of girls here. Go if you must, but stay if you can!

Cheers!

[Guest Jennyanydots]

well, Hugh, I think the problem here is that you are focusing on the negative. As the song says, you've got to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative. Obviously a lot of people here seem to think you're an okay fellow. You can't go into things believing that everyone is going to love you. there will always be people who think you are great and others who think you are terrible; and a whole lot of people in between and of course a lot who just plain don't care one way or another and can't be bothered with you. You can either stick around for the people who like you and know you've done well at the end of the day because you've made a friend or two, or you can leave and abandon all of the good along with the bad. I read your profile and it seems to me that you are judging people a little before you get to know them. I understand you seem to have been through a lot of heart ache and not being something out of a Harlequin novel combined with bad experiences with women can make you feel pretty low; but don't assume that things will NEVER happen simply because they HAVEN'T happened YET. There is a little for every daddy and a daddy for every little; you just have to find the girl who is a right fit for you.

 

I am a few years younger than you but I tend to call people by cute names as well. "Hon" is a big one for me as well as "my darlings" for groups of people. I haven't had anyone take offense YET, but maybe that has to do with my gender and orientation. Remember that a lot of girls have had bad experiences from men trying to be their "Daddy" and jumping into things without earning their trust or proving themselves in any way. It's possible these girls are taking offense to you using indeering terms because they feel you are being too forward or trying to lure them in to a relationship. And GIRLS lure GUYS in too by calling them Daddy before they've earned the right to do so. . .

 

Anyway, that's just my two bits and I hope I haven't offended you, just thought it might be good hear the opinion of an outsider, I know we haven't met, Hugh. Whatever you decide, you need to do what is going to make you happiest. No one is going to look out for your happiness except for you and if you can't take care of yourself no little is going to be convinced you can take care of her. . .just thoughts. Take 'em or leave 'em. 

[Rosetta]

I wanna belong to the (hopefully still young) people that don't mind what you're saying! Also it sounds incredibly wrong to me that someone should have a bunch of internal filters or any filters at all bfore they can feel okay to speak... Especially on a website that is supposed to be a safe place to be yourself.
I have always found it sad that people take things in the wrong. And I don't know the whole story here so I might be wrong, still, I don't think its you who doesnt belong ehre, i think noone should feel like they don't belong here... The attitude that doesnt belong ehre though, is one of "easily offended" nature.... I never understood those women who act all "fed up" and over the top when a guy crossing them on the street wishes them a good morning/evening. He didn't rape you by wishing you well... Neither are you doing anything wrong by using terms of endearment.. Its all what people DO with the words that matters.. The importance of the receiver. If you say these things to everyone and its just a friendly thing, then why should i feel so unique in the universe and think you MUST be hitting on me in a special way? *confused face*

 

Im not good with words either. And ive also tried to shut up, or worse, create a bunch of filters in order to please others, fitting to the image they expect of me... It corrupts you as a person and its really really unhealthy. You must be liked and loved and interacted with the way you are. If you dont mean anything special with words of endearment, its not like it falls under consent. I guess people can always say they dont like to be called a certain way.... But in any case to me its fine. What im trying to say is, there are those people that will get to know you just as you are, without you needing filters or being careful etc. And then there are the easily offended people... those who even take it wrong if youre smiling at them and being nice. Im sorry but they cant be helped.

Just shrug about it and look at those who dont want you to be someone who youre not. Who want you to be exactly as you are... calling ppl randomly sweetie just because it brings a nicer stop the the sentence

[Daddy T]

Given responses, sounds to me as if you have misinterpreted you level of welcome.

 

I'm no spring chicken either, and I'm also guilty of feedback loop posting (Am I conveying my message/feelings appropriately?), but I've found the people here most helpful. I would think it a shame for you to leave under false perceptions.

[HerDarkDaddy]

I don't know you Hugh...probably because I am fairly new here myself.  But, from what I have seen in the responses above mine, you seem like a fairly well-liked guy...so, I wouldn't sweat it too much.  Your post alone shows that you spend a lot of time considering the thoughts of those around you and are not out to hurt anyone.  Good man.

 

I haven't adventured into chat yet...and just comment on forum topics as they catch my eye. I am not really up on all the lingo these days. Seems there are twenty different ways to say everything, depending on who you are and who you are talking to.  Princess K is the one that studies up on this stuff...I had no idea what "DD/lg" was until she told me...to me, it was just an age-play thing...didn't realize that it had it's own specific term.  Much like a lot of the things she enlightens me on...I call them one thing (as I know them) and she clues me in on the proper term.  It's so confusing to be kinky these days!!!

 

Take care man and keep your chin up!!

 

- Daddy J