Partner Isn't DD/Lg

[PrincessBinny]

My first post was questioning the DD/LG lifestyle and mostly dipping my feet into it.

I realize I for sure am little and need littlespace. So.. its made a lot of issues in my relationship for my partner who I believe wants something normal.

I stated in my last post we already had our issues. I feel we are definitely in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship, but with that we of course have our good times too.

I have tried to leave multiple times but I end up feeling like I need him but mostly the parts of me that are little feel that. He is a caregiver type. He makes me feel little but he also doesn't want to make it a lifestyle.

I'm coming to a point where I know I want more and I want to be taken care of as a little by someone who understands it. It's hard for me to shut it off right now because I almost feel desperate for him to be my daddy but he just doesn't want me to leave... 

And as far as the emotional/mental abuse, I am not sure if that's what it is. He might just be a very neglectful boyfriend. He ignores my feelings and tells me everyone has issues. He makes me feel crazy or he freaks out and walks away if I bring something up. I think the real deal breaker is though that he and his mom have more of a relationship than we do and we've been together for three years. His mom definitely doesn't like me and says things like, "Oh you guys are spending the night together" when we live together or she gets mad when we go on dates...

I just cant stand it anymore and I'm wondering if the only way out of this is to pack up quietly and leave but im having trouble finding and keeping a job as well.

 

I know I unloaded so much here. I'm just genuinely terrified with how my future is going and I'm also desperate with wanting to be satisfied. If anyone has any advice on how to permanently shut off little space and it's desires I could use it. I feel so bad about myself with him. 

[lilpincess]

I can empathize so much with you. And I know how scary things can be, especially when so much is unknown. But it sounds like your relationship is good for you even if you take ddlg out of the equation. I know how previous good times can make it seem like you should stay, but staying in a relationship like that isn’t good for either of you. Being with someone where you can completely be yourself with  is so freeing. And you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

[PrincessBinny]

  On 6/12/2023 at 2:03 PM, lilpincess said:

I can empathize so much with you. And I know how scary things can be, especially when so much is unknown. But it sounds like your relationship is good for you even if you take ddlg out of the equation. I know how previous good times can make it seem like you should stay, but staying in a relationship like that isn’t good for either of you. Being with someone where you can completely be yourself with  is so freeing. And you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

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I feel like I'm never going to find anything where I can freely be myself and right now I can't see myself finding anyone as perfect as his good side. The mean things and neglect I can definitely do without but I'll have to find a job that can pay rent first... I feel insanely trapped.

[lilpincess]

I completely understand. My situation wasn’t as bad as yours, but I definitely felt trapped, especially since I have health problems, and he told me I wasn’t going to find anyone better than him. I know it’s hard to imagine things can get better, but they really can.when I first came here, I was really struggling with being a newly older little and feeling trapped in a bad marriage, but things have changed so much for me.you never know who you’ll meet and how they can change your life.

[PrincessBinny]

  On 6/12/2023 at 2:14 PM, lilpincess said:

I completely understand. My situation wasn’t as bad as yours, but I definitely felt trapped, especially since I have health problems, and he told me I wasn’t going to find anyone better than him. I know it’s hard to imagine things can get better, but they really can.when I first came here, I was really struggling with being a newly older little and feeling trapped in a bad marriage, but things have changed so much for me.you never know who you’ll meet and how they can change your life.

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That's really inspiring! I have health problems as well and had been dealing with a lot of surgeries the past few years and he and his mom were very ignorant of that. I understand but I'd say any and all abuse is bad.

I hope someday I get a chance at happiness as well 🙏 

[lilpincess]

I’ll be honest, being able to talk to people here, even if they’re complete strangers, really helped me a lot, because I didn’t have to hide any part of myself. And having a daddy is so different than anything else I’ve ever experienced, and in a short time I’m already so much happier and healthier. So even if it’s hard to imagine, things will get better. And this is a really great community. And I am always here if you want to talk or vent or whatever. Not having to keep things to yourself can help too. And I want to be the person to help others in the same way I was helped 

[PrincessBinny]

  On 6/12/2023 at 2:27 PM, lilpincess said:

I’ll be honest, being able to talk to people here, even if they’re complete strangers, really helped me a lot, because I didn’t have to hide any part of myself. And having a daddy is so different than anything else I’ve ever experienced, and in a short time I’m already so much happier and healthier. So even if it’s hard to imagine, things will get better. And this is a really great community. And I am always here if you want to talk or vent or whatever. Not having to keep things to yourself can help too. And I want to be the person to help others in the same way I was helped 

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The community definitely saved me from falling into shame! But I haven't talked with too many people. I also don't have a lot of relationships in real life with people either, so naturally I'm shy online as well.

This community definitely makes me feel less of a need to hide who I am though and you're right that is the best feeling!

And yes, it is hard to imagine me ever getting away and independent or even finding a love that isn't so toxic, but I hope someday I can help someone else along too. You gave me hope ❤️ in a very hopeless place right now.

[lilpincess]

I’m glad I can help. I’m super shy too, but I do have an easier time talking to people here, and I’ve some good friends. I’m glad I could help, even if it’s just a little bit. And I’m always happy to talk 🙂

[PrincessBinny]

  On 6/12/2023 at 3:46 PM, lilpincess said:

I’m glad I can help. I’m super shy too, but I do have an easier time talking to people here, and I’ve some good friends. I’m glad I could help, even if it’s just a little bit. And I’m always happy to talk 🙂

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I'd love to talk with you and have a friend that understands it. Don't want to a burden also though. I am honestly not even use to having people outside of my family and boyfriend to talk to 

[AresAtRest23]

  On 6/12/2023 at 2:10 PM, LilBini said:

I feel like I'm never going to find anything where I can freely be myself and right now I can't see myself finding anyone as perfect as his good side. The mean things and neglect I can definitely do without but I'll have to find a job that can pay rent first... I feel insanely trapped.

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LilBini,

I'm terribly sorry that your find yourself in this position. Believe it or not, I understand what it feels like to be trapped. What I am going to say is not meant to be negative, and is simply calling as I see it, as I see this as a community is about caring.  I'm guessing you're a bit younger, and it may not be so obvious, but your words echo that of many battered women; it's almost text book. I am concerned for you. I have no way of knowing how bad it is, but it really may be time to step back an reevaluate things.  I believe if one is capable of emotional and mental abuse, it may be a short road to turning physical.

Maybe you have another exit that you've decided against for other reasons, like reengaging with and living with a family member that you may be estranged from at the moment.  Or there may be local resources that are able to assist. 

To take one statement, "I can't see myself finding anyone as perfect as his good side" = I hear: At the moment I am down and have low self value, I may even deserve this mental and emotional shit because I'm not good enough to do better...   But I can tell you This is just NOT true. The highest highs do not pardon any level of abuse. The first thing that you must do is find a way to become empowered and realize your value. That you matter. That you CAN make change.

Maybe I'm totally wrong, I'm hoping that's there's a bit more experienced female voice that may chime in on this.  I'm hoping I'm just projecting or something, again I am not trying to be a downer. The motivation is caring and not wanting to see others in pain. If you ever need an ear to bend, I'm here. I will gladly listen. And if you ask for my opinion, I am a pretty blunt person.  (I've been called an a-hole more than once.) But I truly am pulling for you!

A.

 

[beanbean]

I guess at the end of the day it's up to you to find out what you need and want from any relationship see if your current partner can give to you or not and go from there

[PrincessBinny]

Thank you so much everyone.

You guys are right and ive known it but didnt want to believe it or even look at it for what it really was.

I think baby steps is just getting and keeping a job and hoping I'll get my opportunity to slide out. It definitely isn't easy leaving but I feel like I'm dying staying.

Also @Munchkins_Daddy, I am so sorry for what happened to you. When I read your comment I realize cruelty has no gender or specifics 😔 abuse is abuse. Im sooo glad you found your person! 

Like I said earlier I hope I find my gentle someone someday 

[Valeska]

I'm sorry to hear that your partner isn't into ddlg. Honestly this is my worst nightmare if i find someone i dearly love but they don't accept my ddlg side. It's like, you're just accepting half of me. I don't have any advice for you right now, because i haven't been in relationship like yours beforehand. But for relationship in general, i think you should communicate with your partner about what part of ddlg they don't like/feel uncomfortable. If his family doesn't like you, i have a strong feeling that they will try to end your relationship. Especially if his fam knew your problems with your partner about ddlg. Again, take it with a grain of salt. I hope you can find the best solution for your relationship

 

Xoxo,

Valeska

Edited June 14, 2023 by Valeska

[PrincessBinny]

I did have an interview yesterday but I've had a couple now so I'm really anxious! Hopefully I get this one!

I think silently leaving is my only option now.

 

Thank you guys sooooo much 🥹

[Daddy_Bunny]

  On 6/12/2023 at 1:53 PM, PrincessBinny said:

My first post was questioning the DD/LG lifestyle and mostly dipping my feet into it.

I realize I for sure am little and need littlespace. So.. its made a lot of issues in my relationship for my partner who I believe wants something normal.

I stated in my last post we already had our issues. I feel we are definitely in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship, but with that we of course have our good times too.

I have tried to leave multiple times but I end up feeling like I need him but mostly the parts of me that are little feel that. He is a caregiver type. He makes me feel little but he also doesn't want to make it a lifestyle.

I'm coming to a point where I know I want more and I want to be taken care of as a little by someone who understands it. It's hard for me to shut it off right now because I almost feel desperate for him to be my daddy but he just doesn't want me to leave... 

And as far as the emotional/mental abuse, I am not sure if that's what it is. He might just be a very neglectful boyfriend. He ignores my feelings and tells me everyone has issues. He makes me feel crazy or he freaks out and walks away if I bring something up. I think the real deal breaker is though that he and his mom have more of a relationship than we do and we've been together for three years. His mom definitely doesn't like me and says things like, "Oh you guys are spending the night together" when we live together or she gets mad when we go on dates...

I just cant stand it anymore and I'm wondering if the only way out of this is to pack up quietly and leave but im having trouble finding and keeping a job as well.

 

I know I unloaded so much here. I'm just genuinely terrified with how my future is going and I'm also desperate with wanting to be satisfied. If anyone has any advice on how to permanently shut off little space and it's desires I could use it. I feel so bad about myself with him. 

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I think it is important to separate the partner not being into DDLG from the bigger issue of them being abusive. There us never an excuse for abuse and I am sorry you are going through that. Make sure you are taking steps to protect yourself. Gather any documents you need even if it means sneaking and taking pictures of important numbers and other information you might need if you leave. 
If possible, get together a bag with essentials and some clothes in case you need to make a quick escape. 
Making an escape plan and preparing to do so safety is important. If you have that in place, it will help you when you decide or need to leave. 
You might also consider contacting an abuse hotline to talk through things with one of their counselors. I did not see you mention physical abuse but any kind of abuse is harmful and talking to a trained expert can help you sort through things and help you find the next steps.  For me, the abuse from my ex included physical and calling the hotline helped me realize it was not my fault and that I didn’t deserve it. I also called them the day I was leaving to talk to somebody to make sure I wasn’t making a mountain out of a mole hill. 
Whatever you do, please make sure you are staying safe and practicing good self care. You’ve got this. 

[Daddy_Bunny]

One other note…. Even if you do decide it isn’t abuse, you deserve to be happy.  If you aren’t happy in the relationship, is it done you can and want to repair or is it time to move on do you can work towards the happiness you deserve. 

[Queenwarriorprincess]

Would you eat an ice cream cone with a cockroach? The cockroach only touches some of the ice cream, right? The rest is fine!

There is no ice cream on earth worth eating if a cockroach is in it. Your partner is an ice cream cone with a cockroach.

You can't ignore the bad. It's still a cockroach.

[PrincessBinny]

@Daddy_Bunny & @Queenwarriorprincess thank you guys. ❤️

 

I know i have to leave its just so hard finding a job and a cheap apartment.

And also yes, I've wondered a lot if it was really abuse or not but decided that the trauma that I'm carrying over it is more than enough reason to leave.

Whether he meant to or not he did severe damage and scared me more than anyone ever has and I don't know if I'll ever trust again honestly. He's made me feel next to mentally and emotionally tortured and I've felt terror that I don't ever want to feel again.. and fear.

But im still in the thick of it so I can't really see clearly. All I know is I gotta go and leave a day that I can take everything at once without him knowing. 

I do fear one day he's going to start punching me instead of objects.

 

But like I said.. yeah, even if I get out I don't think I'll be interested in a relationship like ever again 😕

Edited June 17, 2023 by PrincessBinny

[Daddy_Bunny]

  On 6/17/2023 at 6:25 AM, PrincessBinny said:

@Daddy_Bunny & @Queenwarriorprincess thank you guys. ❤️

 

I know i have to leave its just so hard finding a job and a cheap apartment.

And also yes, I've wondered a lot if it was really abuse or not but decided that the trauma that I'm carrying over it is more than enough reason to leave.

Whether he meant to or not he did severe damage and scared me more than anyone ever has and I don't know if I'll ever trust again honestly. He's made me feel next to mentally and emotionally tortured and I've felt terror that I don't ever want to feel again.. and fear.

But im still in the thick of it so I can't really see clearly. All I know is I gotta go and leave a day that I can take everything at once without him knowing. 

I do fear one day he's going to start punching me instead of objects.

 

But like I said.. yeah, even if I get out I don't think I'll be interested in a relationship like ever again 😕

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You stared some very important things in that post and I’m very proud of you. It is hard. When you are in the “thick of it” to realize that you do need to leave. In abuse, the abuser becomes so controlling that right becomes wrong and wrong becomes right.  They control you into thinking you deserve the abuse and that you deserve it or that it isn’t really abuse.  Reaching the point where you see it for what it is is a big step.  
I would recommend reaching out to a domestic violence hotline if you can do so safely. They are trained to talk to people in a situation like yours and listen and give advice and help be a voice of reason. They may also be able to help point you to resources that can help you.  
While you are gathering your resources, safety should be your primary concern.  You have an advantage in your abuser not knowing you plan on leaving and it is an important one. Let them keep thinking they are in charge while you plan and prepare. Gather important numbers and documents and keep them somewhere safe.  Have a plan so when the time goes, you have less reasons to stay.  You aren’t alone in this. I’ve been through it and I remember how hard it was. My friends supporting me and reassuring me were a big part of why I was finally strong enough to leave. 
it you need a friend or somebody to talk to, I’m here for you. 

[PrincessBinny]

  On 6/18/2023 at 1:47 PM, Daddy_Bunny said:

You stared some very important things in that post and I’m very proud of you. It is hard. When you are in the “thick of it” to realize that you do need to leave. In abuse, the abuser becomes so controlling that right becomes wrong and wrong becomes right.  They control you into thinking you deserve the abuse and that you deserve it or that it isn’t really abuse.  Reaching the point where you see it for what it is is a big step.  
I would recommend reaching out to a domestic violence hotline if you can do so safely. They are trained to talk to people in a situation like yours and listen and give advice and help be a voice of reason. They may also be able to help point you to resources that can help you.  
While you are gathering your resources, safety should be your primary concern.  You have an advantage in your abuser not knowing you plan on leaving and it is an important one. Let them keep thinking they are in charge while you plan and prepare. Gather important numbers and documents and keep them somewhere safe.  Have a plan so when the time goes, you have less reasons to stay.  You aren’t alone in this. I’ve been through it and I remember how hard it was. My friends supporting me and reassuring me were a big part of why I was finally strong enough to leave. 
it you need a friend or somebody to talk to, I’m here for you. 

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Thank you ❤️ I'm still not sure if they even know what they are doing but I suppose that's all part of it too.

 

We are currently back on a high right now and that is absolutely killing me because he's being really nice. This is what makes it so hard!

 

But I know I won't be able to deal forever and once I get a job I'll at least have my financial security back

 

I know we never deserve this. I have you and this group to thank for being there for me. 

[Cebakes]

Some of these domestic violence places or states also have financial resources for abused women to help them get on their feet or secure an apartment. 

[Daddy_Bunny]

  On 6/20/2023 at 10:32 AM, PrincessBinny said:

Thank you ❤️ I'm still not sure if they even know what they are doing but I suppose that's all part of it too.

 

We are currently back on a high right now and that is absolutely killing me because he's being really nice. This is what makes it so hard!

 

But I know I won't be able to deal forever and once I get a job I'll at least have my financial security back

 

I know we never deserve this. I have you and this group to thank for being there for me. 

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You mentioned that you all are in a high. When you can do so safely, look up the cycle of abuse. It was an eye opener for me. My ex would best and abuse me and then a few days later act like the notion of her being mean or hurting me was absurd and that I should know she wouldn’t hurt me.  You are in what is known as the honeymoon phase. From thet you gradually build up until they abuse you again and it repeats itself. Part of what made it hard for me to leave was that I would feel guilty for wanting to leave my ex when she was being so nice to me again. 
Please do look up the cycle of abuse. It was an aha moment for me when a friend told me about it. 
You also said that you aren’t sure they know they are abiding you. There may be a slight bit of truth to that on one level. However, they are always in control of their actions.  
You owe your abuser nothing and the abuse is 100% their fault even during the honeymoon phase where everything seems perfect again.  
You have people who care and understand, including me. You aren’t alone in this and that’s important.  In abuse, everything is  convoluted and right becomes wrong and wrong becomes right.  The abuser isolates you in an attempt to remove any outside influence that might help you see the reality that you are being abused. 
please feel free to message me anytime. Nothing expected and I’m a good listener.  You need good people in your life and I hope you are finding them.