Am I overthinking this?

[pinksugardoll]

I thought this would be the safest place to vent since I have no one else that can understand. 

 

My Daddy and I have been talking online for over a month now. There is a two hour difference for us so yes a LDR. He is everything I can imagine I wanted in a Daddy. We really just have this deep connection. However, it feels like he is getting too busy for me lately. Hours would pass where he wouldn’t message me or give me a heads up on when he gets too preoccupied. I don’t like knowing way after the fact and his last excuse was “I don't always realize I'm that busy till it's been a while” with him just laughing it off. I brush it off because I miss him but then I remember how anxious I got when he wasn’t answering. It’s usually his job if he tells me. I’m literally waiting for him as I type this.

 

I’m always a good girl for him sending pictures he wants. I still have needs too you know. I’ve expressed to him how this makes me feel. He reassures me that I’m all his and nothing can change that. Why do I still have this weird feeling? I don’t want to mess this up because I feel so happy with him. 

 

Any advice, similar experiences and words of encouragement is more than welcome!!

[beanbean]

My advice is talk to him and make a plan so he at least can let you know when he will be busy. I can get busy but usually I have 30 seconds to do one text just talk to him and let him know that it give you anxiety not to know where is

[pinksugardoll]

25 minutes ago, beanbean said:

My advice is talk to him and make a plan so he at least can let you know when he will be busy. I can get busy but usually I have 30 seconds to do one text just talk to him and let him know that it give you anxiety not to know where is

Ok I sent him a few messages. I just hope it doesn’t rub him the wrong way. Thank you for the advice 💗

[beanbean]

I mean if it rubs him the wrong way that says more about him then you

[AspiringDaddy]

37 minutes ago, pinksugardoll said:

hope it doesn’t rub him the wrong way.

Sugar, there ain't no rubbing Daddies the wrong way. That shouldn't happen and you shouldn't have to worry about such things.

[AspiringDaddy]

Now, this Daddy here is in a LDR for over a month now too. 

It's obvious that both partners ought to make the effort to let each other know what's going on. Hours of non communication - it can happen - but should be the exception. A quick check-in should be a habit. If necessary, make it a mutual rule (or use a timer lol). For us it's a tacit agreement and has quite naturally evolved into this habit of checking in every so often. Sometimes just a single  emoji or a (cuddle or hug) gif. It might seem silly but it makes all the difference; and it's real cute 🥰

If we expect to be particularly busy or out of reach, we will inform before we're going to be out of touch for X time.

We don't need to know what we're doing or where we're at, just let each other know everything is ok and we're connected.

All that is not too much to ask.

IMO, unless particular dire circumstances, there are no excuses.

Laughing or brushing it off won't work in the long run.

The fact that you post about it shows that brushing it off is not working. And you're not overthinking it.

Good luck, Sugar.

[Funny_Little_Bean]

15 minutes ago, AspiringDaddy said:

Now, this Daddy here is in a LDR for over a month now too. 

It's obvious that both partners ought to make the effort to let each other know what's going on. Hours of non communication - it can happen - but should be the exception. A quick check-in should be a habit. If necessary, make it a mutual rule (or use a timer lol). For us it's a tacit agreement and has quite naturally evolved into this habit of checking in every so often. Sometimes just a single  emoji or a (cuddle or hug) gif. It might seem silly but it makes all the difference; and it's real cute 🥰

If we expect to be particularly busy or out of reach, we will inform before we're going to be out of touch for X time.

We don't need to know what we're doing or where we're at, just let each other know everything is ok and we're connected.

All that is not too much to ask.

IMO, unless particular dire circumstances, there are no excuses.

Laughing or brushing it off won't work in the long run.

The fact that you post about it shows that brushing it off is not working. And you're not overthinking it.

Good luck, Sugar.

Okay I'm going to play devil's advocate here. Just because not every couple/dynamic can be the same. 

Whilst I agree with what a lot of people are saying, that if he gets annoyed by you expressing your needs that's on him, and that he should endeavour to find 30 seconds to let you know he's busy.

However, I can tell you that due to my work commitments, I spend hours a few times a week where I'm only able to communicate in cases of emergencies. These aren't always something that can be planned either. Sometimes at work I can talk very freely, others the complete opposite. Of course I do the right thing and do my best to let someone know that I will be busy when I get the chance, but it's not always possible and certainly not an exception when it does. I'm not saying that's the case here, only OP and their partner know that, but I think it's important to recognise that it isn't always possible to check in and there are very valid reasons not excuses as to why this may be happening. I'm glad however that you've found an agreement that works for you. 

 

I really hope you get the answers you're looking for OP and that you're able to have a conversation about it and find the right agreement or compromise for you both that makes you both happy. 

[pinksugardoll]

20 minutes ago, GayKitten said:

I feel I should point out that talking to someone for only a month or two is by no means enough time to truly know them. How can you be sure "he is everything [you] can imagine", when you are only still finding out basic things about his communication (and potentially his reliability, or ability to truly take your needs into account)?

It's a little concerning that you seem to be willing to send pictures or capitulate to what he requests of you, but don't feel like you can have this conversation with him because it might "rub him the wrong way"? Based on the scant details you've given, that really sounds like a situation with a huge power imbalance, especially when the relationship is new and fresh and will have a rosy hue to it...

I dunno, this sounds more like a situation where slowing down, setting clear boundaries, and taking more time to get to know each other would go a long way. Just my 2 cents.

A month or two can go a long way for me. Especially with the experience that I was having before I encountered him. I do understand that I need to learn more about his reliability.

Based off a past Daddy, this exact situation happened and when I talked about it to him, he was very narcissistic and didn’t care about how I felt. That’s why I’m worried how he would take it. 
 

I absolutely agree that I since I am sending him pictures, I need to slow down on that and we get to know each other more to move forward. Thank you for your input 💗

[pinksugardoll]

9 minutes ago, Funny_Little_Bean said:

Okay I'm going to play devil's advocate here. Just because not every couple/dynamic can be the same. 

Whilst I agree with what a lot of people are saying, that if he gets annoyed by you expressing your needs that's on him, and that he should endeavour to find 30 seconds to let you know he's busy.

However, I can tell you that due to my work commitments, I spend hours a few times a week where I'm only able to communicate in cases of emergencies. These aren't always something that can be planned either. Sometimes at work I can talk very freely, others the complete opposite. Of course I do the right thing and do my best to let someone know that I will be busy when I get the chance, but it's not always possible and certainly not an exception when it does. I'm not saying that's the case here, only OP and their partner know that, but I think it's important to recognise that it isn't always possible to check in and there are very valid reasons not excuses as to why this may be happening. I'm glad however that you've found an agreement that works for you. 

 

I really hope you get the answers you're looking for OP and that you're able to have a conversation about it and find the right agreement or compromise for you both that makes you both happy. 

I absolutely understand when circumstances won’t let him send a quick message to let me know that he’s going to be busy. However let me give an example on why it got bad this past week

I sent him a couple of pictures two days ago and it was one of those days where I didn’t feel good. I asked him if he liked them but there was silence from him until the very next day. He didn’t even acknowledge my question and just said hi. Not even a excuse. It just didn’t make me feel good. So that’s where we are.

Also thank you for the encouragement. 💗

[Funny_Little_Bean]

3 minutes ago, pinksugardoll said:

I absolutely understand when circumstances won’t let him send a quick message to let me know that he’s going to be busy. However let me give an example on why it got bad this past week

I sent him a couple of pictures two days ago and it was one of those days where I didn’t feel good. I asked him if he liked them but there was silence from him until the very next day. He didn’t even acknowledge my question and just said hi. Not even a excuse. It just didn’t make me feel good. So that’s where we are.

Also thank you for the encouragement. 💗

I'm sorry that happened sweetie and I understand why that didn't make you feel good.

Just try and talk to him about your feelings and the impact on him not acknowledging your messages as well as the silence. Hopefully it can all be resolved. Remember you're allowed to assert yourself. You are allowed to put your needs forward to him and expect a genuine response. If he doesn't give that to you, that's not your fault. ❤️

[pinksugardoll]

2 hours ago, AspiringDaddy said:

Now, this Daddy here is in a LDR for over a month now too. 

It's obvious that both partners ought to make the effort to let each other know what's going on. Hours of non communication - it can happen - but should be the exception. A quick check-in should be a habit. If necessary, make it a mutual rule (or use a timer lol). For us it's a tacit agreement and has quite naturally evolved into this habit of checking in every so often. Sometimes just a single  emoji or a (cuddle or hug) gif. It might seem silly but it makes all the difference; and it's real cute 🥰

If we expect to be particularly busy or out of reach, we will inform before we're going to be out of touch for X time.

We don't need to know what we're doing or where we're at, just let each other know everything is ok and we're connected.

All that is not too much to ask.

IMO, unless particular dire circumstances, there are no excuses.

Laughing or brushing it off won't work in the long run.

The fact that you post about it shows that brushing it off is not working. And you're not overthinking it.

Good luck, Sugar.

This is what I want with my Daddy and I. Just those subtle hints that we are thinking of each other even if it gets too busy. I’m happy that you have yours. Thank you for sharing this!! 💗

[MysticSand]

8 hours ago, pinksugardoll said:

My Daddy and I have been talking online for over a month now. There is a two hour difference for us so yes a LDR. He is everything I can imagine I wanted in a Daddy. We really just have this deep connection.

I’m always a good girl for him sending pictures he wants. I still have needs too you know. I’ve expressed to him how this makes me feel. He reassures me that I’m all his and nothing can change that. Why do I still have this weird feeling? I don’t want to mess this up because I feel so happy with him. 

I 100% agree with GayKitten above. One month is not a long time and having a deep connection... could really just be that you're still healing from past negative experiences (alluded to in some of your answers to posts) and that this is in some ways a rebound or you accepting someone's attention as that "deep connection." It may absolutely be there, but it may also be the rose colored glasses / honeymoon effect.

The part where you mentioned he reassures you that "you're all his" made me think: But he didn't say he's all yours?
Sure this could all be semantics, but it's already sounding very quickly like perhaps he's not the catch you want him to be.

If you have a weird feeling, you should probably follow it. At the least, communicate and talk as others have mentioned.
You know yourself best and you know what your needs are; don't let anyone tell you different or invalidate your thoughts, feelings, or needs.

Communication is a major thing for you (as it should be for everyone!) and okay, I get that he may not be able to tell you all the time beforehand when he'll be busy and unable to respond to you, but more importantly in this beginning phase of getting to know each other it's his reaction after being incommunicado that dictates how seriously he takes you(r needs). Make it clear that this is an important issue to you and that the least he can do is to be mindful and apologize and let you know when he is back from those blackout periods. Then, work on a way forward together on how this doesn't happen again or continue to linger and prevent you from growing together.

My two cents!

[LittleNyx]

This is one of the trickiest thing about LDR/online relationships: Communication. No matter what, it's always limited. If you type, you can't hear the tone of voice or see body language. If you talk on the phone, you still cannot see body language. If you talk on the camera...yeah, still not the same. Of course, 1-2 months are not enough to really get to know someone. Not even a 100 years is enough. But in a LDR it's even harder.

It is possible that the entire issue is based on lack of clear communication. It's possible that the needs/expectations are not clear. On the other hand, a Dom is responsible for his sub...always. If he knows your needs but neglects them, that's a red flag, especially if you told him about it. I think it would be indeed very important to talk this through with him. Just be honest, tell him everything that concerns you. If he is a good Dom, he will not be "rubbed the wrong way". The relationship should be based on balance. You shouldn't be the only one who gives  I hope you will be able to talk with him and clarify everything.

 

[Guest BabyBug]

I understand being busy at work, I work with mental health patients and sometimes not being alert and focused could put me in a dangerous situation. In those cases I'd find a way to check in an let my Daddy know he wasn't forgotten about and my situation. I can even probably guess his response...something like "this worries me and be careful" lol. But he'd understand. I'd find a way to let him know, like a quick bathroom break. In my opinion, where there is a will there's a way. If it's reversed and he can't respond right away, that's OK too. While it's fun and I love talking to him all day everyday, and trust we will! I'm ok with spending a few hours doing things that I like to do, knowing that he will message me as he can.

If you have concerns, telling him about them shouldn't rub him the wrong way. I think talking to him is best. There's probably an easy solution that will work for you both! Maybe if you know in advance that he maybe busy you can do an activity book or busy binder, it'll be fun for both of you to show him what you've completed when he's free! For me, I write and draw in my little book, I love sharing what I've done. Sometimes, I get suggestions on what to do and that's fun too! It feels like assignments from Daddy!

As far as pictures and giving goes, every relationship will develop at it's own pace. Just make it's what you want too! Don't feel pressured to send or do something that your not comfortable with! 

[Cebakes]

My concern here is that you are in the “honeymoon” stage of the relationship.  I’ve read where relationship experts feel that people, especially men, can hide who they truly are for about 8 to 12 weeks when they meet someone.  Generally you see their best attributes, and they can hide their worst.  You’ve seen a very narrow snapshot of who this person really is.

There is nothing wrong with the type of communication that you seek. It is very normal.  There is no excuse for him not shooting a quick text to check in once a day.  Unless someone is traveling, in an area where there is no Wi-Fi, cell phone coverage, incapacitated,  or have told you they will be unable to communicate for a period of time, and give a solid reason,  going silent is not acceptable.

As I said, you are in the honeymoon stage of the relationship  and you are seeing the best side of this daddy.  Unless you are able to clearly communicate your expectations, and he changes his ways, things are not going to improve.  

[lilpincess]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and that you feel so uncertain. I agree with a lot of what everyone has said above. Communication is tough, even if it's not LDR. Like @MysticSand said, I think the more concerning thing is not necessarily the lack of communication (although that is definitely something to address as a worry of yours) but how he reacts when he is back in contact. Definitely think having a good chat will help, and like everyone said, if he's truly a good dom, it won't rub him the wrong way. A Little should always be able to tell Daddy her concerns, even if they're unfounded.

No matter what happens, be strong and take care of yourself. We're all here for support 🙂