Possible divorce from daddy? :(

[PrincessKat12]

Hi, I'm new here. Daddy says he's unhappy in our marriage (7years together, 2years married, 1 kiddo, & 1 on the way). He said this over two months ago, but hasn't filed for divorce. We still live in the same house, sleep in the same room, & communicate about our kiddo. But it seems like there's nothing left between us.

I'm trying to learn how to not want to gravitate towards him especially since he's my safe & happy place.
How are you supposed to contain yourself from wanting to be close with the one you love? Just unsure what to do so I thought I'd rant :3 

[Yoshi_Yoshi]

I'm so sorry to hear that your going through this. While being a little definitely makes this more complicated, I would look at articles on how to cope with divorce as well as find support groups online, because even though they are in vanilla relationships on the Fondation they will exsplore the same feelings your having right now. 

I hope this helps, I don't know how your feeling right now, but parents had similar issues so I know it's hard.

[MissNMTX]

Divorce or breakups are always so hard. I'm so sorry for your entire family. As I'm sure everyone is feeling their feelings.

Being in the dynamic would seem to make it harder, as the bond can be deeper and more intense and often have built in elements that would make the emotional parts of separation even harder. You do have my sympathy.

I would agree that support groups and counseling could be helpful. Emotions are emotions regardless. Also, it's getting easier and easier to find kink friendly help.

[beanbean]

Your situation does not sound great but I guess the end of the day if he is not happy it will be hard for you to stay together unless it's only for the kids and that not ideal ether

[PrincessKat12]

Yeah at this point just trying to heal myself and wait for him to file the paperwork, but he hasn't even filled it out yet. 

[SmolAetherr]

another perspective here and im surprised nobody has mentioned it yet but have you had a chat with your husband, listened to what he has to say and maybe expressed a desire to work through why he is unhappy to maybe walk back from a divorce?

not knowing if that is a possibility for you i cant think of anything better but if the person you love is unhappy wouldn't you want to do something about it if that was possible?

regardless i hope things work out for the best for both of you, but remember it will be better for you all in the long run if you and he do what makes you both happy so if a divorce is what he needs then for the sake of your kids and your sanity try to make the best of it and take it one day at a time, its going to be really tough

 

good luck to all of you.

[Guest Runa]

9 hours ago, PrincessKat12 said:

Yeah at this point just trying to heal myself and wait for him to file the paperwork, but he hasn't even filled it out yet. 

I'm really sorry.  I can only imagine how difficult your situation is.  I was a single parent for a few years after a very difficult split and consequent divorce.

I'd like to echo what @SmolAetherr has said.  Saying he's unhappy in the marriage isn't the same as saying "I want a divorce."  Perhaps there's a conversation that needs to be had.

Focusing on yourself and your kids is the best thing you can do.  Lots of healing and it'll take time.  Again, just really sorry you're going through this.  Ending things is painful.

[gemmy]

Did you ask what he's unhappy about and try to work through it? There's no shame in finding a marriage counselor, especially if no one has filed. It can be really helpful to have a neutral party help both sides hear each other. The library may also have some books about repairing a marriage or, if it does come to it, supporting yourself and children emotionally through a divorce.

[PrincessKat12]

4 hours ago, gemmy said:

Did you ask what he's unhappy about and try to work through it? There's no shame in finding a marriage counselor, especially if no one has filed. It can be really helpful to have a neutral party help both sides hear each other. The library may also have some books about repairing a marriage or, if it does come to it, supporting yourself and children emotionally through a divorce.

I've tried asking him very calmly what's made him feel this way. He doesn't give me any responses, just silence. He refuses to go to counseling with me, says it won't help. All he's said is he doesn't want to even try. 

[Vampiress]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Unfortunately, if he is refusing to communicate or go to counseling then there is not much you can do, and I think you're on the right path to work towards your own healing.

A loss of a relationship is a form of grief, so I suggest looking into resources on how to deal with grief so that you can guide yourself through the stages at your own pace. Work on making sure that whenever the divorce does proceed that you are ready financially and have a place you can go if you need to, and get everything in order for your kids. Even if he won't go to counseling, it wouldn't be a bad idea to go for yourself just to have that extra support. It isn't easy going through this losing your partner, but it is even more complicatetd navigating this while having kids and trying to make sure their lives are as stable and happy as possible.

Try not to blame yourself for what has happened. The end of a marriage is seldom one-sided, and sometimes people just fall out of love or have a change in direction in their life for whatever reason. Find things to be grateful for like lessons you learned or the children you had together, and try to focus on things you can look forward to. Engage in things you enjoy, learn something new, if you have the resources plan a vacation. A new place to live can be exciting when you can make it all your own. Look forward to reconnecting with yourself as you transition to single life. Some people think being single is horrible, but it doesn't have to be. It's a great time to grow and learn more about who you are and what you want out of life. Once you're ready, then you can look forward to a new adventure with somebody else if you feel like you are ready to date again.