Afraid of being disowned.

[Guest lowkeylittle]

Hello~~

 

I am 18 years old and my Daddy is older than me (33). I was nervous to tell my family about my relationship because they would not understand. They ended up finding out and told me that if they ever see him, they will kill him. They keep telling me that our relationship is disgusting. Obviously, I am legally an adult and can make my own decisions, but I am afraid if they would disown me if I keep seeing him. My parents constantly try to make me feel guilty by telling me I am ruining my relationship with them. I tried to explain DDlg to my mom, but she started to look disgusted so I stopped.

 

Is there anyone else out there with this problem? I love my parents, but I am not willing to stop seeing my Daddy. Will this ever get any better?

[Guest Daddy's Morning Coffee]

Sadly due to ignorance and people being unwilling to be educated on the dd/lg community this happens quite often. I am 24 and a Daddy. I was disowned by my family at the age of 19. Spent the last 5 years as a drifter. I'm actually typing this post from the local library in a small town in Tennessee but I'm getting off topic here.

 

My point is you are not alone in this. Me and plenty of others have been persecuted by their family and friends and abandoned. It's your life though. If the dd/lg lifestyle is the lifestyle you wish to lead then those who really love you will accept you for that. They don't have to support you but they should accept and respect your decision. Take it from a drifter. It's better to be homeless and live the life you love than to hide who you are for the acceptance of anyone.

[lilvioletcub]

It's as you said your legally and adult and no dating someone who is 33 at 18 is not digusting, diffrent yes, a bit cringe worthy perhaps but not disgusting (though I'd drop out the "15 years older" part and just keep the "is older then me (33) part in your sentence) the truth is eventually you'll need to figure out what you want for yourself as an adult, your parents can't keep dictating what you should do with your life, they love you and want you safe but eventually you'll need to make your own choices

 

I think you should talk with your daddy about it and maybe he can let you move in with him while you figure things out if it comes to that

[Guest lowkeylittle]

Sadly due to ignorance and people being unwilling to be educated on the dd/lg community this happens quite often. I am 24 and a Daddy. I was disowned by my family at the age of 19. Spent the last 5 years as a drifter. I'm actually typing this post from the local library in a small town in Tennessee but I'm getting off topic here.

 

My point is you are not alone in this. Me and plenty of others have been persecuted by their family and friends and abandoned. It's your life though. If the dd/lg lifestyle is the lifestyle you wish to lead then those who really love you will accept you for that. They don't have to support you but they should accept and respect your decision. Take it from a drifter. It's better to be homeless and live the life you love than to hide who you are for the acceptance of anyone.

Thank you so much for your reply. I love Tennessee! I am sorry that you had to go through that. I hope they learn to accept it, but I may end up becoming drifter too. Thanks again!

[LolitasDaddy]

My advice is to take care of yourself. If you are afraid of being disowned, I'd surely be saving money case that did happen. An apartment takes a fair chunk of change up front. I'd be prepared for the very real possibility that they won't accept him for a very long time, and they might not ever like him.

[Guest lowkeylittle]

It's as you said your and adult and no dating someone who is 33 at 18 is not digusting, diffrent yes, a bit cringe worthy perhaps but not disgusting (though I'd drop out the "15 years older" part and just keep the "is older then me (33) part in your sentence) the truth is eventually you'll need to figure out what you want for yourself as an adult, your parents can't keep dictating what you should do with your life, they love you and want you safe but eventually you'll need to make your own choices

 

I think you should talk with your daddy about it and maybe he can let you move in with him while you figure things out if it comes to that

"Cringe worthy" haha well thank you anyway for your response. I edited my post, too. I understand that my parents want me safe, but they seem unwilling to look at it any other way than what they think is "right". There really is no way to make anything better or to change the situation. I will just have to live with it. Hopefully they will eventually learn to accept it.

 

I have talked to my Daddy about it and it worries him too. We both believe that family is very important. It hasn't impacted our relationship much yet, but I am worried about that too. He suggested we stop seeing eachother if it would be less stressful for me, but of course I don't want that. He hasn't mentioned it since but I try not to mention my parents too much.

[Guest DaddysLolita]

I'm super sorry you have to go through this. Unfortunately as it's been said, many people don't/choose not to understand it. If you are afraid of being disowned, you may consider a back up plan in case something happens. Like where you'll go, hopefully it doesn't come to that., but at least you'll have some kind of plan.

 

I know that isn't very helpful...but it's a start.

 

<3

[lilvioletcub]

"Cringe worthy" haha well thank you anyway for your response. I edited my post, too. I understand that my parents want me safe, but they seem unwilling to look at it any other way than what they think is "right". There really is no way to make anything better or to change the situation. I will just have to live with it. Hopefully they will eventually learn to accept it.

 

I have talked to my Daddy about it and it worries him too. We both believe that family is very important. It hasn't impacted our relationship much yet, but I am worried about that too. He suggested we stop seeing eachother if it would be less stressful for me, but of course I don't want that. He hasn't mentioned it since but I try not to mention my parents too much.

 

People are strange about age gaps, for me so long as it's two adults then it's none of my buissness. Your welcome thank you for that.

Sometimes parents are like that, I wouldn't advice breaking up with your daddy as while it would help the situation between your parents you will just end up miserable by doing that and if you have to emotionally hurt yourself for there acceppance then it's not worth it your happiness and mental health is more important then your parents opions on your boyfriend

[Princess-P]

Maybe things are different where I'm from but I think that at 18, unless you have a mental or physical disability, your quite capable of supporting yourself. Yes things are expensive but costs are lessened with roommates or boarding houses or what have you.

 

Having said that I'm not judging anyone who still lives with parents, just a reminder that being disowned may not be as bad as you think. If they don't support your life style its not up to you to change it. They have to either accept it or lose someone they are supposed to love unconditionally.

 

If your Daddy and you sew no issue with your age gap and love each other... That's the relationship you need to focus on. One that will support you, not financially but mentally, emotionally, and with love.

[Guest lowkeylittle]

Thank you all for your responses. They have really helped me. <3

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

Can I ask why you felt the need to tell them anything about your relationship? Why did the ddlg aspect even come up in conversation? The age gap is q separate issue. Many parents would have a big problem with that, but I cannot see any reason why you felt any need to describe the dynamics of the actual relationship.

I am not ashamed of what daddy and I have together, but those intimate details are nothing to do with anyone else. And no matter what my age, if my parents were still alive, I would only tell them I was in a wonderful, committed relationship, I would not sit there and spell it all out for them.

[Guest Jennyanydots]

I agree with MyDaddyMyWorld. The dynamics and details of ANY romantic relationship (or even any friendship) are not the business of outsiders, unless you feel a need to ask someone for guidance/advice. What Sir and I share belongs to us alone. Sir is nearly 20 years older than me and it has never been a problem for us, though, admittedly, I haven't introduced him to good old mum and dad. When I do, and I will eventually, they'll have a total fit over it, but I expect that they will accept him once they realize how absolutely wonderfully he treats me. In the future, it would be best to leave out the details, just tell your parents what a wonderful, loving relationship you are in and that you don't believe the age gap has any affect on how wonderful your relationship is. Let them know that, if it DOES become a problem you will be grateful for their advice at that point, but not before then. Do be prepared for parents to do anything and everything - including kick you out of the house - if they think it is what is best for you. Mum and dad want to take care of their little girl as much as Daddy does.

[caithes]

I am 38 and my little is 24. Neither of us have told our parents yet, and I don't know at what point we will. Our relationship is still very new (less than a full month) but it seems to be going well. We know we are going to have to tell our parents at some point - there's just no way around it. I work with/for my parents, and she is close with her mom.

 

While we are still working on forming the relationship fully, we both understand we want the relationship at its strongest before we tell our respective parents.

 

And no, we both definitely are not going to mention anything about DD/lg. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

[Princess-P]

I agree that explaining the dynamic of your relationship is unnessacary. And especially trying to explain a large age gap as being part of a bdsm community... Well that's just going to scare parents and actually give them wrong information as age gap has nothing to do with DDlg and many CG/littles are close in age.

 

Your best bet is to just say "this is who I love. Yes there's a gap. No we don't care." That's all that should matter to anyone who cares about you anyway. Your happyness.

[Guest lowkeylittle]

Can I ask why you felt the need to tell them anything about your relationship? Why did the ddlg aspect even come up in conversation? The age gap is q separate issue. Many parents would have a big problem with that, but I cannot see any reason why you felt any need to describe the dynamics of the actual relationship.

I am not ashamed of what daddy and I have together, but those intimate details are nothing to do with anyone else. And no matter what my age, if my parents were still alive, I would only tell them I was in a wonderful, committed relationship, I would not sit there and spell it all out for them.

  

I agree with MyDaddyMyWorld. The dynamics and details of ANY romantic relationship (or even any friendship) are not the business of outsiders, unless you feel a need to ask someone for guidance/advice. What Sir and I share belongs to us alone. Sir is nearly 20 years older than me and it has never been a problem for us, though, admittedly, I haven't introduced him to good old mum and dad. When I do, and I will eventually, they'll have a total fit over it, but I expect that they will accept him once they realize how absolutely wonderfully he treats me. In the future, it would be best to leave out the details, just tell your parents what a wonderful, loving relationship you are in and that you don't believe the age gap has any affect on how wonderful your relationship is. Let them know that, if it DOES become a problem you will be grateful for their advice at that point, but not before then. Do be prepared for parents to do anything and everything - including kick you out of the house - if they think it is what is best for you. Mum and dad want to take care of their little girl as much as Daddy does.

  

I agree that explaining the dynamic of your relationship is unnessacary. And especially trying to explain a large age gap as being part of a bdsm community... Well that's just going to scare parents and actually give them wrong information as age gap has nothing to do with DDlg and many CG/littles are close in age.

Your best bet is to just say "this is who I love. Yes there's a gap. No we don't care." That's all that should matter to anyone who cares about you anyway. Your happyness.

Explaining the relationship has helped a bit, believe it or not. If I felt like I didn't have to try and explain myself then trust me, I wouldn't. I probably wouldn't be in this situation if I didn't have to always try and explain myself to my parents. Some background is that I live with my parents so they are looking over my shoulder constantly. Literally and figuratively. My father is a police officer and has been one for a very long time. My parents were interrogating me on why I could possibly think an older man would be interested in someone my age. So I attempted to explain. I understand the issues are separate and I stated that when talking to my mother. I just said that it added to the appeal. At 18 it is hard to keep things away from your parents, so keep that in mind.

[Guest lowkeylittle]

I am 38 and my little is 24. Neither of us have told our parents yet, and I don't know at what point we will. Our relationship is still very new (less than a full month) but it seems to be going know we are going to have to tell our parents at some point - there's just no way around it. I work with/for my parents, and she is close with her mom.

 

While we are still working on forming the relationship fully, we both understand we want the relationship at its strongest before we tell our respective parents.

 

And no, we both definitely are not going to mention anything about DD/lg. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

If I was your age I probably would not have to bring up the age difference at all. 24 and 38 is a bit more understandable in most people's eyes. The only reason I would ever bring it up is if I thought it would possibly help the situation. And it has, actually. All they could see before I explained it a little was him being a creep and manipulating me into being with him. Now they know I choose this. And I did not go into any detail at all, really. I just said I enjoy having someone older than me to look after me and I have thought this way for a while.

[caithes]

I am glad you have been able to talk to them and even more glad they haven't decided to disown you, kick you out, or do anything else that may cause issue. I hope everything continues to go well and it can eventually become a fully stable relationship for you. Sending all my good wishes.

[DaddyJsPrincess]

The older you are, the less weird it gets. I was in a relationship with what I would consider to be a large age gap at 22. My parents are not together so their individual reactions were a bit different, but neither one was terribly positive. But they wanted to like the guy despite the weirdness because it was what I wanted at the time. Turns out he was a piece of garbage though and I didn't find out my parents felt the same til afterward but that's a little besides the point and certainly not what I hope for you.

 

The point is that after the initial shock and they realize you're not just trying to shock them, they may come around a bit. Things are going to be okay, but it does take some patience.

[Princess-P]

I still don't see why being 18 makes it hard or necessary to explain things to parents. Its your life. And explaining a kink, that has nothing to do with an age gap, so that they understand why you have an age gap is giving them wrong information. You love your Daddy and he loves you for more reasons other then your age. If he was the same man but closer in age you would still love each other yes?

 

Parents want their children to be safe and happy. I get that, I'm a mom too. But I also remember when I was 19 and brought home a 33 year old. Someone only 4 years younger then my mother. She accepted it as I'm an adult, this is who I want to be with. I'm happy. Great. And that lasted almost 8 years. You can't judge someone based on their age. And adults need to explain nothing to their parents. Your life is your life. If your happy they should just be happy for you, end of story.

[Guest lowkeylittle]

I still don't see why being 18 makes it hard or necessary to explain things to parents. Its your life. And explaining a kink, that has nothing to do with an age gap, so that they understand why you have an age gap is giving them wrong information. You love your Daddy and he loves you for more reasons other then your age. If he was the same man but closer in age you would still love each other yes?

 

Parents want their children to be safe and happy. I get that, I'm a mom too. But I also remember when I was 19 and brought home a 33 year old. Someone only 4 years younger then my mother. She accepted it as I'm an adult, this is who I want to be with. I'm happy. Great. And that lasted almost 8 years. You can't judge someone based on their age. And adults need to explain nothing to their parents. Your life is your life. If your happy they should just be happy for you, end of story.

 

Ok... I just explained that my parents involve themselves in my business. I know it is my life but they still do not consider me an adult.  Their stance is that as long as I live in their house, they have control over me. What can I do? I have a job, but I'm not making enough to support myself.  I am in school full time and my Daddy lives four hours away.  I have no one to move in with around here and I am not dropping out of school.  The only reason I brought it up was to explain that we like the age gap. Yes, you can be in a DDlg relationship without an age gap. I said that. And anyway, they don't care if it's "misinformation" or not, honestly. Why would they? They aren't going to go look it up or be the least bit interested.

 

The reason for this thread in the first place was for SUPPORT. I asked if anyone else had a similar situation. That means I did not ask for anyone to come on here and judge me. This is supposed to be a forum where there are people to talk to and support you because we are all in this together. I get that you are ignorant about this situation because you had an accepting mother. You are lucky. Not everyone is gifted with that.

 

Listen, I am not trying to start an argument on here. I am sorry if I sound rude to you but I'm just being blunt about this. Thank you for concerning yourself with my business.

[MellyBoo19912015]

Daddy is the same age as my mum. We live in two different countries. Whilst they don't know about the dynamic they know he is someone I love and want to spend my life with eventually. They were cautious all those years ago when we met online, me a 18 year old. What helped was me being open about the fact but also letting them know I was being safe. I'm sorry to say though LL not all parents are accepting. Some will never accept, others will take a long time. End of the day your going to have to consider what you want your life to be. People here are will pomp to listen and talk and offer advice. I hope you find what your looking for.

[Princess-P]

All I'm saying is parents who concern themselves in their adult children's love affairs really have no say. Love is love age gap or no. What adults do is their own business. Yes some people will be nosey but ultamatly it comes down to you.

 

No one should be afraid of being disowned as the name of this thread is called "afraid of being disowned" there are always options. Sometimes you gotta suck it up and live the hard life to be with the people you love. And to have a healthy mental health state because all the stress of worrying about what's going to happen to you because of what someone else thinks can't be good on a person. I know its not just the OP that struggles with similar issues. Yes I was blessed with a supportive mother when it comes to my life choices. And I don't know what its like to worry about being disowned since I've supported myself since I was 17 (own place, own car,own bills, while in university and busting my ass at 2 jobs) it sucks but hey if your happy and fulfilled at the end of the day go for it.

 

Live happy. Love who you love.