The right Daddy stuff

[AspiringDaddy]

Just wondering whether I have the right stuff to be a Daddy (answer: actually I do!) and what I could do to strengthen and steer our relationship.

We're in a long distance relationship. It being recent has this extra very exiting newness dimension to it. But everyday life and our normal responsibilities keep us busy and therefore distracted. 

Apart from a couple of goals and the basic rule of saying good morning/evening every day, we haven't established any rules yet. Rewards are therefore awarded randomly, more or as encouragement than as rewards. My sometimes bratty girl likes to get the maximum of rewards out of her Daddy; with great success, of course 🤷‍♀️ and hat might send out the wrong signals.

We ought to take the time to sort things out and set some firm rules but as we are so busy, there hasn't been a lot of opportunity to do that. For one, I ought to be stricter  . 

We have something really nice and very promising going on and I don't want to let to slip it away.

Have a nice day! 

[beanbean]

It seems like it working for now so just add rules as needed build it how you want

[Renegade91]

The fact that you're posting here, wondering if you're doing enough, is all I need to see to know you do have what it takes to be a daddy.  The most important thing is caring. You don't necessarily have to be strict. Every daddy/little relationship is different.  You should have a conversation with her about what she wants in a relationship. Most brats tend to want some discipline, but that's not necessarily the case. I do think you're defeating the purpose of rewards if you give them out randomly. If it's random, it's not even encouragement, you're just giving her stuff. Which is fine, but not what people talk about when they mean rewards. 

The typical route, and the one I've always done, is to have some sort of system for keeping track of good behavior.  Most littles LOVE sticker charts. You negotiate a clear set of rules/tasks for them to do, you make this, and when they either get enough stickers (or points), they get a reward. A lot of littles love that, because it gives them something to shoot for. Every day, they can see they're closer to a reward. The sticker is the encouragement.  And of course, if they break rules, you have a system where they are punished, lose stickers, or anything else. That's how you typically provide structure, by having a clear, negotiated set of rules, rewards, and punishments. That's how most people do it, and that tends to be what many littles like. 

But again, none of this is a substitute for talking to her. Communication is the most important thing in our dynamic. It doesn't matter what most littles want, it matters what your little wants. Maybe she's happy in the current system you have. Maybe she wants rules and rewards but no punishments. Maybe she craves frequent/maintenance punishments. Every little is special and unique, and what matters is what they want and will be helpful to them. 

If you have questions as you learn the ropes, feel free to reach out to me. 

[AspiringDaddy]

Many thanks @Renegade91 for your insightful reply.

Communication is key. We just need the time and opportunity to talk. Which is a problem given our (mostly her) busy schedules.  

[Daddy_Bunny]

I agree. Communication is critical. 

[sweetgirl222]

Following this thread for sure!

[AspiringDaddy]

One thing I like to do is remind my girl that the space with her Daddy is her safe haven. Because it is.

[PRMari]

Wow, this thread is very interesting.

I wonder how it works with a LDR and I am very curious on how you develop that Daddy and Little relationship if you are not present physically.  Any comments on this are most welcome.  I am looking to learn!

I do have a thought/question/comment - if all a Little wants is just rewards/affection/encouragement, etc. and no punishment, and he/she just gets a safe space and stuff, isn't that just being a sugar Daddy?  I may be way off point here, but isn't the pleasure have being a Little and having a Daddy is having both the benefits and the accountability/responsibility?  Its like parenting in adult life, you can't have the benefit of the parent/child relationship without having the responsibility.  For me, that responsibility also includes a duty to correct when necessary.  How you correct is up to you, but without it, then you have a spoiled child with no sense of boundaries.  The child's duty is to then listen and learn from the parent and sometimes those lessons are hard and come with punishment of some sort. There has to be consequences.  

As a Little, I would  crave not only the affection and care but also the boundaries.  Many times, I do things that are not in my best interest, like working too many hours, taking on more than I am capable of handling and making promises that require a lot of sacrifice on my part - so my ideal Daddy would be the one that sets limits for me - that makes sure I eat and sleep properly, follow up on things that affect my health and that sort of thing.  If I did not follow his rules, I would understand why I would be punished because he would be fulfilling his number one promise - to keep me safe, happy and healthy.  If I had a Daddy, I would be actually disappointed if he let me get away with everything - the strict shows me that he cares enough and sees me - all the time.

Everyone, I hope your day is spectacular!!

Blessings and blessings,

Mari 

 

[AspiringDaddy]

4 hours ago, PRMari said:

Many times, I do things that are not in my best interest, like working too many hours, taking on more than I am capable of handling and making promises that require a lot of sacrifice on my part - so my ideal Daddy would be the one that sets limits for me - that makes sure I eat and sleep properly, follow up on things that affect my health and that sort of thing

This, Mari, is spot on. Thanks for your thought/question/comment.

This Daddy is trying 😁 and is sometimes too permissive or sugary. But 

For instance long work hours isn't really something we can do a lot about (bosses...) but I have my eyes on her, and she knows it. Making sure breaks, food and drink are taken. And I can't complain.

I like it when I get "yes Daddy" as answer. And I check in regularly to make sure there's a follow up, insofar that's possible.

There hasn't been a need for punishment yet. A stern look (emoji or gif) or a repeat comment usually does the trick.

Which reminds me I have an admonition to give. 😐

LDR? It works, it's difficult and it's worth the effort. Sometimes it's particularly difficult. For example when she badly needs a hug or cuddle. 😞

 

[Guest Lulu Darling]

Following as someone new to the ddlg community and this, sir, is very much a good daddy model.

 

[AspiringDaddy]

3 hours ago, Lulu Darling said:

Following as someone new to the ddlg community and this, sir, is very much a good daddy model.

 

Thank you Lulu Darling ☺️

Btw darling is such a sweet name, to be used as often as possible when talking to your favorite person - I hope you will find, or have, the person who will call you Darling Lulu Darling.

[Guest Lulu Darling]

1 minute ago, AspiringDaddy said:

Thank you Lulu Darling ☺️

Btw darling is such a sweet name, to be used as often as possible when talking to your favorite person - I hope you will find, or have, the person who will call you Darling Lulu Darling.

Oh my gosh you are far too kind! I hope one day to find someone that would call me darling ♡

[AspiringDaddy]

Maybe I should post a progress report?

In short: amazing.

As mentioned earlier, communication is key. But what's also important in that communication is the tone and how. In our case the 3rd person Daddy works very well.

There's a lot more to tell but I don't want to reveal too much. But it's going very well.

[Guest BabyBug]

On 5/16/2023 at 2:24 PM, AspiringDaddy said:

This, Mari, is spot on. Thanks for your thought/question/comment.

This Daddy is trying 😁 and is sometimes too permissive or sugary. But 

For instance long work hours isn't really something we can do a lot about (bosses...) but I have my eyes on her, and she knows it. Making sure breaks, food and drink are taken. And I can't complain.

I like it when I get "yes Daddy" as answer. And I check in regularly to make sure there's a follow up, insofar that's possible.

There hasn't been a need for punishment yet. A stern look (emoji or gif) or a repeat comment usually does the trick.

Which reminds me I have an admonition to give. 😐

LDR? It works, it's difficult and it's worth the effort. Sometimes it's particularly difficult. For example when she badly needs a hug or cuddle. 😞

 

I get the needing a hug or a cuddle being in a similar situation. I found this cute set of stuffies today that hug each other and they can even be personalized. Knowing that the other half of the set is being hugged and cuddled too would make me feel a little better. You can also hold them during video chats and eventually when you see each other they can be reunited. 

 

[AspiringDaddy]

On 5/15/2023 at 3:13 AM, Renegade91 said:

The most important thing is caring

When you feel in your bones, that this is what you need to do. It's like a string of your soul that has been plucked. It feels so right.

[AspiringDaddy]

3 minutes ago, Cricket said:

I get the needing a hug or a cuddle being in a similar situation. I found this cute set of stuffies today that hug each other and they can even be personalized. Knowing that the other half of the set is being hugged and cuddled too would make me feel a little better. You can also hold them during video chats and eventually when you see each other they can be reunited. 

 

A set of stuffies I hadn't thought of. That's so cute.

We/I have decided stuffies are necessary. I will definitely suggest your idea of cuddling a representative stuffie (if only a true Voodoo stuffie were a thing 😀...)

@Cricket, sending you a big friendly thank you hug for this oh so sweet and priceless tip 🤗

[Guest BabyBug]

1 hour ago, AspiringDaddy said:

A set of stuffies I hadn't thought of. That's so cute.

We/I have decided stuffies are necessary. I will definitely suggest your idea of cuddling a representative stuffie (if only a true Voodoo stuffie were a thing 😀...)

@Cricket, sending you a big friendly thank you hug for this oh so sweet and priceless tip 🤗

Your very welcome! I happy to help. Maybe you could even find a way to let the other know you need a cuddle...like maybe send a picture of it the stuffie or something easy. Sometimes for me it's hard to ask for things when I'm in littlespace, pictures and gifs and emjois are easy when I can't find my words.

[Vampiress]

There are fun things you can get that might help in the LDR situation if she needs some comfort items to make you feel closer to her.

Some ideas (all SFW):

• Build-A-Bear stuffie with your voice added
• Custom stuffie (you can find lots of custom stuffie makers on Etsy)
• A hoodie of yours
• Using your cologne to scent any of the above items or a different comfort item so it smells like you
• LDR jewelry https://www.thetouchx.com/
• Long Distance touch bracelet https://www.uncommongoods.com/product/long-distance-touch-bracelet-set
• Time zone clock if you're far apart https://www.etsy.com/listing/1125361635/personalised-two-time-zone-clock
• Love Box Messenger https://www.uncommongoods.com/product/lovebox-spinning-heart-messenger
• Friendship Lamps https://www.friendlamps.com/products/friendship-lamp
• Love Letter Blanket https://www.uncommongoods.com/product/personalized-hand-written-letter-blanket
• Make a stationary kit for each of you to write old school love letters to each other via the mail
• Take an online class together
• Send each other cards or post cards for fun

And I really can't stress how many different unique gift ideas you can find on Etsy. You can find ones searching specifically for long distance relationships, but you can also just really find anything there without having to search for that specific tag.

I purposefully excluded any LDR app controlled sex toys because I'm not going to assume your relationship is like that, but they definitely have those, too.

[AspiringDaddy]

@Vampiress, thank you so much for this list. There's some amazing stuff there (LD touch looks very nice).

 

[Andriel_Isilien]

This interests me as I started a thread in the club "Knowledge is Power" with a bit on LDR. Of course everyone's situation is different on how to enforce rules and what rewards/punishments would look like. Yet, I always appreciate ideas people share on what works for them. I hope we get more comments going here.

 

[PRMari]

13 hours ago, Vampiress said:

There are fun things you can get that might help in the LDR situation if she needs some comfort items to make you feel closer to her.

Some ideas (all SFW):

• Build-A-Bear stuffie with your voice added
• Custom stuffie (you can find lots of custom stuffie makers on Etsy)
• A hoodie of yours
• Using your cologne to scent any of the above items or a different comfort item so it smells like you
• LDR jewelry https://www.thetouchx.com/
• Long Distance touch bracelet https://www.uncommongoods.com/product/long-distance-touch-bracelet-set
• Time zone clock if you're far apart https://www.etsy.com/listing/1125361635/personalised-two-time-zone-clock
• Love Box Messenger https://www.uncommongoods.com/product/lovebox-spinning-heart-messenger
• Friendship Lamps https://www.friendlamps.com/products/friendship-lamp
• Love Letter Blanket https://www.uncommongoods.com/product/personalized-hand-written-letter-blanket
• Make a stationary kit for each of you to write old school love letters to each other via the mail
• Take an online class together
• Send each other cards or post cards for fun

And I really can't stress how many different unique gift ideas you can find on Etsy. You can find ones searching specifically for long distance relationships, but you can also just really find anything there without having to search for that specific tag.

I purposefully excluded any LDR app controlled sex toys because I'm not going to assume your relationship is like that, but they definitely have those, too.

Just totally awesome ideas! 

Mari

[AspiringDaddy]

Got myself a little bit in a pickle here 😂, looking for rewards for completing that sticker chart.

[Guest BabyBug]

Daddy said at the end of each week if I take my medicine everyday then he'll color a picture with me and if I do it everyday for a month the he'll record a story for me! Which, reminds me...I took my medicine everyday last week!

[AspiringDaddy]

5 minutes ago, Cricket said:

Daddy said at the end of each week if I take my medicine everyday then he'll color a picture with me and if I do it everyday for a month the he'll record a story for me! Which, reminds me...I took my medicine everyday last week!

Good work @Cricket! Get your Daddy coloring and recording. Neither of which I'm good at, lol. Thanks!

[Erasmeus71]

I am following this too as this is interesting