Phone call issues?

[AloRose]

I just want to talk a bit, not sure what kind of response I want honestly. So basically, I’ve been talking to someone for a few weeks now and things are getting a bit deeper. Veryyy long distance between us but honestly we make it work, we text allll the time.

    But the issue is. Im very big on phone calls, I make sure to say that to all potential dates, If  you can’t do phone calls we won’t work. I like being able to rant off or have a million different convos, I love falling asleep on the phone. All of that. He said at the beginning he would be okay with it in the future, I was like, yeah that’s fine ya know get to know each other. But now were getting all deep. And I still haven’t gotten to hear his voice or talk to him on call yet. I mentioned it last week and he couldn’t at the time. And now I don’t wanna bring it up again cause I don’t want him to feel pressured? We vibe so perfectly, but part of me is like- idk if I can make a long distance work if I can’t get phone calls you know? Idk. Idk. 

[Andriel_Isilien]

Venting here is good.  I have issues when someone reassures my concerns that I first bring up upon interacting, but then further down the road they won't follow through like they said they would. It sounds like you have a valid need here. Expressing something like this shouldn't be seen as "pressure" because this is important to you which he agreed to. I don't see it as manipulation or anything bad. You have a need/concern to be attended to. According to the information you gave, it's on him to do what he said at the beginning.

Bring this up using "I" messages such as, "I really would like to hear your voice over the phone. I am able to feel a deeper connection that way and it's important to me. I want this work, so I really need to make time for phone call sessions." This gives clarification for where you are at and to see if he is on the same page as you. Was he expecting to have more time for the "get to know each other" phase? Because that most certainly can be the case. When he said he would be OK with it in the future, how long into the future was he meaning? That can look VERY different from person to person.

Being upfront about needs is scary because I too feel self-conscious that I'm nagging or being annoying. I want their offer to be genuine, not given grudgingly. But I'm learning that I can't go wrong with saying something true to myself. Those who value me and understand will appreciate my honesty. Most often, they just had no idea what was going on with me until I said something, and they are more than willing to give a little. Then there are times when something was going on with them that I had no idea about and I just got silly thoughts in my head to scare myself. 😅 To those who get upset, deflect, defensive, etc for me advocating what I NEED are people I probably should stop seeking relationships with. 

[shadowrider]

I agree with Andriel_Isilien.

 So you don't feel like you are pressuring them maybe offer to stream a movie together with voice chat. That way it doesn't carry as much potential pressure as a one on one conversation. You talk a little and laugh a little then after the movie hopefully the jitters are gone and you have a great conversation. Or try saying  something like my Saturday evening is open how about we get together for a date night chat. Just saying it kinda casually and see where that takes you. If they ignore or blow off the ideas then that tells you something. 

  Hopefully it all works out for you, wishing you luck.

[Erasmeus71]

Even better one can do a snap chat or zoom. You are not only seeing the person's voice but see the person in person. I have done zoom.

[beanbean]

I mean you said phone calls were important to you from the get go .maybe it's time tell him that this is a deal breaker if you don't start talking a little bit 

[Cebakes]

Something is off. Time to have a heart to heart text and tell him you need to hear his voice.  There is a reason he is not talking with you, and it’s probably a red flag.  

[AloRose]

On 4/25/2023 at 4:37 PM, Andriel_Isilien said:

you’re really mature and smart, thank you for your reply 

[AloRose]

On 4/25/2023 at 5:41 PM, shadowrider said:

honestly an amazing idea thank you