I need help getting my Daddy to understand his silence hurts

[Guest UnicornPuff]

My Daddy and I have been in a LDR for nearly a year. We had a rocky start at first but worked through it and love each other very much. He works A LOT and I do understand that. However, there can be times where he just won’t message me at all for days and it makes me feel very unimportant and hurt. I have explained this to him numerous times. Sometimes he completely forgets to tell me he’s going out of town and won’t be available. I appreciate this — that’s all I want, is to know. Sometimes, when he does tell me, he is more attentive while he’s gone than when he’s home.

This time hurts even more because I am a week and a half out from my third kidney transplant. I have had a much more difficult time and there has been a lot of silence. I got my call while he was on a work trip but he still checked in on my progress. Since he got back there has been virtual silence. I haven’t heard from him since saturday.

 

I don’t know how to get him to understand that this hurts so much. I don’t expect constant attention, I understand our situation. But I would like more than feeling like he only wants to do it when it’s convenient.

[beanbean]

I mean it sounds like you told him several times and it's just not something he remembers to do at best .you need to let him know how important this is to you and that it has to get better and not hearing from him for days is not something you want to handle 

[Erasmeus71]

Let me do some comparison then perhaps we can put it in perspective. Our you familiar with military going off. Even today. You can do a comparison to them. They are away from there wives or men in some cases. Then they fool around. This leads to divorce. Same on opposite the end can happen. Now lets look at DDLG/ABDL not getting letters or emails just like them. There is lack of communication. A person could be fooling around with another person? The same other reasons you look when in comparison. Only difference is this kink.

[Guest UnicornPuff]

I don't want to automatically accuse him of anything. But the lack of attention makes me feel unimportant.

[CodeName: Trouble]

I'm sending so many good vibes your way, I hope everything goes well with your surgery and that you have a smooth recovery. 

I have been in several LDR's over the years, ranging from a few months to a few years. Currently I live with my boyfriend, we started LDR and after a 2 years closed the distance. My biggest regret when it comes to Long distance dating is waiting and hoping that things will get better.

In my opinion, LDR sucks. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. The space can be heart wrenching. It's normal to feel lonely when the person you want to be with most is physically unreachable, even worse when something happens and they are virtually unreachable as well. Still thou, it did work well for me and gave me the space I needed for myself, time to get comfortable with new partners and to make sure our boundaries were respected and expectations met.

It sounds like you have done your dues and communicated with him, multiple times, about this issue... and there has been little to no change on his end. That is a red flag. It doesn't mean he is a bad guy necessarily, but LDR isn't for everyone and if he isn't willing to take your feelings and needs seriously or have a conversation about how his needs and feelings differ, then that is a big sign of bad compatibility at the least. He doesn't need to be  unfaithful to be a bad boyfriend for you.

It sounds like somewhere your expectations for this relationship and emotional needs are clashing badly.

I had a ex like this once, and I was left feeling like a part time girlfriend working full time hours on a relationship that wasn't paying off emotionally when I needed it most. I'm sorry this situation really sucks, and I can only imagine how upsetting it is paired with what you're currently going through. You are worth so so so much more than the silence he is giving you, the unanswered questions, the worrying, the heavy empty feelings... Dont let him bring you down. Try to focus on self care and leaning on other support systems. Have a nice long talk with yourself about what you need vs what you're getting, if your expectations are realistic, and if you can trust him to work with you towards a healthier relationship.

 

Sorry if this is long and jumbled, I'll proof read it when it's not past my bedtime

Wishing you nothing but the best.

[Cebakes]

Sorry that you are dealing with this. I’ve never been in a long distance relationship, except for when my old middle went off to college for her senior year. They can be very difficult, especially if there is a communication issue.    

Unfortunately, your situation is not unique and there are similar posts that come up here every other month or so. I’m sorry, but it’s 2023 not 1950 and there is no reason for someone not to be able to shoot off a quick meme, text, email, call etc to say hello unless they are truly in an isolated area or literally tied up all day.

Would never go 24 hours without communicating with someone special to me. When I worked, I managed people, traveled, and raised my four kids on my own for many years.  I always kept in touch with my kids and girlfriends. 

I don’t see anyway to justify his actions. This is something very significant that you’ve addressed with him, you have a serious operation coming up and he isn’t there to support you.

Hopefully you have friends and family there to support you for your upcoming operation and recovery.  If you were a close friend or loved one, I would tell you to move on.  This is who he is and he isnt going to change.  A leopard doesn’t change its spots…..

[DarkSide1969]

Every relationship is two sided. We have needs and desires that our partner fulfills. Your part of the equation is meeting their needs. If you tell them you need more frequent communication they should understand and appreciate your needs. I work a lot. Trust me when I say there is always enough time to reach out to your Little. Always time. I have a BG a thousand miles away. But we communicate constantly. We always read texts and reply when we can. A txt is your partner reaching out and saying, “Hey! Thinking about you. Connect with me?”

I never leave her on red. I have empathy for her needs. If I didn’t want connection, I wouldn’t be in a relationship. And if she told me that she was hurt by something I was doing, I would damn sure try to make it better. If your Daddy is like most of us, his phone is never out of arms reach. He can communicate. He can keep you in the loop. He’s choosing not to. If he’s simply busy and it slips his mind? I don’t buy it. That implies that you aren’t a priority, that you aren’t on his mind. 
You have told him your concerns on several occasions. If his actions haven’t changed, they won’t. There is definitely more here than meets the eye. I won’t speculate on why he’s attentive while away and distant when he’s close. I will say that you deserve empathy and attention from any relationship. Find one that feeds you emotionally and doesn’t make you feel less than. Hugs!

[littlecloud]

hi! 

i know you don’t want to accuse your partner and that what you’re going through is scary - best wishes! but my previous relationship was a lot like this. I want to put in perspective what I went through because I was/am a lot like you and i ALWAYS want to talk things through, fix things and fight for my relationships. My ex was a lot like this. He worked A LOT and knew i’m a clingy girl and i thrive with communication and affection. i can stand on my own and he knew i could stand on my own but have that support was what really put me at my best. things were great at first even with his schedule and then the communication lessened. we would talk it through, make a pact to put in effort on both sides to correct the issue and then move on and things would be great again only for the communication to lessen and the cycle continue. i did this for 3-4 YEARS. nothing changed no matter how much i wanted it to, no matter how much i loved him and we talked about marriage and kids. The point of that is the one truth that i think you may be experiencing as well:

He knew he was hurting me emotionally and i was letting him. 

thats not okay. since this i’m a full believer in following through when someone tells you their needs and you agree to them (as long as it’s not toxic or harmful of course). i know you may love him and think you need him but at the end of the day, he’s ignoring your needs and making excuses for it and unfortunately you’re letting him. stating your needs and needing them to be met isn’t a conversation that should happen often. love doesn’t hurt. you shouldn’t have to beg for the bare minimum because you’re worth SO much more. 

[Erasmeus71]

What little cloud said is exactly the reason my Uncle got divorced three times!

 

Edited April 6, 2023 by Erasmeus71
wrong word

[Kittenlikestocuddle]

I'm sorry to see you're going through this with someone who more than likely has made you promises to always be there for you. This sort of thing has happened to me before twice with men I was trying to have a d/s relationship with. Mind you, at the time I didn't know I was a Babygirl, but communicated with them that I needed attention, time, and care very clearly even though not caregiving as we know it in ddlg. But care meaning emotional support nonetheless. Mind you, I now know that I in fact had regular doms and not daddies. Regular doms trying to fulfill the role of Daddy as a kink to a Submissive. They were never truly enthusiastic about spending quality time with me outside of the time they needed to get their Dom needs fulfilled. Whether that was sexting, phone sex, or just whatever they wanted to satisfy them as a Dom in a long distance relationship. Knowing that I needed time and attention, one of them actually tried to use silent treatment as a punishment for me. I told them that that was the exact opposite of what I needed and reminded him that he had promised to give me patience and understanding at the precursor to our trial and that this was definitely not him showing patience with me. He tried to punish me on the very first mistake I made with him! And I told him, denying someone care or attention as a punishment is emotional abuse. It's toxic behavior. And I never agreed to it as a condition. Especially not with it being one of the primary things I needed to soothe me. And the other one never contacted me on his own or engaged with me unless it was about something sexual. These are all red flags to me. But I later learned that they were never Daddies to begin with. They were regular doms trying to fulfill a fantasy for a Submissive that they clearly did not understand. We didn't even know I was a real little yet. But the minute my clinginess and need for attention kicked in they each showed frustration with me like I wanted too much. Once again, this was because they were regular Doms and NOT real Daddies. What am I saying here? From what I've learned and from the way I've seen real Daddies express the way their littles make them feel, there is no way a real Daddy is going to leave you lonely and not engage with you for days on end. Because real caregivers have an extreme need to feel needed and to take real care of someone. It's how they get their hit. So of course a real Daddy would "want" to spend time with you. Your clinginess wouldn't be a burden but a blessing to him. Because from what I've seen, real Daddies have a need for their littles just like their littles need them. And if your case is like mine and you find that he's leaning more towards being a regular Dom who really needs a regular Submissive and not a little, then I suggest that you will find more happiness and attention once you connect with a real Daddy! I hope this one experience of mine helps! Good luck! ❤️