Parental DDlg

[Sir-North]

Hi all,

I've been thinking about relationship dynamics recently and felt I should pose this question to the forum: How many of you see your Daddy as a parental figure? (Or if you are a Daddy, see yourself as that way)

While there is no "one true way", each person has preferences that just feel right for them. We all have our own flavor of DDlg. My own flavor of DDlg isn't as a roleplay, but as a lifestyle. It is a constant thing that is always with me. For example: I would view my little as an adoptive daughter that I care for, she sees me as both a father figure and a lover. We would celebrate valentine's day, daughter's day, and father's day.

My feelings towards her would be loving and protective. I want my little girl to know that she can tell me anything and I'll still love her unconditionally. That I want what is best for her and will push her, with love and encouragement, to be her best self. That she is safe with me. That her Daddy will always be there for her.

Does this make sense? How many others here have a similar dynamic?

[Cebakes]

It makes sense and I’m sure many here have experienced these dynamics or feelings.  I’ve personally experienced these types of feelings concerning certain aspects of my relationships.  The feelings were pretty organic, natural, not something planned, overly discussed, were well received and reciprocated.  It’s always best to have an understanding of your partners needs and desires.  

[beanbean]

I mostly see myself has the overseer just trying to help steer them and protect them and not be overbearing. So yeah I think that can be seen as parental in ways but that's okay because all relationships really in one way or another are passed off others especially if you care about them

 

[Guest SnowMan_Baby]

I would see that in this dynamic (daddy domme, mommy domme, or caregiver... or whatever term you would want use) to some degree would be a parent in situations determined by the kind of relationship it is. I also see this in most vanilla relationships too where one is considered the head of household and therefore would look to be a "parent" in that aspect. but major props to all those who take on this role.

[MissNMTX]

As a middle, I think my only hang up would be word choice. Not the emotional sentiment or intentions at all. That said I think you can definitely have that without using the term "daughter" at all. For me personally, that term would have to be off limits. Just the word...not the intent.

[shadowrider]

As for a guide, leader, mentor, nurturing, or whatever I would say yes 100%

As for the terms father, mother, daughter, son, parental, adopted, no 100%. These terms are frowned upon as they lead outsiders to believe the stereotype that we are all ped***les into inc**t.  And my opinion on adopted is the same as the legal one. If you adopt someone and then become intimate that is a crime. And we do not promote anything that resembles that in this lifestyle and steer clear of those terms for that reason. 

[Vampiress]

2 hours ago, shadowrider said:

As for a guide, leader, mentor, nurturing, or whatever I would say yes 100%

As for the terms father, mother, daughter, son, parental, adopted, no 100%. These terms are frowned upon as they lead outsiders to believe the stereotype that we are all ped***les into inc**t.  And my opinion on adopted is the same as the legal one. If you adopt someone and then become intimate that is a crime. And we do not promote anything that resembles that in this lifestyle and steer clear of those terms for that reason. 

I couldn't have said it better myself. If someone started referring to me as daughter or something along those lines I'd probably freak out. I really don't like how those terms makes our community look. It just makes it harder to destigmatize and leads people to hate us more. There are probably a lot of people out there who would be more open to this kind of lifestyle if it weren't for those assumptions that we're into all that bad stuff.

[Sir-North]

5 hours ago, MissNMTX said:

As a middle, I think my only hang up would be word choice. Not the emotional sentiment or intentions at all. That said I think you can definitely have that without using the term "daughter" at all. For me personally, that term would have to be off limits. Just the word...not the intent.

I think the word intent better describes my perspective on how I view her. Would I actually call her my daughter? No. However my intent would be to care for and look after her as if she were, which I think is natural if she sees me as a father figure.

[MissNMTX]

@Sir-North we s types are suckers for affectionate nicknames, that are used just for us by our D type. Try that.

[Cebakes]

On 3/5/2023 at 9:09 PM, shadowrider said:

As for a guide, leader, mentor, nurturing, or whatever I would say yes 100%

As for the terms father, mother, daughter, son, parental, adopted, no 100%. These terms are frowned upon as they lead outsiders to believe the stereotype that we are all ped***les into inc**t.  And my opinion on adopted is the same as the legal one. If you adopt someone and then become intimate that is a crime. And we do not promote anything that resembles that in this lifestyle and steer clear of those terms for that reason. 

Topics and discussions like this are helpful, especially to new members of the community who may not understand that these terms aren’t appropriate   It is reasonable to assume that there are forum members here that’ve never been educated on this topic.  Now if they hear these terms in the future, they can say that’s not appropriate and also use it to spot a red flag.

[Guest UnicornPuff]

My Daddy is both my lover and parent -- and I am his lover and Little Girl. 

[Kittyara207]

I really appreciate this.  All new in a way to this.  But not new.  Thank you for the information.  I agree intent is important but not being misunderstood is very important.  But, being the little being referred to as daughter not so great.   However being taken care of as one would be as a such, the love, support and protectivness is what most of us want or need.

That is why I think the two of whom the relationship is for need to sit down and go over this.  And their thoughts concerning.

[Wikkd]

I see my Daddy as my 10 foot tall hero. He cares for me and makes sure I'm happy and safe. I could use the term parental but I like guide or mentor better. I've always enjoyed Father's Day but daughter's day is kind of weird to me. I like Valentine's Day or Christmas better (depending on my head space) for gift giving. 

[DaddysMonkey]

This topic has my mind churning.

I believe this could make for a great discussion / debate. I agree with a lot of the sentiment on both parties side. 
 

I suppose what gets my little monkey mind going is that I refer quite often to one of my partners as Dad , and have also often called him a parental figure because he has been that for a very long time now. It brings up thoughts and questions of how Littles might be looking for “little brothers or sisters” to join them ; and how by all technicality that should not be okay then either.
 

Wordage is so tricky , if someone is going to be a stickler for language is not all of the language and endearing terms for DDLG/CG/L be up for some sort of debate ? I’m not dense and I obviously understand there is a very big different in calling someone Daddy and calling someone your father. It seems as though people inherently see Daddy as a kink term but Father or Dad as a biological term. 
 

I plan on coming back to this when I have more time to discuss and debate the issue , I think this could be an extremely healthy , educational , and hopefully productive conversation to be had. This post and responses in it’s entirety has my thoughts racing like crazy , but alas I am at work and have taken 4 hours to even type this much between customers.

 

I SHALL RETURN. 

[DaddysMonkey]

I need a golf clap emoji , well said @softbeard. I still intend to reply my thoughts when I have ample time but my sentiments are similar to yours. 

[Cebakes]

Yes, context matters.  I don’t see anything wrong with the relationship you discussed.  Over the past year I’ve seen others who seek or desire what you’ve posted here.

[Daddylunababy]

On 11/14/2023 at 12:25 PM, softbeard said:

We used such (apparently controversial) terms as "dad"/"father" for me and "daughter" for her - along with, and with the same intentions as, all the other terms: "daddy", "princess", "darling", "sweetie", "little girl", "future husband", "future wife", and so on.

…

That person would call us pedophiles with or without people who use the terms "dad", "father", "mother", "mom", "daughter", and "son" being accepted here...

…

For that matter, if we’re gonna crack down on things that make our community seem stereotypical and bad to the outside - by the same token some of you justify discouraging and showing disgust towards use of familial terms, should we not also discourage baby/little talk then?

Nail on the head here with all this.

 

Better not call him “father” — but “daddy” is substantially different, *somehow*.

 

She’s not your daughter, but she *is* your little girl, your princess.

 

Really think about how all this sounds to people who are outside it.

[MrPaulDavies]

My girl thinks of me as her Daddy in every sense and values parental guidance and rules.

[DaddysMonkey]

*COUGH COUGH* Ahem - so … I have a three day weekend after my first week back from vacation 😎 Seems like a good amount of time to start replying to some threads that have really been stewing in my little brain , eh ? 
 

I am a sucker for literal definitions since people like to get hung up on things (especially when they aren’t even a part of my beloved community) : 
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/parental

While parent/parental can quite obviously mean biological , it is not the only definition or example that is provided :

“One who begets offspring.” 
“One who brings up or cares for another.” 

Cg/L in general as a whole - is the latter sample not what is strived for within this community ? To be “brought up” and cared for ? To “bring up” and care for another person ? Are Mommys and Daddys not acting parental by doing the things they are doing ? Are we really going to get hung up on words separated by a couple of fucking letters ? @softbeard said it best in my opinion : “So long as what exists in the dynamic exists between consenting adults... why try to please a crowd that is never going to actually accept even a sliver of what you are and what you do? So a person who doesn't want to understand what we are, called us pedophiles. So what? That person would call us pedophiles with or without people who use the terms "dad", "father", "mother", "mom", "daughter", and "son" being accepted here...” 

Dad : https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dad

Daddy : https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/daddy

Both of these words LITERALLY mean FATHER. Just because people choose to put an extra D and a Y at the end it makes it … better ? As in my OG post- obviously people will have their assumptions about peoples intentions when using terms like “Dad” , “Daughter” , Mom” , “Son” , “Brother” , “Sister” , Father” ECT , but as SoftBeard said and as I am saying now repeatedly ……. DOES THE EXTRA “DY” REALLY MAKE A FUCKING DIFFERENCE TO OUTSIDERS ? As @Daddylunababy states , “Better not call him “father” — but “daddy” is substantially different, *somehow*. She’s not your daughter, but she *is* your little girl, your princess. Really think about how all this sounds to people who are outside it.” Are we really going to ostracize a smaller group in this already small group of freakos - because we as adults decide to use another word that has the same definition (one in which by the way - is the whole idea in which is being fought against) ? 

Are people looking for “Brothers” and “Sisters” for themselves or their partners to play with also in the same boat as people who use the terms “Dad” , “daughter” , “Mom’” , “son” , so on and so forth ? Should those not be flagged as In***t as well ? Just as Daddy and Dad have the same literal definition - Brother and Sister are pretty plainly biological terms… and yet people call each other brother and sister all the time because they feel that close bond with one another. Are those kinds of people not sick too then according to all of this logic presented ? There have been plenty of people in my time on this site looking for such things and I do not once recall that ever being frowned upon but it is the exact same thing as using terms such as the other familial ones presented several times.

*TRIGGER WARNINGS AHEAD*

I suppose I take this subject to heart and it really hits a nerve when *my* word choice is associated with P***philia and In***t. 

I have personal experience with both as a child , being abused and the word choice my loving partners and I use is something that heals a lot of hurt I experienced as a child. My birth mother married her half brother (my half uncle) , after she divorced my birth father. (This is literally a felony. In***t is a FELONY PEOPLE. I HAVE EXPERIENCED THIS in my own fucking family - you can be fined or go to prison.) Both of them put me through a lot of sexual abuse as a child - along with the abuse they put my sister through , leading her to also sexually abuse me while we were both children. Having those experiences while I was not able to consent - in comparison to having loving partners that I call Dad and Brother healing pain in my heart and soul that is unimaginable - there is no comparing them. None  of us have the disgusting intentions that can be implicated by our terms of endearment for each other. (No , nobody is specifically saying these things about *me* - but I feel the need to stand up for it because I can - and some people might not have the courage to say what myself or others have to say). 

My birth father - my Dad (step dad / uncle) , my mother , sister… all of them during childhood did deplorable things. They were not parental in the slightest bit. 

Dad and Brother - they have given me more parenting and parental love than any “Biological” or “Cg/L BDSM” terms could ever imply. Dad taught me how to do my taxes when I was 18 for fucks sake , and taught me how to be a functioning member of society. Brother treats me with so much Brotherly love that I always feel completely safe and never have to look over my shoulder when he is with me , and has taught me that someone can care for you deeply and not betray your trust and innocence. 

So do the words really matter in the end ? Again , to quote SoftBeard : “The damn pedophiles that we in this community are being boxed in with in people's minds, are the exact same fucking bastards who the LGBTQ+ community are being boxed in with in people's minds. And with the same fucking dumb-ass reasoning of "well, this pedophile claims to be a valid part of that community, and it seems the same to me so... must be true!" 🤦 Because at the end of the day, people™ fucking love making what isn't their jam™ seem like the most outlandish, irredeemable, tasteless, creepy, unnatural, [insert negative adjective here] thing in the world.”

- Someone could appear to be completely vanilla and call their partner “babe” as many normal people do and secretly be a predator having their own sick ideals hidden in their mind. People like me , who fight for people in this community and try to show that we as a whole can be strong minded and morally sound individuals - can use words like Dad and Brother and see our partners as a parental figure and be just normal consenting adults living our lives. Will someone using these terms be CONTEXT CLUES or RED FLAGS that someone might be into those above stated nefarious things ? Absolutely. There is no doubt that it can be a red flag - just as half of the things I see on this site being red flags to be honest. On this site in particular I feel as though predators and people who would use these parental terms and are also into In***t or P***philia make themselves easy to sniff out with they way that they speak to others on the public areas of the forum or in private - the way that they speak and the topics they float around in CONJUNCTION with the use of these familial terms…. It’s like they’re basically walking around wearing neon. 

“For that matter, if we’re gonna crack down on things that make our community seem stereotypical and bad to the outside - by the same token some of you justify discouraging and showing disgust towards use of familial terms, should we not also discourage baby/little talk then? Hell, how about we just discourage BDSM as a whole - since clearly it’s leading to our community being misconstrued in media and by the public™ as something disgusting that only pedophiles and rapists take part in? This is a struggle you cannot win, in a society™ you will never fit in with - I think it’s important to not delude ourselves with thoughts of the opposite. More than at least some here, and in any case along with the rest of you, I feel the daily fucking struggle of being part of a community that isn’t understood by the public.”

- LOLOLOLOOL. The baby talk discussion point made me genuinely grunt laugh to myself when I originally read it. I mean , you’re not wrong. At least to me this point is pretty valid. (Mostly because I admittedly have a strong dislike for baby talk) , someone who is into extreme baby talk whether that be doing it or hearing it and liking it , is a little bit more alarming to me than myself calling my partners Dad or Brother - in general. My bias does not make my opinion any more or less valid obviously , in my mind it just seems much more on the spectrum of “make believe *P***philia” to be emulating a child’s voice / inflections in or outside of sexual moments. As someone who is into CNC - the entire paragraph I copy/pasted above speaks to me, You cannot win when it comes to really breaking things down to what is acceptable as a whole.. 

I don’t believe my tangent is exactly what the OP was asking as it was more about parental figures but wordage definitely came into play and that is where my mind went with. Hmm… my stance on this is that I do not think parental Cg/L is bad - or the terms I use - and INTENT and CONTEXT is absolutely end all be all when it comes to subjects like this as anything within the lifestyles we have within our community can be misconstrued as horrid behavior, sick / mental.. and the final say on whether it is or isn’t about should not be just one persons / an invisible standard set by whoever says so. I suppose I will leave this tread for now with some thought / discussion provoking questions as usual : 

- Intent matters - as much as understanding full definitions and what you’re truly fighting for or against. Are you fighting against the terms “Dad , daughter , Mom , son , ect” , or the idea that the intent behind these words might be nefarious ? 

- What do you consider parental behaviors / relations ? 

- What are intent / context clues that you find implicate someone is nefarious and should be red flagged in the community rather than people going about their healthy adult lives ? 

- Is there a reason you believe the terms “Daddy” and “Dad are treated so differently even though they mean the exact same fucking thing ? 
 

Hopefully this bumps up this topic again as I agree with @Cebakes

On 3/7/2023 at 2:17 AM, Cebakes said:

Topics and discussions like this are helpful, especially to new members of the community who may not understand that these terms aren’t appropriate   It is reasonable to assume that there are forum members here that’ve never been educated on this topic.  Now if they hear these terms in the future, they can say that’s not appropriate and also use it to spot a red flag.

I agree with the fact that this should be discussed more - in a healthy manner (fucking duh) , and respectfully (fucking duh again). There are things that a lot of people have seen on this forum that they might not agree with or think that are red flags , but it does not necessarily always mean it is factual in the end. There are people out there like me who might use terms like Dad and Brother , using them with affection and to heal from the past. I have been in this community for a long time - even before I joined this forum. I have spent a lot of time fighting for what I believe this community truly is and can be at it’s core - and it genuinely hurts my heart to think that someone could immediately have their idea of me - with all the love , care and work I put into this community and keeping it safe and educated - would automatically assume that I am into literal IN***t because of the words my family decides to use.. At the end of the day , do strangers opinions affect me ? no - but this place , my second home - and the people who choose to be here are not strangers. They are family and friends. Having their opinion or view of my change because of other people trying to incorrectly explain how these things make me feel ….. seems really unjust and unfair. Nobody knows how I or my family feels in our hearts but ourselves. 

Alright , alright - enough rambling at this point. I am hopeful for more conversation on this subject. Thank you to all who have added to it up to now and will continue to reply. 

👋🏻

Edited December 30, 2023 by DaddysMonkey

[Guest RaawrrrPincess]

I've hear people not in the community refer to their partners as Daddy. It's common here in fact.

For me, it's all about intent. I've used the term "Daddy", as I've grown...I use partner and caregiver more. I guess it matters if you sexual or non sexual too. 

I don't know! There's too many fuzzy lines. 

[DaddyMarin]

On 11/14/2023 at 6:25 PM, softbeard said:

Right. Hello 🤣 So... I have my thoughts on this and I've debated a lot back and forth on whether I stay quiet and "in line" or comment and risk further alienating myself from this place. (clearly I've chosen the latter) As a forewarning, in my enthusiasm I might not have been clear enough on certain things or managed to describe things in a way that is understandable to someone coming in with a different mindset from my own - so let it be known that I am open to discussion (even if it might not seem that way), both here and in private if it doesn't necessarily concern the original topic, and I'll gladly elaborate or explain differently to the best of my ability if needed!

To start with, let me give my answer to the question originally posed: I've had a similar dynamic and do consider myself a father-/parent figure type of daddy. The relationship I had when I found this part of myself, involved a partner who had never had any relationship with her biological father - as he had died before she was born (or it might have been shortly after, but either way... dude was not in her life). She had been looking for someone to fill that empty spot in her life, and I consider myself very lucky to have been that someone for a time. We used such (apparently controversial) terms as "dad"/"father" for me and "daughter" for her - along with, and with the same intentions as, all the other terms: "daddy", "princess", "darling", "sweetie", "little girl", "future husband", "future wife", and so on.

And this leads me to what I consider the main points to all of this: CONTEXT MATTERS! INTENTIONS MATTER! If the context is that someone underage is involved, then yes - clearly it's not ok... so sayeth the law, so say we all! If the context is "oh hey, I adopted a kid some time ago and now they're no longer underage - we can..." then OF COURSE, it's a fucking disgusting thing... HOWEVER, if some consenting adults, with no legal or biological attachments of this kind, decide to act AS IF they were "parent"/"parent's adult kid" - what makes that any different from the other forms this dynamic takes? What makes it any more of a red flag than cnc in BDSM for example? It's consensual, only involves adults, has nothing to do with legal matters, isn't done with the same intentions of what it is “emulating” (if you can even call it emulation, I dunno, closest I can think of at least)… Is it gonna fit everyone? No, of course not! But why should it be treated even a tiny fucking bit different from anything else within a space that involves things "normal people™" view as something harmful and disgusting, because they don't understand it and aren't into it themselves? Are we really that fucking narrow-minded?

What is this type of dynamic, if not an abnormal niche within an abnormal niche within an abnormal niche? We are already the fucking weirdos in the corner of a classroom, doing our own things, our own ways, in our own small bubble - why in the ever-loving flying stallion duck would we want to shun anyone for not staying within the A4 understanding of the world that the "popular kids" can't see past?! FUCK 'EM! So long as what exists in the dynamic exists between consenting adults... why try to please a crowd that is never going to actually accept even a sliver of what you are and what you do? So a person who doesn't want to understand what we are, called us pedophiles. So what? That person would call us pedophiles with or without people who use the terms "dad", "father", "mother", "mom", "daughter", and "son" being accepted here... In my view, it seems similar to someone within the LGBTQ+ community getting frowned upon by that community just for being something that a conservative christian would call "unnatural", "an abomination" and "a sin" - news flash: the ignorant motherfuckers would still think of all of you that way, even if you distanced yourselves from those of us who don't fit into a neat little box of what is "normal" within this abnormality of ours.

Actually, having mentioned LGBTQ+.... The damn pedophiles that we in this community are being boxed in with in people's minds, are the exact same fucking bastards who the LGBTQ+ community are being boxed in with in people's minds. And with the same fucking dumb-ass reasoning of "well, this pedophile claims to be a valid part of that community, and it seems the same to me so... must be true!" 🤦 Because at the end of the day, people™ fucking love making what isn't their jam™ seem like the most outlandish, irredeemable, tasteless, creepy, unnatural, [insert negative adjective here] thing in the world.

For that matter, if we’re gonna crack down on things that make our community seem stereotypical and bad to the outside - by the same token some of you justify discouraging and showing disgust towards use of familial terms, should we not also discourage baby/little talk then? Hell, how about we just discourage BDSM as a whole - since clearly it’s leading to our community being misconstrued in media and by the public™ as something disgusting that only pedophiles and rapists take part in? This is a struggle you cannot win, in a society™ you will never fit in with - I think it’s important to not delude ourselves with thoughts of the opposite. More than at least some here, and in any case along with the rest of you, I feel the daily fucking struggle of being part of a community that isn’t understood by the public. In order to even be here and take part without my own government (or some random cunt somewhere in the pipeline) potentially using it against me, I’m taking heavy measures every time I log in - to hide my tracks and my true identity as much as I can, without fully losing access to such a wonderful place as this forum. It takes time, it takes effort, it takes energy I do not even have to begin with. Do I wish I could just forget about it and live my life like a real boy™? Sure! But (in a fictional reality where this would be possible by not allowing certain people their own version of this dynamic) not at the cost of something that myself and others consider to be our parts in all of this - again, so long as what we’re doing is well within the boundaries of what isn’t ACTUAL inc*st/p*dophilia/etc.

That’s my two cents on the matter, peace and love 🤘

I couldn't have put it there in any other way.  I'm going to copy this and translate it to put it in my notes if you don't mind

[Daddylunababy]

12 hours ago, DaddysMonkey said:

- What do you consider parental behaviors / relations ? 

…

- Is there a reason you believe the terms “Daddy” and “Dad are treated so differently even though they mean the exact same fucking thing ? 
 

I think that a lot of this thread turns on these two questions, and how one answers them.  And I think they’re important questions, and have probably been considered by most — if not all — of us on this site.

Something that always strikes me about living as daddy and girl is that my wife-little and I have *chosen* to live this way, and have adopted these “titles” or names for one another purposely.  Well, there’s got to be a reason *why* we have done so.  She doesn’t call me Master; I haven’t acquired a number for her on a BDSM slave registry.  I am Daddy to her, she is Princess, or little one, etc. to me.

I think the reason for this is the emotional resonance of “daddy” and its congruity with the form which our marriage has assumed over the past six-plus years.  While very, very few of us are blessed to experience an absolutely ideal childhood with unimpeachably excellent parents, we nonetheless have a *generally* accepted image (varying in many details, of course, from person to person) of what that *would* be like.  Therein lies what I call the “emotional resonance” of using parental terms for one’s S.O. — or, coming from my “side,” “childlike” names, terms, concepts “for” my wife-little.  And therein lies a lot of the richness and power of a DD/lg relationship, I submit:  it speaks to something very, very deep within us all.

Whether she calls me “Daddy” (she does) or “father” (she doesn’t) or “dad” (she doesn’t) affects nothing at all about *how* we now relate.  I do, in fact, often act toward and speak to her as a father (*ideally*, of course) does his daughter.  No skirting around a particular term or two changes that reality.  And — were anyone outside the two of us to learn of how we relate to one another — not using a word or two would *not* lead anyone to be more accepting of this way of life.

 I think I could write a lot more but hate typing on my phone.  Have at it.