What to do if my little/childish persona unknowingly comes out while talking to people

[Casse]

My childish/little persona unkowningly comes out while talking with people, even with people I have never talk with before. For example, while talking with a classmate I have never spoken to before, I unkowningly start behaving a bit childish (childish is what my friends tell me I behave like) just after talking 2-3 sentences with them.

I feel as if this is the reason why people don't like to talk to again once we have talked, also the reason I have less friends.

Do I make people feel so uncomfortable?

Although i try my best to keep that kind of behaviour in check as much as I can, but still it slips sometimes (rather many a times).

What should I do to change that behaviour?

Edited February 25, 2023 by Casse

[Guest His_Little_Doll]

What kind of childlike behavior slips out? 

[MissNMTX]

So much depends on what you are calling "childlike behavior". Many things can just be played off as a happy personality or silly quirks.

Again, it depends on what it is.

[Casse]

Something like, making noises with a water bottle inbetween a serious conversation, climbing on my friends back while they are having a video call and distracting them by covering the camera, or abruptly showing a clingy behaviour with my friends (like wanting to hug, keeps our arms interlocked, holding hands, etc), there many more things like this.

Although they look like very small incidents, but combined together, they look very childish as I have been told by many.

They just come out abruptly, just like a reflex action, with my brain registering it after I have already done it. 

[Casse]

Please help!!!🥺🥺🥺

[DaddysMonkey]

👋🏻 Hi there. 
 

I am very honest and transparent so please take this for the helpfulness I mean it to have. 
 

These incidents and behaviors combined could very likely make people uncomfortable , annoyed , or lead them to believe you’re childish. It could also be the reason you seem to think you don’t have many friends. If I were in a classroom setting and someone I’ve never met started baby/child talking (not that you are) , climbing all over me , waving their hands in front of my camera , or trying to be all up in my personal bubble … that’s how a Monkey attack happens. You never know what other people have going on mental health wise or in their personal life , I can be very high energy and annoying as well but if I were in a classroom and this started happening to me… I would start Monkey wailing and screaming to be left the fuck alone. 

Upon looking at your profile , you’re 20. To be Frank , it’s pretty normal for someone your age to be annoying , rambunctious , and all over the place. In my eyes you’re still a kid figuring stuff out , and finding your place among peers and in your life. You’re also at the stage where you’re going to learn that not everyone is going to like you , care about you , or want to be your friend. That’s just life. 
 

If you’re being true to yourself and who you are , fuck em. Be you. Be loud , be proud. You’ll find your people. I myself have been known to be pretty obnoxious. I’m a very rowdy tomboy and some of the behaviors you describe such as climbing all over someone and rough housing… I do that all the time still and I’ll be fuckin 30 this year. It’s about making conscious decisions and choosing appropriate behaviors for your surroundings.  You’re young and partially a kid … but you’re also a grown up in the same sense. This is part of the stage in life where you learn to take responsibility for your own behaviors and actions and learn to control behaviors like you’ve described because it’s nobody’s responsibility but yours to keep yourself in check. Other people can’t control how your behavior makes them feel. If someone makes it clear that they don’t like rough housing , or if I notice I’m being too loud.. I make efforts to calm myself down. Being self aware and caring about others feelings can put your behavior into perspective. 
 

If you were on an extremely important phone call or having a very serious talk with someone and another person came up and started waving their hands in your face , shouting and making noises and trying to climb all over you - you also might get annoyed at the interruption. If you put yourself in their shoes and still think you wouldn’t care if that happened to you — then you should do some self reflection and set some time aside to consider the feelings of those around you. 
 

I would start by making a list of things you notice are bugging the people you’re around , or asking people if you have the confidence “Hey , this seemed like it made you uncomfortable. Is that true ?” Go over your list and start making conscious efforts to not partake in those behaviors as much. You’d be surprised how many people might actually answer , “You don’t bug me at all ! I’m just not as energetic as you.” 
 

When it comes down it , there’s only two pieces of advice I feel I have to give.

1. Be yourself and deal with the consequences if people find you annoying. You’ll find your people eventually and will very likely have the same high energy personality you can mesh with. 

2. Make an effort to be conscious of your behavior and choices. You’re an adult and should be capable of self reflecting on your behaviors and how they might make others feel and adjust accordingly IF that is your choice. 
 

To be clear - don’t change who you are , but be respectful of who others are as well. 

Edited March 9, 2023 by DaddysMonkey

[Andriel_Isilien]

I struggle to keep my "little" side in check but not because people get annoyed with me, but that it draws in WAY too much attention. I go to munches in my local community, and I be myself, bubbly, cheerful, friendly, etc. I draw in new friends that I have clicked with but a few times that brings in creeps hitting on me because me being "nice" gets interpreted as "easy to manipulate". I had a close friend accompany me to witness one of these situations go down and to help give me his perspective on what I could do better. I expressed my frustrations that I want to be true to myself and not be two-faced. It literally feels like I have to put on a mask and be mean to get the message across to someone, "I am not interested in dating you, EVER." I want to be nice to everyone, but even common courtesy gets taken as flirting! 😩

My close friend then asked me, "Is it being two-faced or is it you over sharing?" That got me thinking about boundaries and consent. I have been doing some self-reflecting with him about all that. There is a time and place for me to let down my filters and be open, both to keep me safe as well as to be respectful of others. Think about what you are doing or saying that is oversharing? People have their own personal bubble and levels of being comfortable. For some this takes time in getting to know someone and for others it is determined immediately. What are some boundaries that need to be enforced according to the setting and who is present? Do I need to reel it back in at times? Take a minute to read the room and gauge people's body language. If they don't vibe well with you, don't force it or in my case, don't allow them to walk over me.

With these behaviors being "reflexes" like you described are they a stim or an outburst of some stress or energy that you feel? Maybe there could be some substitutes that are quieter and less intrusive on other people?

[Cebakes]

6 hours ago, Andriel_Isilien said:

I struggle to keep my "little" side in check but not because people get annoyed with me, but that it draws in WAY too much attention. I go to munches in my local community, and I be myself, bubbly, cheerful, friendly, etc. I draw in new friends that I have clicked with but a few times that brings in creeps hitting on me because me being "nice" gets interpreted as "easy to manipulate". I had a close friend accompany me to witness one of these situations go down and to help give me his perspective on what I could do better. I expressed my frustrations that I want to be true to myself and not be two-faced. It literally feels like I have to put on a mask and be mean to get the message across to someone, "I am not interested in dating you, EVER." I want to be nice to everyone, but even common courtesy gets taken as flirting! 😩

My close friend then asked me, "Is it being two-faced or is it you over sharing?" That got me thinking about boundaries and consent. I have been doing some self-reflecting with him about all that. There is a time and place for me to let down my filters and be open, both to keep me safe as well as to be respectful of others. Think about what you are doing or saying that is oversharing? People have their own personal bubble and levels of being comfortable. For some this takes time in getting to know someone and for others it is determined immediately. What are some boundaries that need to be enforced according to the setting and who is present? Do I need to reel it back in at times? Take a minute to read the room and gauge people's body language. If they don't vibe well with you, don't force it or in my case, don't allow them to walk over me.

With these behaviors being "reflexes" like you described are they a stim or an outburst of some stress or energy that you feel? Maybe there could be some substitutes that are quieter and less intrusive on other people?

Your idea of evaluating what brings this public behavior on is a great suggestion.  Is this a stim or some type of nervous response? 

 

21 hours ago, DaddysMonkey said:

👋🏻 Hi there. 
 

I am very honest and transparent so please take this for the helpfulness I mean it to have. 
 

These incidents and behaviors combined could very likely make people uncomfortable , annoyed , or lead them to believe you’re childish. It could also be the reason you seem to think you don’t have many friends. If I were in a classroom setting and someone I’ve never met started baby/child talking (not that you are) , climbing all over me , waving their hands in front of my camera , or trying to be all up in my personal bubble … that’s how a Monkey attack happens. You never know what other people have going on mental health wise or in their personal life , I can be very high energy and annoying as well but if I were in a classroom and this started happening to me… I would start Monkey wailing and screaming to be left the fuck alone. 

Upon looking at your profile , you’re 20. To be Frank , it’s pretty normal for someone your age to be annoying , rambunctious , and all over the place. In my eyes you’re still a kid figuring stuff out , and finding your place among peers and in your life. You’re also at the stage where you’re going to learn that not everyone is going to like you , care about you , or want to be your friend. That’s just life. 
 

If you’re being true to yourself and who you are , fuck em. Be you. Be loud , be proud. You’ll find your people. I myself have been known to be pretty obnoxious. I’m a very rowdy tomboy and some of the behaviors you describe such as climbing all over someone and rough housing… I do that all the time still and I’ll be fuckin 30 this year. It’s about making conscious decisions and choosing appropriate behaviors for your surroundings.  You’re young and partially a kid … but you’re also a grown up in the same sense. This is part of the stage in life where you learn to take responsibility for your own behaviors and actions and learn to control behaviors like you’ve described because it’s nobody’s responsibility but yours to keep yourself in check. Other people can’t control how your behavior makes them feel. If someone makes it clear that they don’t like rough housing , or if I notice I’m being too loud.. I make efforts to calm myself down. Being self aware and caring about others feelings can put your behavior into perspective. 
 

If you were on an extremely important phone call or having a very serious talk with someone and another person came up and started waving their hands in your face , shouting and making noises and trying to climb all over you - you also might get annoyed at the interruption. If you put yourself in their shoes and still think you wouldn’t care if that happened to you — then you should do some self reflection and set some time aside to consider the feelings of those around you. 
 

I would start by making a list of things you notice are bugging the people you’re around , or asking people if you have the confidence “Hey , this seemed like it made you uncomfortable. Is that true ?” Go over your list and start making conscious efforts to not partake in those behaviors as much. You’d be surprised how many people might actually answer , “You don’t bug me at all ! I’m just not as energetic as you.” 
 

When it comes down it , there’s only two pieces of advice I feel I have to give.

1. Be yourself and deal with the consequences if people find you annoying. You’ll find your people eventually and will very likely have the same high energy personality you can mesh with. 

2. Make an effort to be conscious of your behavior and choices. You’re an adult and should be capable of self reflecting on your behaviors and how they might make others feel and adjust accordingly IF that is your choice. 
 

To be clear - don’t change who you are , but be respectful of who others are as well. 

Agree strongly with your two closing points. 

[Casse]

Thanks a lot @DaddysMonkey for your advice. It did help me clear a lot of my thoughts. Though I never went as far as doing those little things around the people (in this case my classmates) that I don't know or never interacted with before (In this case pouncing or just climbing or messing around with them), I'll remember this advice of yours and keep myself in check. As you said, I am really going through a phase of knowing myself and the people around me, and how I should control or keep myself in check. And when I asked a few of my close friends about whether they mind my behaviour, their response was the same as you said, that they mind it.

On the contrary, one of my friend also told me that I act like a mature person in situations where others might mess things up. I try my best to constantly know where I am messing things up and how I can correct or control them.

But, still many a times, I still end up showing my true self. But since it is my true self, as you said, I'll try to preserve it is while keeping others in mind. 

Thanks a lot once again☺️

[Casse]

Thanks a lot @Andriel_Isilien for your help☺️

I remember a friend of mine telling about the same issue that she was facing as you. Although she is not a little, she is just like a social butterfly (a very very cutie one at that🤭). 

Because of her nature, there were many people who were attracted to her, although most of them were good, but yeah, some were problematic, and she did have some troubles staying together with them.

In the end, she told her mom regarding these things. Her mom was a lot supportive of her and gave her a lot of courage, to speak for herself, whether it be a yes or a no. She was like if you don't like a person or feel uncomfortable being around them, try to tell about it, just do it in a way that they won't get hurt, and if they still don't listen then you free to voice your words as you like, and rather the best way, is to stay as far away from them as possible.

Actually her mother is a sweetheart, she told her as well as us(her friends) a lot of things, but since my memory is very short and the incident happened a long time ago, I don't remember much of it, sorry😔. 

But, still I hope it will help you a bit☺️

[Casse]

@Cebakes Umm...I don't know exactly what it is, but is definitely a thing which comes inadvertently to me. Can be both I guess🤔