Reassessing Terminology

[Guest ChisaiMixy]

 

When I first discovered the world of Little Space, I learned it through DDLG a few years ago. Over the last year, I’ve had what I like to say a crash course in a lot of things and having to dive deeper into terminology since creating a Little Space world in VRChat. It has made me rethink how I think and lead me to a few points.




I’ve stopped using DDLG and opt to use CGL to be non-gender specific. 



I have a couple reasons for this. 

For anyone that is unfamiliar with the world of CGL/Age Play; my observation is DDLG is often associated with pe****llia, even though it’s far from it. I find that it is easier to explain this kink by using CGL, opposed to simply saying DDLG. It also allows me to better discuss that there is more than Daddies and little girls. You have Mommies, little boys, and everything under the spectrum. I also find that many CGL relationships remain nonsexual but still use elements of a power ship dynamic. DDLG often has the misconception that it is NSFW and that it is always sexual.

Another reason why I started pushing to use CGL in my terminology is I noticed there was an association of people, particularly minors that were using the term CGL because it was “SFW” It’s a caregiver, not a daddy or a mommy, therefor the term is SFW and therefore it’s safe to use it and look for a caregiver.

I think this partly comes from a term of CGLRE (Caregiver Little Regression) being adapted which I don’t agree with. While the intentions were to find a safe space for those that use age regression, I think it has the opposite effect encouraging those that are age regressors that it is okay to look for a SFW caregiver. While it would be fine if it was adults seeking these things, I’ve noticed that there is a larger portion of minors seeking this. While minors might be seeking a caregiver in their age bracket, I don’t like the term caregiver being tossed around willy-nilly. Being a caregiver is a big task and can be mentally draining and there is a lot of dependencies placed on the caregiver that they may not be able to process especially because age regression is such a broad spectrum and often associated with trauma. Littles put too much dependency into a caregiver, and a minor caregiver may not have the skillset to be able to handle everything. 

My thoughts are CGLRE is derived from CGL. While the goal may be to have it be SFW, people involved in these relationships are often diving into the realm of CGL unintentionally. Add in the possibility for child grooming and well... I think you might be able to see why it’s not great. 

Platform Specific

My experience with this next point has applied mostly to VRChat, but it also applies to other social platforms as well. 

In VRChat, the Little Space worlds are utilized by Age regressors (minors and adults SFW), people that engage in CGL/Age Play Dynamics (SFW and NSFW), and ABDL (SFW or NSFW). In a perfect world, the platform would be 18+ and minors wouldn’t be interacting with adults. Unfortunately, that’s not the case and the only way for it to remain separate is to lock behind private worlds or for there not to be any worlds at all. Then no one gets to use it. I went into VRChat thinking it was mainly adults who used the game and when I was making my world, that's what I had in mind, but I was naive and realized that a lot of minors utilize the world. While I'm glad that my world can have an impact in helping people feel safe, it also puts me in a weird spot. I feel like I’m constantly having to explain myself and what terms are, and often to minors who are engaging in CGL relationships thinking that it’s okay, while also having to defend the CGL community which is often demonized by the age regression community. It’s a larger can of worms because there are a lot of age regressors who don’t like the kink community specifically because they have had bad experiences in the past.    

I find that there is no perfect answer. They discord server that I have that is associated with my world I have an FAQ explaining terms. I feel like if I don’t, people might engage in things they shouldn’t, but then I also look bad for explaining it. I feel like there is no perfect outcome and there is a lot of stress that comes with keeping peace within the community. 

At this point I’m probably just rambling, but it’s something that has been weighing down on me. Has anyone else experienced something similar to this and other view points?
 

[Erasmeus71]

I love the book. However it is still complicated with this. One can be on the Sprectrum. I have some of that. To me I thought CG was more not sexual while the DD was sexual but two kinds unless I am made a mistake. O ne is Master/Slave which I am not like. 2 DD one is emotional . A soft daddy which I would be. However unless I am wrong about that. I am more caring about the person. CG/L would be me maybe DDDLG

[Guest]

Hi!

Let me see if I can help/explain it a little to make it a bit clearer. 

BDSM terminology: Master/ slave, Dom/ submissive, DDlg, DDlb, MDlg, MDlb, CG, mentor, etc...

All tho all of these terms are in and/or involved in BDSM , the extent of which each relationship or persons as individuals are, is up to them. The terms used in BDSM have expanded over the years and most have decided that there really isn't any Right or wrong way of it. 

BDSM has also been scrutinized as being a " abusive, exploitive, and dangerous life style ". Have there been instances that these things have happened? Yes. Will there continue to be? Yes. But once again, it's the individualism of the people that make it so. Not the community as a whole. Have minors been an issue, oh yeah! It's a never ending problem in the community. Probably always will be.

Now... DDlg and the rest of the little community then expands in itself. Some are sexual and some are not. Some are Dominate,  some are not.  Some littles are regressive and some are age play. Some are both.  It will, once again, depend on the desires, wants and needs of the individual. Are there people that abuse their positions as Dom's-yes. Minors and non minors also. The creepers are in all lifestyles and in all different kinds of forms. 

Vanilla-not in the BDSM spectrum, have these issues also. Minors getting with adults, the creepers exploiting minors, abusive relationships, even without these other lifestyles existing, you would have these problems.

As far as the stigma around the DDLG community, that will always be there! Minors will always be an issue no matter the "title/name" you give it. Whether it is vanilla, BDSM , DDLG, etc... They have a tendency to want what they aren't suppose to have or things that are more exciting, to better validate themselves as they are growing up.  There is always going to be people out there that have to stigmatize something they don't understand or that is different. Whether it is religion, different cultures, different life styles and so on.  Either because they are afraid, uncomfortable or not what they believe of agree with. 

Having to explain things about the littles life style is up to you. Taking time to try to make others understand is praise worthy. But you need to realize, people aren't always going to be welcoming or want to be understanding and accepting. No matter the situation.  In my experience, most people not in the life style, just don't want to know-period! If you put age restrictions, disclaimers, on you account, then you are doing about all you can do. If you're tired of explain, put a link to a good explanation of what it is and a disclaimer that it has nothing to do with creepers or minors. It's up to you what you say and don't.

I hope this helps in some way. And I apologize for the book. I personally am a little, who does regress. I am also however a sub/slave and have been in the lifestyles for quite some time. My beliefs and convictions for my life style has been under fire by others more then once. My little side therefore is under protection. You have to decide what is important to you and what isn't and what your individual choices will be. No matter the choices you make for yourself, are not wrong.

Okay, enough rambling! You might want to get popcorn and relax as you read this! Lol

 

 

 

 

[Cebakes]

6 hours ago, Lil Juju said:

Hi!

Let me see if I can help/explain it a little to make it a bit clearer. 

BDSM terminology: Master/ slave, Dom/ submissive, DDlg, DDlb, MDlg, MDlb, CG, mentor, etc...

All tho all of these terms are in and/or involved in BDSM , the extent of which each relationship or persons as individuals are, is up to them. The terms used in BDSM have expanded over the years and most have decided that there really isn't any Right or wrong way of it. 

BDSM has also been scrutinized as being a " abusive, exploitive, and dangerous life style ". Have there been instances that these things have happened? Yes. Will there continue to be? Yes. But once again, it's the individualism of the people that make it so. Not the community as a whole. Have minors been an issue, oh yeah! It's a never ending problem in the community. Probably always will be.

Now... DDlg and the rest of the little community then expands in itself. Some are sexual and some are not. Some are Dominate,  some are not.  Some littles are regressive and some are age play. Some are both.  It will, once again, depend on the desires, wants and needs of the individual. Are there people that abuse their positions as Dom's-yes. Minors and non minors also. The creepers are in all lifestyles and in all different kinds of forms. 

Vanilla-not in the BDSM spectrum, have these issues also. Minors getting with adults, the creepers exploiting minors, abusive relationships, even without these other lifestyles existing, you would have these problems.

As far as the stigma around the DDLG community, that will always be there! Minors will always be an issue no matter the "title/name" you give it. Whether it is vanilla, BDSM , DDLG, etc... They have a tendency to want what they aren't suppose to have or things that are more exciting, to better validate themselves as they are growing up.  There is always going to be people out there that have to stigmatize something they don't understand or that is different. Whether it is religion, different cultures, different life styles and so on.  Either because they are afraid, uncomfortable or not what they believe of agree with. 

Having to explain things about the littles life style is up to you. Taking time to try to make others understand is praise worthy. But you need to realize, people aren't always going to be welcoming or want to be understanding and accepting. No matter the situation.  In my experience, most people not in the life style, just don't want to know-period! If you put age restrictions, disclaimers, on you account, then you are doing about all you can do. If you're tired of explain, put a link to a good explanation of what it is and a disclaimer that it has nothing to do with creepers or minors. It's up to you what you say and don't.

I hope this helps in some way. And I apologize for the book. I personally am a little, who does regress. I am also however a sub/slave and have been in the lifestyles for quite some time. My beliefs and convictions for my life style has been under fire by others more then once. My little side therefore is under protection. You have to decide what is important to you and what isn't and what your individual choices will be. No matter the choices you make for yourself, are not wrong.

Okay, enough rambling! You might want to get popcorn and relax as you read this! Lol

 

 

 

 

Great post, accurate and informative.   I see many folks here seek acceptance and validation of the lifestyle and DDLG.  You are only going to get that from those in the DDLG community or a small percentage of those outside the community.   

I’ve personally seen or sensed this even from those in the kink community.  Some experienced people in the kink community can be pretty judgmental and think they  know what is right and wrong.

As far as minors being in DDLG, that’s obviously  very unhealthy.  They can be preyed upon and there is no way someone who is a minor can be a daddy lol…  I have to laugh when I read posts on Reddit and read about 18 year olds who say they are experienced daddy’s.