What should I do?

[cutie_patootie]

My former online Mommy has attempted to contact me by e-mail six months after she abandoned me.  

 

This is what she said...

 

There's nothing I can say to make things better. I just wasn't here, and I'm incredibly sorry. You are amazing, and I flaked out. Your words still bring a smile to my face, and I still get a charge thinking of being your mommy. I can't explain really, I just had a break from anything not school-related for awhile and never really put my normal life back into focus. Summer wasn't summer, it was actually more work and school than a normal term. It was nuts, and the only recreation I had was a couple of parties where I drank too much and had friends drag me back and drop me at my apartment (so they told me). I didn't like myself.

 

I've lowered the throttle. I've thought about you. I still think about you. If you're there, please write.

 

 

Below, is what I'm thinking of writing back to her.  Reading her words brought back a lot of feelings... both good and bad.  While I miss her terribly, I am also hurt and angry over being abandoned.  I want to forgive her and my heart tells me I should but my head is telling me something entirely different.  My head wants to yell at her, telling her how much her abandonment hurt me.  This potential letter below is mostly from my head and not my heart.  I don't know that she abandoned me for someone else, I'm just guessing.  Am I being too harsh or am I being realistic?  Is my wording suitable under the circumstances or is it completely inappropriate?  I would genuinely appreciate your honest opinions... please

 

I'm here but I'm curious... what has suddenly changed to make you contact me?  You've not even attempted any real contact in more than six months so why now?  Has your new flame dumped you?  Are you so bored with your new lover that you thought you'd send me an e-mail to see if I could be fooled and used again?  I don't think you have any real clue just how much your abandoning me hurt.  If you did, you would leave me alone.  I'm sure that you'll have no difficulty finding someone else very soon.  After all, you fooled me into thinking you loved me and wanted to care for me. 

[Guest Princess Dusty]

I think that it is a very realistic answer to her e-mail. Especially after abandoning you no explanation for six months. That's not okay. At least in my opinion. From someone who has very recently been abandoned and lead on, I don't find your questions for her to be bad either. Though while I understand the feelings rekindling, sometimes it's better for yourself just to walk away. I wish I had made that  decision for myself. If you ever need someone to lean on feel free to message me! I wish you all the best!

[ANewDragon]

That is honestly a hard choice. However, I do believe you are being realistic in your response. It is hard when someone just does not talk to you for a few days without notice, It is even harder and hurts a lot when they do not even try to contact you without giving you some notice for a month or more. I would say that while your heart says that you should try to believe her. I think your head is the better of the two this time around. 

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

To be honest I wouldn't reply at all. I'd leave it in the past. She's in the past for good reason.

This happens. They "flake out" then realise the grass actually isn't so green on the other side and think they can just snap their fingers and you go running back.

To be honest I didn't get as far as reading your reply because it doesn't make any difference to my opinion.

Whether you were thinking of starting something up again, or telling her to leave you alone, she's getting attention she hasn't earned. Byebye, move along.

[Cindersoot]

I think your response is completely justified. I would say to not respond at all - to leave her hanging like she left you. But I wouldn't be able to if I were in your situation. So I wouldn't expect you to either. Do what feels right for you. Head and heart often battle things out in life. Just make sure you listen to the right one.

[Guest littlemissragamuffin]

Forgive but never forget. It's not good for your health to hold in hate and bad feelings, they will eat away at you. With that being said, I wouldn't write back to her. I understand sometimes you feel like you need to, for something in yourself. And for that, I'd say I wouldn't write anything back until I could write back without being angry or angry writing. I'd explain that after everything they should at least have enough repect to leave well enough alone. Don't let this person walk on you. If you really want to put yourself out there for this person again, I'd say, "you're lucky I'm even considering talking to you again." And for your safety take it super slow, and I mean with friendship alone... Don't start another romanic relationship with this person. They would have to prove that they actually want to be a part of your life, which would take a very long time.

[caithes]

I am also in the mind of not responding.

 

If someone truly cared, and really wanted to be with you, they would absolutely, without a doubt, no questions asked have found a way to get in touch with you in six months. That's six MONTHS. Half a year. I know it's not easy finding a caregiver, especially a mommy. They are rare and the good ones are even more-so. But I don't think she's a good one. I think you're right on in your suggested response that she's had another relationship end, and you are her "safety net".

 

That gets me fired up on several levels.

 

In the end, it is, of course, your decision. But one thing that hasn't necessarily been mentioned: you don't owe her anything. You are not in her debt, and you shouldn't feel controlled by her.

[Guest DaddysLolita]

Your response is completely justified. Its convenient how she's using everything as an excuse for what she did, had she really cared there'd be no excuses and she wouldn't have abandoned you. For her to reappear after SIX months without a word, I think she's bored with something and thinks she can get back into your good graces and it will give her something to do until the next good distraction comes along. I'm really upset for you that she did that to you as I've had my own experience with being left behind for months with no explanation. In the end, do what feels right for you, if you need to send your email I think all of your questions and feelings are justified. Best wishes.

 

<3

[Little Miss Ambrosia]

Like a lot of people already said, you don't actually need to reply to email. If I were in your shoes and did decide to respond, I'd do my best to act as cool and unfazed as possible. Letting the person know how much pain they've cause you, although completely justifiable, is allowing them a power over you, at least emotionally. Maybe just a simple "Received." is the way I'd go. You're acknowledging the fact you've read through the message, but it poses zero interest to you. 

 

Wish you best of luck and that you go through this with as little emotional suffering as possible. 

[creepycutie805]

I think it makes the most sense to just forget about her and move on.

 

But knowing me, if I was in your place I would have ignored her message for a while  and then randomly respond some weeks or even months later. But I would act casual. I would ask her why she started contacting after a while, but I wouldn't assume things though I would ask small questions to try to get more info out of her and if it's worth talking to her again.

[Puck]

Hey I tried to msg you but it told me I had to add you first.

[Puck]

Hey I tried to msg you but it told me I had to add you first.

[LolitaDaddy]

Writing your response could be the closure you need, without you having to send it.