Littles vs Middles

[Daaddee75]

Dears,

I'm quite experienced with little ones (being a dad IRL helps a lot) but lately tried to being a dom daddy for a middle one. It didn't work very well. I know many factors could be considered (our personality, connection, attraction etc..) but for some reason I didn't really feel comfortable caring for a middle. Her real age was 28 (I'm 44yo) and when she wasn't in her middle space we really clicked. So what went wrong here? Maybe I'm too used to little ones? I remain open to give it a try someday but now I'm not certain to be a good CG for middles. If you have any advice or experienced the same thing, I'd be glad to read you.

[PeridotKitten]

Well, as is real life, people are different with the various stages of their lives. Outward differences like personality, mannerisms, all based on where they're at at the time. Emotional maturity has a big influence on personality and social style. It is entirely possible for someone to not be very likable or easy to get along with in their teens, yet they blossom into a social butterfly whom everyone adores only ten to fifteen years later. The same people can be very different, and that is normal.

With middles, there is also the complexity of expression and where the roots are that we are manifesting outwards from, for lack of much more awake and not-so-sleepy words. I say "we" because I am right on the cusp of little and middle, and I can relate. When I am in littlespace, my adult female friends really enjoy being around me. But in middlespace, there is trouble connecting. They just aren't that interested in the person I am because it is basically just a really immature, lame version of my adult self, and all my interests and hobbies are way off, and yeah.. they'd rather just leave me be and will talk to me again when I'm "done".

Experiences and people themselves vary, but for me.. a CG to my middle self would be burdened with a bored, parental role.. overwhelmed with an energy they just can't get into very much. Then again, my middle is only about thirteen. I am also really good at connecting to different points in my personal timeline and channeling through who I was at that moment, so I always thought it was just me. I am sorry you've experienced that difficulty with her, and hopefully there is some comfort for both of us to know that it isn't an isolated thing and could be a lot more common than we'd thought. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with her, or myself. That age range is just... awkward. It always has been. I delight in being juvenile and cringey, but to others, it can be.. juvenile and cringey.

Edited January 15, 2023 by PeridotKitten
Addendum

[MissNMTX]

First off, let me just say being a middle is hard!! I've left and come back so many times simply for feeling like I didn't belong. Too sexual for some, not sexual enough for others, not little enough, too independent, just spoiled etc.

My middle age is a bit older( an attempt to hang on to a very stable stage in my life.) It's also right at the stage of sexual awakening. Super fun for me, but maybe not for others If I had to guess, I'd say your CG preference just tends younger is all. Middles tend to be more independent yet crave safety, security, supervision., Affection,and teaching.

To me, there are few things sexier than someone saying " No baby, no more of that it's not good for you." Guide me and decide for me while telling me I'm good and pretty...yes, please.

I think it's probably just a matter of the type of care you like to give. Nothing better or worse than that.

I really am curious to hear our thoughts on this. Personally, I feel like being a middle is seen as less valued in the larger community. 

 

Edited January 15, 2023 by MissNMTX

[Cebakes]

1 hour ago, MissNMTX said:

First off, let me just say being a middle is hard!! I've left and come back so many times simply for feeling like I didn't belong. Too sexual for some, not sexual enough for others, not little enough, too independent, just spoiled etc.

My middle age is a bit older( an attempt to hang on to a very stable stage in my life.) It's also right at the stage of sexual awakening. Super fun for me, but maybe not for others If I had to guess, I'd say your CG preference just tends younger is all. Middles tend to be more independent yet crave safety, security, supervision., Affection,and teaching.

To me, there are few things sexier than someone saying " No baby, no more of that it's not good for you." Guide me and decide for me while telling me I'm good and pretty...yes, please.

I think it's probably just a matter of the type of care you like to give. Nothing better or worse than that.

 

I would agree with you on the craving of safety, security, supervision, affection, and teaching.  Same with direction, words of affirmation, and of course, independence. Pretty common traits and desires for middles.  

When S is in middle space I would say she identifies as a happy, silly older teen, of legal age of course, can be bratty.  And has a slutty side to her when appropriate. She can drop down to age ten when she is feeling needy and needs cuddles.

 

[Cebakes]

11 hours ago, Daaddee75 said:

Dears,

I'm quite experienced with little ones (being a dad IRL helps a lot) but lately tried to being a dom daddy for a middle one. It didn't work very well. I know many factors could be considered (our personality, connection, attraction etc..) but for some reason I didn't really feel comfortable caring for a middle. Her real age was 28 (I'm 44yo) and when she wasn't in her middle space we really clicked. So what went wrong here? Maybe I'm too used to little ones? I remain open to give it a try someday but now I'm not certain to be a good CG for middles. If you have any advice or experienced the same thing, I'd be glad to read you.

So what was she like in middle space?What did she like, need, and desire? There is nothing wrong with having a preference. We all have them, and can usually determine pretty quickly what we like or don’t like.  

[MissNMTX]

Yes, this is also a question I had. In my experience, there are daddies who like middles and those who just don't! Maybe she didn't know herself?

When I first learned about DDlg I remember the person who introduced me to it must have been wrong because I definitely wasn't a little. It took forever to even hear about middles... forever of feeling out of place in both the BDSM and Ddlg worlds. I think maybe that is common for daddies too? There just seems to be less seen and known about middles in general and you end up going off into sunsets.

[Sloth Fairy]

As a little/middle age5/11-12ish, I always feel out of place. I just don’t relate to most littles and I don't relate well with most middles. 5 is too old, 11-12 is too young. Ah well, it is what it is. 

If you don't relate to middles then that's your personality or preference. There's nothing wrong with that. 

[Queenwarriorprincess]

On 1/16/2023 at 9:00 AM, Sloth Fairy said:

As a little/middle age5/11-12ish, I always feel out of place. I just don’t relate to most littles and I don't relate well with most middles. 5 is too old, 11-12 is too young. Ah well, it is what it is. 

If you don't relate to middles then that's your personality or preference. There's nothing wrong with that. 

Can confirm. 🤣 My middle age is 11-12 and I, too, feel out of place at times! Just between little and middle I guess, haha. Maybe we could be middle friends, @Sloth Fairy?  

OP, maybe your favorite flavor is little - doesn't mean you hate the other flavors, just that you like the little flavor most 🍦💜

[Erasmeus71]

I don't have the experience with middle type age. However I do have experience with the little age. Now thinking back. She would be on my lap looking up. like a baby. While I took her arms and put them around me and held her tightly. In a lovely embrace.

[Righan]

I don't have a lot of experience with middles ... but just like littles and pets and all the different submissive types, each person is different and manifest their 'type' differently ... so I would go with you and that person simply didn't click well rather than an issue with middles themselves ... at least until you've known a few different middles ...

However, I think its also useful to not worry so much about what someone is ... little, middle, babygirl, etc ... just look at their behavior and personality and see if it works for you ... labels are just words and they don't really define or limit what a person is or how they act ... I've known littles who are only 'little' to a degree and still have very adult aspects to them ... such as sex ... or the words they use or subjects they talk about ... or "littles" that act more like teenagers in my mind with the acting out and independent streak often associated with teenagers ... I've even known DOMINANT littles ... there is no right way to do it ... so I usually try to treat each person as a individual and their 'labels' as a guideline about what to expect ... but nothing more ... let them be who they are.

Edited April 18, 2023 by Righan

[Guest Runa]

1 hour ago, gigisweetheart said:

@Righan what is a “babygirl”? 

I think a babygirl is someone who is less about age-regression, or being a specific age/age range.  It's more about roleplaying and ageplay from what I understand.  But I think with so many BDSM terms is used interchangeably and isn't super easy to define because it'll mean different things to different people.

There's a thread in the resources forum about different types of littles and babygirl is on the list! 

 

[Righan]

Before getting into this - please note that while the term 'babygirl' is gender specific and refers to females, this isn't to deny that males can also be this way ... i believe that the male equivalent of a babygirl is a babyboy ... unfortunately, I haven't met any or had anyone talk to me about any so I don't really know how they might differ from babygirls.

Also, I can't speak to what a babygirl is for the whole world or internet. But I can speak to how I use it and as it is used in my local kink community and sites like fetlife that influenced my education on the subject ...

At any rate, a babygirl is a type of submissive ... a person who wants a daddy dom or mommy dom but isn't a little ... they generally don't do age play or age regression ... in fact, in my community, age play and age regression are both associated with littles and whether you are considered a little or babygirl has a lot to do with how much age play / age regression is a part of your life or identity. ( of course, what you consider yourself is most important ... other people don't get to decide what you are regardless of your interests)

In my kink community most littles were babygirls first and then became littles later ... well, actually the progression is usually more complicated .... they come in as a submissive looking for a dom ... the generic dom/sub relationship being what is best known outside of kink communities through things like TV, books, and movies ... then they realize that the kink community is much more diverse than just dom/sub and they start to explore ... and in my community and on fetlife the babygirls far outnumber littles ... so they end up learning about babygirls first and realize that a babygirl is closer to how they see themselves ... or they learn about daddy/mommy doms and realize that is more the kind of dom they want and most daddys/mommys in my community have babygirls instead of littles and so they end up identifying as a babygirl ... but then they learn about age play and littles at some point ... either through a class of some kind or because they meet someone into it ... and they see that as appealing and explore it and eventually consider themselves a little ...

In many ways, i would say that one could almost say that a little is a offshoot of a babygirl ... but again, we are an evolving community and so nothing is black and white ... obviously, some people identify as a little without being a sub ... or without considering it part of kink ... or without even participating in anything they consider kink or d/s related ... or even having an idea that littles can be considered to kink or d/s relationships ... and so forth and so on ... just as in my community most people don't use the term 'age regression' ... they just say 'age play' and use that term for people who are into being young during a scene or people who full on age regress. Another example, is that some people use the term 'little' to refer to anyone who 'age plays' or 'age regresses' regardless of the age they become ... and then others use terms like 'little', 'baby', and 'middle' to indicate specific age categories ... so you can and will run into people who use these terms differently, have different terms, or have different expectations when they hear a specific term. Its good to be open to that ... although there certainly are people who say 'my definition is the only one that is correct' ... so be prepared for that too.

Generally, when I think of a babygirl, I think of a female who is troubled or unsure of herself with a bit of innocence or naivety... who struggles with confidence and maybe some other mental or emotional issues and needs a very supportive dom ... someone to be understanding and calming and help keep their struggles from overwhelming them ( or getting them in trouble ) ... like if you watch Grey's Anatomy I think of both Lexi and Amelia as babygirls ... or on supergirl, I'd say that Kara ... super girl herself ... is a bit of a babygirl ... which is one of the things I love about her, because she shows that just because you're a little uncertain, freak out and need some extra support that you can be strong, heroic, and do amazing things. I think that is a message all babygirls should hear.

Babygirls can engage in childish activities and clothing without being a little. So babygirls and littles/middles/babys overlap a lot ... which is why I define a certain degree of age play / age regression as being the critical identifier between the two ... I think when a person gets to the point where they start feeling they almost become a different identity or person who is a specific age or is a child with specific traits they don't have as an 'adult' ... when they have a 'little' or 'middle' or 'baby' inside them that they become or comes out ... for me, that is the dividing line between babygirl and little.

Hopefully this is helpful even if it is just knowledge that comes from my experience.

Edited May 23, 2023 by Righan

[Vampiress]

I think this video covers this topic a bit about the differences.

 

 

 

It was also brought up in this video

 

 

[LittleNyx]

It was interesting to read this post, and it made me think of something. When I'm in little space, my age is in the single digits but otherwise I'm a very independent, almost like a lone wolf kind of person. I have a lot of alpha traits, and I'm wondering if that can cause some confusion. I talked with several littles/middles who felt that they don't belong. A lot of alpha subs also fit the little or pet categories but they may find it harder to determine their "role" as well as their age.

What do you think?