Non submissive littles

[notme]

Hello. 

So as the title suggest I am a little (more specifically abdl) but not necessarily a sub. I'm bratty and sadistic, yes, but also very sweet. This combination is apparently confusing to many CG, specifically daddies, as they always assume that means I am just looking for someone to "put me in my place" or take me as a challenge or someone that needs to be broken. Newsflash: I'm already broken lol. I'm also a lesbian, so add that to my layer of my supposedly confusing existence because I could see myself being submissive with a mommy, just not as a sub. 

 

Anyway, surely I'm not the only little that feels this way, or maybe there are CG out there that don't necessarily want to dominate anyone. I like people who are smarter than me, but not smug. People who are confident, but not imposing. People that don't try to fit you into a box they created in their own minds for how or what I should be. 

[GrampyP]

I can relate to being submissive but not a sub. And the only dominance I'd try is if someone wanted to be dominated, role play I guess. It's an interesting topic, one that has been on my mind a lot since learning about ddlg etc., less than a year ago. I look forward to more of this discussion.

[beanbean]

yeah we have some like that around here .even  a dominate liltle or two around here . as long  as you are being you and thats what you want  . thats all that matters

[MissNMTX]

I can't speak to this exactly, but I think there may be some confusion of terms. For me, submission is more a state of mind. It doesn't mean you have to be a sexual sub or button. If you say you could see yourself being submissive with a Mommy. Than you would be ( in that dynamic.) It's all really a state of mind. For me, submission is about leadership, guidance, acceptance and safety. If I don't feel that with you mentally first no other submission will come.  I hope that makes sense. And helps you separate out the two and see how it may or may not work for you.

[Mr. Ducky]

@MissNMTX makes a good point about defining terms and considering context. We shouldn't assume that our definition of a term is the same as someone else's and so communication is obviously essential. Just as you've shared with us that being bratty for you isn't an invitation to being tamed (it might someone else, but not you), any partner that you're with should have that same information. 

I can tell you from my perspective as a CG that I'm attracted to the caregiving and supportive aspects of this community. I don't want to "dominate" anyone in an aggressive way. That's not who I am. 

[Guest Crybunbun]

that is such an interesting topic , for sure.
i am both sub & submissive - but i can totally see and understand why people won't be both or either of them.
You can be a dominant Little too !
And i bet there are CGs that are indeed interested/into this type of little / dynamic.
Would be boring if we were all the same type of Little, right ?

[DreamyMr]

I've always found people in the kink community use the roles as stereotypes to become, and it's weird.  Like, the idea of doing your own thing is almost impossible, as if kinksters are incapable of understanding it.  Don't get me started on how baffling it is that so many are confused by the idea of switching.  So much for kinks being about expressing yourself.  

[LittlePupRune]

Honestly, I think some of the confusion is coming from the term "ddlg" and it includes a power dynamic with "daddy DOM". 
I like using CG/l because it doesn't have the same power dynamic implications.

But I definitely agree with you. Little does not automatically mean submissive. CG does not automatically mean dominant. But unfortunately due to the prevalence of the term and heteronormativity a lot of people assume its just DDlg and power exchange.

Honestly, submissive doesn't equal bottom either. Submissive Tops and Dominant Bottoms exist too. But its always a good rule of thumb to ask someone what they mean when they use a specific term, as there can be differences and nuances in meaning from what you're used to.

[Plum]

It's been mentioned in this thread already, but we tend to look at certain roles within this dynamic through certain lenses (IE: Little = Sub/Bottom, CG = Dom/Top). For me, I think the best way I've found to get around these preconceived notions is to just be super up front with anyone new who I meet and engage with within the dynamic. Letting a CG know right away that you aren't necessarily entirely submissive up front lets them know what to expect from you! I never like to leave room for assumptions because it can lead to so many problems down the road! Sometimes I wonder if some of us in the CG/L scene have forgotten about the need for negotiations and setting up expectations up front regarding our power exchanges. I know I've definitely been guilty of just jumping into things because I've been SO excited to find a potential CG in the past that I've forgotten to express my actual position anyway. Lol

I really hope this makes sense, haha! ^^;

[Big_C_and_little_c]

I personally enjoy being the dominant person in my relationship, and also being a little, but so far not at the same time. I'm not sure sometimes how to handle my role as Dominant while I'm being little. Being totally little, like for a scene or whatever wherein things are predetermined, means I can forget about my duties. But other times I have to have one foot in both headspaces, e.g. when little c needs input from me about important things but I'm trying to watch cartoons. When I'm in little space I don't feel like I'm very dominant or especially submissive. If little c is acting as my babysitter, she might tell me what to do, but I'm also asking her to do things for me, so it doesn't seem to skew either way even though in my mind she is in charge of me. I am switch and I like to be bottom & masochistic at times but so far that hasn't been a part of little time. We're new to this, so we're still trying things. And even when I'm in this position I don't feel totally submissive because I dictated what was going to happen in the scene and little c is following my script. Plus being dominant does not come naturally to her. I'm interested in the possibility of being truly submissive with someone who is truly dominant. I think it could be fun to play bossy & bratty for a scene too, but that's not my true nature. (And she was not excited at the idea of dealing with a bratty little. There's a reason we decided not to have kids...)     -- Big C

[Erasmeus71]

What I found interesting about my relationship with Jenny. I tried to make it equal. I did not realize she was submissive. I did not want to hurt her feelings or do anything that cross that she was uncomfortable. I did not know she was a little at the time. She forced me to be dominant. She was 100%. I think the submissive needs to make it clear they want to be lead. Want the decisions made for them. Looking back I do remember I did gave her rules. Just not this I guess. She could used more concrete.

[Taggy]

I like this topic. My little/middle is the dominant in our dynamic and I, as her caregiver, am her submissive. Since it's quite a rare dynamic we are still trying to figure everything out. Right now she is my princess and I'm her butler. So cgl dynamic she orders me what to do. When she is in middle space this works really well and her bossing me around is combined with bdsm. When she's more in little space the dynamic shifts more to me caring for her and there is no or much less bdsm involved. I like the dynamic.

[Guest Tigress Princess of DD]

This actually fits with me. A little who is not submissive, but need a British DD to rule me. Wired me, isn't it?!

Edited February 20, 2023 by English Angel

[Taggy]

It's actually not so strange. My Princess is a switch. So I'm her sub. But she also has Daddies who are topping her

[GrampyP]

I see it as filling in relationship gaps. I'm wired to be flexible that way. No puns are intended.

[ZandraMeow]

Hmm... That may not be your problem.

 

Edited March 26, 2023 by ZandraMeow

[beanbean]

It does happen sometimes I know of a few dominant littles on here

[littlefae]

I can relate and I’m so glad you made this topic. I hope that the kink community is becoming more open-minded and less keen on assigning rigid roles to people based on whether or not they age regress. It’s definitely difficult being little and having people try to force me to call them sir or use it as an excuse to belittle me outside of the dynamic, especially since I’m on the younger side.

As a little I do enjoy being take care of and I do give a sort of deference to my cg, but I have never enjoyed being told what to do for the sake of being told what to do. I don’t engage with anyone who thinks forced submission is any true form of submission. I find people assume I want a sort of strict, dominant, who gives out punishments and rules all of the time. I’ve enjoyed exploring and playing around with that dynamic but I don’t consider myself a sub as it’s not natural to me. Especially when, to be honest, those same men don’t seem to understand dominance. They tend to demand trust without demonstrating being trustworthy.

Being little is quite natural but just because I’m in a small space doesn’t mean I want anyone forcing me to do anything or trying to dominate me. To me that assumes that my present state is some sort of challenge when it’s not, I’m just existing. I don’t need strictness. I just need encouragement, acceptance, and stability. 

[hismiddlegirl]

I am a middle. I am not submissive in anyway.  I have been accused of topping from the bottom more times than I can count.  My Mister is the adult in the relationship, it's a different dynamic than being a daddy. I wrap him around my little finger and he indulges me all the time. However I am also into CNC and sometimes he will force me in a situation, but I do not ever submit. I live 24/7 as a middle.