I know I'm not a creep, but what if my behaviour comes across that way?

[J_Sophie]

I really don't want this to be long. I'm new here and this is something I've struggled with awhile so it might be. I'm a little but I don't have a little side. This mostly has to do with the way I've grown up. I grew up an only girl child who's surrounded by brothers and what that looks like today is they'll tower over me and ruffle my hair when I do a good job. They'll buy me stuffed animals too and watch as I lug them around to go watch tv with them from my room. Heck, my mom buys me kids' juice bottles that you can wear around your neck so you don't lose it and you remember to keep hydrated. So so many things that someone would categorize as "little behaviour" but I doubt my family even knows about any of this. I also went to a girls only boarding school and they taught us to embrace our vulnerabilities, but also to understand we are just as strong and independent as we are vulnerable. So as much as I display little tendencies wherever and however I am (because where I come from it's normal) I'm also strong and independent and super smart. I was on my way to become a lawyer before I decided perhaps finance was more my speed so I know I'm decisive and capable. On the other hand I also live in that part of the world where if I buy a stuffed animal at work during my lunch hour (😂yeah yeah I'll do better and save next time but that blue elephant was calling my name and I was going to answer even if it was the last thing I'd do) I will come back to my office and cuddle while I get my work done. And all my colleagues, some more maternal/paternal than others will have a good laugh and ask it's name, and say things like we'll tell whoever marries you that your stuffies and you are a package deal and if he isn't interested he better walk before we start throwing hands. Anyway, all this to explain I don't exactly have a little side. I am a little who is lucky enough to live outside as a little and nobody really notices. Of course when I was with my daddy I'd be deeper in that space, (🥺wow, I miss him) more immersed and so forth. Because things have happened with him and everything is a big question mark now, I've begun trying to learn to move on and be open to the idea of healing and starting anew with someone. I'm not ready yet, I'm skittish I know, I'd be useless as somebody's someone right now. But that means that the vacuum he left is now being inadvertently filled out by all the people I am friends with, that have daddy tendencies that I'm either imagining (I am starved for that sort of dynamic so it's entirely possible), or they are just very paternal. I don't wanna be anything with them. But sometimes when I'm really sad and aching so badly deep down that I can only cry silent tears, I wanna wear my favourite pjs and take my stuffed animals, go over to their house and watch a movie in bed. I know I'd be going beyond my normal little behaviour, and I'm beginning to feel like a creep being able to imagine any and all my platonic friends giving me that room in their personal lives to be me. It feels like the sort of thing that so many people get called out for but in more common situations like I don't know, when people sexualize every human being they come across. As a result I've stopped hanging out with them, or hugs when we do bump into each other. I'm afraid that with some of these innocent things, I'm taking them and making them something ugly, because I'm being dishonest in how I perceive them, and also I'm using them to soothe my very bruised little. 

[beanbean]

everything you explained seems pretty not creepy to me . its natural to me to look for things you need and as long as you don't expect them to be your caregiver . so just be you when your with them and you should be good . but yeah i don't see anything creepy

[Nymph]

Paragraphs my darling!!

The title already makes me feel at ease so I read your whole post. The fact that you are concerned someone will think you are a creep is already a sign that you are not likely to be one or become one. If you worry too much it will just make you anxious though.

I don't age regress, my "little side" is my normal personality. I come from a culture with traditional gender roles and where it's ok to embrace your feminine side and it's a luxury to stay more innocent, so wealthier families usually cherish their daughters and baby them a bit. I am an only child of a well off family for the record.

You are still young so a lot of people will find it endearing, as long as you are capable and respectable you will be able to pull it off in public for a while... as you age, you might need to learn to be a bit more discrete. You need to keep in mind that sometimes people will not take you seriously because of it and this may not matter sometimes, but at some point it will. Being so open about your personality will attract the daddy type regardless if they are in the lifestyle or not so no need to worry about that.

It is important to respect boundaries, I am a super affectionate person and will hold hands with my close friends, hug/cuddle and such and it's not sexual at all for me. They know this so it doesn't make them uncomfortable... I am also extremely picky so it's not like I go out there hugging random people.

I am also very sexual with my partners, so this have nothing to do with my friends or my work. Just like sex is not always about DDlg, being little doesn't have to be sexual. Just think of yourself as a girl with a sweet playful personality that loves collecting plushies.

[Andriel_Isilien]

Sounds like you need emotional support and comforts of feeling validated. Self-soothing like you explained doesn't come across creepy. People will have their own boundaries of what they are comfortable with. What looks sexual or platonic varies to each person. You aren't alone, just so you know. It's really hard to be enough for oneself as a little without a big/caregiver. But self-care does start with you. Big you is all that little you has in this world. I try to be myself unapologetically and transparent to attract the right friends and people around me worth keeping. Being a little I have embraced as my lifestyle, and it makes me happy. I suppose I can get away with it being female and I'm not such a hypersexual person. I do playdates with friends that have shared interests in watching cute shows, crafting activities, or whatever. I work on keeping balance (working closely with a professional therapist) by improving my weaknesses in mental health so that I can be the best me. 

[Mr. Ducky]

Your title really caught my attention. I'm a CG and often worry about inadvertently coming across as a creep being playful with someone younger. You're fortunate to have people in your life like your coworkers that respect your tendencies and just see you as being cute. I know if I saw a coworker cuddling with a stuffie while typing away on their computer, I'd just smile and think "awww". 

I think the idea of feeling like a creep if you go deeper into your littleness with friends is just a realization of the reality of our world. Many people have expectations for what's "proper behavior" and it's completely natural to be mindful of this. I assume you're also still getting over losing your daddy, and while brighter times are ahead, it doesn't mean that you don't first have to go through some sadness to get there. It's like being in a tunnel. It may be dark today, but the only way to reach the light at the end is to keep moving forward.