Changes in Dynamics

[MissPattch]

Hey everyone,

 

It's been a while since i last posted on here, but something has come up in my relationship and neither one of us are entirely sure how to deal with it. I'll try to keep it on track, but if i wander, bear with me, its not easy to explain, or maybe it is , you decide...

So, two years ago, i met my Daddy on another site, i knew he was switchy from his profile there. I had had a few bad experiences with online / long distance stuff and put a wall up right away. We talked as friends and we got on really well and eventually we kind of fell into Daddy and little. I was always aware about his desire to switch and asked him frequently if he was being fulfilled in our relationship, he assured me he was and we carried on as before. 

Just recently though, his switchy side has come to the forefront more, and he has expressed some concerns about it ruining what we have. I have tried to reassure him that yes, i said in the beginning it wasn't really my thing, but i feel all relationships change and evolve over time, and ours is no different, this is something i am now more than willing to explore with him. It has taken him a long time to be able to open up and fully express himself, which i feel partly responsible for, given my lack of enthusiasm, but i really want to be supportive towards him in this.

Do any of you have any experience of i guess, transitioning from one dynamic to something different? What kind of challenges did you face? How did you solve them? Do you think having strict / rigid times to play each role would be beneficial or do you think a more fluid approach to switching is best? What about titles? I have always called him daddy or pappa, and he calls me baby or baba, have you kept those names regardless which role you are in or do you pick different ones so as not to cause confusion or conflict in your head space? He said its not about being "Little" for him, but more about giving up having to be responsible all the time. I have never topped before, but part of me feels like this role would be more of a service top kind of deal? do you think that is an accurate description? He doesn't really let any body help him with anything, but when he switches, he is saying he wants to be looked after, essentially. 

Feel free to ask questions if i haven't made as much sense as i'd hoped lol, i also know that every situation is different and no answer is a "one size fits all" deal, but ny input would be most welcomed ❤️

thank you for reading

[beanbean]

as a Caregiver i actually have i tend to be  a switch and have  changed  in middle of dynamic , and i will say this you have to be 100  comitted too the chance is not work if your doing just to be nice. just support him and you should be fine just be understanding and it sure sounds like you are

[Nymph]

I think it shows you really care for him to be willing to make sure his needs are being met and it's wonderful you are trying to compromise with something you will enjoy too because otherwise you would resent it and just wouldn't be able to keep it up.

You can top/dom and still keep the Daddy/lg dynamic, have you considered this? since he has made it clear it's more about decompressing and relaxing. And yes, you could also focus on service and this could be done as top or bottom. I am very much like this, but I am a middle and don't age regress.

Another way you can go at it is to become playmates on a scheduled day, like one of his days off. This way you become peers but he didn't had to plan anything and just gets to go with the flow. Try to plan a few activities that will be enjoyed by both and doesn't really need supervision. If he turns out he just wants to adult together then he is not much of a switch, he is just burned out and needs a break here and there from being a daddy 24/7.

[MissPattch]

2 hours ago, beanbean said:

as a Caregiver i actually have i tend to be  a switch and have  changed  in middle of dynamic , and i will say this you have to be 100  comitted too the chance is not work if your doing just to be nice. just support him and you should be fine just be understanding and it sure sounds like you are

i am absolutely 100% commited to this wonderful man and his happiness ❤️ I have never been asked to top before and it will be a new experience for us both, thats why i want to make sure i go in with my eyes, and heart, wide open

 

9 minutes ago, Nymph said:

I think it shows you really care for him to be willing to make sure his needs are being met and it's wonderful you are trying to compromise with something you will enjoy too because otherwise you would resent it and just wouldn't be able to keep it up.

You can top/dom and still keep the Daddy/lg dynamic, have you considered this? since he has made it clear it's more about decompressing and relaxing. And yes, you could also focus on service and this could be done as top or bottom. I am very much like this, but I am a middle and don't age regress.

Another way you can go at it is to become playmates on a scheduled day, like one of his days off. This way you become peers but he didn't had to plan anything and just gets to go with the flow. Try to plan a few activities that will be enjoyed by both and doesn't really need supervision. If he turns out he just wants to adult together then he is not much of a switch, he is just burned out and needs a break here and there from being a daddy 24/7.

i have never topped before, so i am unsure of how to approach it when you say i can still be little and top at the same time? He did mention about us being playmates and having "playtime" together, which i am thinking would be  good way to start maybe, i think seeing him behaving in that way would increase my drive to care for him both physically and emotionally, and be a good gateway for getting me into that top space. We talk openly about all this stuff, but as its a new thing for us both, we are very unsure about where the next step is

I really appreciate you both responding

[Nymph]

You can be a little dom, yes.

First you would need to figure out what kind of sub he is, what he is into and figure out from there what you are comfortable with to add to the dynamic. Since I don't know either of you it's hard to suggest something.

There is many angles you can work this, you can be bratty (borderline rude or full blown humiliation), you could be princess like (strict with high standards), you could spoil him with attention like a teddy bear you love but he doesn't get to decide how to play (not in the moment at least), you could spoil yourself by having him do whatever you want, this may include things he already does but it will be different because you are the one initiating all in the moment or giving him a list in advance.

I am huge on taking care of my daddy so in a way I dislike the term CG for them, because I feel that should go both ways.

 

[beanbean]

4 hours ago, MissPattch said:

i am absolutely 100% commited to this wonderful man and his happiness ❤️ I have never been asked to top before and it will be a new experience for us both, thats why i want to make sure i go in with my eyes, and heart, wide open

 

i have never topped before, so i am unsure of how to approach it when you say i can still be little and top at the same time? He did mention about us being playmates and having "playtime" together, which i am thinking would be  good way to start maybe, i think seeing him behaving in that way would increase my drive to care for him both physically and emotionally, and be a good gateway for getting me into that top space. We talk openly about all this stuff, but as its a new thing for us both, we are very unsure about where the next step is

I really appreciate you both responding

i see your commited for sure . sorry i was going to work and had to rush my answer . this topic is dear to me for the reason i can relate. i am just saying people toping when they really don't feel it can affect both people and drain both so just be careful and if you do decide to top start slowly is my advice . and then you can work your way up .or otherwise just talk to him and let him know you understand .you can do subtle things different  when he is feeling subby if you have too 

[Vampiress]

This sounds very delicate and complicated, and maybe it just feels this way to me because I've read other topics in the past about this going well or not going so well. I have no experience with it because I know I cannot top, domme, or be a mommy.

Something to be mindful of just from what I've heard in the past, sometimes when this shift in a relationship happens, the one who was the dominant full-time and wants to start subbing or being little in any capacity starts to enjoy it way more and pushes towards exclusively being the little/sub and gets upset when the other doesn't want to top/domme/mommy them full-time. Then the one who used to be the full-time sub/little feels unhappy and exhausted from filling a role all of that time that wasn't their role to begin with, which also sometimes leads to them being guilted.

I don't know if scheduling time is the best or not, I think that's just something you need to figure out. For some it may be hard to put themselves in a headspace on command and feel unnatural. However, I could see setting scheduled time being helpful to make sure everyone has their needs, but I'd make sure there is some wiggle room in case someone just can't fill that role for that day.

I like the idea of perhaps you two trying to both be sub/little at the same time and having playmate time so at least the dom/supervision stuff is not a pressure on either of you all of the time. This seems like a fair compromise so you can still enjoy your favorite headspace while he can enjoy his newer one.

Overall, you're just going to have to test drive all of this and see what works and what doesn't work for you both. As long as you can work as a team and be fair to one another, I have a feeling this can potentially deepen your relationship and be really fun and more exciting for the both of you. I wish you both the best of luck with this change in your dynamic, and I hope it's a blast!

[MissPattch]

@beanbean

Yeah, we have talked about taking it slowly and one step at a time, while we navigate our way through this. We are having some good conversation about how to try and make it work, with in the parameters of our relationship at the moment. We are long distance right now, which impacts just how much we can do

@Vampiress

Thank you for such a thought provoking reply. We have talked about the possibility of resentment when either one of us doesn't feel like topping, and the current direction i think is heading towards the playmate thing. We have a dedicated time slot at the minute for me to be able to be my whole small self, which works great around our real life commitments, i think i might talk to him about him having the same kind of thing, as a starting point to find what works and what doesn't. He has said this morning that he doesn't feel like he needs to be subbish all the time with me, and i explained that having to top all the time would be tiring for me as its not really my nature to be the "take-charge" type, so i feel like we are starting from a similar standpoint, which gives me hope that we can make this work

 

 

[Vampiress]

5 hours ago, MissPattch said:

@beanbean

Yeah, we have talked about taking it slowly and one step at a time, while we navigate our way through this. We are having some good conversation about how to try and make it work, with in the parameters of our relationship at the moment. We are long distance right now, which impacts just how much we can do

@Vampiress

Thank you for such a thought provoking reply. We have talked about the possibility of resentment when either one of us doesn't feel like topping, and the current direction i think is heading towards the playmate thing. We have a dedicated time slot at the minute for me to be able to be my whole small self, which works great around our real life commitments, i think i might talk to him about him having the same kind of thing, as a starting point to find what works and what doesn't. He has said this morning that he doesn't feel like he needs to be subbish all the time with me, and i explained that having to top all the time would be tiring for me as its not really my nature to be the "take-charge" type, so i feel like we are starting from a similar standpoint, which gives me hope that we can make this work

 

 

I'm so glad you two are having healthy conversations about this, discussing your needs while being understanding and open-minded towards each other. If it continues in this direction, I really think this could blossom into a deeper, more meaningful, and even happier connection between the two of you. Sounds like you're both doing a great job and trying to be as cooperative with each other as you can!