Confused/hurt and need advice.....😣

[kermie599]

I'm a little and have only recently joined the scene when I found my daddy back in May. He is new as a daddy, so we are both learning the waters as we go. We are also long distance, like countries and oceans apart.

Our relationship has been hard and I feel that we don't have as much of a dynamic as I would like, but understand it is hard with what we have. I love my daddy, and have for a while now, but he did something today that really hurt me more than I think rationally should.

With having an LDR, we can't do much on the taking care of each other end, but Daddy has been sick recently and I tried my best to care for him. Making sure he ate healthy, took time off work, etc. I spend most my time in adult space b/c I can't get into little space much (but i can feel her, if that makes sense), so I show I care by trying to care for those I love, even if it is Daddy.

Well, Daddy ate and he told me it was all plain and wouldn't upset his hurting tummy. Just today, he told me he lied and it was spicy and he had lied because he didn't want my "nagging".......I didn't realize he saw me trying to care for him as nagging, but it really, really hurts.

This kind of stuff is very triggering for me as I have abandonment issues, along with always thinking I'm doing something wrong or that people hate me. Ik it was a little lie, but the fact that he lied directly to my face........*sigh* idk what to do. I don't want something so small to cause a wedge between us cause this is the man I could see myself marrying, but not only am I hurt, my little side makes me want to curl in a corner and cry.

 

Any advice? We will be talking about it tomorrow, and I'm making sure that we speak about not as Daddy and Princess,  but rather on a more level/neutral ground.

 

Also if anyone has advice on how to have a more 24/7 ddlg dynamic with an ldr, I would really appreciate it.

[Little kaiya]

Small lies only stay that way at the beginning and often tend to blossom and grow as relationships continue. If he is willing to lie about something this small and inconsequential it definitely suggests that when things get tough that would be his go to habit.

In terms of LDR I can't really suggest much as I could never do an LDR. The lack of physical contact would be too much to overcome for me. There are a number of people in LDRs so I'm sure they will weigh in.

[beanbean]

well i mean the fact he lied is not a great . Especially in a long distance relationship you need to be honest . of course in all reationships honesty is important . but i long distance because trust is everthing  , and it nagging him you need to know when something bothers him so you guy can talk about thing and make your relationship better . my best advice would when you talk to him let him know lies are not acceptable if your going to have chance at a good ldr

[Guest]

I've have been in LDR's before. They can work but it takes ALOT of work, patience and understanding on both sides.  I can only give you advice in general and what i learned along the way. Because I don't know your situation or either of you personally. Also at that time I was a sub/slave. I didn't know about DD/lg yet. But with that being said I'll try to give you good advice and i truly hope it will help you. 

First, Living long distance from a potential partner is hard even when it's in the same country much less overseas. I've been in both.  There are many things you can do that will help bring you closer but it's not a given. Here are some ideas that might help:

* FaceTime as much as you can, when it's the best time your both of you

* If you're not comfortable doing FT yet, make sure you text /call everyday. Viber and other free apps enable you to text and call for free. 

* There are apps that allow the Daddy/little to be able to check on the where about of each other or Him being able to follow you.

* My first Master(basic training Master, since living apart, but very strict), lived in Australia. So basically we were in opposite time zones. He would have me leave my computer on while i slept. With the cam on. It made me feel he was closer. 

* Rules. Plain and simple. This is one of the fundamental things in these type of dynamics. DD/lg, M/s, etc... It helps establish boundries, routines, schedules, etc... This ALWAYS made me feel closer, safe and cared for.

There are other things but I'm not sure if they would pertain in this situation.  

The lie , no matter how small however, is something to think about. We've all done it. Little or big, a lie is a lie. Other factors tho can and should be taken into consideration. Such as, was he still feeling bad? Sometimes people say and do things because how badly they are feeling. 

Has he lied to you in the past?  

You need to decide if you trust him enough to let this go this time or if its a hard no no. Since you are going to discuss it, its something you need to decide on for yourself. Daddy's will often times forgive little's for wrong doing. Maybe its something to also consider doing for your Daddy. BUT its up to you! 

Your dynamic... Is he a Dom Daddy? If so, some Doms really don't like "nagging". A constant, on going wave of chatter that can be more nerve racking when someone is ill.  (I am in NO WAY saying you were.) Some don't mind it some definitely do. 

I hope this all makes sense. I hope it helps a little. I wish you both the best and i if its what you want, that it works out for you. Listen to you instincts. If they're telling you to step away from this. You really need to listen. 

P.s.

I didn't mean to write a book! Sorry about that! 🤗

 

 

 

 

[Vampiress]

I'm sorry that happened. When you talk to him just let him know that it hurt your feelings that he felt the need to be dishonest with you in the beginning, but that you appreciate him bringing it up eventually. He could have just kept it to himself and you'd have never known. Ask him why he felt the need to lie, and then assure him he is safe to bring up things like that and it would be better for the relationship if he told you up front what he doesn't like. He is using the 'nagging' as he calls it as an excuse for his lie, and that's not okay. He could've been more polite and described that issue in a better way. If it were me and I didn't want someone fussing over me all the time I would probably say something like, "I appreciate and acknowledge that you care, but I am really okay and can handle this myself and don't need the advice or help." However, if he has tried to explain stuff like this with you before and you gave him a very negative response, it may explain why he lied or avoided it. Sometimes people lie, avoid, or hide talking about relationship issues because when they do the other partner responds very negatively or emotionally. I'm not saying that's what you do, but something to reflect on just in case it is. Either way, I hope you can both work this out so it doesn't turn into a bigger issue in the future. Best of luck to you both!

[kermie599]

Thanks for the advice everyone! It was really helpful. We talked and he apologized about lying and that he would try his best to not do it again.

[Cebakes]

I’m glad you guys discussed this further. LDRs are hard and you really do need to be able to trust each other.  It is the key and foundation for a great relationship.   Hopefully this will improve communication between you two.  I’m not sure what happened between you was a lie, or poor/bad communication and not knowing all of each others dislikes.  Hopefully this was a one time thing and does not become a pattern.    It’s always something to watch out for in any relationship.

Im not saying this to you, but in general, I feel people who lie, will lie again. This is a significant character issue.   Same for cheating.  It’s not something you can take back.  It’s also easy to do and become accustomed too if you repeat this behavior.   Some people literally can’t help themselves.