Honestly Hurting

[Alexei]

Hi everyone! I guess I'm here to vent and get a bit of perspective from this situation.

2 months ago I clicked with a guy who reached out to me from a DDLG personals post I made I another platform. Things were going really well and I made it clear from the beginning that the type of dynamic I want would be serious/long term. Obviously, I didn't want to rush into anything and he felt the same and reassured me that we were on the same page and we would take things slow. Despite living in separate states, we talked daily and had weekly video call dates. 

We didn't delve into the dynamic as we were trying to get to know each other more and build that trust. But eventually, I started to want to do some of the kinks/things we talked about and shared in common but he would tell me that he's really swamped with work and his health issues so his mindset wasn't really on kink but when things settle, he'd be able to focus more on the dynamic. Despite this, we still had great conversations and planned to meet in December where he would come to my city, we'd spend time together and explore our kinks/dynamics. 

After Thanksgiving, however, I felt him getting a bit distant. I would ask him if he was still interested in continuing this with me and he would continue to reassure me that yes- he still wants to see where the DDLG dynamic goes and could potentially see a relationship with me. I figured that perhaps I was just overthinking things and maybe he was just that busy. I could practice my patience.

A day before he planned to come see me, he told me that he just wanted something casual as he's not able to commit to anything serious at the moment but was still interested in having a dynamic with me. I couldn't help but feel incredibly upset. Why not mention it sooner? We still met and I did have a good time with him and it seemed like the feeling was mutual. However, we didn't do anything that we originally planned- we explored the city but didn't do any of the kinky stuff we had mentioned but he sent me mixed signals the entire time we spent together. Before he left, he did say that he would love to see me again and I told him I was down.

But I feel conflicted. Although I do enjoy talking to him, it feels like my time was being wasted and he's not communicating and be open with what he actually wants. He didn't have any consideration as to how his actions would affect me.

Thanks for taking time to read my post.

[Little kaiya]

If there isn't open and honest communication at the start it rarely if ever gets better. Honestly, it sounds like you've made a friend vs a relationship/kink partner.

[Alexei]

46 minutes ago, Little kaiya said:

If there isn't open and honest communication at the start it rarely if ever gets better. Honestly, it sounds like you've made a friend vs a relationship/kink partner.

Yeah he definitely friendzoned me right before the trip. But honestly the first month he did give off the impression that he was interested in a relationship and would reassure me that he wanted that.

[Cebakes]

If things are this difficult at such an early stage, what’s it going to be like in six or twelve months?  It sounds like you two are not on the same page regarding commitment, relationship goals, kinks, communication, and  what a daddy is. 
Your time would be better spent finding someone who lines up with your desires. 

[Alexei]

3 minutes ago, Cebakes said:

If things are this difficult at such an early stage, what’s it going to be like in six or twelve months?  It sounds like you two are not on the same page regarding commitment, relationship goals, kinks, communication, and  what a daddy is. 
Your time would be better spent finding someone who lines up with your desires. 

I completely agree! I did decide to end things with him. I can't help but feel frustrated though. Because I was upfront with what I wanted and what I'm looking for from the beginning

[Vampiress]

I'm glad you are setting healthy boundaries for yourself and doing what's right for you long-term. If he's friendzoning and giving mixed signals, it's not worth the time to pursue. If someone wants a relationship, they'll make an effort and go out of their way to make it happen. This guy seems to lack the eagerness and desire for whatever reason. You did the right thing, proud of you!

[Nymph]

9 hours ago, Alexei said:

Yeah he definitely friendzoned me right before the trip. But honestly the first month he did give off the impression that he was interested in a relationship and would reassure me that he wanted that.

I would have felt used if he had friendzoned me AFTER the trip, so in that way I feel the guy was not so bad, yes he wasted your time but he probably did not mean to. Maybe he was just wishy-washy 😕

I think you made a healthy choice. Have you stuck around to be friends he might have kept you in the back burner and if a guys does that, he is not really going to be invested in your relationship if you do end up together probably.