Am I overreacting?

[Blueybluex]

I’m having trouble processing my feelings because even though I’m a little yes I’m an adult too.

my daddy’s daughter uses my little space stuff I know it shouldn’t bother me but he doesn’t ask and little space is my trauma coping mechanism. And the time he did ask it was not really appropriate, just ‘she can give you her Nintendo switch to play’ I didn’t want to but he asked in front of her I had no choice but to say yes.  
 

another thing that bothers me is when I asked if I could play cars with him he said no because that was special to him and his daughter and he didn’t want to ruin his memory with his daughter. But that bluey was our thing and special to us. Then I see her using my bluey things (without asking) watching bluey with him, which seemed double standard. I know I’m an adult I shouldn’t feel this way so help!! 
 

then yesterday we all went to build a bear and I felt like such a third wheel, and they ate cookies together at the mall but I didn’t get any which hurt my feelings  I just sat there staring at the table like a lemon. 
 

he also invited me to story time the other night which should have been nice but he made no eye contact with me and I sat on the side of the room while they cuddled, I felt like why am I even in here. And at dinner he made no eye contact with me either and didn’t even talk to me but made full conversation verserions and eye contact with her. He’s like a different person when she’s around and I’m struggling to handle it! 

 

again I know I’m an adult and totally shouldn’t feel this way because a child is involved so please help! I don’t want to seem like a bad person, I just don’t like my coping mechanisms being used without me knowing or being ignored or felt like a third wheel. 

[Blueybluex]

And he uses my lotion on her which I thought was really weird so that bothered me too

[beanbean]

have you talked to him about how you feel about it thats always the first step and go from there whould be what i would say

[Blueybluex]

I tried to talk to him about it before and he said my attitude is bratty and he doesn’t like brats and if it continues he’ll dump me. 

[Nymph]

Him threatening you to dump you shows you are easily replaceable to him and not special, I am sorry but I think you need to move on and his daughter doesn't have much to do with this. Unless you are into degradation, in which case it would be ok him being an asshole to you with consent and limits but certainly not in front or using his daughter.

He sounds like a good father but a bad daddy. Perhaps he is into roleplaying but not the lifestyle? is he new to this? what about you? how long have you been together?

More importantly, how old is his daughter and how long ago did you meet? do you get along with her? is she there every weekend? I would have been thrilled to cuddle up together and enjoy the story if we were already close.

About the lotion... or any toy really... I would be REALLY freaked out if it was a sexual thing and then just goes and use it on his real daughter. So I would be ok to share some of my toys, but not the sexual connected stuff or my favorite ones she could break but I would separate them in advance and not use them while she is around.

Edited December 28, 2022 by Nymph
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[beanbean]

7 minutes ago, Nymph said:

Him threatening you to dump you shows you are easily replaceable to him and not special, I am sorry but I think you need to move on and his daughter doesn't have much to do with this. Unless you are into degradation, in which case it would be ok him being an asshole to you with consent and limits but certainly not in front or using his daughter.

He sounds like a good father but a bad daddy. Perhaps he is into roleplaying but not the lifestyle? is he new to this? what about you? how long have you been together?

More importantly, how old is his daughter and how long ago did you meet? do you get along with her? is she there every weekend? I would have been thrilled to cuddle up together and enjoy the story if we were already close.

About the lotion... or any toy really... I would be REALLY freaked out if it was a sexual thing and then just goes and use it on his real daughter. So I would be ok to share some of my toys, but not the sexual connected stuff or my favorite ones she could break but I would separate them in advance and not use them while she is around.

yeah i mean if threatening you becuase your talking about issues that bother you , try again maybe let him mkow its a big issue if he still brushes you off you might now where he stands

[Cebakes]

His views on your communication seem a little one-sided and he should be able to empathize and understand your feelings on what you’ve described.  He should also realize that your little space stuff is yours.   Frankly, I’m not sure I would want my daughter touching my middles things.    This sounds like it could become a big issue between you very quickly. 

[Little kaiya]

The fact that he is threatening to dump you when you try to discuss issues is a giant red flag to me. It really indicates he doesn't care about your perspective or how you're feeling. Personally, I'd be running for the hills. Not to mention mixing your littlespace and his daughter just seems hugely problematic as well.

[MissNMTX]

So many questions here, as have been previously asked. Generally, just reading your posts made me feel so yucky for you. It wonderful that he's actually a good father, but it reads like, and I absolutely could be wrong, but it reads like you are a play thing distraction for when his daughter isn't there which frankly is just gross.

As far as your things so, it's proper to ask permission when touching or playing with things which aren't yours. They are your things. I'm not saying don't share with a little girl of course, but I am saying you should have control over your own things. 

Him threatening to break up with you when you try to discuss issues smacks of both immaturity and avoidance.

[Skeezix]

The amount of times that you said you shouldn't feel a certain way, is concerning to me. Your feelings are valid. The lack of respect for boundaries sounds incredibly problematic and must be very frustrating for you. His way of shutting down your concerns by threatening to end your relationship is gross and manipulative. I'm seeing lots of red flags from him. I hope that your situation improves.

 

[LongTimeMe]

You can't help feeling the way you feel and what you feel is natural and valid.

Your partner/daddy went into the relationship (presumably) knowing that you have issues and use little space as a refuge and somewhere to help you process your feelings and the world. To me it seems that he is over compensating to his daughter because of the breakdown of his relationship with her mother and because of this he is unable to set and stick to boundaries and rules - basically she is setting the rules. This is to the detriment of his relationship with you. I think others have picked up that this is the case where he threatened to end the relationship he has with you.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but this will never change and you need to do some serious thinking as to whether you want to continue in what could become a toxic relationship.

I really hope that you get to "talk" to him and sort this out.

[Vampiress]

Aww, I'm so sorry. I can hear the hurt in your words. I agree with an above post that he seems like a good father to his child, but not the best partner or Daddy. Maybe he seems good when she's not around, but he shouldn't make you feel like an outsider when she's around. It's wrong of him to shut you down when you're trying to find a middle ground with him. I can tell you're trying to be fair to her, but wanting to set your own boundaries. The guy doesn't seem like he cares about your boundaries and only wants to please her and himself. Doesn't matter if she's a child, he should teach his daughter about respecting other peoples' property and not feeling entitled to it. You shouldn't have to share your stuff unless you want to share it, being forced to do so just creates a weird rift between you and her (which isn't her fault, it's his). I recommend speaking to him again and seeing what he says, but if he threatens you and gives you ultimatums again then he's letting you know who he is and what you can expect from him, and you should ultimately decide what's right for you.

[Cebakes]

10 hours ago, LongTimeMe said:

You can't help feeling the way you feel and what you feel is natural and valid.

Your partner/daddy went into the relationship (presumably) knowing that you have issues and use little space as a refuge and somewhere to help you process your feelings and the world. To me it seems that he is over compensating to his daughter because of the breakdown of his relationship with her mother and because of this he is unable to set and stick to boundaries and rules - basically she is setting the rules. This is to the detriment of his relationship with you. I think others have picked up that this is the case where he threatened to end the relationship he has with you.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but this will never change and you need to do some serious thinking as to whether you want to continue in what could become a toxic relationship.

I really hope that you get to "talk" to him and sort this out.

Yes, in a way, the child is setting the rules, and as they grow older, they will become even more adept at this.  They will also be able to sense or notice any reaction or displeasure that you would have with this.

I thought about this yesterday and how I would have handled this if my daughter was young.  I would’ve set up hard boundaries so that anything related to DDLG or my little/middle was packed away.   That’s personal, private, special, and between us.   If the child sees something, they are more going to want to use it or share it. That’s just what children do.  

[Blueybluex]

53 minutes ago, Cebakes said:

Yes, in a way, the child is setting the rules, and as they grow older, they will become even more adept at this.  They will also be able to sense or notice any reaction or displeasure that you would have with this.

I thought about this yesterday and how I would have handled this if my daughter was young.  I would’ve set up hard boundaries so that anything related to DDLG or my little/middle was packed away.   That’s personal, private, special, and between us.   If the child sees something, they are more going to want to use it or share it. That’s just what children do.  

I hide all my stuff so she doesn’t see it but he just gives it to her anyway  

[LongTimeMe]

11 minutes ago, Dinorawrx said:

I hide all my stuff so she doesn’t see it but he just gives it to her anyway  

I may not be expressing this very well, but, if this is the case then he is doing you and his daughter no favours.

• For you he is saying that you, your rights and your property "don't matter". This is not the case. You are just as important and have just as much right as the next person.
• For his daughter he is setting in motion a whole heap of problems where she will become a "privileged" individual who will not learn about personal limitations, individual boundaries and ownership from the one person who should be teaching her the rules of life and society.

I'm not saying that he should ignore his daughter, but his over-compensating will have repercussions.

[Blueybluex]

If anyone wants to private message me I would appreciate it a lot, there’s another weird thing that bothers me but I’m scared to write it on the post! I just wanna know if I’m crazy or not 

[Cebakes]

30 minutes ago, Dinorawrx said:

If anyone wants to private message me I would appreciate it a lot, there’s another weird thing that bothers me but I’m scared to write it on the post! I just wanna know if I’m crazy or not 

I did reach out to you and think you have to make me a friend so that I can contact you.  It’s not right that he would give the daughter things of yours that have been put away.  The lotion thing is also creepy.   It feels like he’s crossing boundaries and blending things in a weird way.  

[Little kaiya]

A caregiver wanting their little and biological daughter smelling the same way feels . . . . Very off and creepy to me.

[Blueybluex]

5 minutes ago, Little kaiya said:

A caregiver wanting their little and biological daughter smelling the same way feels . . . . Very off and creepy to me.

I agree!

[Little kaiya]

So, I asked my Daddy, some good friends of ours that are babyfurs, friends that are Caregivers in the lifestyle and folks that we know that are aware of but not part of the CG/l lifestyle and every single person expressed concern . . . . 

[Blueybluex]

He asked if I wanted to talk so we did and he told me that me being mentally a 7 year old is exhausting for him.  My personality is exhausting to him   

[Little kaiya]

Not the best news but at least it is honest. Now you need to decide whether he is the right partner for you or not.

[Sweet Lil Buttercup]

1 hour ago, Dinorawrx said:

He asked if I wanted to talk so we did and he told me that me being mentally a 7 year old is exhausting for him.  My personality is exhausting to him   

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s not right, and you deserve better. There are two things I think are important here -

1. We accept the love we think we deserve. You questioning his actions, intentions, and words is so important because you don’t need to accept this treatment from him or any one else. He’s excluded you, belittled you, and has made you feel less than. You’re trying to communicate with him and set healthy boundaries, then he goes and disrespects them. Nopety, nope, nope, not okay!

2. And I will say that this one is difficult, but try not to invest time and energy in people that make you feel difficult to love. You are worthy of so much more than what he is willing to give. You can’t change him or maybe not even the situation, but you do have a choice in this. You can control what you do. 
 

Last thing, IMHO he does not sound like a good father. Yes, he obviously cares about his daughter’s happiness, but everyone, especially children (and Littles) need limits and boundaries. Good parents are willing to say “no.” The privilege that is parenting should be about guidance and creating that sense of security, not acquiescing to demands for whatever reason.

Again, you are worthy of security in your relationships, and those you choosing to be with shouldn’t make you feel othered. Bottom line - you deserve better ❤️

[Vampiress]

17 hours ago, Dinorawrx said:

If anyone wants to private message me I would appreciate it a lot, there’s another weird thing that bothers me but I’m scared to write it on the post! I just wanna know if I’m crazy or not 

 

13 hours ago, Dinorawrx said:

He asked if I wanted to talk so we did and he told me that me being mentally a 7 year old is exhausting for him.  My personality is exhausting to him   

If you need to talk feel free to Follow me and I'll follow back. As for your other post, he's making it abundantly clear he is not interested in satisfying your needs and that you two are not on the same page. At best, you'd have to do CG/l stuff as a solo activity without him, and at worse he may just expect you to give it up entirely. You have to decide if this is enough for you, and if it's not then you might start thinking about a plan to go your own ways so you can live your life the way you want free of his judgment.

[Cebakes]

1 hour ago, Vampiress said:

 

If you need to talk feel free to Follow me and I'll follow back. As for your other post, he's making it abundantly clear he is not interested in satisfying your needs and that you two are not on the same page. At best, you'd have to do CG/l stuff as a solo activity without him, and at worse he may just expect you to give it up entirely. You have to decide if this is enough for you, and if it's not then you might start thinking about a plan to go your own ways so you can live your life the way you want free of his judgment.

Hopefully she does reach out to you or others and discuss this. The guy is almost certainly a deviate and a poster child for a pervert sneaking around in the DDLG community.