Age gap: how much is too much?

[Holdontight]

I met a significantly younger little online and got talking. It seemed like we might get along, so I ran it by my partner to keep the E in ENM, and she kink-shamed me pretty hard then gave a lecture about exploiting young women who want validation from older men.

Age gaps in CGL relationships seem relatively common, but how much is reasonable?

[MissNMTX]

Was the little girl of actual legal age? Clear minded enough to give consent. Those are the two most important things. Otherwise, it depends on the individual and dynamic involved. I've certainly interacted with people both older and younger than myself and been surprised in both positive and negative ways. So, as always communication is super essential. Other than those things I would say it's between the two individuals. Again, assuming mental health and communication are clear. 

I have learned that D/s dynamics age really is just a number it's much more about mentalities. If everything is healthy most things can be worked through.

[Nymph]

Age gaps are not much of a problem, the problem comes when the person is not quite an adult... even if legal age, if they don't have their life together, know what they want and are mature enough to keep themselves from trouble, then even if you are not trying to take advantage of them, you are attracted to the vulnerability of it and it's just walking a very thin line there.

You are 44, so significantly younger for you is how much? there is a big difference from her being 34 to being 24 to help you out. Think of the life stage she is and if you want to deal with that. If she is younger than that, a borderline teen... she is either a scammer, has daddy issues or will grow out of the DDlg style since she was kinda just an immature young woman and not a little.

I can also throw out there that your partner might be intimidated by her age, so even if everything was perfect it would strain your relationship with her. You really need to think with your big head on this one, good luck~

[Skeezix]

The gap seems less important than the people involved being consenting adults. I'm not sure that I personally would be comfortable being involved with anyone under 25 though.

[Holdontight]

18 minutes ago, MissNMTX said:

Was the little girl of actual legal age?

Yes, and ironically more experienced than me. She's had a previous daddy and was quite clear about what she wants in the dynamic and relationship.

13 minutes ago, Nymph said:

even if you are not trying to take advantage of them, you are attracted to the vulnerability of it and it's just walking a very thin line there.

Undeniably. My partner made the same point, and that's fair. My argument would be that this little is out on the internet looking for an older daddy, and she's going to find one. Better it's me than someone who'll ruthlessly exploit her - but that's self-serving too.

13 minutes ago, Skeezix said:

The gap seems less important than the people involved being consenting adults. I'm not sure that I personally would be comfortable being involved with anyone under 25 though.

25 is a reasonable cutoff. It's complicated partly because I was youth worker for many years and feel very comfortable relating to young people from a guidance and protective angle, which might cloud my judgement when the context is different.

[beanbean]

yeah just remeber rhat we are all different and little that much younger she might not be a mature as you are used too and it could cause issues down. the road just becuase there legal does not mean there will be no issues ,  i work with kids a lot younger  then me and even tho it just work they drive me crazy and the issues are huge just too different , so i would sit down and weigh the pros and con before doing anything

[Holdontight]

Resolved it now. The little was having second thoughts already, which is...mature of her.

[Vampiress]

The reasons your partner may have had an issue...

1.) Perhaps there was an unspoken jealousy issue where your partner just doesn't like the idea of you being with someone a lot younger.

2.) It is hard for two young people to get on the same page long-term, and even more difficult in an age gap relationship because an older person usually knows who they are and what they want. They've already had a lot of experiences the younger person has yet to go through. It's hard to grow together or find common ground.

3.) There is definitely a stereotype of older men going after younger girls due to the younger person's inexperiences, easier to influence and easier to get away with things because they don't know what to say no to yet. I see that a lot in this community, older guys seeking only the youngest of littles because they're easier to manipulate. The stereotype exists for a reason. Even if the girl is of legal age, some of what older men do can still be seen as some form of grooming.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with age gap relationships, but they will always include some kind of discrimination from others who are going to assume the worst.

Just stuff to keep in mind if you find yourself in this situation again.

[Holdontight]

20 hours ago, Vampiress said:

The reasons your partner may have had an issue...

Not jealousy. She really isn't like that. I think she mostly finds it reckless on my part, and maybe it is.

[Little kaiya]

I find it's less about an age gap but far more about a gap or difference in maturity. My Wife of 16 years is two years older than me and my Boyfriend and Daddy of 5 years is 21 years younger than me. 

Part of the reasons our relationships work is because all three of us are very mature individuals. Even though my Daddy is much younger physically He demonstrates significant maturity on a day to day basis.

Age is just a number once you get past the legal threshold. After that point I think it becomes way more about differences in self awareness, maturity, experiences and life goals, that impact the relationship than the number that is age.

[Cebakes]

On 12/17/2022 at 3:34 AM, Vampiress said:

The reasons your partner may have had an issue...

1.) Perhaps there was an unspoken jealousy issue where your partner just doesn't like the idea of you being with someone a lot younger.

2.) It is hard for two young people to get on the same page long-term, and even more difficult in an age gap relationship because an older person usually knows who they are and what they want. They've already had a lot of experiences the younger person has yet to go through. It's hard to grow together or find common ground.

3.) There is definitely a stereotype of older men going after younger girls due to the younger person's inexperiences, easier to influence and easier to get away with things because they don't know what to say no to yet. I see that a lot in this community, older guys seeking only the youngest of littles because they're easier to manipulate. The stereotype exists for a reason. Even if the girl is of legal age, some of what older men do can still be seen as some form of grooming.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with age gap relationships, but they will always include some kind of discrimination from others who are going to assume the worst.

Just stuff to keep in mind if you find yourself in this situation again.

There is a 30+ year gap with S and I.  It works and scares both of us at how well it works and how much we love each other.  She tried dating guys her own age over the past six months and it did not go well at all.  She is very mature, intelligent, probably smarter than me, and a true old soul. We really have never had a moment where we looked at each other and said that was weird. Sometimes we do laugh at each other and she will call me an old man or I will laugh at something she says or has done.  

She is upstairs in bed right now recuperating from a rough night out with friends and several family members….. I teased her a little, but am in daddy mode seeing to her, and watching the World Cup.

She has four very close friends that she went to college with and none of them are overly supportive of our relationship.  They have been somewhat vocal about it over the years.  None of them have ever met me nor can they point to incidents or issues where they can discuss bad things that I’ve done.  They also do not understand S’s needs and desires.  Three of them really don’t know we are back together.

Her cousin is 28, lives locally, has met me and known me for over two years. Same goes for her husband. They really like me and pretty much understand our relationship. Her cousin admits she finds me very sexually desirable… LOL The husband always ask S when are we going to get married. When we were not together this summer he told her she needed to get back with me.

No one in esses family knows we are together, but they knew she went out of the country with an older guy last year. My daughter is not a fan of our relationship, and my boys sort of tolerate it.  What we both know a fair amount of people in our local communities and have to keep our relationship in public on the down low.  We have opened some eyes with some PDA in in the ocean in South Beach and the sea in Jamaica……

There are only a few things that S and I cannot do together. I’ve had both knees operated on from old sports injuries and really can’t do any hiking or running. There are some things that men and women her age find of interest that I don’t find of interest, but there is nothing significant. We have very similar likes and values in so many ways. She is highly sexual, like nothing I’ve ever seen. It does scare her on how I am able to satisfy her. To say the gap is a mile wide between myself and other men would not be an understatement. 

The only real downside to this, is that we both know our relationship will end its current form one day, and we will go into another phase of our relationship. 

[MissNMTX]

From this thread, you can see all sides of the spectrum. So again, as long as everything is legal. Safe. Same, and consensual. As long as the communication is open, clear, and honest. Everyone has needs and desires that we're all looking to get filled. How that happens is individual and personal.

[Stine]

@Holdontight

There is a 15 year age gap between me and my Daddy, he is 51 and I am 36(quite a bit more in mental age gap). I am very immature and I specifically seek out mature partners/daddies, when I am seeking. I know i need someone with mature experiences, to guide me.

The absolute key to my dd/lg relationship is constant communication. My Daddy knows that I am very easily impressionable and as late as today we had a long talk on how he can talk with me about my clothing choices (just an example), while still making sure that he doesn’t mistakenly push me away from making my own decisions or make me feel sad/stupid. 

To me the key aspects are communication and a Daddy who is careful and considerate, but that is only my view. 

[Vampiress]

Yeah, I absolutely think age gap relationships can work in certain circumstances. The first obstacle is finding a common ground so that there's not a lot of conflict between partners. After that, the ongoing obstacle is discrimination from others who don't understand. If you can weather that together, then it could be a really great and rewarding relationship that few experience. Some people can't deal with the judgment though, which is okay if that's the case.

[Cebakes]

6 hours ago, Vampiress said:

Yeah, I absolutely think age gap relationships can work in certain circumstances. The first obstacle is finding a common ground so that there's not a lot of conflict between partners. After that, the ongoing obstacle is discrimination from others who don't understand. If you can weather that together, then it could be a really great and rewarding relationship that few experience. Some people can't deal with the judgment though, which is okay if that's the case.

I’ve actually noticed some discrimination or odd comments from people who are into kink that think DDLG is kind of bad.   I’ve mentioned here the conflict and issues  that S’s closest friends have created.  Going public and just having everything out in the open is unfortunately not an option for us. 
 

There is minimal conflict between S and I. While she is strong and not a shrinking violet, she hates conflict. I feel the same way and am certainly not going to battle or argue with a 24-year-old, especially my middle.  Now she is a huge brat,  but thats a different story….

I think the conflict is more of an internal conflict with S wrestling with her needs and desires, versus societal norms and mores.  For me, it’s the secretive nature of our relationship and knowing we will always go through phases as part of our journey together.

[Skye_Severheart]

well i am 19 and my daddy is 26, but ill be 20 in April!

[Redneck-Kitty]

my Daddy is turning 50 next month and two days later Im turning 37

[Dannykinz]

My daddy is 35 and I am 23 which is a 12 year gap. He met me when I was 19. We’ve been together a little over three years and got married. Personally when it specifically comes to men I prefer them older. I find they are less toxic and more mature and reasonable and supportive when I’ve dated older than me.