That Moment When

[Little kaiya]

My Daddy and I were talking in a private group we belong to when a new little joined the group. They immediately started chatting up partnered Caregivers looking for a CG but doing so in littlespace. It is important to note this group is not an RP group. Most of the Caregivers were clear they have a little, the group is mostly folks in committed relationships.

Well, the little started complaining it wasn't fair that nobody would Daddy them. The situation devolved a bit with paired Caregivers and littles feeling the behaviour was inappropriate and disrespectful when the person kept badgering Caregivers to interact with them in littlespace when they had a little and hadn't consented. On the other side single littles felt the littles with Caregivers were being selfish and should "share" their Caregiver.

I was clear for my Daddy and I, DDlg is something we don't share with others from a relationship perspective and got given grief. Even explaining that DDlg is not a role play for us but an intimate and emotional bond there were still people arguing surely my, and other's, Daddy's could spare some time or attention for a lonely little.

I'm curious about people's perspectives. Honestly, my Daddy and I aren't going to change our stance but wonder how others feel.

[LoverEcho]

You are absolutely right. I think a lot of new comers, or even people who have been in the community for some time but are not properly educated, grossly misunderstand what XDlx is. There are a large number of individuals who enter the community genuinely believing it to be a role play thing rather than a relationship dynamic. Platonic XDlx is a thing too, of course, but a friendship is still a relationship just of a different kind. 

It was immensely disrespectful for someone to enter that group and hound people, especially after they stated having no interest. Additionally, it was wholly unethical for them to do so in littlespace, without asking for everyone's consent to subject them to that. I am also going to say it was disrespectful of everyone that found other littles to be "selfish" for not sharing their Caregiver. It is gross that littles would be suggesting it's up to other littles to share their Caregivers, as if they own them. People would not do this to relationships without a dynamic so freely. It insinuates that they do not believe XDlx relationships to be of the same value, or deserving of respect, as vanilla relationships. 

Now, I don't want to give the impression I am knocking Caregivers having multiple littles, if that is consented to by all parties it is wonderful. However anyone else does their XDlx is up to them. 

It is not the job of those in the community that are Caregivers to be so to any little that wants it. They are people, not service providers. 

The sense of entitlement that brews out of desperation in this community really gets to me sometimes. 

Edited December 14, 2022 by LoverEcho

[beanbean]

seems like you were 100% right ,  the level of desperation in the DDGL Community is real lol . i am sure its in all cummunity's  i just don't see it becuase i am not there . but yes the little here seems like   they were  being disrepectful  you just can't put your needs before others .people need to learn we are all important no one is more or less  then a other . just learn what you are looking for and  just look  for what you need without thrusting your needs others who most likley do not want that 

[Sloth Fairy]

Oh wow! Yeah that was completely inappropriate of that person. I may be a little but I know when and where it's appropriate to be little. I kind of feel some people use littlespace as an excuse to not be responsible for their own actions. 

[Andriel_Isilien]

1 hour ago, gigisweetheart said:

I’m going to assume it’s because she was using little space as a cover for her rude behavior (which is inexcusable),

I believe this was the issue; using littlespace to get away with being talked to like an adult for crossing boundaries. Not OK on many levels.

[Sir Charlie]

No harm done on your part whatsoever. Everyone was minding their own business until that person breached etiquette by making selfish demands, in a place not fit for their behavior, even after being crystal clear of your position. Sure: loneliness is a pain we all feel, but there's a kinder way solve that. One doesn't just reach out their hand to strangers and say "Put all of your cuddles right here!" That's never okay- anywhere, anytime. Giving affection is pretty different from, say, giving a cake slice. Nobody should be treated as a love dispenser; nobody owes their emotions to anyone. And others' insistence that you yield and "share" that affection is just unreal. They may have thought it was the kind and caring choice, but they're only rewarding bad behavior, which they seemed unable to identify.

Those people have some learning to do. Good job on standing firm. 

Edited December 15, 2022 by Sir Charlie

[Vampiress]

Yikes, those are major red flags in that group! For anyone wondering why this is inappropriate there are two reasons:

1.) None of these Caregivers consented to Caregiving these single littles, and consent is massively important. If they made it clear that they have a little and aren't looking, then that should be the end of that. No whining, no complaining, and no badgering or bullying into receiving interaction from a Caregiver that doesn't want to give that consent. It's also unfair to those Caregiver's littles because they're very unlikely to make friends with one another if they are being disrespectful towards and already established relationship that did not accept or want that kind of attention.

2.) It is okay to be a little, and it is okay to experience littlespace... but this is a kink, and it is not okay to engage others in your kink without their consent. If others do not want to engage in your littlespace they do not have to, and should not be expected to. That's why you'll find people here who are uncomfortable with random littles baby talking to them without being asked if it's okay first, because it is engaging in a kink with another adult who doesn't want to engage in it. These littles should've asked if it was okay to be in littlespace with these people. If they have a hard time controlling it, then they need to not be talking in that group while engaging in their kink on their own. I understand there are ageres (age regressors) who do so psychologically and can't control it, but in that case those types of littles are not capable of consenting to sexual activities because they are literally in the headspace as a child and should not be trying to engage what is a kink to the other people present, and should only do that around someone they have established trust with rather than expecting complete strangers to handle it and to know what to do. It's a way that could easily end up with them being taken advantage of. I am not sure if the group in the original post has a set of rules that state that littlespace is allowed with all group members, which if that is the case that's fair because it is clearly stated and anyone uncomfortable with that can choose not to join.

[Cebakes]

The little sounds very immature, socially awkward, naïve, not too bright, has anger issues,  and really doesn’t understand DDLG.  Did I miss anything?

[DaddysMonkey]

* Stomps my aggressive ass into this conversation * 

So I really appreciate how level headed and calm everyone has been about this subject so far. Most of what has been said already is what I would typically say if I were trying to be calm and respectful…

HOWEVER. 

I have major primal monkey brain. If I were to experience something like this , a little (which sounds like they’re using their space as an excuse for their gross behavior) was trying to coax one of my caregivers or flirt with them… overstep boundaries ESPECIALLY after they were told several times to back off or the behavior is not okay…. 

We are going to have a mother fuckin problem. A big one. 
 

I’ve grown a lot in the past few years thanks to Dad and Brother , but these kinds of situations have come up in the past in my real life. The girl wasn’t a little , but she had a hankering for Dad and while we were out with friends she kept trying to hang all over him and physically touch him. It didn’t end well. 
 

Before I had a lot of personal growth , chicks like this I would drag outside of a party or a bar and put my hands on them. What’s mine is mine and I was taught early on if you even think about stealing my shit I’m taking your hands or you’re going to pay in blood but I digress. I’m not that person anymore , I just wouldn’t put it past myself to mop a bitch up if she thought she was gunna try some shit with my caregivers. 
 

Since this is an internet situation , and I don’t really give a flying fuck what people think about me or if I get kicked off a site (except this one…. Lol don’t go banning me @shadowrider) I would’ve called her out publicly and extremely aggressively.

I don’t give a shit if you’re in your little space , you’re a fucking grown adult and know right from wrong and have had people explain that your behavior is wrong , yet you continue to do it and try to excuse your behaviors ? Fuuuuuuuuuck no. That bitch would see the nastiest parts of my personality every time we interacted. 
 

I don’t fuck around when it comes to MY caregivers and MY dynamic. Fuck that shit dog. 

Edited December 15, 2022 by DaddysMonkey

[DaddysMonkey]

I’d also like to point out some food for thought : 

If this was a male caregiver doing this to littles that were in relationships , trying to push boundaries , flirt , say “well it’s not fair caregivers should share their littles!” …. There would be a fucking uproar about how nasty and toxic that dude is. 

Edited December 15, 2022 by DaddysMonkey

[Holdontight]

On 12/14/2022 at 8:08 PM, LoverEcho said:

 XDlx

Why the euphemism?

[LoverEcho]

@Holdontight Inclusive language. Could use CG/l but that can encompass non-kink relationships. So, in spaces like this, I choose to write it like that to include DDlg, MDlg, DDlb, MDlb and dynamics with non-binary littles and/or Caregivers. 

Edited December 16, 2022 by LoverEcho

[Guest Richard Rockah]

Deleted

Edited January 12, 2023 by Richard Rockah
Does not apply

[Cebakes]

3 hours ago, gigisweetheart said:

“It is okay to be a little… but this is a kink”

 

Kinks are a sexual thing, but some littles keep things platonic (either some of the time or all of the time).

The idea that a little can’t exist outside of the caregiver/little dynamic is odd. And the idea that I need someone’s consent to be my natural self is odd. I find it kind of offensive that someone would think I was forcing a “kink” on them just because I was suddenly speaking and behaving in a (polite, respectful) childlike manner. They don’t have to engage with me. They can also keep speaking to me on an adult level. As I said before, it’s not like my adult brain flies out the window. 

From my perspective, being a little is part of my non-sexual identity no matter what my sexual preferences and kinks are. I don’t need permission to be my non-sexual little self because it does not depend on me having a caregiver or wanting a caregiver. 
 

The language gets so muddled here sometimes. It’s confusing. 

 

Yes it can be confusing. DDLG means many things to many people and can be viewed as a lifestyle or a kink.  I don’t spend too much time focusing on what others think of the meaning.  I do respect people’s views on their vision of DDLG.   There may be times when I don’t totally agree with someone’s version, but I still respect it, unless it’s just too crazy.

I think it’s important when someone joins a group that they get an understanding of the landscape and dynamics of the group.  If I was to join a group, I would spend a little time getting an understanding of the focus, members,  group mission,  and what is normal discussion/behavior.  
 

Approaching someone in a group forum who is clearly attached, Not respecting that they have a partner, is in poor form. I don’t see anything wrong with saying hello or engaging in a group discussion with someone who is in a relationship.  There is also nothing wrong with introducing yourself in a forum and saying that you are looking for a daddy.  The same goes for daddies,  but you never want to come off as desperate.   
 

From a personal perspective, I would not have an issue if someone approached me and said they wanted to get to know my middle and I.  I would discuss that with S and let that person know, but everyone is different.  

[DaddysMonkey]

@gigisweetheart 

I totally get what you’re saying , I think there’s a slight misunderstanding because the language *can* be confusing or the way people express their opinion might not make sense to some. 
 

I believe you might’ve misunderstood what most of us are saying. Personally I don’t have an issue with people being in their headspace/little space. That’s what forums and groups like this are for. Hanging out , being silly and little , having fun discussions. 
 

There is a big difference in being in your headspace freely and hanging out , and forcing your little space on someone. 
 

The main issue that people are having is the (as described by the OP) incessant pestering of caregivers when they have already said NO. No means no. Point blank period. As well as the fact that they are whining and implying that caregivers should be shared amongst littles. 
 

Maybe if you put yourself in the shoes of a little (if you haven’t already) who is deeply in love with their daddy , then are bombarded with another little pestering your daddy to be their caregiver either as well as you or instead of you , trying to have YOUR caregiver daddy them and take precious moments and things that are for you and your caregiver alone. I know I’d be pretty hurt and angry. 
 

But as @Cebakes pointed out , every dynamic is different. Maybe you wouldn’t care if another little was pestering your caregiver. 
 

I’ve seen your activity on the forum and you in no way shape or form have done any of these questionable behaviors. Being little isn’t the issue , not being a very good person , pestering people and making them uncomfortable , and then using your little space as a way out of repercussions is the issue. 

[Vampiress]

The difference being spoken of is "agere" and "CG/l" in the form of what many here call DD/lg but is more gender inclusive than that.

Agere or age regression is not a kink, but any form of DD/lg regardless of genders is because there is some form of power exchange and a lot of age play going on. If you are agere then no you are not engaging in a kink and it is entirely SFW, but the moment you start engaging in power exchange dynamics it becomes a kink regardless of whether sex is involved.

Many ageres refuse to engage with NSFW littles, and I would personally not go out of my way to engage with an agere because my littlespace isn't entirely SFW. In fact, any time I see ageres anywhere else online I just choose not to interact at all. I know from Kaiya's posts that they engage in sex and kink (though not entirely sure how much of that goes on in their littlespace), and from that I'm going to assume that there are probably NSFW littles and Caregivers in the group they were talking about. If that is the case, it's definitely an inappropriate place for other littles to be interacting with their Daddy in littlespace in that manner. Especially when those littles are looking for some taste of that power dynamic from Kaiya's Daddy.

I would not consider it inappropriate for a true agere to interact in littlespace because they cannot control it, but if one is the type of little who can control it, then no adult should be expected to just deal with it or respect it. At that point I think consent is an absolute must. There's just no way one is going to get away with certain littlespace things (baby talk and other stuff) with the average adult, and just because someone else is a little or a Caregiver doesn't mean they should automatically be okay with dealing with someone else's littlespace.

No one is saying one needs permission to be a little, but no one else has to be involved or accepting of it. One can be little all they like, but the moment one wants to attempt to involve someone else, then it's most appropriate to ask if it's okay. It's just like no Daddy or Mommy should feel entitled to act like a Caregiver towards every little they meet.

I hope that cleared it up as I am not entirely certain if some of the feelings here are about what I said. I feel like the age regression and CG/l communities lack a lot of very specific terms and it all gets confused, and so what means something to one person means something entirely different to another. However, there's clearly two different communities (and different types of littles) and sometimes they cross paths.

[MysticSand]

On 12/14/2022 at 2:17 PM, Little kaiya said:

My Daddy and I were talking in a private group we belong to when a new little joined the group. They immediately started chatting up partnered Caregivers looking for a CG but doing so in littlespace. It is important to note this group is not an RP group. Most of the Caregivers were clear they have a little, the group is mostly folks in committed relationships.

Well, the little started complaining it wasn't fair that nobody would Daddy them. The situation devolved a bit with paired Caregivers and littles feeling the behaviour was inappropriate and disrespectful when the person kept badgering Caregivers to interact with them in littlespace when they had a little and hadn't consented. On the other side single littles felt the littles with Caregivers were being selfish and should "share" their Caregiver.

I was clear for my Daddy and I, DDlg is something we don't share with others from a relationship perspective and got given grief. Even explaining that DDlg is not a role play for us but an intimate and emotional bond there were still people arguing surely my, and other's, Daddy's could spare some time or attention for a lonely little.

I'm curious about people's perspectives. Honestly, my Daddy and I aren't going to change our stance but wonder how others feel.

Sooooo weird. I think if the Little was interacting with folks as a LIttle because that's their personality, fine. But knowing that they were going around chatting up CG's with the intent and focus of trying to get a Daddy, that's icky to me. I echo DaddysMonkey's sentiments in that if the roles were reversed, people would feel that's predatory/grooming behavior.

I don't know why people think they should have a say in other peoples' boundaries. I think those single littles that feel littles with CG's not wanting to share are selfish, would quickly change their opinion if they had CG's of their own. One of those "the shoe is on the other foot" situations where they only realize after the fact. I feel like these are the same people who, because they are so starved for attention, will take on a CG despite it being a one sided "relationship" and then later feel used and abused. I would flip the script and ask if they would be okay with a CG who is happy to "share" themselves, and have them really think about it and what CG/L means to them.